Struggles

In case you had not noticed - i have really struggled these last few weeks regarding what the right thing to do in this situation that i have been going through is.

I still don't know what the right thing to do is.

One minute i want to fight back because i know that i had done nothing wrong.
The next minute i want to just ignore them - like i had tried to do for so long until they served me with legal papers and just hope that whatever the outcome in court is - they will just leave me alone once it is finished.
Then i get a barrage of nasty emails and i want to fight back again.
A day later i am back to just wanting to walk away and know this will be over soon.

It has been an emotional and vicious cycle for the past month.

It has been awful.

I have lost weight.
My studies have suffered.
I don't want to be at home.
I don't want my teenagers and even my adult son to be there either.
I am scared of the next knock on my door.
Last night after the barrage of emails - i got in my car and just drove to the end of the street so that T and the kids would not see me - and cried on my own.
Tonight - while at T's place - someone knocked on his door and i couldn't stop shaking for fear that it was someone else to serve me more papers.

And over what...

He said - she said - school yard crap.

No one stole off anyone. No one physically harmed anyone. No one threatened anyone (other than in a legal sense). No one broke the law.

Actually - that is wrong. I was threatened with having my head ripped off and a friend of theirs has advised the world that he is going to hire a hitman from Australia to kill me - but we will forget about that - shall we...

I just tried to end a very brief and destructive friendship - 18 MONTHS ago.

I have no idea what the outcome of today was. I have waited all day and night for the normal stream of emails that i usually receive from those lawyers and that i expected to receive as soon as they had won - and none has come.

Regardless of what happened today - i am removing every trace of this from my blog and moving on.

I can't fight this gang of complete insanity any longer.

I have a lot of good in my life - and those people are not any of that good.

There is always a bright side - T and i are closer than ever after this past month. I wouldn't have believed it was possible for us to be closer than we already were - before all of this - but it was.

That man and his unwavering support have been my rock.

I am truly blessed. I don't know what i did to deserve him but whatever it was - i am glad i did it.

This has been just another part of my journey and a learning curve. I don't know what lessons i was supposed to learn from this but i am sure that one day those lessons will be clear to me.

Still going at 11:35pm last night

Simon Buckingham and Madeleine Flannagan should have the letters OCD after their names instead of LLB.

The above are just some of the emails that i have received from Madeleine Flannagan and Simon Buckingham after i advised them that i was removing anything to do with their client from my blog and that was the end of this drama for me.

I advised them that they could get their harassment order - that i did not care - and that i just hoped that would be the end of this.

What will happen to these two when they come up against someone who actually has a lawyer and the ability to point out everything that is so wrong in the papers that they have served me - to a judge?

This is unbelievable.

I sincerely hope that they get their harassment order and then move on to a new victim - today.

Crazy lawyers are doing my head in

I responded to both Simon Buckingham and Madeleine Flannagan's emails that they had sent me yesterday - last night.

I advised them that i had removed everything to do with them or Debbie Brown that i had written in my defence of their lies from my blog. I told them that they could do whatever they want - but that as far as i was concerned this was the end of the matter.

Still - they will not leave me alone. In fact - it seems to have set them off worse.

Is this normal for lawyers to behave this way? Couldn't they have just done one proper email each...and then left me alone...

These crazy lawyers are doing my head in.

To Madeleine Flannagan and Simon Buckingham;

I do not care what you are doing and i am not reading your emails. It is not my fault neither of you have real cases to work on so you feel the need to represent your psychotic friend who has harassed me for 18 months for free while wasting the court's and a judge's time with your 200 paragraph affidavits full of your client's psychiatric history - like that has anything to do with your allegations against me!

Do your best.

I do not care if you get a harassment order on me. This is a civil case - if i do not care if you win then that is my choice. I do not have to pay attention to this if i do not care about whether or not you win!

I do not care about you. I do not care about your client. I just want you to leave me alone.

I do not care what two completely incompetent lawyers do with their time - as long as they leave me alone.

What kind of incompetent lawyer submits their client's 20 year history of mental illness in their affidavit as some kind of proof that i have harassed her?

With lawyers / friends like Madeleine Flannagan and Simon Buckingham - who needs enemies?!

Considering they think i am so bad and such a harassing person - it seems crazy that they would give me so much personal information regarding their client.

I need to be studying. Prior to receiving legal papers from these people they were not even a blip on my radar. Most of the posts that they were complaining about were over a year old. I had not mentioned them even anonymously for months.

I am changing my email address and it will not be public. I am moving home because of these people and the threats to my life from the people that they have been willing to associate with in order to harass and bully me. I am changing my cell phone number.

How can people get away with this - all over a couple of blog posts where i NEVER EVEN NAMED THEM!

I cannot compete with these lawyers' or their client's mental illnesses.

I will be joining them soon - if this keeps up. 

What a balls up

I cannot believe this.

On Friday May 25th 2012 i made my way in to the Auckland District Court in order to file a sworn affidavit in my defence.

It is not the rain forest murdering, Bible sized pile of papers that Debbie Brown and Madeleine Flannagan had served on me - but it tells my side of this sorry saga in clear and simple terms.

It is the truth and i figured the least that i should do is put my side of the story to the Judge.

After i did this - i emailed a copy of my sworn affidavit to Simon Buckingham - who replied and confirmed that he had received it and asked me to confirm that it had been sworn. I replied to him and confirmed this.

Today - i receive an email from Madeliene Flannagan that has also been sent to the court registrar advising that as of today Simon Buckingham no longer acts for her and if i have filed anything in my defence or an affidavit - that she has not received it.

How is that my problem...

Simon was acting for her on Friday May the 25th 2012.

Isn't it her responsibility to get copies of anything that relate to this case off him...

Why should i care if this woman is making things even more complicated and ballsing this up even more by deciding at the last minute to act for herself instead of having Simon Buckingham act for her...

How is that my problem...

Could this possibly get any crazier...

It looks like Madeleine Flannagan has decided to represent herself - for the sole purpose of being able to say that she was never served my affidavit. 

Another display of this woman's idea of honesty i guess. 

Weird. 

I thought they would have been happy with what i had filed in my defence. I was disappointed in it and had i actually gone to the trouble that they have gone to - i could have done a much better job of proving them to be the liars that they are.

Anyway - now i am just left wondering how this woman actually gets any real work done. She has made that much of a balls up of this whole darn thing. 

In Madeleine's affidavit in her most recent attempt at getting an injunction she has said;

To the best of my abilities, conceding that i am human and have been practicing law for only 6 months, i believe that i have managed to contain the ethical issues and draw the appropriate lines between two cases with regard for the law.

What. The. Heck. 

That is like going to a dentist and being told by the dentist while he has a pair of pliers in your mouth - "I am only human. I have only been a dentist for 6 months so pardon me if i ruin your teeth." 

What is it going to take

for these women to leave me alone...

On Monday morning - the 21st of May - i contacted Simon Buckingham in an attempt to put an end to this madness. This phone call was followed up with an email advising that i was willing to remove anything that Madeleine Flannagan and Debbie Brown took offence to from my blog in exchange for them dropping their proceedings against me.

Despite me having never named either of those women on my blog and only referring to them a couple of times when writing about things that had occurred in my life prior to being served legal papers - i was willing to do whatever it took in order to be able to go back to focusing on my studies and my family rather than this madness.

It took Simon Buckingham until Thursday to reply to that offer. On Thursday morning he advised that they were considering my offer.

At midday on Friday - my last day to submit any defence or affidavit in my defence - Simon Buckingham finally replied and advised that his clients were unwilling to negotiate. I assume that they left it this long to get back to me in the hope that i would not file anything in my own defence.

I spent all of Friday afternoon - when i was sick with the flu and should have been in lectures - rushing to put together an affidavit in my defence and travelling in to the city in order to have it sworn and filed. I gave a copy of this affidavit to Simon Buckingham.

At 7:40 pm on Friday night i received an email from Madeleine Flannagan asking me to get my partner to phone her if i would still consider settling.

I replied to her within 15 minutes again advising her of the stress that this was causing in my life, of my opinion that this situation was not a good look for any of us and of my desire to put an end to the madness.

On Saturday morning at approximately 10:00 am my partner phoned Madeleine. The conversation appears to have gone nowhere. Madeleine made excuses for Debbie Brown's behaviour by advising my partner that she suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and attempted to further intimidate me by stating that "the Herald on Sunday had phoned Debbie asking her what she wants printed this week". 

This conversation was cut short when Madeleine's phone ran out of battery.

About 10:30 a man arrived at my home to serve me more papers. These papers consisted of a decision made in regards to another attempt by Simon Buckingham. Madeleine Flannagan and Debbie Brown to get an injunction preventing me from writing about this very upsetting experience that i am going through.

Their attempt to get an injunction had failed. Again.

Shortly after i received those papers - i received an email from Madeleine Flannagan advising me that i am at risk of being in contempt of court for writing about the lies that they had submitted in their affidavit or these proceedings at all.

I found this odd - since Madeleine had herself blogged about this in the previous week.

I took this email as more threats. I did not respond to this email.

At about 3:30pm after receiving the above email and not responding i received another email from Madeleine. Because of the substance of the previous email - i chose not to read what Madeleine had written in her most recent email. It was my belief that her emails were an attempt to intimidate and harass me and that reading them would upset me and inflame the situation.

I responded to her again advising her that i was willing to remove whatever she wanted if her and her friends would just leave me alone.

Madeleine's response to this email from me advised me that if i was willing to do whatever they want in order to make this awful issue go away then i should read her previous email to me.

So i read it.

I then came to the conclusion that my first instinct to not read it was correct. This email was full of delusional lies and more of the poor Debbie is a victim mentality that i have put up with for the past 18 months from these women.

This email is too long to copy on to here in it's entirety however here are the terms that these women wanted me to agree to in order for Madeleine to stop using her legal qualification in order to harass me, and for Debbie Brown to just leave me alone.

Further down in the email Madeleine advises me that i have damaged these women's careers, that they are a week away from ending this and that they "will win". 

I wanted to respond to Madeleine and ask her if she or Debbie Brown take any responsibility for any damage that had been done to them - considering they filed a very dishonest sworn affidavit and legal proceedings based on absolute lies against me. 

I wanted to ask her if considering i had only referred to her twice on my blog in the past 3 years - once in relation to a freedom of speech debate that her and i had where i never named her and once in reference to an annoying woman that i had once met who 5 minutes after meeting her chewed my ear off for 3 hours about a car accident that she had been involved in years earlier - neither of which times i had named her - if she thought that maybe - just maybe - her decision to believe her friend's lies and become involved in such pathetic and dishonest legal proceedings are actually what might be hurting her career. 

I wanted to ask if she thought it might have been wise considering i had never named either of them and no one knew who i was referring to in the couple of instances that i had referred to my experiences with them - to just not read my blog - and that their own choice to spend 18 months obsessing over every single word that i have written, then serve me with extremely dishonest legal proceedings and then go to the media about those proceedings might - just MIGHT - be what has damaged their careers - if any damage has been done. 

I wanted to ask her why she considered me writing about experiences that had occurred in my life to be defamation - when i never named either of them. 

I wanted to ask her why she thought it was ok for a website to be set up that blamed the residents of Christchurch for the earthquakes and why saying that Christchurch is full of sodomisers, prostitutes and homosexuals was not defamatory and should be protected speech under the Bill of Rights - but me describing an experience that i had one night in a pub  is harassment, defamatory, and not relative to free speech. 

I wanted to ask her if she or Debbie Brown ever actually take responsibility for their actions. 

I didn't though. I just responded with this; 

I could not believe that these women would be stupid enough to think that i would agree to more than what even a judge would make me do even if they do win this case. 

Because i have not lied about either of these women and because i have only written the truth in relation to everything that has been going on for the past three weeks - i will not bow down to their demands and continued harassment and bullying of me by lying to the world and publishing on my blog that anything that i have said is untrue. 

It is not untrue and it will be a cold day in hell before these women bully or harass me into lying on my blog and telling the world that anything that i have said has been a lie. 

This conversation upset me.  I am sick with the flu and was just wanting to spend a peaceful weekend with my family. The fact that Madeleine had contacted me on the pretence of settling this matter then took that opportunity to harass me further - during time that i was spending with family - upset me very much. 

I attempted to put an end to the upset again and requested that she not contact me again. 

She did though. She just couldn't help herself. 

I did not open this email. I did not read it. 

I responded to Madeleine Flannagan and requested again that she leave me alone. This time i copied Simon Buckingham on the email in the hope that he would advise her to respect my request. 

I had hoped that would be the end of this upset for now, and that i could get back to studying, spending time with my family and recovering from this awful flu that i have. 

I have come to the conclusion that the worst that can happen next week is that by some miracle in their favour - a judge would not see this for exactly what it is - and would award them a restraining order against me and i would have to remove whatever the judge says i have to remove from my blog. 

Big deal. 

I have never harassed these women in the first place so it will be no skin off my nose if i am prevented from doing so in the future.  

I feel that if that happens then hopefully Debbie Brown will finally feel some form of vindication that she is obviously desperate for after what she perceives as my rejection of her when i ended our friendship. I hope that Madeleine would also feel vindicated after i referred to her anonymously in relation to a couple of experiences that i had. I hope that if they win they will finally - after 18 months - move on, forget about me and leave me alone. 

That is all i want. If i have to lose a court case for that to happen then so be it. 

That wasn't the end of  Madeleine's attentions this weekend though.  

This morning Madeleine Flannagan chose to continue this harassment by text messaging my partner. 

I have responded to that text message from Madeleine. 

You could not make this stuff up - it is that crazy. 

Not only have i not harassed these women - i think it is very clear who the actual harassers and bullies are in this whole darn saga. 

This is Single White Female stuff that i have been dealing with from Debbie Brown for the past 18 months and now because Madeleine Flannagan has the poor judgement to believe every word that comes out of Debbie's mouth - i am having to deal with being harassed by a lawyer. 

I have had enough. 

I thought i had left the crazies behind in my past but i knew P addicts who had more common sense, morals, better judgement and who were more honest than these people. 

I know God will not give me anything that i cannot handle. I just wish that he did not trust me so much. 

Slammed again

Apparently Madeleine Flannagan and Simon Buckingham tried again to get another without notice injunction this week.

Failed. Again.

Last week they tried to get a without notice injunction under the Harassment Act in an attempt to prevent me from writing about this experience that i am going through.

The Harassment Act specifically prohibits without notice applications.

God only knows what they tried to do this week.

I doubt they even know what they were doing.

Whatever it was though - it failed.

Twice in the past week i have attempted to settle this. I have offered to remove anything from my blog that these women took offence to - not because i believe i did anything wrong - but because i do not have the time or energy to waste on this.

I have come to the point where my right to free speech and expression comes after keeping my family safe, my relationship happy, and my success with my studies.

I think the fact that there has been no agreement reached even after me making that offer shows the level of vindictiveness that i am dealing with. This is not about anything i said being true or untrue. This is not about their reputations or mine.

This is about Debbie Brown's inherent desire to hurt and destroy anyone who she feels has rejected her. She doesn't care how nuts she makes everyone look - including her friends - in the process.

It won't work.

Even if i lose on the 31st - i will abide by any court order - and move on with my life with a smile on my face. I have survived far worse than this - and i will survive this.

Everything will still be Wonderful Now.

This woman is nuts

Madeleine Flannagan has now taken to using her position to write letters in an attempt to influence what other bloggers allow to be published on their blog via comments.

She has sent the following email to a blogger who wrote about his opinion of the legal proceedings that have been filed against me, then allowed comments - most of which are Debbie Brown and her friends being critical of me - to be published.

I briefly defended myself against the defamatory comments that were being made in relation to me in those comments. I then decided to not return to even read the comments that were being made because i believed that it was just their way of carrying on the harassment and bullying that i have been subjected to over the past 18 months - after i had tried to walk away from the whole saga.

I again tried to walk away from this entire saga because not only is it my opinion that the whole darn thing makes every single one of us look nuts - due to the people that Debbie Brown has befriended in her efforts to stalk me - i actually fear for my safety.

Unlike Madeleine Flannagan - if i think i am not going to like reading something then i use my common sense and an element of self control - and refrain from clicking on it.

Now this blogger has received the following email.

Is Madeleine Flannagan for real...

Does she really think that her legal qualification has given her the power to run around the internet dictating to people what they can and can't write about...

From Madeleine Flannagan's presentation regarding freedoms and the Bill of Rights Act.

I.R.O.N.Y

Madeleine Flannagan - the self described "Christian Leader" should thank me for increasing the number of views her video regarding freedom of thought and expression has had from a whole 38 views. 

Just a brief update

I just heard from the Herald on Sunday editor that Madeleine Flannagan and Debbie Brown's case against me has been tossed out by the judge.

I have not received confirmation of this myself however the HOS in their following up on this story due to it's relation to the right to freedom of speech of a blogger and the huge call that it would be to shut someone down like Debbie Brown and Madeleine Flannagan were trying to do - have.

I was not even aware that there was a hearing this week. I guess they tried to do something sneaky. I wonder what has happened to Simon Buckingham. He has made no comment - despite him being the lawyer who served me the papers. Simon's phone has been turned off all week and he has no land line.

This is really professional stuff i am dealing with here.

This is obviously a small victory for me - and a small down trou for Debbie Brown, Madeleine Flannagan, Simon Buckingham and their nasty supporters who have not relented in leaving comments like the following one on my blog all week.

You would not know the truth if it kicked you in the face. Anyone who was innocent would have no problem fronting for court and bring all her "proof" with her. It is really amusing how you play the victim. It is always everyone elses fault and poor jackie never does anything to anyone. Posting people's private details on your blog and your crazy ranting diatribes about people then you state " I have done nothing wrong" and pretending you were only being a good friend to people instead of spewing out vile nasty lies and accusations about people. When anyone calls you on your lies you cry "character assassination" pmsl Are you for real? Given the nasty things you have said about people 90% of it lies you feel victimised when people remind you that you are a crackwhore? You call yourself "successful"? At what exactly? You havent passed any exams or got any qualifications. You dont have a job and rely on the govt to feed house and clothe your kids. You are a disgusting parasite who on One more thing before i go

Despite this small victory - the end of my blog still stands - for now.

I have always believed that i should help others but not at the detriment of myself which is why i ended my friendship with Debbie Brown and is also why i am ending my blog. No one needs to read the kind of crap that i have received on my blog since ending that friendship - or to feel unsafe in their own home due to the threats that i have received. 

I am a firm believer of not backing down to bullies however the media attention i received last weekend takes this a step further in that it impacts on my children and my partner. My children do not need to read hurtful things about me in the news, and they do not need the upset of having their friends read that again. I never want to see T upset at something that has been published about me again.

The blog is finished because i can't let the nasty people that my blog has attracted or the attention that i and it have received from the media hurt my loved ones. 

While it is nice that my right to free speech like everyone else in this country is entitled to - has been upheld for now - that fight comes secondary to the happiness of my loved ones. 

Knowing Debbie Brown - and her history with this kind behaviour - this will not be the end. I can guarantee that if she had to actually pay for a lawyer instead of using her friend - i would not be having to deal with this.

But. She. Doesn't.

I don't have a free lawyer. I have something else though. I have a lot of love in my life and that is what i am going to focus on.

One more thing before i go

Thanks Cameron Slater. I have really appreciated having to put up with Debbie Brown's psychotic, obsessed, stalking and vindictive behaviour for the past 18 months while i have been protecting your cheating behaviour from being made public.

The lack of support when that lying psycho managed to get her lies about me printed in the Herald was astonishing. You showed your true colours.

Cameron - your friend Cathy Odgers aka Cactus Kate then proceeding to blog about the saga and call me stupid without mentioning the lies that she knows Debbie is telling and without mentioning that she knows what a psycho Debbie is - and instead calling me stupid was the icing on the cake. Cactus Kate knew this saga had nothing to do with Laws - yet she chose to ignore that and publicize Debbie Brown's lies and the Herald's defamation of me.

It was because of your infidelity that psycho came into my life in the first place. In the past two weeks all you have cared about is covering your own butt. The only contact i have had from you has been emails that consisted of "Don't name me" ..."Jac you didn't blank out my name there"...Never mind the legal papers full of complete lies that i had been served. Never mind the harassment, the threats, or the stalking that this woman has subjected me to over the last 18 months because of you.

All you care about is your own butt.

Silence - after 18 months of listening to and supporting you through your dramas with Debbie Brown - New Zealand's most prolific bunny boiler. Silence from you when The Herald On Sunday goes to the trouble of actually helping Debbie Brown harass me by kicking the crap out of me with my past and printing her lies. Then Cameron's friend blogs and calls me stupid.

To Debbie Brown, Madeleine Flannagan, Cameron Slater and Cactus effing Kate .... NFWAB - Especially one that has done nothing wrong and has nothing to hide. Unfortunately for you lot - i am the only one in this sorry saga that has done nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of. Unlike you crazy people - i actually live a life that i am proud of these days.

You have all dragged me into your web of lies, adultery, bullying, harassing and the rest of all of your repulsive behaviour and on Sunday - for some reason - it was me that received a character assassination by the Herald on Sunday.

Cameron - i could go to the trouble of publishing your emails like you would do to someone else but i don't need to. I don't need to waste my time proving anything. I would suggest to you though - that it would be a good idea to advise your friends and supporters not to call me a  liar or challenge me for proof.

We get what we give in this world and perhaps those names up there should think about that before making some one's life hell for 18 months with their disgusting behaviour.

This my friends - is standing up to bullies.The only thing i have done wrong in this whole mess is try to be a friend to two men who thought it was wise to cheat on their partners with an absolute psychotic, lying, obsessive and evil woman.

The next friend of mine that cheats on his wife then feels the need to cry to me about the drama that caused in his life will lose my friendship. He will not have my loyalty because that is the only mistake i made in this mess. Instead of cutting dishonest and unfaithful men out of my life straight away the way i attempted to cut Debbie Brown out of my life - i tried to encourage them to realise how important their marriages and families were.

Had i not remained friends with these men - then Debbie Brown would not have cared about me and would not have spent 18 months obsessing over me and stalking me.

Maybe now that Debbie Brown knows that i am no longer friends with the objects of her obsession - she will finally leave me alone.

I could write a book about this saga on it's own.

The End of An Era

I have had an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day today. I got woken up early to French toast in bed, presents, cards - honestly the kids and T spoiled me so much it was unreal.

Today has been a huge wake up call for me though. I have been surrounded by people that love me yet all day i have been preoccupied with this blog.

There was a time when i needed Wonderful Now. There was a time when it was my only friend - when i was in that in between place after having left that hideous life behind me where i no longer associated with people from my past but i had yet to reconnect with my real friends and family. There was a time when this darn blog was my only friend.

In one of my classes last week we were discussing withdrawals and the lecturer was explaining what happens and how they get worse before they get better and boy did they what! I blogged through that whole time - it was my only outlet and i am so glad that i did.

As my life has become happier and more and more full and as the blog has become more and more popular i have always been aware that there are people out there that read it that hate me, and want to see me fall or get enjoyment out of my bad days. I wish this blog had a block function so that i could block certain people who have those unhealthy thoughts - but it doesn't and i can't.

I doubt very much that the events of this past week would have happened if i had not had a blog because that person would have eventually forgotten about me and moved on. Without the comment function on here she would not have had a way to harass me anonymously. I have been aware that there are people out there that only read my blog hoping to see bad, and people that are just being nosy who i really don't want to know what is going on in my life.

Things have changed so much for the better for me though over the past three years. It is truly incredible and i thank God every single day for all the blessings that i have in my life now. Like i have said before - i have never been broker and i have never been happier.

I have my studies to focus on this year. I am not sure how i am going to get these 5 assignments done by June 25th if i am focusing on this blog or the negativity that has come with it lately. I have my family, and i have Ts family to think about now.

Someone commented in a threatening comment to me earlier today . They said people know where i live and have passed that information around.

I don't need that stress. T doesn't need the stress. None of our children need the stress.

T and i are looking forward to a bright future together and our Brady Bunch home that we are planning on having soon needs to be a safe haven for our children. I do not ever want to feel like i cannot leave my teenagers at home alone once i have moved from here. I do not ever want T or his children to suffer because  of something that i have written.

Today when T was emailing a complaint off to that journalist i saw emotion in his eyes that i had never seen before. I never want to see him upset over something that has been said about me again.

I guess what i am saying is that it is time to end the Wonderful Now. I want my privacy back and i want that for T and his children and our future as well.

Wonderful Now seemed like a good idea 3 years ago - but it no longer does.

I am not even thinking in terms of my haters getting their way. I forgive them. This is not about winning or losing to me - it is about being big enough to do the right thing and walk away.

Thank you to all the wonderful people who have encouraged me and supported me through all of my trials and tribulations over the past three years. Your words of encouragement have helped me more than you know and will never be forgotten.

I will spare a thought for you when i am graduating, getting married, etc etc etc!

To anyone who is currently in a hopeless place - just remember that no mistake or bad decision is ever fatal. There is always a U turn option if you find yourself down a dark road that does not appear to have a light at the end.

That is all i have ever wanted my blog to say. Maybe i got off track at times but that is how i am going to end it.

Inventory2 over at Keeping Stock said something to me not long ago that i have not forgotten. He said "watch out Jac - it is when things are going so good that the devil tries to stick his oar in".

I am taking the oar off him and breaking it in half.

To the generous people who offered to donate towards my legal expenses...if you are feeling like donating money then i would rather see it donated to a much more worthwhile cause.

Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

On that note i will leave you with this...Everything truly is Wonderful Now.

Take care you lot!

Wouldn't it be nice

If the Herald on Sunday actually felt the need to be responsible and report the truth and the whole truth...

Laws' ladies trade blows

1. For starters - i am not Laws' lady. I am in a loving, stable, committed and long term relationship with a wonderful man and have been for a year. I did not date Laws last year. Debbie Brown - on the other hand - has just finished dragging her most recent partner - who happened to be a married man - though a court case.
2. The papers that i have been served do not allege that i defamed anyone. They are full of lies and denials but they do not allege defamation. I have never been taken to court over defamation and i am confident that i won't be this time either - because i have not lied.
3. We did not fall out over comments made on my blog. We fell out because i could not handle having the poison that is Debbie Brown in my life. I could not handle the suicide attempts over married men, the drunken behaviour, the terminal victim like mentality that she lives with, or her mental health issues. I would have liked to have known how to help Debbie with these issues - but i didn't - so i cut her out of my life in a form of self preservation.
4. I never made any comments that identified them prior to being served papers this week. I was not going to be bullied by these two and remove things from my blog that i had a right to write about.
5. I never claimed that Debbie Brown had a relationship with Laws. I did not make one comment when they were seen together. I couldn't care less who Laws is in a relationship with and my only concern re Debbie's relationships is that i hope she doesn't pick another married friend of mine.  Debbie's harassment of me started long before she was ever seen out with Laws.

The Herald on Sunday should be ashamed of that lazy attempt at reporting.

Regardless of that though - i am glad that they have publicised this. More people will now read about it and see just how far one vindictive woman will go in order to damage the life of someone that she feels has rejected her.

This is the second court case that Madeleine Flannagan has represented Debbie Brown in  - for free- since she became a lawyer in December. The first case was with a former partner of Debbie's. As Debbie was leaving the court after that case was finished she advised her last victim that she was gunning for me next. I received a phone call from that man warning me that she had said this.

Madeleine Flannagan is abusing her position of power by representing Debbie Brown for free- enabling her to continue to bully and harass people that do not want her in their lives.

Here is a list of the posts that i have done - starting from the beginning of this drama.

1. You are a translator - in this post i advise that i have received a warning letter to remove something from my blog from Simon Buckingham. What exactly he wants me to remove - i have no idea but he threatens to have my blog removed from the internet and have my right to be on the internet removed from me. I do not name Madeleine Flannagan or Debbie Brown in this post. I assume that they have enlisted the help of Simon Buckingham because he is cheap, Debbie probably knows him from Nzdating, and Madeleine cannot be her own lawyer. Considering i have never named these women, and had only written about them a couple of times in relation to things that had happened in my life and experiences that i had - in a very generic way that no one would have been able to identify them - i refused to remove anything i had written. Over the next couple of days i observe the amount of time Debbie is spending on my blog and write about this however i did not identify her.

2. I have just been served papers - I write about being served papers. I still do not name these women and instead refer to Debbie as the nickname that i have given her after she threatened me with a class action law suit several times - Erin Brokovich.

3 Don't be a Fool - 1 - After being up all night reading Debbie's psychotic lies - i finally name her. The lies in her affidavit that can so easily be proven to be lies upset me very much. The fact that Madeleine Flannagan - who is supposedly a Christian - would allow such lies to be filed in a sworn affidavit upset me. I came to the conclusion that i was being bullied because these two women knew that i do not have the means to defend myself. I show an example of the kind of comment that has been left on my blog non stop by Debbie over the past 18 months and how she has blamed her daughter for those comments. I provide an example of proof of the relationship that i had with Debbie's daughter and why i do not believe that her daughter was making those comments.

4. Lies number 1 and 2 - I decide that my only way to fight this - and for the truth to come out is to refute Debbie Brown and Madeleine Flannagan's allegations one by one - so i scanned parts of their affidavits and start proving that they are liars. I have included proof that Debbie Brown did threaten to slash someone's throat on a public blog, as well as the fact that i did not drink on the night in question and that anything i wrote in the blog post that she has assumed is about her - was true and correct - despite her lies denying this in a sworn affidavit.

5. Lie number 3 - this is the easiest lie of Debbie's to disprove. I never released any correspondence to the media. The media were unaware of any relationship until Laws made it public - and this was reported in the media at the time. Today's drama would suggest that i am not the one who is a media whore.

6. Lie number 4 - Debbie lies and implies that after i rejected her friend request on Facebook - that i sent an unsolicited email to her then partner (who she has since dragged through the court system as well thanks to her access to free lawyer Madeleine Flannagan) trying to break them up. That is absolutely false. She purposely omits the fact that he emailed me, that she is aware of that email, and all i did was respond saying that i did not agree with him cheating on his partner and i felt that Debbie was dangerous. That was and is my honest opinion.

7. Busy Day Ahead for Me - After waking up to 21 psychotic and abusive comments on my blog i decided to continue to defend myself against Debbie's harassment and bullying. I express my concern for the fact that the legal system can be used like this by a vindictive woman and her lawyer friend. I show a pattern of behaviour on Debbie Brown's part.

8 Finally - i express my relief at the prospect of cyber laws changing. Had i been able to go to the police regarding Debbie Brown's harassment of me 18 months ago - the issue would not have gotten to the stage that it got to this week.

Debbie Brown is a vindictive and nasty woman who has access to a free lawyer and is using that to further harass me because i could not handle having her drama in my life. Because of that rejection Debbie has not left me alone for the last 18 months. I have put up with constant abusive comments on my blog, fake facebook profiles stalking me, threatening phone calls, her attempting to resume our friendship then exploding with rage when i declined.

This is legal bullying and harassment.

No one has the right to tell me what i can and cannot write about on my blog when i am not naming anyone and am just writing about personal experiences.

Despite the fact that the Herald on Sunday have reported this in such an irresponsible and incorrect way - i am glad that they have reported it.

I will not spend time or money on this when i have 3 children to feed and my studies to concentrate on. That is what Debbie and Madeleine want and i am not going to give them what they want. The happier my life has gotten over the last 18 months - the more enraged Debbie has become. I will not allow her to have an impact on my education, my future, or my ability to put food on the table every night.

No one should have to put up with this kind of harassment. No one.

You are witnessing a very real threat to freedom of speech in New Zealand.

The. End.

I can't believe this...

In the midst of my own drama this week - i have been missing all of the action over at Whale Oil.

Apparently - a police complaint has been laid against him regarding the publishing on his blog of the emails of Matt Blomfield in relation to Hell's Pizza Franchises and their liquidation.

Hell Pizza boss calls in police over email

The story caught my eye because it appears that Cameron Slater had just been publishing copies of emails - not  unlike what i had done this week. I wanted to see why the police were involved in this because from my conversation with the police on Thursday - i had done nothing wrong.

It didn't take much reading to see why the police were involved in the matter between Cameron Slater and Matt Blomfield. I guess Matt had been a victim of a burglary in 2010 in which his computer was stolen. He believes that Cameron has received the information that he has from the burglar himself. I guess. Who knows.

I proceeded to Whale Oil out of morbid curiosity since all the drama here has died down - i guess i was needing a fix. Not unlike how you lot look at my blog more when it is a train wreck i suppose.

I found this blog post that Whale Oil had done this morning in response to the police complaint titled The Blomfield Files.

In that post there are links to 18 posts that Cameron has done in relation to Matt Blomfield.

What i want to know is this;

I do a couple of posts that relate to my experience on a night out, and my struggle with knowing how to support someone through a suicide attempt - without naming that person - and i get a harassment suit full of lies slapped on me. Whale Oil does EIGHTEEN posts directed at one person - naming him in every single one - and he just does another one warning to NFWAB! (Never F*ck With A Blogger)

WHAT. THE. HECK.

How does Cameron Slater get away with it...

I have no opinion regarding Matt Blomfield either way. I haven't read all of the information but;

 I can't believe the size of Cameron's balls. No wonder he lost that bike race to Trevor Mallord!

Quote of the Day

I just received this from one of my wisest advisers / supporters and thought i would share it.

Don't Be a Fool - 2

'...You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you...' Luke 12:20 NIV

The ambitious fool. Jesus told the story of a successful farmer who said, '...I will pull down my barns, and build greater...' (Luke 12:18 NKJV). Evidently he was a good businessman and planner. But then he said: 'I will say to my soul, "Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry." But God said to him, "Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?" So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God' (Luke 20:19-21 NKJV).

This man had a plan for time, but none for eternity. He thought about himself, but not God. He paid attention to his body, but not his soul. It's said that the average body has enough phosphorus to make 800,000 match heads, enough sugar to go into 60 cubes, enough salt to cover 20 spoons, and enough iron to make about ten dollars' worth of nails. The rest is just dust and water. When you pamper, promote and protect the part of you that will only live 70 or 80 years and neglect the part of you that will live on in either Heaven or hell, God says you're a fool. This man told himself he had 'many years' but God said, 'This night your soul will be required of you.' Don't you realise that an accident, a blocked artery, a stray bullet, a plane with engine failure or a drunk driver could take you out in an instant?

Wise up! The question is not will you die, but when? And are you ready to stand before God?

I had another amazing sleep overnight. I have come to the conclusion this morning that i need to go a night without sleep every once in awhile. I did not sleep at all on Wednesday night because i was so angry, upset, and worried. Thursday and Friday nights it was like i was in catch up mode. Both nights i have managed 8 hours of completely unbroken sleep and woken up feeling fantastic.

I am looking out my bedroom window at the weather right now and trying to decide if it is a nice enough day to head to the beach to climb around the rocks with T and the tribe.

T is busy hunting around his section for a fruit fly at the moment. He is cracking me up with his - "we are under quarantine!" - drama. I told him he will be ok to leave his home as long as he leaves his fruit behind.

He is desperately trying to catch one so he can get on the news. That way when his name is searched in google - T Pays High Price for Fruit fly - will come up!

Ahhh that man cracks me up.

I. Love. Him.

Finally

Government acts on cyber bullies

Awesome that Judith Collins is making this a priority.

This week's events would not have taken place had i been able to do something to stop the harassment that i have been on the receiving end of for the past 18 months.

* A new offence of maliciously impersonating another person on the internet.
* Amending the Harassment Act to make it clear it covers racial, sexual and other harassment on the internet.
* Extending the Telecommunications Act's definition of misuse of a "telephone device"' to cover computers and other electronic devices.
* Applying the Human Rights Act to digital publications and designating cyberspace a "public place".
* Making incitement to suicide a criminal offence.

I know of people that would be locked up by now if inciting suicide on the internet had always been a crime.

For the past fifteen years - people have been under the impression that they can behave however they want on the internet because they can do it anonymously and deny that it was them. They don't have to be held accountable for their actions because they can be whoever they want to be from behind their computer screens. They aren't ashamed of their behaviour because no one can prove it is them.

At one stage over the last 18 months i had someone create a fake Facebook profile using my mug shot that i supplied to the Herald in order to show what P addiction can do to a person. They then sent me a friend request just to make sure that i was aware of what they were doing. This person also sent me numerous harassing emails over several months using a false online persona named Thomas Vivian. I wrote about my anonymous hater at the time. The email address that was emailing me matched the email address that had created this Facebook profile.

I did the only thing i could do at the time - i blocked it and ignored it.

I am so glad that - finally - something is being done to stop this kind of online bullying. Had something been done earlier - i would not have had to put up with what i have put up with over the past 18 months - and this past week would not have happened.

I would have known that i was not wasting police time if i made a complaint in relation to her behaviour. I would not have felt like i just needed to ignore it because getting upset was pointless and there was nothing i could do about it.

It is not just children that bully or that are the victims of bullies - and not everyone is as strong or as thick skinned as i am and able to just brush it off or turn the other cheek. Everyone has a breaking point and this week after having lies filed against me in court - i reached mine - and broke.

Other people's ways of breaking are much more serious and far more permanent.

It needs to stop.

NZ News

This made me laugh just now.

I needed a laugh.

I'm taking a break from the drama.

Lie number 4

Debbie never "heard" from me in November 2011 as implied in this section.

In early November 2011 Debbie sent me a friend request on Facebook. I could not quite believe my eyes when i saw it - after all of the nasty things that she had been saying about me for the past 10 months. I declined the friend request without saying anything to her and forgot about it.

Later on in November - i again received another friend request from her. This time instead of just ignoring her contact request - i went one step further and blocked her. Out of sight out of mind. I was hoping that logic would work on her.

This was then followed up by an email from her then partner.

The following is the email that i received from him.

I find it rather dishonest that Debbie is aware of his email to me asking me to accept her request to resume our friendship, however she has left this out of her statement - instead choosing to pretend that i sent an unsolicited email to him in an attempt to break them up. I had known for several weeks that this man was in a volatile relationship with Debbie - and had chosen to remain silent on the matter. As you can see from his email - he was unaware that i even knew they were together.

This man is someone that i met via that awful website 10 (not 6) years ago. Because he was in a long term relationship our "friendship" has always been completely platonic. Despite my past - i have never and will never be interested in married men - and i do not understand women that are.

Who wants to be second best...no thanks.

I find it disturbing that Debbie is stating that she felt the need to attempt to resume our friendship for this man's benefit. I would not actually even call it a friendship. He is an acquaintance. I have met him in person once - and other than that our friendship has consisted of nothing more than email exchanges over the years. We had absolutely no contact between 2004 until 2011 when we accidentally came across each other last year when i had created a profile on NZdating so that i could peruse the message boards regarding something that was being said about me on there.

We have had more contact during the past 5 months while i have attempted to offer him support in relation to the drama that he was dealing with in regards to his relationship with Debbie once it finished - ie; accusations of rape and court action - than we have had in the whole ten years that i have known him.

This man frequently deleted me on Facebook and then would re add me - while he was in a relationship with Debbie. I did not care about that. I have enough friends and he and i are not close. It was my perception that Debbie was insecure about my friendship with this man and insisted he delete me. I could always tell when they were broken up again - because he would re add me.

She has sworn in this affidavit that i am someone that she would have to have contact with while in a relationship with this man - because him and i were so close - there for she tried to make amends for his benefit. She has omitted her knowledge that she is aware of the fact that anything i said to him during this email exchange was in response to his initial email to me. She has lied in implying that i sent an unsolicited email to him - attempting to break them up.

That is perjury - isn't it...

I can only assume that Debbie is using him and implying that he had some kind of control over her behaviour in relation to her contacting me again last November. The precious victim is never responsible for her own actions.

Still - she did not hear from me - until after i received an email from her threatening me with a law suit for advising this man that i did not think it was great that he was cheating on his partner, that i actually thought he was stupid, warned him that Debbie would attempt to destroy him, and told him that i would still be his friend when it all turns to custard.

I received a response to that from Debbie - threatening me with a law suit!

So - according to Debbie Brown not only am i not allowed to talk about anything that happens in my life or anyone that i know - even if i don't name them - now i am also not allowed to give my honest opinion in a private email exchange with a friend.

I politely told her to bugger of f and that if i heard from her again i would get a harassment order on her.

This email from Debbie Brown proves her desire to take me to court - for anything - from the day that Madeleine Flannagan gained her legal qualification. She has hounded me, obsessed over me, and even attempted to name herself in comments - which i did not publish - in order to have something to take me to court over.

Why can this woman not just move on...

I advised her then partner of the legal threat the next day. By this time they had broken up again - or something. I don't know. I can only guess that was the case because he always went quiet when they were  back together.

Despite numerous denials that she has ever commented on my blog over the past 18 months - she admitted to her then partner that she does actually comment - so there you go - another lie from Debbie Brown.

Unfortunately she lied to this man regarding the nature of the comments.

It was on this day that this man asked me out for coffee.

I declined this invitation. While it would have been nice to catch up with him over my favourite beverage - my response went something like;

I did not have coffee with this acquaintance because i was scared of what Debbie Brown's reaction to that would be if she found out i had met with him. I did not want to antagonise her - or as T calls it - poke sticks at freaks.

If i had ever had any inclination to harass Debbie Brown - the best way to do that would have been to meet the object of her obsession for coffee in order to wind her up. I did not do that though - because i was and always have been afraid of what Debbie Brown is capable of.

NZdating - DON'T. Go.  THERE!

Lie number 3

3. Debbie states that i provided 8 pages of emails and texts to the media when my relationship with Michael Laws ended.

This is entirely false and was reported to be false in the media at the time. The media had no idea regarding any relationship that i had with Michael Laws - until Michael Laws publicised it. This is proven in several news items that are still online -as well as by Mitch Harris - Michael Laws' boss at the time.

My comments in the above article were made only after the media had stolen photos off of my Face book page and when i finally answered my phone to a journalist after being hounded and ignoring my phone for several hours.

I had actually found out that i was about to be the centre of media attention after most people. The first i had heard of what was going on - was when i saw Laws on the 6 o clock news.

The article by the Herald on Sunday called "Tracking the Cyber Footprint" also describes how they found me, and turned up on my doorstep, would not go away, and took photos of me with a long range lense from my driveway - despite me having nothing that i wanted to say to them.

Please note the confirmation in the following text - that i did not approach the media regarding this relationship. I did however, make the mistake of sharing an email exchange with a friend - AFTER Michael Laws had made our relationship public. I did this while i was very upset, crying, and wondering where the heck i went wrong while ending that relationship. I felt that i had tried to end the relationship amicably and that i did not deserve the attention that i was getting.

HE PANICKED, SAY RADIO BOSSES

Michael Laws has brought shame on himself needlessly by panicking, according to his managers at Radio Live.

"He thought he was being blackmailed and some private messages were going to be made public and he decided to jump in. He thought that he should front-foot it," Radio Live general manager Mitch Harris said.

But Jacqueline Sperling, the woman at the centre of the controversy, said she had not gone to the media or tried to make the texts public. On a posting on Radio Live's Facebook page, she said he "fell for a bluff".

Mr Harris said Mr Laws believed a Sunday paper was going to print the texts, but Mr Harris had since spoken to the paper's editor, who denied any such plans.

"So he has put himself through this and he didn't need to. He was absolutely convinced that this was going to happen. I was a bit puzzled because there is nothing illegal or wrong in what he has done."

Fellow Radio Live host Willie Jackson said Mr Laws had been visibly upset yesterday. The drama had taken a "big toll, major toll. He's not in a good shape".

After that scandal Michael and i resumed our relationship. During all of the media attention Laws had advised me that there had been a threat to expose our relationship. Despite never seeing any evidence of any threats to him - i came to feel grateful to him for helping me deal with the media and agreed to try again. I doubt that Laws would have wanted to resume the relationship had he thought that i had sought out that media attention or released any texts or emails to the media.

During this reconciliation - Laws made frequent references to my time involved in prostitution, and how it would turn him on if i returned to that industry. This repulsed me so i eventually ended the relationship.

When i finally ended the relationship for good - he then lied to people - many that i had met during my time with him - by advising them that our relationship had ended due to my desire to return to that industry. I was distraught at the time over these lies. I had no way of defending myself. So i chose to speak to the media in order to defend my reputation against his lies.

I also attempted to use the media and that article to spread the message that there is always hope for people that are currently in the situation that i was once in.

Debbie has defamed me in a sworn affidavit by saying that i provided anything to the media and this can be proven - by the media and also by comments made by Michael Laws at the time.

"The way they targeted Jackie Sperling was unconscionable. Local body politics can be acidic. I think Jackie's story is fascinating and in a way inspirational." ~ Michael Laws


For some reason - Debbie has included the following images in her affidavit.

WHAT. THE. HECK.

It appears that Debbie is annoyed that i did not pay attention to this when it happened and doesn't even know if i saw it - so she is making real sure that i see it now. That is the only reason i can fathom for why she would have chucked this in there.

I never commented regarding this when i saw it in the Spy magazine. I laughed to myself when i saw this and my only thought at the time was that Michael Laws and Debbie Brown were well suited. I do have to admit to secretly thinking to myself that i was looking forward to the train wreck when it ended - but i did not respond to this blatant attempt from Debbie Brown and Michael Laws to get a reaction from me.

I did not and do not care about Laws or Debbie Brown.

Can someone please advise me of what the relevance to her appearing in the Spy magazine is - to do with her claim that i have written anything false about her or harassed her is... Help.

I find her dragging Michael Laws into her harassment of me rather amusing. At the time of the Laws scandal Debbie Brown was a blogger that went by the pseudonym - Blondie. She was very quick to contact me and strike up a friendship when i finally ended the relationship with Laws in order to get dirt on him to blog on Whale Oil.

At one stage when she was at my house i caught her on my laptop taking screen shots of a conversation that i had with Leonie Brookhammer where Leonie had claimed that she had evidence of Michael Laws downloading child porn.

Debbie then proceeded to blog that conversation that i had with Leonie - in a "Guess who don't sue" way. Her description of the person she was talking about being an eyeliner wearing politician - allowed most people to work out who it was that she was talking about. She received such a backlash regarding this - and was so upset by the criticism that she received that i in turn did a blog post supporting her behaviour and attributing her wanting to "out" Laws over this to Debbie's history of being raped on numerous occasions.

I supported Debbie in this because i genuinely believed that she felt passionately about the issue due to her own past trauma.

It did not take long however - for me to change my mind regarding that.

The enemy of your enemy is your friend - is the only thought that i had when these two appeared in the Spy magazine together.

Finally - regarding "she still regularly blogs about her relationship with Laws" ...i can't recall the last time that i even mentioned the awful man but i am positive that it was not in reference to our relationship. Even if i had though - which i haven't - but even if i had - what on earth is going on with those 26 personalities in her head that would make her think that had anything to do with anyone harassing her...

This woman is NUTS.

She has not submitted any evidence to support this delusion of hers with her affidavit so i can only assume that she just thought she would chuck that extra lie in for good measure.

Debbie Brown is a liar with zero credibility.

Madeleine Flannagan is her enabler.