Apparently i need a stress ball

I am tired.

I had a fairly crappy sleep last night. I kept waking up every couple of hours, and i guess it does not help, that when that happens, i tend to flip open the laptop and read emails etc...somehow i don't think that helps with my efforts to get back to sleep. I feel like i only got like two hours sleep last night.

I had to spend nearly three hours in rush hour traffic this evening, taking Nicole over to Northcote to collect her ball dress.

I have had my unexpected house guest arrive, and have had to keep him entertained, and fed all night - man he can eat - and now i am just plain tired.

I have been sitting her thinking about an email that i received this afternoon, asking me if i find it ironic, that i have "proven myself to be an unflinching warrior on behalf of other people, undaunted by bullies" yet struggle to say a simple two letter word to the people that i have in my own life. Not just unwanted house guests either - this also applies to my children.

NO -  I have gotten a LOT better at saying it, in the last couple of years, but sometimes, and i don't know why this is...i just can't say it.

I haven't yet replied to that email. It was far too logical for me to handle in my tired, and stress ball requiring state this evening. I will reply to it tomorrow - along with a few others.

My house guest is not that bad anyway. He does make me laugh. That is always a good thing - even if it is in an - I can't believe you just said / did that - way.

Has anyone else noticed how enjoyable Campbell Live is - when John Campbell is away? I thoroughly enjoyed tonight's show regarding Sharon Armstrong, and her plight.

Did i believe a word she said? No. Not really.

I struggle to understand anyone who thinks that they could possibly be in love with someone that they have never met. Lust - maybe. Love - no. I struggle to believe that a woman who is as intelligent as she claims to be, did not know that she was taking a risk / doing something awfully stupid.

Even if she genuinely did not know that there were drugs in that suitcase, she knew there was something hidden in there, and for her to expect all of us to believe that she thought some top secret contracts could weigh 5kg - or put her life in danger - is insulting to every one's intelligence.

No one in their right mind would collect a suitcase for someone they have never met, carry it through the customs - of any country - let alone a country like Argentina - knowing that it has a hidden compartment with something in it - and not be certain of exactly what is in it.

They say love is blind but in this case, if we are to believe Sharon Armstrong - it also had an extra chromosome.

I don't believe her.

Getting Along with Each Other - 1

'...be of one mind, united in thought and purpose...' 1 Corinthians 1:10 NLT

If you keep bailing out of relationships every time they hit troubled waters, get used to your own company - it's the only company you'll have! The best relationship you can hope for is an imperfect one you keep working on every day. Relationships can't be based on seeing eye-to-eye on all points, but on a commitment to love each other and a willingness to work for peace. Jesus said, 'God blesses those who work for peace...' (Matthew 5:9 NLT).

Notice, peacemaking is 'work', but the rewards are worth it. Relationships are always worth restoring. God wants us to value our relationships instead of discarding them every time there's a problem. Paul wrote, 'Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ?...Any fellowship together in the Spirit?...Then agree wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose...' (Philippians 2:1-2 NLT). Our ability to get along with each other is a mark of spiritual maturity. God wants His family to be known for their love. Strife and bickering send the wrong message to a watching world.

Paul was embarrassed when the church in Corinth started splitting into warring factions and taking each other to court. 'Shame on you!' he wrote. 'Surely there is at least one wise person...who can settle a dispute between fellow Christians' (1 Corinthians 6:5 GNT). He was shocked and disappointed that nobody was mature enough to resolve the conflict peacefully. So he wrote, '...be of one mind, united in thought and purpose...'

Ugh.

I stated that my life was peaceful - and boring - last night.

I spoke too soon. I should have knocked on wood. I should have banged my forehead against my bloody wooden coffee table, or some. Thing.

I have a very high maintenance house guest arriving this afternoon. I was supposed to be getting two days with my house all to myself. It was going to be the first time that i have had 48 hours to myself, or been alone in my home in nearly a year....

And now a house guest is arriving on my doorstep.

What is it about certain people, that makes me struggle to be able to muster the word NO, to them? And it is not that i don't like this person. I do. Sort of. I just don't want to have him staying here, or have to spend more than a couple of hours at a time with him.

I told him this, and he told me that was not very Christian of me. That is his answer to everything i say that disagrees with him.

UGH.

Insidious

Child care worker was a drug dealer

A childcare worker has been exposed as a drug dealer.

Heidi Jane Richards, 38, from Gate Pa, Tauranga, pleaded guilty in Tauranga District Court on Thursday to possessing and supplying of methamphetamine.

The Bay of Plenty Times said Richards was arrested in January 12 last year after police searched her Church St home.

Inside Richard's handbag officers found two plastic resealable bags, one containing half a gram or five "points" of methamphetamine, and the other with 793mg of dimethysulphone, a white powder substance commonly used by P dealers to cut the drug prior to sale or supply. The handbag also contained $2880 cash.

Traces of P and ecstasy and a set of calibrated electronic scale which bore residue of P were found in other parts of the house

Richards' cellphone contained text messages indicating the sale and supply of methamphetamine. She was remanded for sentencing on June 27.

I have said it before, and i will say it again - It. Is. Everywhere.

I met every single kind of person, from every single walk of life, from every race, and ever socio -economic group there is, while i was involved in that life, and that drug.

in·sid·i·ous (n-sd-s)

adj.

1. Working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy manner: insidious rumors; an insidious disease.

2. Intended to entrap; treacherous: insidious misinformation.

3. Beguiling but harmful; alluring: insidious pleasures.

Online Dating - A Male Perspective

Someone answered my prayer for more fodder for my blog overnight.

I have woken up to the following email from someone this morning. I thought i would share it because A - He backs up my opinion regarding NZDating being an incestuous pit of mental health disorders having unprotected sex. B - He explains a bit about the attraction. C - He has his own disasters that he shares, and D - He agrees with me that NZdating is an incestuous pit of mental health disorders. Oops...i already said that didn't i? O well - it deserves a second mention!

 Hi Jacqueline,

On Sunday night I was watching, wait for it, the Natalia Burgess story on 60 Minutes. It reminded me of how you are currently following the events of the saga on your blog. Here are my comments:

Recently I came across your topics of NZDating on your blog and I found them very interesting. I share your sentiments on NZDating one hundred percent - there's something wrong with many of the members on that site, which can probably be best described as a sort of online loony bin.

Although I'm a bloke it doesn't really make me any safer than any female, vulnerable or otherwise.

Two years ago I met a woman on NZDating who was so jealous of her ex-boyfriend going to a birthday party in Wellington that she wished he would die in a car accident on the way to the party. Just about every conversation we had revolved around him and it almost drove me nuts until one day I said enough is enough.

Then there are those on NZDating who are there for the sexual meetings, affairs, the separated (soon-to-be-divorced, in the hands of lawyers, etc.) = still married and of course, the "ever so beautiful" women who never post recent pictures of themselves, supposedly from Shannon or Auckland but actually living overseas, who drop a message with a dodgy-looking email address before their profiles disappear for good.

I hate online dating. Looking at a computer screen gives a false sense of intimacy with a resulting loss of inhibitions. When you’re dealing with strangers, as you are in online dating, inhibitions serve a valuable and healthy function. The problems start when you lose your inhibitions without knowing to whom you’re making yourself vulnerable thereby putting oneself in a careless and dangerous situation.

Don't get me wrong, receiving those first e-mails from an online dating prospect is thrilling. It is nice to come home and hear you’ve got mail but as we all know, it can be easy to spend too much time in a fantasy land, as in the case of Natalia's victims, and create an artificial sense of intimacy, which is very difficult to overcome.

That's my commentary for now. Keep up the good work on your blog and God bless.

Regards,

*****.

My frozen toes are warming this morning, in the knowledge that i am not the only one who managed to attract crazy people from that website, during the short time of my life that i spent involved with it, and it's members.

I haven't even yet started on the "Events" that these people have, that more closely resemble a big orgy rather than a social gathering. I remember being dragged along to one by Mr Bi Polar Dude. It was at a bar in New Market - The Carlton, if i recall correctly - that one on the corner.

I had never met any of these people before. I had never been to something organised by them. I was feeling rather shy, uncomfortable, and out of my depth amongst all these internet aliases that had come to life right before my eyes.

I was offered a seat next to a man, and at first, i hesitated. He was wearing a studded dog collar after all. But then i thought to myself - this is a public place, i am safe, how much worse can this get? I regretted thinking that to myself when a few minutes later, he proceeded to unzip his pants, pull out his man thing, and proudly show off to me, his brand new Prince Albert piercing.

Pardon me, but a throbbing red penis with a hunk of metal stuck in it - attached to a man wearing a dog collar was more than i could take in one evening.

NZdating. Don't. Go. There.

I think everyone should email me their NZDating horror stories. They make me laugh.

Terrible Then

I was just having a laugh with a few people about my blog. They were telling me how much they love it, and how now, instead of Facebook being the first thing that they click on in the morning - it is now  'Wonderful Now' that they click on.

I laughed and told them that without such a 'Terrible Then' there would not be a 'Wonderful Now' ... it is funny to think about it like that. There is always a bright side. I doubt i would have discovered my love of writing without my 'Terrible Then.' I had never REALLY had passion for anything in my life, before i discovered how much i love writing.

On that note - i have nothing to write about now. I need new fodder for my blog. There is absolutely nothing going on in my little world, that is worth writing about at the moment. All is peaceful - and boring. Even Nixon, and his smelly anal glands are behaving themself.

Coley's ball is this weekend, so i am sure that will change things...but for now, i am struggling with what i think is commonly referred to as 'writer's block.'

About time i found myself another dating disaster me thinks! It has been awhile since my last one.

All interest in dating me severely dried up when i expressed how i was enjoying my five date rule so much, that i was going to increase it to a ten date rule. I don't think announcing that i didn't care if i never got laid again, helped my sex appeal much either.

Funny that.

Oh oh oh - i nearly forgot. I might be on the radio this weekend! Will keep you posted. ;)

What else can i blame it on?

What Goes Around Comes Around

   '...the deeds of a man's hands will return to him.' Proverbs 12:14 NAS

A lady was driving along a back road in stifling hot weather when she passed an elderly man attempting to fix a flat tire. A woman alone can't be too careful; nevertheless, she hoped somebody would stop. When nobody did, she went back and found the old man weak and perspiring. 'Thanks,' he gasped. 'I prayed somebody would stop.' Using her mobile phone to call for help, the woman waited with him. He introduced himself as Bill Krumweide, talked about his family and his hobby of collecting antique farm equipment. He offered to pay her but the Good Samaritan said, 'Just knowing I was an answer to prayer is enough.'

Ten years later the same lady was worried about her aging father, who could no longer take care of the family farm. When she called a volunteer organisation for help, four men arrived with heavy equipment and spent three days planting the crops. One of the men looked familiar, and when he introduced himself she realised why. It turned out he was the elderly man's son, Bill Krumweide, Jr. 'Thank you for helping my dad all those years ago,' he said. 'I'm the one who owes you,' the woman replied. 'It's amazing how one kindness followed another and connected our families in a bond of gratitude. And it started...with an old man's prayer.'

What goes around comes around: 'The deeds of a man's hands will return to him.' God rewards us '...according to [our] work' (Proverbs 24:12 NAS). You don't live in a vacuum. The Bible says, 'knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord...' (Ephesians 6:8 NKJV).

How true is all that? It reminds me of one of my favourite quotes, that i read around the same time that i changed my life.

"BE the change that you want to see in the world." - Gandhi

Powerlessness and Unmanageability

Tonight, after watching the 60 Minutes segment regarding Natalia Burgess, i had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Due to my interest in this topic, someone has recently come into my life, who is very close to the story. She is the mother of one of the victims, and contacted me, after i had commented on a couple of news items regarding this whole saga.

After spending the last month, or so corresponding with this woman, it has become clear to me that Natalia Burgess has consumed much of this woman's time, and life over the past 7 years. This is understandable. I don't know how i would react if my children's images were taken and used the way her daughter's have. It would be horrible. The thought of it,  and the fact that anyone would do that to anyone else, had never crossed my mind before. Learning as much as i now know of what this woman has gone through, was enough for me to remove the photo album page of my blog, where i had previously showed off happy family photos.

I know, from the conversations that i have had with this woman, that she wants nothing more, than to finally stop Natalia - not only for her daughter's sake, but for any and all victims of this kind of online identity theft that her daughter has experienced, as well as for the young men, and boys who have suffered because of Natalia's predatory behaviour.

I watched 60 Minutes tonight, and i think they did the best they could with the time that they have, however i had a sinking feeling because i know for a fact, that they did not even scratch the surface of how much damage Natalia has caused to so many lives. I had a sinking feeling that this woman that i now know, will not have received closure, because of that.

I didn't know what i was going to say to her, when she asked me - Now what? Now where to?

I then remembered a book that i bought, not long after i changed my life, called the Language of Letting Go. It is a daily meditation journal that is dated. I opened this well worn / read book for the first time, in a year to May 29th - and i found the words that i was looking for.

Willpower is not the key to the way of life that we are seeking. Surrender is.

"I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something that they aren't, don't want to do, or choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process," said one woman.

"I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn't love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking."

"I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me."

"I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What i am saying is this: I have spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when i couldn't. It has been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. It won't work!"

"By surrendering to powerlessness, i gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which i cannot change and control. It gives me the permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who i am, loving myself, feeling what i feel, and doing what i want to do with my life."

We learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, i will accept powerlessness where i have no power to change things, and allow my life to become manageable.

It is time to move on Cush. It is time to be happy. It is time to spend your energy loving your husband and children. It is time to forget Natalia. You cannot control her behaviour, any more than i can stop anyone from bullying others - although it sure was fun trying!

It is time to stop focusing on something that is so poisonous, and be happy instead.

It is time to move on.

Be Determined!

'Blessed is the man...whose confidence is in [God].' Jeremiah 17:7 NIV

It takes courage to be led by God. It's not easy to 'break the mould' and rise above the limits others place on you. When you do, you'll face disapproval. Jesus did. When the folks He grew up around said, 'Isn't this the carpenter's son?...' (Matthew 13:55 NIV), they were really saying, 'He should stay in His place!'

When they tell you that, don't listen. '...each of us will give an account of himself to God' (Romans 14:12 NIV). In the final audit you'll discover that not only is it wrong to be judgmental of others, it's also wrong to permit their opinions to control you. 'Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.' To follow God's leading you must have confidence that He loves you in spite of your shortcomings; He has a definite plan for your life; you are capable of hearing from Him for yourself; and whatever He asks of you, He will enable you to do. Once you've heard from God, be resolute! Things worth having never come easy.

If you find yourself weakening, ask God for determination and He will impart it to you through His Spirit. If you find yourself being in two minds, go back and ask yourself what God told you in the beginning - then stick with it. Don't go in a different direction because of worry, discouragement or the sentiments of others. Remind yourself that you have what it takes to succeed in whatever God has called you to do. If you've made Jesus Lord of your life, His determination lives in you - because He lives in you.

 Love it.

NOT loving how cold it is this morning. My toes are like little icicles- they woke me up.

Not EVEN funny.

I am going back to sleep.

A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark Card

...When you care enough to send the very best!

RIP Jeff Conaway. What sad news.

How many  people out there, in their late 30s - early 40s didn't grow up watching Grease, so many times that they can still quote every single line from that movie?

Or was that just me and my sister?

Just us huh?

ohhhhh. k.

Do You Love Children?

'...Let the little children come to Me...' Mark 10:14 NKJV

Mark records, 'They brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, "Let the little children come to Me."...And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them' (Mark 10:13-16 NKJV).

Notice three things. First, Jesus was never too busy for a child. By the time a child is five they've learned 75 per cent of everything they'll know in life. And by the time they're 18 their mind is set like a mould. Even if you don't have any children of your own, endeavour to be a role model to every child who crosses your path. Lift them. Jesus did!

Secondly, Jesus admired children for their capacity to trust. We adults know so much, but believe so little. We complicate faith. We filter it through our intellect or our life's experiences. We rationalise our faith away by saying things like, 'Yes, I know God promised that, but...' Jesus said, 'Whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it' (Mark 10:15 NKJV).

Finally, Jesus loved and encouraged children. 'He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.' Wow! Those children would never forget that experience. Imagine looking back to a moment in your life when the Lord picked you up, held you in His arms, laid His hands on you and blessed you. What a legacy!

In this busy world, if you're serious about becoming more like Jesus you must learn to love children.

Hmmmm So i have a question. Are teenagers considered children...or not so much? ha Just kiddingggg. I love my teenagers with all of my heart.

It was my love for my teenagers, that got me interested in that whole Natalia Burgess saga in the first place. The whole thing reminded me of an issue that i had with Nicole last year. Nicole had been spending a large amount of time on Facebook talking to a boy that she had never met - and it worried me enough to write about it, at the time.

The stories that this boy told Nicole, were almost as far fetched as the ones that Natalia told her victims - yet Nicole believed them. In fact, i mentioned this boy to Nicole recently, and she STILL believes them. Fortunately, for Nicole, and me, this boy's interest moved on to someone else, and she never attempted to meet him - but it was due to a similar situation happening in my own home, that i took an interest in, wanted to ensure that lessons were learned from the whole Natalia Burgess Saga, and blogged about it.

I almost wish i hadn't now. The whole topic is toxic. It is poison, and that poison took on a life of it's own when someone decided to start bullying victims using various online aliases, all over Facebook and that hideous NZDating website.

Every single morning, my in box is full of more information regarding the whole saga. I long ago, stopped paying attention the the large number of Facebook pages that had been set up in Natalia's honour, and the pages set up in an effort to help the victims. It quickly became clear to me while reading them, that they were nothing more than an outlet for Natalia to carry on her behaviour, or for more abuse and bullying to occur by people who choose to behave in that manner.

That is not something that i found healthy - so i stopped reading it. The thought of interacting with, or even observing the abuse that was going on was just...well....gross, in my opinion.

It is all still going on though, and that amazes me. I can only hope, that once 60 minutes airs tomorrow, our children will be that little bit wiser regarding who they interact with on the internet, and us parents will be that little bit wiser regarding looking out for the signs that our children might be falling prey to a predator.

I hope that the victims whose lives Natalia has had such a negative impact on, will feel a sense of closure after tomorrow. I hope they will be able to move on with their lives, and focus on the positive that they have in their lives, and the good that is out there in this world.

Natalia has consumed too many lives, for too long. It is time to take the lessons that there are to learn from this story, learn from them, and never forget them.

But it is also time to forget Natalia.

I hope the 60 Minutes segment will be the end of it. I am sick of the poison. I really am.

Fresh and Unfixed | There Is Only Now

Being present lets us experience each moment in our lives

in a way that cannot be fully lived through memory or fantasy.

It can be easy for us to walk through the world and our lives without really being present. While dwelling on the past and living for the future are common pastimes, it is physically impossible to live anywhere but the present moment. We cannot step out our front door and take a left turn to May of last year, any more than we can take a right turn to December 2013. Nevertheless, we can easily miss the future we are waiting for as it becomes the now we are too busy to pay attention to. We then spend the rest of our time playing “catch up” to the moment that we just let pass by. During moments like these, it is important to remember that there is only Now.

In order to feel more at home in the present moment, it is important to try to stay aware, open, and receptive. Being in the present moment requires our full attention so that we are fully awake to experience it. When we are fully present, our minds do not wander. We are focused on what is going on right now, rather than thinking about what just happened or worrying about what is going to happen next. Being present lets us experience each moment in our lives in a way that cannot be fully lived through memory or fantasy.

When we begin to corral our attention into the present moment, it can be almost overwhelming to be here. There is a state of stillness that has to happen that can take some getting used to, and the mind chatter that so often gets us into our heads and out of the present moment doesn’t have as much to do. We may feel a lack of control because we aren’t busy planning our next move, assessing our current situation, or anticipating the future. Instead, being present requires that we be flexible, creative, attentive, and spontaneous. Each present moment is completely new, and nothing like it has happened or will ever happen again. As you move through your day, remember to stay present in each moment. In doing so, you will live your life without having to wait for the future or yearn for the past. Life happens to us when we happen to life in the Now. ~ The Daily OM

That should also tell  you not to get too excited about the here and now, until it has happened!

My empty, house all to myself, dancing in the kitchen in my knickers - just cause i can - weekend, just got canned via Coley, and her friend deciding to stay here.

I knew i should not have gotten so excited too soon.

I guess i better put my pants back on now.

48 Hours

I have the next 48 hours... ALONE!!! With my house ALLLLLL to myself!!! For the first time in MONTHSSSSS!

What ammmmmm i going to do with myself???



Some knicker dancing is definitely long overdue!

Bullying - It is everywhere

Bullying putting young nurses off

Bullying is being put up as one of the reasons why more younger nurses are leaving the profession.

It's long been an issue within the sector, with junior nurses often the victims.

Nurses Organisation nursing policy advisor Dr Jill Clendon says more than 10% of nurses under 30 are planning on leaving the profession in the next year.

"That's a really concerning figure. Particularly when you think that the average age of New Zealand nurses is around 46. We really want to encourage these younger nurses into the workplace. I think we need to look at some strategies about how we can address that issue," he says.

Ms Clendon says bullying's a factor in most workplaces, and is a significant concern in the nursing sector.

Why do bullies do it? Why is it everywhere? What do they achieve?

My answer, and advice to someone who has been bullied recently, was to walk away. I told her to ignore it, and not even put herself in a situation where she would even be subjected to it, or know about it.

That is how i deal with the issue, when it affects me, personally.

If i think someone is saying something awful about me, trying to get a reaction, or trying to hurt me, i just don't put myself in a situation where i will even be aware of what they are saying or doing.

That is a bit difficult to do though, if it is happening in the workplace.

Where does it end?

Why can't people just treat others in the same manner that they themselves, wish to be treated?  Or how about for us parents, to think about treating everyone the way we would like others to treat our children?

Bullying really is a topic that i never really thought i would be concerned about, or spend time on my blog writing about. I just had no idea, until recently, how prevalent it is in our society, and just how many so called grown adults spend their time doing it.

I just. don't. get it.

...and i am tired of writing about it.

Tear Down Those Walls!

'...I will heal your wounds...' Jeremiah 30:17 AMP

Have you built a wall around yourself, saying, 'No one can hurt me if I don't let anyone get close to me'? It won't work. The wall you've built to keep others out has you locked in. The Lord wants to be your protector, but He can't if you are busy trying to protect yourself. God didn't promise that you would never get hurt, but He promised to heal you if you come to Him rather than trying to take care of everything yourself.

If you've built walls around yourself out of fear, then you must tear them down through faith. Go to Jesus with each old wound and receive His healing. When someone hurts you, don't let it fester; rather, take it to the Lord in prayer and be willing to handle it His way instead of your own.

Read what God told His people, and receive it as a promise to you: 'For I will restore health to you, and I will heal your wounds, says the Lord, because they have called you an outcast, saying, This is [fill in your name], whom no one seeks after and for whom no one cares.' You won't merely survive this hurt, you'll grow stronger through it and be able to minister to others.

'Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God' (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NKJV). So, tear down those walls!

I adore this. I probably needed to read this, and probably need to read it again, and again, and again.

I get lots of emails in relation to my blog. All the time. It amazes me, every single day how something that started out as a drug fueled, suicidal, angry rant at the world, because i had no one to talk to - that no one read except me - has turned into something that so many people read, and follow. It amazes me, how many people out there have been through the same things. It amazes me how so many people are struggling with their own battles, and even when those battles are different to the ones i have been through, so many people can still relate.

Every once in awhile, i get an email that really makes me think. Sometimes they even bring tears to my eyes. I got one of those the other day. It was simple. It went something like this.

Hi Jackie,
Stumbled across your blog on Sunday evening on blogspot random. Glad I did.
Glad to have met someone stronger than me who can put up with the amount of *rap thrown/ being thrown at you.
 Blessed to read about your walk, warts and all, Glad you have beaten the drugs, glad you changed your profession,glad that you are gifted in writing....
May God continue to bless you every day.

Sometimes such simple words can be so meaningful. I responded to this email. I replied to this lady, and have received a response back that really has me thinking this morning, and made me realise just how many different things that i have been through, probably pertain to so many people's lives.

It is more than just being about such huge mistakes as the ones that i made. Sometimes it is about things that i guess, are more common.

Like the struggle that someone might be going through right now regarding her relationship with God, and being married to someone who is a non believer, and not supportive of her beliefs.

I have spent all morning, trying to work out how to reply to her. I will keep working on this, and thinking about it until i find the right words to say her.

I love emails that get me thinking. I love that people out there read my blog. I love that my struggles and writing help people - and i love when people share their own struggles, and advice with me.

I wish i had all the answers.

Ripped off

I went to see Mike King perform last night - and got THIS instead!

Hone Harawira and Jevan Goulter

I got sucked in to attending a Mana Party fundraiser! Arrrrrgggghhhhhh!

Actually, in all honesty - Mike King did speak, and he was rather funny for the short time that he did speak. He was also inspirational when he spoke about Maori stepping up and doing something about their child abuse rates.

I have to admit as well, to almost feeling sympathy for Hone Harawira - why do i always struggle to type that correctly? It is almost as difficult to type, as it is to say -  regarding the wrap that he gets from the media.

He comes across very different in person. He is a likeable fellow.

I was feeling out of place, and like i was the only white face there, until i sat down next to another white faced woman, who turned out to be American as well. She was an awesome lady, from Chicago, who has worked as a social worker in the slums of that city. We are going to keep in touch.

So not ENTIRELY ripped off - i had a good time. But yeah - i have still, yet to see Mike King do his funny performing thing.

Being in town / K Road area at night again was a bit scary. I know it has been two years, but i still had in the back of my mind, that there might be crackheads around that would recognise my car - and try to steal it!

That reminds me - after two years, i guess it is probably safe to get the drivers door lock fixed. I stopped getting it fixed after awhile, back in the day. People just kept trying to steal my car so i gave up fixing the things that got broken when people tried to break into it. haha

I should get onto that.

Just cause...

I love it.

Definitely my favourite Eminem song... :)

The media frenzy of fear over planking

Seriously. This is just getting silly now - even sillier than "Planking" itself.

I could understand this making the news if there was a train in the background of this photo. I could understand the hype if the kid was for some reason, unable to get up if a train did come...but ummmm hello?

The more publicity planking gets, the more kids will do it.

Planking is not newsworthy. Stop it. Now.

Mother shocked by son's rail plank

Learning to Focus on Jesus

'I have set the Lord always before me...' Psalm 16:8 NKJV

Frank Laubach's life began to fall apart when his plans for the Maranao people of the Philippines were rejected. Then, after losing three children to malaria, his wife and remaining child moved away. In despair, Laubach climbed a mountain to seek God.

He writes, 'My lips began to move and it seemed God was speaking: "You failed because you don't really love these people. You feel superior...because you're white. Forget your skin-tone; think only about how much I love them and they'll respond." I answered, "God, I don't know whether You spoke through my lips, but I know it was the truth. My plans have all gone to pieces. Drive me out of myself, take possession, think Your thoughts through my mind."'

That day Laubach decided to live-focused on God's presence! He writes about two things: double vision-'See others not as they are, but as God sees them'; and problem solving-'You'll think more clearly by including God. At mealtime an extra chair at the table can remind you He's always present. Set a picture of Jesus or a Scripture where you'll see it as you're falling asleep and waking up. Count on it-this will set the tone for your day.'

The New Living Bible paraphrases the Psalmist's words, 'I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me' (Psalm 16:8 NLT). What you focus on becomes the dominant influence in your life. Frank Laubach went on to write books, lead world literacy crusades and become an adviser to kings and presidents. But his biggest accomplishment was learning to focus on Jesus.

I don't think i should consume Wild Bean Coffee any. more.

I ran out of coffee yesterday. Since i had nothing else that i needed from the supermarket, i tried to just go without. At like 7 o'clock last night, i figured it would be a good idea to pop to the local BP and get some Wild Bean espresso grind.

I have looked like this - all. night.

Except i am white.

And have more hair.

What a day for weirdo news

Has anyone else noticed how weird the news has been today?

76 year old grandmother sentenced to Home Detention for drug dealing over the counter of her gift shop

Poop falls from the sky and lands on Jill Dornan's Tutira shop

Human Balloon inflates himself with compressed air

The Light at the End of the Tunnel | Nothing is Insurmountable

There is nothing in your life that cannot be overcome; whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution. 

When our next best course of action seems unclear, any dilemmas we face can appear insurmountable. Yet there is nothing we cannot overcome with time, persistence, focused thought, help, and faith. Whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution. And if you remember to look within, even as you search around you for the “right” course of action, you will be able to center yourself, clear your mind, and see that nothing has to be impossible.

The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to believe that it can be overcome. Doing so will give you the strength and courage to move through any crisis. The second step is to make a resolution that you can prevail over any chaos. Enlist your support network of family and friends if necessary. The more minds there are to consider a problem, the more solutions can be found. Don’t discount ideas just because they seem impractical or “unrealistic,” and don’t keep searching for the “best” alternative. Often there is no “best” choice, there is only a choice to make so we can begin moving beyond whatever is obstructing our path. At the very least, making a choice, even if isn’t the ideal one, can give you a sense of peace before you have to figure out what your next course of action will be.

If you feel overwhelmed by the scope of your troubles, you may want to think of other people who have turned adversity into triumph. We often gain a fresh perspective when we remember others who have overcome larger obstacles. It can be inspiring to hear of their victories, helping us remember that there is always light at the end of every tunnel. It is during our darkest hours that we sometimes need to remind ourselves that we don’t have to feel helpless. You have within and around you the resources to find a solution to any problem. And remember that if a solution or choice you make doesn’t work, you are always free to try another. Believe that you can get through anything, and you will always prevail. ~ The Daily OM

So, so, SO important to remember as well, is that every single struggle, and every little bit of adversity that is sent our way, is sent for a reason. There is something that God wants us to learn from every experience that we have. Everything is a gift from Him - even the hard times.

The lesson that we are supposed to learn, is not always immediately clear. Most times we do not realise what the lesson was, until after we have learned it.

It is all about having faith in the fact that God knows what he is doing.

This time last year, i had no idea what i wanted to do with the rest of my life. I knew that i still had at least 25 years ahead of me, that i would need to work and support myself, but i had no idea what i wanted to do, or what i could do. I knew i wanted to be a productive member of society, but when people asked me what i wanted to do, my only answer was that i had faith that God had good things in store for me.

Then what i thought at the time, was an absolute nightmare beyond belief happened to me. I spent a weekend crying. I had thoughts of suicide for the first time since i left that hideous world of drugs and prostitution in my past. I wondered at the time, how i could ever bounce back from having my name, face, and past plastered all over the media. Every single thing that had caused so much shame in my life, was on the front page of the newspaper, and on the 6 o clock news, thanks to someone that i had trusted, and his quest for publicity.

I couldn't see a bright side to any of it - at the time.

Nearly a year later, i look at that experience as such a wonderful blessing. It helped me realise what i want to do with the next 25 years of my life.

Without the experience of what  i perceived at the time to be negative attention from the media, i might never have been able to decide what i wanted to be "when i grew up..."

God brought that person into my life for a reason. He caused all that drama for a reason. It was what i needed, to learn what i needed to learn, and to be shown which way i wanted my future to go.

What a huge blessing it was.

I am again, reminded of that wall plaque that i purchased in New Market one day, while i was wandering around in a daze, trying to hold back tears, wasted on P and wondering how my life had become what it was.

I hung it up, on the wall, in that apartment in Mt. Eden. I used to laugh at it every time i read it and think to myself - what a crock.

It still hangs on my wall. I don't laugh at it anymore though.

S t r e n g t h

Sometimes, when you're

feeling your lowest,

the real you is summoned.

And you understand, maybe for

the first time ever, how grand you

are, because you discover

that vulnerable

doesn't mean powerless,

scared doesn't mean

lacking in beauty,

and uncertainty doesn't

mean that you're lost.

These realisations alone will set

you on a journey that will take you

far beyond what you used to think

of as extraordinary.

There is always

a bright side.

This post is for someone that i know, who is going through a particularly difficult time right now, and expressed frustration to me this morning, at not being able to understand what she is supposed to be learning from it.

The lessons are often unclear - until after we have learned them.

Have faith. xxx

I am blessed

I think it has been awhile, since i mentioned that i have THE BEST ex husband in the world, so i thought i would mention it again.

I truly, really am blessed.

At least i did one thing in my past right.  I chose to reproduce with a pretty awesome guy. I am really lucky, because i am sure that was not a conscious decision.

I mean, i was not really thinking about what kind of ex he would be - at the time.  ;)

A Tagger's Dream

Wellywood

I give it a week before it is covered in spray paint.

I wonder how much it will cost the Wellington City Ratepayers to keep that eye sore white?

After- Balls

Police targeting boozy after-balls

Police and liquor authorities are cracking down on boozy school after-ball parties, with new hardline plans to stop students from taking buses to secret locations.

The new approach comes after a number of after-balls turned sour last year and 15 others were cancelled because of concerns over drunken behaviour.

The after-balls - often all-you-can drink events for which tickets are sold - are usually held in warehouses.

Auckland police have written to principals asking them to tell parents and students that events where tickets are sold and alcohol is served to underage people are illegal.

"It would be appreciated if your schools can reiterate the very clear message ... that large, secret after-ball functions should not be held," says the letter, from Inspector Andrew Coster.

Police say after-ball organisers go to "significant lengths" to keep locations secret. Students are taken by bus to the party, then dropped at another location for their parents to pick them up.

Mr Coster said the risk of alcohol-fuelled violence was high. "The District Licensing Agency and police will take action to prevent such large gatherings from happening, even at the time of students boarding buses.

"It is important to reiterate that prosecutions may be brought against those who are responsible for the organisation of such functions, with large fines a possible consequence."

Principals are also trying to stop alcohol abuse by breathtesting students before they enter the ball.

Secondary Principals Association president Patrick Walsh said ball season was always a worrying time for principals and he praised the tough line by the police.

"[After-balls have] nothing to do with the schools but ... if something goes wrong, if there's an accident or a tragedy, it affects the school.

"We're pretty worried about getting a phone call from a police officer the next morning saying, 'Your students have been in an accident'."

Mr Walsh, head of John Paul College in Rotorua, said some schools, including his, had a police officer with a breath-analyser at the entrance to the ball and if a student turns up drunk, he or she is turned away.

The letter from police and the Auckland District Licensing Agency talks about the dangers and potential consequences of an after-ball.

"Large gatherings too often result in significant disorder, leading to immense pressure on policing resources as a result of alcohol-related offending including violence, drink driving, severe intoxication requiring medical intervention and other related alcohol harms," it says.

"Alcohol, testosterone and youth are a potent and dangerous combination - especially when young men are in the company of young ladies."

Because of the covert and illegal nature of the parties, police say party organisers are reluctant to call emergency services if things go wrong.

Last year, they raided a number of parties and carted off alcohol. As many as 15 after-balls, some planned by parents, were then cancelled.

The police guidelines also warn that a signed permission slip from a parent, allowing their child to drink alcohol, has no legal standing.

Last year, Rangitoto College in Mairangi Bay cancelled its ball plans because of an after-ball event organised in 2009. Parents who organised it promised to cancel it when senior staff found out, but it still went ahead.

This year, Rangitoto will allow separate Year 12 and Year 13 balls, but has sent a nine-page newsletter, including the police letter, to parents.

The college has warned that if an after-ball occurs, there might never be a school ball again.

Zeesh Event Management, which worked with parent committees organising after-balls in the past, says it stopped after the police made their position clear last year.

THE LAW

* Any events for which tickets are sold are not private functions and therefore have to adhere to the provisions of the Sale of Liquor Act.

* It is illegal to supply anyone under the age of 18 years with alcohol - even with a signed permission slip from a parent - if the parent is not in attendance.

Arrrrghhhhh! Ball season is doing my head in this year. It is the first one that i am having to suffer through, as a parent, and i am not finding it much fun at all.

Of course, i was beaming with pride, to see my beautiful, oldest daughter dressed in a gorgeous evening gown, when i took her for the final fitting on Saturday afternoon. I sat there on the couch, watching her as she emerged from behind the changing room curtain, and suddenly i realised that it is certain - my little 5lb baby, that swam in size 000 clothing, is all grown up.

I am not liking this. At. All.

Of course i enjoyed shopping with her all weekend, buying her first pair of high heals, and her first strapless bra - she would probably kill me if she knew i just typed that. Of course i am enjoying watching all the excitement of her, and her friends, while they organise the party bus that is going to take them to and from the ball - with Red Bull Promo Girls - to serve them drinks and all...

I am not liking this. At. All.

Of course i am loving how excited she is that i have to fork out a hundred dollars for the block booking to have hair and make up artists come to the house, in order to ensure that they look 25, instead of their gorgeous 16 year old selves.

I am not liking this. At. All.

Of course i am enjoying the fact that until now, until i read this Herald article, i had not put too much thought into the after-ball, or the part that alcohol will play in this wonderful evening of hers.

We were all teenagers once. It doesn't seem like that long ago. There was booze at all of our balls, and if you are in your 30s or 40s and say otherwise, then you are fibbing. I almost feel sorry for this generation. It is like there was a generation in between when i was a teenager, and teenagers now, that ruined the fun for all future generations.

There was no police monitoring every single school's events when i was a teenager. There was no media reporting if a party had alcohol at it. It almost seems like the media and the police have demonised these kids, and their parties, to the point where kids feel like that can't tell their parents where a party is going to be. Kids feel like they have to keep secrets, and they have to lie.

I am not liking this. At. All.

It is amazing to me how now that i have teenagers, so many things that my Dad said to me as a teenager, have come back to me.

I remember my Dad, once, sitting me down and telling me that no matter where i was, no matter who i was with, no matter what i had done - or consumed? - no matter what time it was - to always ring him if i needed a ride home because i felt unsafe ...ie a driver was drunk etc etc. He told me that he would not ask questions, or be angry - but to just call him if i ever felt unsafe.

I will be repeating that speech to my Coley in a couple of weeks time, and letting her go with the hope that despite my mistakes, i have instilled in her a sense of responsibility and maturity regarding these matters, that i never had until recently.

Right now, i have faith in my beautiful daughter.

Watch this space. The ball is still two weeks away.

I am not liking this. At all.

God will not forget his promise to you

'I will remember my covenant...' Genesis 9:15 NIV

The rain Noah experienced was a symbol of judgment. But after the flood God said, '...Never again...' (Genesis 9:15 NKJV). He told Noah, '...the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you... the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy...' (Genesis 9:14-15 NKJV). From that point on in Scripture, rain became a symbol of blessing. '...I will... open for you the windows of Heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it' (Malachi 3:10 NKJV)

Are you afraid that the heartache of your past is going to return? Don't be. Just keep walking with the God Who promised, 'Never again!' When God uses the thing that should have destroyed you to develop you, you'll look back and say, 'It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes' (Psalm 119:71 NKJV).

Without hard times you wouldn't have discovered certain things; for example, that stress can create in you a passion to seek God more and other things less; the power of your own prayers; what God can accomplish in spite of adversity; that when He heard you crying, your tears were so precious that He collected them in his bottle (Psalm 56:8); that the angel of the Lord protected you when the enemy wanted to take you out (Psalm 34:7); that God didn't need your friends to support you in order to bless you and that He brought you through, because He saw the rainbow and remembered His promise.

That has brought tears to my eyes. I am all choked up and stuff now.  Must be the darn pollen in the air or some. thing.

I was going to complain about how cold it is today, and how i wish the world had ended so that i didn't have to get out of bed this morning. Coley and i nearly had an argument this morning over laundry, money, and showing a bit of gratitude with a thank you once in awhile.

Now i have lost all train of thought. The laundry that she tells me she needs clean for the next day at 10pm every night doesn't seem like such a big deal. Neither does the money that she always expects without saying thank you.

I am just sitting here with the reminder of just how far i have come, and how much my life has changed, thinking how lucky i am to even be here to have my teenage daughter take all my money, and annoy me at 10pm every night.

On a lighter note

It's good to remember that things could always be worse.

We could be sitting next to Tau Henare on an airplane.

Get Your Shaker Ready!

'You are the salt of the earth...' Matthew 5:13 AMP

We keep trying to find happiness the wrong way. We attempt to find it by getting instead of giving. Love must give; it's the nature of love to do so: 'live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God' (Ephesians 5:2 NIV). Note the words 'gave Himself' and 'sacrifice'. Love is all about giving of yourself and sacrificing to meet the needs of others-practical needs as well as spiritual needs. Some of us are so religious that we see no value in meeting people's everyday needs.

Love for God is the root; love for others is the fruit, expressed through encouragement, patience, kindness, courtesy, humility, unselfishness, good temper, gentleness and sincerity (Galatians 5:22). We must actively seek ways to show love, especially in little things. Jesus said, 'You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste (its strength, its quality)...it is not good for anything any longer but to be thrown out.' Salt is like love; it can heal, purify, preserve and enrich, but it's useless if it's kept in a shaker and not sprinkled around. The truth is that all of life is tasteless without love. Even acts of generosity done out of obligation, but devoid of love, leave us empty.

Love is the energy of life; it should be the reason we get up every morning. Each day can be exciting and meaningful if we see ourselves as God's agents, waiting in the shadows to sprinkle some salt on all the tasteless lives we encounter. So, get your shaker ready!

I adore this. I had to take the time to focus on the good - before i tackle the bad today.

The girls and i had a busy day yesterday. We spent it driving all over Auckland, looking for the shoes and other accessories that my Coley needs for her ball. We went over the shore for the fitting for her dress, then had to race all over Auckland to find her shoes, then BACK over the shore to try the dress on AGAIN with the shoes that she is going to wear.

What a mission. $40 worth of petrol and 5 hours later we were back home - and exhausted. I have to wonder why it appears that every single person in Auckland chooses to spend their weekends in traffic, and in crowded malls.

I can think of nothing worse.

We left Nixon inside all day, in the hope that he would not escape. He was still here when we got home. I think the only reason that he did not escape, was that he managed to get his paws on a whole tin of chocolate chip cookies and devour them in one go.

I can't believe that dog.

He is now sick. I love dog vomit. It just makes my day.

Natalia Burgess - The True Face of an Online Predator

So, last week's information regarding a suicide attempt was true. In this article she blames the family of one of the victims of her scam, for her suicide attempt.

Un. Believe. Able.

Read Article here

I ADORE Karma

...and email.

I wish i could sit here and blog all day long right now.

Bare with me people.

It's coming.

Someone's true colours are coming out for everyone to see, and anytime someone googles that cretin's name - they are going to see the poison that he spends his sad and empty life spewing - all day long - every single day.

But right now - i have to go shopping! Arrrrrghhhhhh!

I. Love. My. Life.

I adore people who are strong enough to stand up for what is right, and speak out against evil.

Back later!

PS - Never do or say anything that you would not want on the front page of the newspaper. :)

Put God 'First' in All Things

'...I require your...firstfruits...' Ezekiel 20:40 AMP

God wants to be number one in your life! When He's not, things won't work out right for you. Instead of asking God to bless your agenda, ask Him to give you an agenda He can bless. Jesus was able to say yes to one thing and no to another because He understood God's agenda for the day.

Can you point to a single stressed-out or confused moment in Christ's life? No, when conflict arose He said, '...I always do what pleases Him' (John 8:29 NIV). That's because He took time to consult His Father. How long are you going to allow yourself to be pulled in 101 different directions? Nothing will change until you decide to give God what He requires-your 'firstfruits'.

Don't give Him the part of your day when you're worn out, can't think straight and can hardly keep your eyes open; give Him the best part of your day. That's where your true priorities will be discovered. From getting dressed to setting your schedule, ask Him to help you make choices that glorify Him.

As you become more and more aware of His presence, it'll be impossible to 'compartmentalise' Him. Ordinary events will become sacred events because He's involved in them. Ask Him to direct you in the choices you make and to empower you for the jobs you need to get done.

Keep Him first in everything you set out to do, and He will show you the path that leads to peace. Following the moment-by-moment leadership of the Holy Spirit will cause you to enjoy every day of your life.

Gosh - i needed to read that this morning.

Last night, i was feeling like i needed to refocus. I was feeling like i needed to distance myself from a situation that was having a negative influence on me. I felt like i was focusing too much on supporting, and helping someone else - someone who is going through an extremely difficult time right now, and who needs and deserves understanding - who, to top it off has had to add NZdating's resident bully to her worries.

It was starting to affect my own happiness last night. I began to feel like this issue, and the very obvious poison that it is, and that the people that come with it are, were starting to make me lose sight of what is important to me. I was reminded of the type of people that i once allowed into my life, and just why i was so unhappy back then.

I was starting to get dragged down - by poison.

I will always attempt to help anyone that needs help. I will always try to use my blog for good. I will always try to stop evil being done to others - but sometimes we need to look after ourselves and our own happiness, and health. I read somewhere that we should always try to help others, but not at our own expense. I don't necessarily agree with that entirely. Some of us can afford to help others, and have it cost us a little bit, emotionally. There does come a time though, when it becomes too expensive, and we start using an emotional credit card, or something. I think the word for that is toxic.

That is where i was last night.

I am no longer there.

Today's reading, was just the reminder that i needed this morning. It still amazes me every day, how these daily messages are always relevant to what happens to be going on in my life, at that point in time.

On that note - it is my baby's birthday today. She now has a cell phone that i am jealous of. What the heck does a 15 year old need a Blackberry for? I want it. I think she should swap with me. My Nokia would be so much cooler - for her.

I am so tired after being awake with her, and her friends half the night, listening to them giggle and mock the original Nightmare on Elm Street movie. They just can't understand, or get their heads around the fact that, that movie was, at one time, seriously the scariest movie that had ever been made.

They just think it is funny.

Ball shoe shopping this afternoon. I. Hate. Shopping. Ball dress fitting this afternoon - over the bloody shore. Will be happy when Ball is OVER.

I hope the world does not end today, but i will be ok if it does.

Letting Your Voice Be Heard | Writing Your Story

Writing your own story can provide an outlet which can help purge any frustration, anxiety, or long-dormant feelings. 

Everyone, at one time or another, has wanted to express his or her story. Writing a memoir to read privately, share with family or friends, or publish is an emotionally satisfying way to gain perspective on your experiences and to share your unique voice. We’ve all experienced feelings and events in our lives that we are longing to write down. Giving into that urge also can provide an outlet which can help purge any frustration, anxiety, or long-dormant feelings. No one else has to read it. You may even want to write your story without reading it afterward and put it away to read in the future. Satisfying the need to tell your story is not predicated upon your writing ability. It does, however take effort to write down the truth in detail. Your memories, captured on paper as descriptive scenes, sights, sounds, and scents, may at first seem disconnected or incomplete. But rest assured that you possess the ability to shape your recollections into stories.

Writing your story is different from journaling. Everyone wants to be heard and know that they matter. Reading your story to others meets the human need to be heard. Writing your story helps validate your life. We all want to know that what we have to say matters. And when you finish writing, even you may be surprised at what you have accomplished. Your story can encompass as much or as little of your life as you prefer. You may surprise yourself with new insights, or you may find yourself exploring your roots, your identity, and your future through your words. Allow your writing to guide you and write as truthfully as possible. Don’t worry about what others will think of your personal journey, your style of writing, or your words.

Research has shown that writing a narrative filled with feelings and perceptions can create long-term health benefits. As you write, remember to express compassion and understanding toward yourself, particularly when writing about traumatic events. If you are a young person, you can add to your life story as you grow older. Your writing may even help family members know you better or understand themselves more. Most importantly, in writing your personal story, you are expressing yourself in a permanent way, giving a gift to your future self, and letting your voice be heard.  ~ The Daily OM

On that note - i have a very, very exciting Friday night ahead of me. It is my baby's 15th birthday tomorrow, so there is ice skating to be done, and a sleep over to have. My home will be filled with teenage girls tonight.

I can't think of many things that would make me happier. I love having all their friends here.

The cake is baked. The famous chocolate chip cookies are baked. The house is full of junk food...and i am settling in for a long night.

That reminds me - i even managed to finish mowing my lawns today. My girlie battery powered lawn mower has had the equivalent of a lawn mower sex change via a new battery. It goes like a mofo now!

All is good in the world.

Identify the Source

'We are not wrestling with flesh and blood...' Ephesians 6:12 AMP

Satan uses people and circumstances, but they are not our real enemy-he is. He works through people and circumstances, then delights in watching us react without ever realising that he is the source. When Satan used Peter to try to prevent Jesus from going to the cross to complete the task God had sent Him to do, 'Jesus turned away from Peter and said to him, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are in My way [an offence and a hindrance and a snare to Me]..."' (Matthew 16:23 AMP). Satan used Peter, but Jesus knew that Peter was not His problem. So He 'turned away' from Peter and addressed the source of the problem-Satan.

So, first, identify the source of your problem. At the cross Jesus prayed, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do' (Luke 23:34 NKJV).

When you understand that Satan's strategy is to use other people to tear you down, it's easier to forgive them. You don't have to carry the weight of resentment, or lash out, or even change them; you can leave them in God's hands.

You won't be exempt from the devil's attack, but you'll be shielded from it and you won't be discouraged or defeated by it. You see, if the devil can't defeat you outright, he'll settle for keeping you pinned down. That way you'll never move forward in victory. Secondly, use the authority God has given you. Jesus said, 'I saw Satan fall like lightning from Heaven. Behold, I give you the authority...over all the power of the enemy...' (Luke 10:18-19 NKJV).

So identify the source, and use your God-given authority.

Love it.

Not really loving being wide awake at 5:29am.

Tau Henare needs a sock puppet

More proof that our politicians - regardless of party - are nothing more than a bunch of overgrown kids that never left the playground. For goodness sake - i thought kids got their cell phones taken off them when they played with them in class.

Tau Henare - bless him - is taking his Minister of Twitter status a little too far. Does he ever do anything else? Perhaps we need to add  ' To hide the fact that you are messing around online when you should be working' to our list of uses that Sock Puppets have.

If Tau had one - we might all think he actually did something in Parliament. That would be really. Nice.

Seriously - this is not even all of them. Plenty more where this came from. I just got tired of cropping.

What a bunch of children!









No news is good news in Wanganui

The inbreeds are arguing over Miss Wanganui...AGAIN.  This time it has made the FRONT PAGE of the Wanganui Chronicle.

Slow news day - or is the Wanganui Chronicle just SAD?

Pageant canned amid funds row

Plans for a beauty pageant to be held in Wanganui this year are in turmoil after a fall-out among organisers of last year's controversial event.

Entries for this year's Miss Wanganui pageant, run by Daniel Harding in place of Miss Wanganui Ltd directors Barbara and Chandra Osborne, were meant to close at the start of this month, with the pageant to be held in July.

But despite creating a website, advertising for "models" online and months of promotion, the pageant was cancelled before the entry deadline.

Mr Harding, who has since appointed a media adviser for himself, said he cancelled the pageant after speaking with the directors.

He said he wanted to set up his own pageant with a friend and was in the process of creating his own company.

Questions to Mr Harding about the number of girls who had entered the pageant, whether the rules would carry over to his new pageant, and how much input the Osbornes would have, were not answered.

The Star Now website shows three applications to enter the pageant were made during the three months the advertisement ran.

Meanwhile, former Miss Wanganui spokesman Jevan Goulter has also come forward, saying he is thinking of running his own pageant in Wanganui this year.

Mr Goulter is distancing himself from the Miss Wanganui Ltd pageant woes of last year, which began when Mrs Osborne deposed Miss Teen Wanganui winner Olivia O'Neil after she dyed her fair hair brown.

He now says he was "being loyal to friends" when he took up the position of pageant spokesman.

Mr Goulter, who moved to live on Australia's Gold Coast with the Osborne family last year, said the turn-around came on the back of a falling out with Mrs Osborne over money.

He said when he was acting as spokesman for Miss Wanganui he was not defending Mrs Osborne, just "standing in front of the organisation", and did not condone her actions.

Mr Goulter encouraged Mrs Osborne to apologise to Miss O'Neil and Helena Lane, the former Miss Wanganui, and return Helena's sponsorship money to her sponsors, who wanted it back after she pulled out of a Jamaican pageant because of concerns over its legitimacy and her safety.

Mr Goulter said he doubted Mr Harding's competence as a pageant organiser, adding that Wanganui was not big enough for two pageants.

In response, Mr Harding said if Mr Goulter wanted to run a pageant, he would cancel his plans.

However, he doubted Mr Goulter would go through with it, calling his plans a "publicity stunt".

Miss O'Neil said she wouldn't be entering any more beauty pageants.

She said while she thought it was nice of Mr Goulter to ask Mrs Osborne to apologise and she did not have anything against him, she also did not want to have anything to do with him.

New Zealand Asia Pacific Trust director Rose Foulger, whose company owns the rights to Miss World New Zealand, Miss Global Teen New Zealand and Miss Earth New Zealand, said no one had been appointed organiser for any regional version of her pageants in Wanganui.

If, or when, someone was appointed, it was expected that they would follow the pageant's national standards and send the winning girl on to stand for the national competition, at a cost of $1500.

Attempts to contact Mrs Osborne were unsuccessful.

The Chronicle understands she is still in Australia but due to return to Wanganui shortly.

Here is my summing up of this tragic article.

Wanganui's local Facebook whinger, gossip monger, and failed Opera Singer - Daniel Harding - actually he might not be an Opera Singer, he might just be a singer that looks like the word Opera should be there somewhere - has cancelled Miss Wanganui due to lack of attractive girls in Wanganui.

Jevan Goulter's name has been thrown in there because any publicity is good publicity as far as he is concerned. He is just happy that the Chronicle managed to find a photo of him from "When he still had good dress sense..."

Barbara, and the rest of the Osborne clan are currently incommunicado. This is probably because they no longer have phones, due to Jevan reportedly owing them money...and Daniel not paying the rent he owes them.

Olivia O'Neil has been advised to lay off the hair dye, and leave town before she ends up like any of the above mentioned people.

I think they should all just kiss and make up.

Or not.

Whatever.