Behind everything you do, there's a thought! So if you're serious about changing your life, you must change how you think. That's not easy, and it doesn't happen instantly. Picture yourself in a boat with the automatic pilot set to go in a certain direction, then you suddenly decide to go somewhere else.
First option: willpower. Grab the wheel and force it to go where you want; by sheer willpower, overcome the autopilot. But you'll feel constant resistance. Your arms will get tired, and when you let go of the wheel, guess what? The boat will go the way it's programmed to go. Get the idea? That's what happens when you try to change your life through willpower: 'I'll force myself to quit drinking, cheating, or overeating', and so on. Your willpower can only produce short-term change, but it creates constant stress because you haven't dealt with the root cause and reprogrammed your mind. The change doesn't feel natural so eventually you give up, revert to your old patterns and say, 'I guess this is just the way I am. I'll never change.'
Second option: God's power. There is a better way! The Bible says, '... Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.' Change always begins in your mind! The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel determines the way you act. You say, 'How can I change the way I think?' By programming your mind each day with God's Word. 'How can a... man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word' (Psalm 119:9 NKJV).
That is exactly why i will always believe that i did not recover from that drug, and that hideous lifestyle - God saved me. It is also the reason that i find it easy to say no to other destructive behaviour that i used to involve myself in, and also why i find it so easy to walk away from people that i know are not healthy for me to have in my life now. It is not willpower, or because i have become hard, or cold, or because i don't care...it is because i have changed the way i think.
I am up to date number 4 with Mr Hot. That is, if you consider date number 3, when he just popped over here and caught me out in my jammies - a "date..." He seems to think that counts. I don't. Really. I am actually struggling with last night counting as well. He was supposed to come over here last night, and we were going to go out for dinner or something, but he is away down South with work until Sunday and apparently, had a lot to do at home, so wanted me to head out his way. He asked me to go out there, and said we would go out for dinner. While i was on my way over there, this changed to ordering pizza and just staying in.
We just watched TV and ate pizza. His flatmate was out at Rugby training or something, and at 8:30 - about the time that the flatmate was going to arrive home - i got smuggled into his bedroom to watch TV. WEIRD! Lying on a bed, watching TV together - well i was watching TV - he wasn't! ...is not really what i had in mind for date number 4. It was pretty obvious, what he had in mind. He even had the gall to suggest we forget the 5 date rule.
That was about the time that i went home. That whole thing was planned. He wanted me to go to his place instead of coming to mine, because he knew we would be alone there. (the kids would have been here and in the way if we had been at my place) He never really had any intention of taking me out anywhere. He just wanted a shag.
What is wrong with men these days? Why is it so important to have sex with people that you hardly even know? What is wrong with getting to know someone well before doing that?
Earlier, he and i had a conversation regarding each other's pros and cons...ie things we liked about each other and things that we thought were drawbacks. The following is a list of the things about me, that he stated were "drawbacks.."
- distance, although at night its only 30 mins door to door, its still a hike from one side of Auckland to the other, and while things are new and exciting its easy, but I could see it getting hard one day, especially with the cost of petrol etc (not that that's a factor for me at the moment) On the plus side of that, It means we wouldn't see each other too much and would make the most of the time we did see each otherMy drawbacks reminded me of a fridge magnet that i have. I went through a fridge magnet collecting stage when i was on P! Not only did i have a hardware store fetish and ended up with a garage full of pink tools...i also ended up with a fridge covered in magnets from that cool Texan Art School shop. haha
- Compatibility..... this is going to sound really crazy since you don't hold much stock in star signs, but I have a friend who swears by them and Gemini vs Virgo would be up against the wall, but not impossible????
- lack of common interests, apart from the beach.... I like the snow in winter, but don't see you as a ski bunny for some reason?
I have gone to the trouble of scanning this fridge magnet - because i love it so much.
|My favourite fridge magnet!|
If you look REALLY closely - you can see the REAL reason for getting our asses dumped. DIDN'T LOVE YOU.
I have been asking myself, why i would want to have sex, with someone who thinks that the cost of fuel, the month that i was born, or the fact that i have only been snow skiing once, and prefer summer to winter, are reasons that any relationship that we may or may not embark on, would be too much effort, or would not work?
The only answer that i can come up with is - i wouldn't.
Pardon me, if i only want to have a sexual relationship with someone who cares about me enough, that those things would not matter, even after things are no longer "New and exciting" - and on that note - i want something that will get better with time, not worse, because it is no longer new and exciting.
I don't know about any of you, but if i really cared about someone, and liked them, i don't think a half hour drive, and 10 bucks worth of fuel would be an issue. I want someone in my life that would go to the end of the earth for me, jump through hoops for me - but also knows that i would never make him do that! haha
Not someone who can foresee a half hour drive to see me, being too hard. Bugger that for a joke.
I am never going to get laid again....and i Don't. Really. Care.