Times are tough

http://www.nataliedee.com/

I need to find Jorgia a new hobby

Yard work and Jorgie might not be the best thing for my sanity...what little there is left of it. We have a huge yard here...with lots of bushes all around the fencing, and trees, and lots of plants that are so ugly that they just need pulling out, and TONS of weeds.

My problem is this. She will start weeding, or pulling out a plant, sweeping, or raking, or pulling down a rotten fence...and then she will see a bug that she doesn't like...and moves on to a new project...leaving a huge mess for me to finish!

Right now there are three areas of my lawn that are covered in weeds, because she started weeding near them, then moved on when she saw a little bug...there is a rotten fence that she half pulled down until she saw a weta...there is an ugly vine that is strangling all the trees around it that is half pulled out...there is a pile of leaves and dirt on the back patio, that she swept up then just left there...

Tomorrow, i am going to make it my mission to make her do one job, and one job only, until it is finished...and i won't care if the bloody Loch Ness Monster jumps out from those weeds or bushes and grabs her...she is going to finish what she starts...

Yessss...tomorrow, i am going to be the boss. Yep...you heard me right. THE BOSS.

Wish me luck.

Goodnight.

PS...kept myself busy today, watching Scarface, then working in my garden til 3...then picked up the girls, made dinner, folded tons of laundry, had a shower, and am now hitting the sack.

x

Justin Bieber would date a 40-year-old woman - Story - Entertainment - 3 News

Justin Bieber would date a 40-year-old woman - Story - Entertainment - 3 News

Justin Bieber would date a 40-year-old woman.

The 16-year-old pop star says an age gap in a relationship wouldn’t be a problem for him as long as the woman wasn’t over 40.

He said: “Anything above 40 is a little too old for me. I just look for a girl who is funny and has nice eyes and a smile."

Justin – who has just been on a promo tour of New Zealand - still has a crush on Kim Kardashian, who at 29 is relatively young according to the ‘Baby’ singer’s romance rules.

He said: “I think she's cute. And, no, she's not too old for me.”

Although Justin likes Kim, the socialite is more interested in setting him up on a date with her 14-year-old sister Kendall.

Kim said: "I actually put up on my website that I think he should date my sister Kendall. I think Justin is adorable, he's definitely way too young for me but I'd still love to hook him up with my sister."

Oh YAY! There is hope for me! I just scrape in! 

This kid, he gets more ridiculous by the minute. I can't believe 3 News has this as a headline. It's not often that your favourite news channel advertises for paedophiles!

Scarface

Today for my viewing pleasure!



I have to watch this, after watching a documentary called The Cocaine Cowboys...about how Miami was basically built with cocaine money in the late 70s and early 80s. It shows how destructive drugs are when you view them from street level...yet at the same time, the money that is made at higher levels can build a skyline.

America was in a recession at the time, yet business was booming in Miami.

Probably not unlike, how methamphetamine is an unnecessary epidemic. Even the trusts set up to fight P, are funded by the pharmaceutical companies that are made rich by selling pseudoephedrine.



Back later!

Learn from experience - 4

Happy is the man who gains understanding. - Proverbs 3:13 NKJV

The truth is that experience is costly. You cannot gain experience without paying a price. You just have to hope that the price is not greater than the value of the experience you gain. And sometimes you cannot judge what the price will be until after you have gained the experience.

Further, not learning from experience is more costly. It's tragic to pay the price for experience and not learn the lesson. But that's often what happens. When an experience is negative we want to run away from it and say, 'I'll never do that again.' No, don't run away from your experiences; instead, evaluate and learn from them. Remember, evaluated experience lifts you above the crowd. People who make it a practice to reflect on their experiences and learn from them are rare. But when you meet one, you know it.

There's a story of a fox, a wolf and a bear who went hunting together. After each of them caught a deer the bear asked the wolf how they should divide up the spoils. He said, 'Everyone should get one deer.' At that point the bear ate the wolf. Then the bear asked the fox what he thought. The fox offered the bear his deer, and suggested the bear ought to take the wolf's deer as well. 'Where did you get such wisdom?' asked the bear. 'From the wolf,' replied the fox.

The school of life offers many difficult courses. Some we sign up for, others we find ourselves taking unexpectedly. All can teach us valuable lessons, but only if we desire to learn and are willing to reflect on these lessons.

Maybe that is why i am stuck here, with my life on hold for a while longer...Maybe i have not reflected enough, and learned enough, and i need this time to finish learning everything that i need to learn, before i move on and gain new experiences.

Maybe God just answered that question that i ask all the time...how is sitting around being a blob doing anyone any good?

I had an awesome sleep overnight. I just got back from dropping the girls at school. I have a movie downloading...an old classic that i have never seen....Scarface! I am cosy, in bed, with my hot water bottle waiting for it to finish, then i am going to put it on the media player and get cosy on the couch, and watch it.

Nicole has a friend staying the night tonight...so i am going to enjoy my day of peace and quiet before picking them up from school. Jorgia and i will spend the weekend working in the yard together, while Nicole does her thing with her friend and sits on the computer! ...as usual.

Jorgie is my angel. Nicole is too but ... she is a teenager or some...thing.

Air smug self importance and french fries actually

http://www.nataliedee.com/

I was on strike

I had a bit of a nap after arriving back home this morning...then i headed straight out into the yard. I looked at the girl's bedroom, as i passed it, on my way out the door, and decided that today, i was not going to clean it.

Their beds were not just unmade...their sheets were half off their beds, and their duvets were on the floor...there were dirty dishes all over the room, dirty clothes all over the floor, Nicole's soccer gear, chip wrappers from yesterday's lunch...screwed up papers, and homework all over the place...

I decided not to face it today.

I worked in the garden most of the afternoon...then Jorgia and i picked Nicole up and we went and did our weekly food shopping.

We pulled in to the driveway and i stopped the car by the garage, got out and started unloading the groceries. From the driveway, Nicole could see in to her room. She stood there staring at it. That was when i told her that i had not cleaned their room, and Jorgia piped up that i was on strike.

Nicole, in all seriousness said..."You can't go on strike...my bed needs making." Jorgia and i thought she was joking and cracked up...and she just stood there staring at us...like...what the heck are you guys laughing at?

I had to give in...i left it until well after 8pm tonight...but i could not ...help...my...self...i had to give in and clean in there. It kinda reminded me of the time that i decided that i would not wash any more of Danny's dishes, because he never washed them. I let the dishes stack up in the kitchen, until we had no more dishes to eat off...and then i washed them all.

I really suck at going on strike. So i am not going to do it again any time soon. I have cleaned my whole house tonight. I just had a lovely nice hot shower with lots of water pressure! and now i am going to hit the sack.

I have the girls all weekend again this weekend! I love it. They have only not been here 3 nights in nearly 3 weeks...moving back out this way was the best move ever.

May 1st in one day! Yay! From May the 5th, i am in "Phase 3" of my sentence, which is the FINAL phase!!! Can it get any better than that?

Goodnight. x

To all the dog lovers out there

To quote my friend Anni ~ What is it that our dogs are being for us that we are not acknowledging?



People could learn a lot from the behaviour of dogs...just not the eating part!

Learn from experience - 3

Get understanding. Exalt her, and she will promote you - Proverbs 4:7-8 NKJV

When it comes to experience,:we all experience more than we understand. Baseball player Earl Wilson said, 'Experience enables you to recognise the mistake when you make it again.' Let's face it - too much happens to us in life for us to be able to understand all of it. No matter how smart we are, our understanding will never catch up with our experience. So we must make the most of what we can understand.

At the end of each day we should ask, 'What have I learned today?' Our attitude towards unplanned and unpleasant experiences determines our growth. Steve Penny, head of S4 Leadership Network in Australia, observed, 'Life is full of unforeseen detours. Consequences happen which seem to completely cut across our plans. Learn to turn your detours into delights. Treat them as special excursions and learning tours. Don't fight them or you will never learn their purpose. Enjoy the moments, and pretty soon you will be back on track again, probably wiser and stronger because of your little detour.

' Lack of experience is costly. Our greatest ignorance is not of what we have yet to learn, but of how little we really know. Harry Golden remarked, 'The arrogance of the young is a direct result of not having known enough consequences. The turkey that every day greedily approaches the farmer who tosses him grain is not wrong. It's just that no one has ever told him about Thanksgiving.' You can't avoid making mistakes but you can limit them, grow through them, and not keep making the same ones.

I have had a busy morning. I dragged my drowsy butt out of bed at 7am, and have only just gotten home. I have Jorgia home with me today...she has been sick since i picked her up from school yesterday afternoon. Poor thing. She suffers from headaches, like i used to...and my Dad does. I don't think they are as bad as the debilitating migraines that i suffered from, when i was younger...but they do seem to be a regular occurrence, and knock her around a bit.

I often wonder what caused my migraines to stop. I used to get them like clockwork, every couple of months, and when one struck me, i could not move and just honestly would have been more than happy to die. I am starting to feel ill just thinking about them, and imagining the blurred vision that i used to get. Ugh...absolutely horrendous. If you don't know if a headache is a migraine or not...then it isn't. A person definitely knows when they are suffering from a migraine...anyway, i used to get them all the time, and then at some stage in my early twenties...they just stopped.

I got one, again a bit later, when i was about 30, and have not had one since. Knock on wood. I wonder what caused them to stop. Not that i am complaining.

My cell phone rang just before. It was a private number. I answered it and the man on the other end asked for "Jackie Baillie" ...I have not been called that since...gosh...since i got arrested probably. When i moved from the Mt Eden apartment...that was about the time that i gave up on the thought of ever being a Baillie...and went back to my maiden name. My drivers license is now the only thing that still associates me with the name Baillie. Anyway...this man asked for Jackie Baillie...and i said...speaking...he then proceeded, to tell me that he was from Chubb Security and they were having a problem with the unit picking up the signal. He asked which leg i had it on and i answered ...right...he then asked me to shake it around...so i did... So i am standing here in my bedroom, highly suspicious of this phone call, but only because he called me Baillie...shaking my leg around...like a dope...for Dan.

I can't believe i fell for that. He only started laughing when his accent accidentally changed from Australian, to South African, to Indian. He said he was going to get me to hop on one leg to the unit, but he started laughing when he screwed up the accents and i didn't notice.

It's not even Chubb that monitors me...it's Armourguard. I can't believe i stood here shaking my leg. Ugh...it must be time for a nap! I have a few hours before i have to get Nicole, then do the food shopping for the week.

I want to mow the lawn today as well...i better get napping!

It's getting a little worm in here

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Anger at family members

Many of us  have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage - anger that seems to go on year after year.

For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bond or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive - mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually - by certain family members.

It is important to allow ourselves to feel - to accept - anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom. Once we do, we will not need our anger. We can achieve forgiveness.

Think loving thoughts, think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.

At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

Help me accept potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on me and my family. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

Surprisingly enough, this did not make me think of my mother. I thought about Danny, the whole time that i typed this. I stopped a few times, and just thought back on times that we had...and things that happened.

Maybe things are feeling close to the surface at the moment after the hours that Nicky and i spent talking the other day. I don't know.

Sometimes i still miss him. Sometimes i still love him. In fact...a lot of the time i do. I just do my best not to think too much about him.

I will get there...one day. Goodnight. x

School powerless against brothel neighbour

School powerless against brothel neighbour - Yahoo!Xtra News

A west Auckland school says it is harder to get a dog licence than open a brothel but there is little it can do about the sex business that opened across the road a fortnight ago.

The brothel opened in Lincoln Rd across the road from the Henderson Intermediate School.

The opening outraged the school's board of trustees but the owner said he was doing nothing wrong and the school's worries were of no concern to him.

The board of trustees met last night to discuss the issue and chairman Ron Crawford said today after meeting with Waitakere City Council there appeared little they could do.

He said in Waitakere City there was more control over dogs than brothels.

"If you are a bad dog owner you are in trouble in west Auckland.

"You have to have a dog registration and pay a fee and you are governed by by-laws."

He said a brothel was classed as a home-based industry and there was nothing to stop a brothel opening beside a school.

"Is this New Zealand the way we want it or is this New Zealand the way we are told to have it?"

Mr Crawford said the problem was the law which legally allowed brothels to open near schools.

Waitakere deputy mayor Penny Hilse said the council would talk to the Government about the law but under existing legislation there was nothing the council could do to stop it.

She said as a small business with four people or fewer and operating out of a private house, it did not need a resource consent, a land use consent "or any interaction with the council at all".

She said when the law was changed to make prostitution legal, councils throughout the country looked at what could be done to regulate where brothels opened but the courts had said those proximity controls were not legal.

She said it was nothing the council could do.

"It is not a by-law issue and although we might wish to pass a by-law it would not stand the scrutiny of the courts," she told NZPA.

"It is an issue around the country but at the moment, to be blunt, because it is a legitimate and legal business there is no way to stop them setting up."

She said the council would talk to Social Development Minister and local MP Paula Bennett about the issue.

The man who opened the brothel said people should be more worried about the rapes and murders children see on television than what happens in his business.

The man refused to give his name but told The New Zealand Herald today he was not worried about the school protest. His business was legal and if the board did not like it that was "just hard luck".

The man said he was not worried about the implications of running a sex business so close to children.

Ms Bennett said she was not comfortable with "the proximity of these kinds of businesses to schools" but it was within the law and a matter for local government.

What kind of repulsive person would set up a brothel across the road from a school, in the first place? Isn't it funny...this man refused to give his name. Another person, living in shame, saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with what he is doing, yet refusing to be identified.

Like i have asked before...if you are doing nothing wrong, then why are you hiding?

Hopefully, the prospect of ending up in the media spotlight, on camera, and the fact that this hideous brothel is in such a public place where parents will be noticing the comings and goings of the clients...will put this sleaze out of business. Not many men who frequent these places, would want to be identified. Hopefully this publicity, works against this business, and deters anyone else from setting up shop near schools.

If i was the principal of that school...i would have employees and parents sitting there 24-7 taking photos of everyone that goes in there, until it closed down...because that would be sure to close it...without having to deal with the red tape of the councils, or bylaws. That would be perfectly legal of the school to do. In fact...it is their responsibility to take action, in order to keep those children safe...and if the anonymous owner of this brothel doesn't like it...well that is just HARD LUCK.

No man is willing to risk being photographed going in to a brothel...because they are ashamed.

Shedding light on ourselves - Parts that don't want to heal

When we choose that which is not best for us, there can be a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal.

In almost every case, we know what is best for us in our lives, from the relationships we create to the food we eat. Still, somewhat mysteriously, it is often difficult to make the right choices for ourselves. We find ourselves hanging out with someone who leaves us feeling drained or choosing to eat fast food over a salad. We go through phases where we stop doing yoga or taking vitamins, even though we feel so much better when we do. Often we have no idea why we continue to make the less enlightened choice, but it is important that we inquire into ourselves to find out.

When we choose that which is not best for us, the truth can be that there is a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal. We may say it’s because we don’t have the time or the energy or the resources, but the real truth is that when we don’t take care of ourselves we are falling prey to self-sabotage. Self-sabotage happens unconsciously, which is why it’s so difficult to see that we are doing it. The important thing to realize is that this very part of us that resists our healing is the part that most needs our attention and love. Even as it appears to be working against us, if we can simply bring it into the light of our consciousness, it can become our greatest ally. It carries the information we need to move to the next level in our healing process.

When we recognize that we are not making healthy choices, we might even say out loud, “I am not taking care of myself.” Sometimes this is the jolt we need to wake up to what is actually happening. Next we can sit ourselves down in meditation, with a journal, or with a trusted friend to explore the matter more thoroughly. Just shining the light of our awareness on the source of our resistance is sometimes enough to dispel its power. At other times, further effort is required. Either way, we need not fear these parts that do not want to heal. We only need to take them under our wing and bring them with us into the light. ~ The Daily OM

This is so true. We always know when we are doing something that is bad for us...or bad for someone we love. I have, in the past, been the queen of self destructive behaviour...and the whole time, i knew that what i was doing was so bad for me, and my life...and the lives of the people that i love.

I'm not stupid. I knew my life was not going to get any better until i stopped the self destructive behaviour. When we shifted, a couple of weeks ago...i found an old notebook/diary thing that i had written in over the first half of 2009. I had just written things that i needed to do every day, reminders of when bills were due etc...that kind of notebook. I skimmed through it when i found it...and was amused to read at the top of just about every page "Look at houses...nothing will change until you move from this apartment!" ...I had been writing that since February...unfortunately, it took me until August to move.

I think i just felt so hopeless, and so unmotivated, and lazy, and really didn't care about myself. I don't know. I just look back now and i can't understand how i could have known how destructive that was for me, and known that i needed to get away from that life...but i just sat there in the ass dent for 7 more months until it really became a life or death situation.

I look back now and i feel like there must be a reason that i needed to sit there that whole time, getting worse. Just like there is a reason that i am unable to get back to a normal life...a job...friends...ect for a couple more months. I still had things to learn from that life...just like now, i still have things that i need to learn.

Who knows...Maybe one day i will give this some real, serious thought, when i don't have two different tvs blaring in my home, and two teenage girls asking me what is for dinner!

Gotta run...back later on.

I'm so tired!

I am always tired. It is beyond a joke. I slept in until nearly noon today, and i just feel drowsy and want to go back to sleep...all day long.

I have decided today, that this is because of the fact, that now that i have a big yard for Nixon to run around in...i have had my privilege of walking Nixon for an hour every day taken away. I have had no exercise in like 3 weeks now.

It is not fun. Not being able to exercise is what is making me feel all blobby and drowsy all the time. I am sure of it. I always felt so good after our huge long walks. I always had a ton more energy, in the afternoon, after going on our walk.

Exercise helped me with my depression. It is proven that exercise helps with depression...my doctor told me that. He encouraged me to exercise, way back in the beginning, when i went to him for help. He told me how important it was...

Maybe if i get a doctors certificate, they will let us go on our walks again! Who knows...worth a try though, i guess.

Off to get the girls from school. I better be fast because i also have to put the rubbish out and stop for petrol...all within my little 30 minutes that i am allowed out!

Yikes.

Learn from experience - 2

The Lord gives wisdom - Proverbs 2:6 NKJV

Contrary to what you may have heard, experience is not the best teacher - evaluated experience is the best teacher! Everybody has some kind of experience; it's what you do with your experience that matters. We all begin our lives as empty notebooks. Every day we've an opportunity to record new experiences. With each page we gain more understanding.

Ideally, as we progress our notebook becomes filled with observations. But not all of us make the best use of our notebooks. Some of us leave the notebook closed; we rarely jot down anything at all. Others fill their pages but never take time to read them, reflect on them and gain greater wisdom. But a few of us not only make a record of what we experience, we linger over it and reflect on it.

Reflection turns into insight, so that we not only live the experience, but learn from it. We all know people with lots of knowledge, but little understanding. They have the means, but they don't know the meaning of anything. What's the problem? Their life experience is void of reflection and evaluation. When 25 years go by they don't gain 25 years experience, they gain one year of experience 25 times! To win in life you must turn your experience into wisdom.

So, slow down. Wisdom is gleaned over time, not overnight. Then, drill down. The treasure is there, but you have to dig for it. Finally, get down. Yes, get down on your knees and talk to God, because '...the Lord gives wisdom...' (Proverbs 2:6 NKJV).

Slow down huh?

Maybe that is why i feel like my life has been on hold for the past nearly a year. I was thinking about it after Nicky's visit the other day, and by the time i can move forward with my life, it will have been nearly 14 months since i changed my life.

At first i felt like i needed to do nothing, and just focus on getting better and getting my life back on track. I needed nothing else in my life to take my focus off healing my body and my mind, and my relationship with my children, and everyone else that is in my life.

Now, i am dying to get a life again. I want a job. I want to have a social life and go out with friends etc etc...That drug, not only took away the time of my life that i was on it...but the following 14 months as well, while i got better, and then faced the consequences.

I just woke up...I am sick of being drowsy and sleeping most of the day. Obviously, it is what God thinks that i need though...so i am not going to complain. I am just looking so forward to the end of this. This past year, will have me appreciating more things more than i ever did before in my past, once i have my freedom back.

I can't wait to just be able to hop in my car and go wherever i want...whenever i want...again.

I suppose i better wake myself up properly with a shower or something now.

Back later.

Letting go of the need to control

The rewards from detachment are great: Serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems ~ Codependent No More

Letting go of our need to control can set us and others free. It can set God free to send the best to  us.

If we were not trying to control someone or something, what would we do differently? What would we do that we are not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say? What decisions would we make?

What would we ask for? What boundaries would we set? When would we say no or yes?

If we were not trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we were not trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we were not trying to control another person's behaviour, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we have been doing that we would stop?

How would we treat ourselves differently? Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?

If we were not trying to control, what would we do differently?

Today, i will ask myself what i would be doing differently if i were not trying to control. When i hear the answer, i will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set myself and others free.

Ohhh this is a good one. A difficult one, but a good one. After what i have been through, control is no longer something that i concern myself with. I let my control issues go...the minute that i decided to get over my marriage ending, and heal my life.

I have come to the conclusion now, that none of us control anything. Everything is in God's hands and when we trust him and have faith in him...we don't need to worry about control.

That is a wonderful feeling...one less worry...cause you know, i have soooo many worries these days...like ummmm...hmmmmm...ummmmm...Nixon getting over the fence! Yep....i still have worries!

Goodnight :)

PS...i ate a whole bag of pineapple lumps all by myself today...that is also a worry!

Switched on Gardener - Indoor Growing Specialists

Switched on Gardener - Indoor Growing Specialists - Suppliers of hydroponic supplies, Budzilla, Growzilla, and Candian Xpress Nutrients, HID Metal Halide(MH), High Pressure Sodium(HPS) Lamps & Ballasts, , Fluro lighting, CO2, and Hydroponic and Propgation Information.

hahaha Check out their logo...

As everyone knows...i love the police. I truly credit them with saving my life. I love love LOVE them...but ummm how long did this investigation take? Two years??? Are you kidding me???

I struggle with watching  Rob Pope on the news acting like these arrests came about after such good detective work. These people were advertising on the radio, had a website, and have a retail chain...hahahaha.

The Switched on Gardener??? Really???

Bust 'breaks cornerstone' of cannabis industry - National - NZ Herald News

How hilarious. A huge chain of gardening stores set up to sell hydroponic growing equipment. I can't believe these people set up a retail chain and got away with it for so long...next thing we know we will have a chain set up selling glass beakers and battery acid called "The Chemist's Kitchen".

This must be why P is such a problem in NZ...manufacturers and suppliers don't have websites or advertise on the radio...so the police have no leads.

A nationwide drugs bust has put hundreds of people before the courts, with many of them facing charges for selling equipment to make secret gardens for growing cannabis.

Police swooped on 35 businesses and homes throughout the country today as part of a two-year undercover police operation code named Operation Lime. The operation targeted businesses and individuals commercially selling equipment used for growing cannabis.

Once police knew who was buying the gear, they launched more stings to catch their targets in the act of growing and selling drugs.

Police said the search warrants included all 16 branches and a distribution centre of a major national supplier of indoor hydroponic growing supplies.

Directors and managers were among the arrested today and they were due to appear in courts throughout the country on charges which included cultivating cannabis and participating in an organised criminal group.

Police Deputy Commissioner Rob Pope said Operation Lime would "break the cornerstone of the illicit cannabis cultivation industry."

Search warrants were executed in every police district today, he said in a statement.

"Cannabis is the most abused controlled drug in New Zealand. The harm that this drug causes New Zealand communities can be conservatively estimated at $430 million a year. It hurts every community in every part of the country."

During the operation undercover police bought equipment, were given advice on how to grow cannabis, "and even purchased cannabis clones and other drugs over the counter from these offenders."

Mr Pope said businesses had been selling drugs and supporting commercial cannabis growers and organised crime for a long time and the operation had stopped the supply of equipment to grow drugs.

The 250 people arrested face more than 700 charges. They were employees, managers and directors of the companies and growers involved. More than 100 commercial cannabis growing operations linked to the businesses were also raided.

Police said they also seized methamphetamine, LSD, ecstasy and firearms.

Mr Pope said suppliers of illicit equipment to growers would continue to be targeted.

"Criminals buying equipment for their cannabis grows were observed and followed. If people purchase these products for illegal purposes, they can expect to receive a visit from the police.

"Today we are sending a strong message to those who seek to profit from the cannabis industry - you will not get away with it."

Using hydroponic gear to grow fruit and vegetables indoors and under lights was "exceedingly expensive" and it was not a viable proposition, police said. Because of that, the gear was predominantly sold to grow drugs.

Proceedings would also start under the new Criminal Proceeds (Recovery) Act 2009 to seize assets and money but police said honest suppliers of equipment to genuine gardeners were not targeted in the operation.

The online auction site Trade Me today also banned trading in equipment used to cultivate cannabis.

So...i wonder when the police will start targeting the people that sell digital scales on trade me? There is only one use that those can possibly have. Yes, yes i know that everyone who reads this will say that they have other uses...but how many jewelers would buy their scales on trade me? I am thinking Michael Hill has his own source for purchasing his scales for weighing all his gold.

Auction for digital scales on Trade Me - that is where i purchased my scales from. Why are the police not targeting every single person that purchases a set of scales on Trade Me? Maybe they are... There is a little flat, in Mt Wellington, across the road from Sylvia Park, that has dodgy people turning up all day long to collect their scales that they have purchased off Trademe for their "jewellrey businesses".

On that note...why do they not target every single shop in K Road that sells P paraphernalia...dairies, as well as other retail stores that just sell scales, point bags, glass pipes, refillable lighters and the gas cans that go with them...everything a crackhead and supplier might need. Every other shop in K Road sells this stuff. I could name several right now...

It's not just K Road, or in the city either...i used to go to New Lynn to buy pipes. They had the best ones out there at a little shop in New Lynn. They were Pyrex, instead of glass which made the poison that i was putting in my system burn a lot longer...and you could drop them when you were super wasted, and they wouldn't break.

Awesome.

Hopefully the police are targeting these shops, Trademe auctions, and the people that frequent these places and purchase this stuff...they exact same way that they did The Switched on Gardener and their customers.

I am LOVING this rain

I am lying in bed right now...yes yes, i am back in bed...but i bet every single Aucklander out there driving in this rain, is jealous of me! My bed faces a a big window in my bedroom, and i am lying in bed, perched up with lots of pillows, with my laptop on my lap, Nixon asleep at my side...watching the rain.

Right now, i am feeling really lucky, to not be able to go anywhere or do anything! This is going to be the first ever winter, of my life, that i will enjoy!

I am downloading documentaries at the moment...just waiting for them to finish before i can lie down, and snuggle up to watch them. Today's topic is the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. I think my internet has reverted back to dial up speed again though...i can't watch the shorts on Youtube, and the documentaries that i am downloading are saying their ETA is like 6 weeks away.

Not like i am going anywhere in the next 6 weeks! ...but still...i think a phone call to Telecom / xtra is long overdue. Our internet has not worked properly since we moved in here! Not really good enough considering how much i pay them every month!



Let me know if it looks interesting or not! I was 15 when that happened, and living in America. I don't even remember it happening at the time. I was most likely grounded to my bedroom with no tv, at the time. Nothing much has really changed has it!?! haha except now i am allowed TV.

Anyway...i am phoning Telecom. Two weeks of slow internet, hoping it will just fix itself...is enough.

Releasing and Welcoming - Energetic sweeping

Sweeping your porch each day is regarded as an important cleansing ritual that prepares your home for new energy.

In some of our lives, sweeping has become an activity performed without much thought. In many cases, sweeping is a lost art, replaced by the noisy, efficient vacuum cleaner. But in several cultures and religions, sweeping the front and back porch every morning is regarded as an important cleansing ritual that prepares the ground for new energy on every level—physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It is often employed to sanctify a space and prepare it for a ceremony. This seemingly simple action has the power to clear away the old and make space for the new. It stirs up the energy in a place, clearing out the astral buildup that is the natural by-product of the presence of humans.

This kind of sweeping is not about cleaning the area of dust. In fact, the broom doesn’t have to actually touch the ground to be effective. You might want to consider having two different brooms, one you use for cleaning dust and dirt, and one you use for energy clearing. If you are so inspired, you could decorate your broom by carving its handle, painting it, decorating it with gemstones and ribbons, or any other creative adornment that appeals to you. You can also make your own broom out of tree branches and twigs, or choose a naturally appearing broom from nature, such as a pine bough.

Sweeping each morning prepares the ground for the new day at the same time as it deepens our awareness of the importance of letting go of the past to welcome the present. As we clear the energy of our space, we clear our own energy systems. In addition, we create a space that feels clean, clear, and open to all who enter. Be sure to think welcoming thoughts as you sweep, manifesting what you need for the day. Making sweeping part of our daily ritual tunes us into the continuing cycle of releasing the old and welcoming the new that is the hallmark of a healthy energy system. ~ The Daily OM

This might sound airy fairy to some people...but it actually does make sense. I have done this every day since i moved. We have big trees all around our house, and a huge climbing / vine tree thing over our front porch. It drops leaves 24-7 and every single day, i have swept out there and taken the leaves to the pile of rubbish out the back.
 
I love that time that i spend sweeping every day. I don't know why, but it feels good to do it. There is more to it than me just liking the front of my house to look welcoming and nice...although i do like it to look nice. I appreciate having our own actual house again so much, and want it to look nice...but it is more than that. In saying that...i am a far cry from going to the effort of putting sequins on my broom!!! haha I am not THAT nutty...yet.
 
I have not swept out there yet today though. I usually do it in the afternoon. I only got out of bed at about 12:30 today. I love sleeping so much these days. Especially during the day. I could sleep all day, every day, if i didn't have the girls, i think. I never used to be like this. I was always an early riser...out of bed at 6am.. Being able to sleep loads, is about the only benefit to my sentence. I never have to make an excuse for why i am still in bed at noon.
 
I am making the most of that, while i can. Soon, i won't have that excuse! I will never complain again, about having to get out of bed in the morning, to go to work.
 
It's raining. I will sweep the porch a bit later on. Bummer for my laundry that i should have gotten in!
 
Back later.

Planned P ingredients law 'clashes with Bill of Rights'

Planned P ingredients law 'clashes with Bill of Rights' - National - NZ Herald News

Proposed legislation which makes P ingredients ephedrine and pseudoephedrine prescription only medicines is inconsistent with the Bill of Rights, Attorney-General Chris Finlayson says.

Mr Finlayson has just released his report on the Misuse of Drugs Amendment Bill which will reclassify ephedrine and pseudoephedrine as Class B2 controlled substances.

He says the bill is inconsistent with section 25 of the Bill of Rights Act which sets out the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty.

Under the Misuse of Drugs Act, possession of a set amount or more of a controlled substance is presumed to be for supply, which carries heavier penalties than simple possession.

Under the act, it is up to the defendant to prove that the quantity possessed was not for supply, a reversal of the onus of proof set out in section 25.

As the bill extends this presumption to possession of 10 or more grams of ephedrine or pseudoephedrine, it created a prima facie breach of section 25 of the Bill of Rights, Mr Finlayson said in his report.

Who cares?

Contrary to the beliefs of politicians, who act like they know everything, until they are asked a question on camera...manufacturers of P / methamphetamine, are not shopping at your local chemist.

Get that through your thick skulls.

Learn from experience

[His experience] making Him perfectly [equipped] - Hebrews 5:9 AMP

Have you ever looked for a job, only to discover that all the positions you were interested in required previous experience? It's frustrating; how can you get the experience without having the job? When the new bank president asked the old one the secret of success he said, 'Making good decisions.' 'How do I do that?' he asked. The old one replied, 'Experience!' Puzzled, the new one asked, 'How do I get experience?' The old one replied, 'By making bad decisions.'

Experience is a tough teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson later. God looks for experienced help! When you work for Him, He uses everything you've been through, no matter how painful. He sees it all as 'tuition paid'. Jesus '...learned... obedience through what He suffered... [His... experience] making Him perfectly [equipped]...' (Hebrews 5:8-9 AMP).

Perspective changes everything, especially when you learn to see your life's experiences through fresh eyes. For example, suffering in a particular area - such as guilt, fear, anger, addiction or insecurity - qualifies you to understand and help others. Experience isn't what happens to you, as much as what you do with what happens to you. So with that in mind, ask yourself, 'Could my pain become someone else's gain? Could a ministry to others come out of this mess?' When you experience times of testing, you've two choices: give up, or grow up.

Peter trembled at the question, '..."You are not also one of His disciples, are you?" He denied it and said, "I am not!"' (John 18:25 NKJV). But when he repented and reconnected with Christ after the resurrection, he was filled with God's Spirit and ended up leading the church. Experience - there's no substitute!

I grew up! I love it.

It is 5:58am and i am awake, on a morning that i don't have to get out of bed at all. I am going to fix that....right...now.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tongue problems

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Nixon got more love today than usual

I can't believe i nearly lost him last night. :(

Learn to respect differences

Be gentle, showing consideration for all. - Titus 3:1-2 NAS

None of us escapes adversity; Jesus told His disciples, '...In this world you will have trouble...' (John 16:33 NKJV). But Verdell Davis writes, 'Though we may endure the same disease, broken relationships, disability and failure, trying to compare sufferings is to ignore the unique dynamics of each individual life. To listen to stories in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting where all are brought together by their common addiction is to find that each pain, each heartache, each loss, each interplay of relationships is highly charged with some twist no one else in the room has experienced in quite the same way.

We must resist seeing our own sorrows as more devastating or less important than someone else's. Mine are unique to me, and if I'm going to deal with them honestly and openly, I must accept that what's going on, deserves my respect.'

Paul writes, '...be... gentle, showing... consideration for all...' (Titus 3:2 NAS). Respect the differences between yourself and others, even when you've been through a similar experience. Don't barge in with a three-point sermon and a pre-planned speech. 'The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive' (Proverbs 16:21 NLT).

You can't go wrong with somebody who's hurting by simply showing up, giving them a hug, letting them know you care and that you're praying for them. It may be clichéd, but it's still true: people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care! You don't demonstrate the love of God by being pushy, opinionated and acting like a know-it-all. You only do so by being '...peaceable, gentle, reasonable, [and] full of mercy...' (James 3:17 NAS).

Ohhh this is a good one, for me...isn't it?

I remember Mr Yes/no guy kept saying to me..."Yes but that was YOUR experience...not everyone has the same experience" when we were talking about addiction etc. I guess he was handy for a couple of bits of advice...that guy was.

Whether you are a Christian or not...whether you believe in God or not, there is no denying that the advice and knowledge that we can all get from the Bible is amazing, and always so true.

Every day, these readings help me become a better person. I didn't listen to, nor did i trust, or believe Mr yes/no's advice or words...but i do trust God's.

I will work on this.

Good morning!

Its free and you can't get your hair in a pony tail if you don't

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Haha i like this one...i STILL have not been to a hairdresser. My hair is getting long, and that is only thanks to the fact that i can't afford a haircut! haha I'm glad though...I like it longer. I am just going to grow it forever.

No more bleaching, no more cutting, no more spending...and it looks better.

Sweet.

I nearly lost my best friend tonight...

Nixon managed to get out, via the pile of branches and weeds that Jorgia and i had piled up at the back corner of the yard. He climbed up on top of the pile, then jumped over the fence. This was a pile of weeds and rubbish, that included a LOT of thorns.

That can't have felt nice.

I was sitting here in the lounge, on the laptop, when i looked around for Nixon and got worried because i had not seen him in a few minutes. I went outside and called out for him. It was dark, but i could hear him rustling around in leaves etc...i called out for him and he came bouncing across the yard towards me like he always does...so i turned around and headed back inside...but he did not follow.

So i went back out, and heard more rustling in the rubbish/leaves...and then nothing. I walked in the dark out to that back corner of the section, calling him...and then i heard rustling and him running around panting, in the neighbours yard.

I called and called for him to come back. He ignored me, and then there was no noise.

I rang Jorgia, upset, to see how far away from coming home they were, because i needed the girls to go looking for him. They were on their way here so i told them to look out for him.

He has no idea about busy roads...and i could hear the traffic on a busy road nearby from down the back of the section by the fence. The houses that back on to ours, are on a busy road...so i found out tonight.

I was down the back, still calling out for him, and i heard him run back down the driveway of the house that backs on to ours and running around in their backyard...so i ignored the bracelet, and jumped the fence. Nixon then proceeded to run back up their driveway, with me chasing him and calling him.

There were a couple, walking along the busy road with their Dalmations, and when they saw me, in my jammies, on a busy road yelling for Nixon...they pointed me in the right direction. They had seen Nixon...and pointed to where he was...on the side of the road.

Nixon then proceeded to run away from me...right into traffic. I ran out in front of cars...in my jammies...waving my arms...and grabbed Nixon, who had decided to just stop, and sit there and stare at me, in the middle of the road.

I grabbed him, and waved at the cars, as a thank you for stopping and not killing both Nixon and I...i yelled a thank you to the Dalmation walkers...then i ran back down the driveway of the house that backs on to ours...chucked Nixon over the fence...then jumped it again, myself...i then levelled the pile of rubbish/weeds/thorns...with my bare hands...lets not forget the Nixon poos that was in there as well...

...and now here we are.

I don't know if i want to cuddle him or kick his butt right now.

Thank you God...for keeping Nixon safe tonight. He had been out there on that busy road by himself for a good ten or fiftenn minutes. Thank you for sending him back to me.

He is lying at my feet right now...huffing and puffing, in his sleep, totally ignorant to the danger that he was in, or how upset i was, at the thought of losing him.

I want to kick his butt, like Danny used to when he would get out...but i figure if i do that, and he ever gets out again, then he will be even more determined not to come back. So instead, he got lots of cuddles, and my new rule of him not sleeping in my bed with me, that i decided on today, after waking up to find paw prints on my lovely fresh white sheets...has gone out the door.

Ugh. I can't lose my best mate. Please don't do that again Nixon. I love you too much to lose you. :(

Speaking of best mates...Nicky is visiting me tomorrow!!! Yippeeee...i have not seen her in 3 years, and can't WAIT!

Nicole is back from seeing Eden off. There have been lots of tears, but i think she is going to be ok. We will be saving for her to visit Melbourne at Christmas, and hopefully Eden will be back here to visit her grandma in September. I hope Nicole is ok at school tomorrow. That will be hard for her.

Goodnight x

Finding our own truth

We must each discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth ourselves. We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail. and be confused and frustrated. That's how we break through our struggle; that is how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.

We can share information with others. Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth. But we can, and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier. They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

Each of us has our own share of truth , waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand it it, to claim it as ours.

Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each person has truth - appropriate to each situation - is what will help.

Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed. Don't give up until you find it - for yourself.

We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not alone.

Today, i will search for my own truth, and i will allow others to do the same. I will place value on my vision and the vision of others. We are each on the journey, making our own discoveries - the ones that are right for us today.

Pretty sure that i have mastered this one. :)

I have had a really quiet afternoon. Nicole has been out all day, seeing Eden off to Australia. Jorgia has been out since about 2pm, at a cousins birthday party...they are both due home sometime in the next hour or so. Nixon and i managed to get a lot of yard work done...more clearing rubbish and weeds out of bushes. There are lots of bushes here.

I love having heaps to do in the yard.

We weaved our hose through the back door, and through our house, out to the driveway to wash the car. That worked quite well. I never have to make another trip to Washworld again. I had gotten used to driving a dirty car, because i had no way to wash it at home, at the old place...and had not had time to stop at Washworld even lately...with my time restrictions for going out.

Anyway...i really hope Nicole is ok. I am worried about her. I remember when i was 14, and had been in NZ for about 9 months, and had decided to go back home to live with dad. I had made wonderful friends while i was here, and was only going home because i could not handle living with Fred. I remember crying at the airport and being so sad about leaving Tracey and my friends.

I was telling Nicole how back then, there was no internet and we had to rely on snail mail to keep in touch...which surprisingly we did. My good friend Ann, who i am still friends with these days...was one of those friends. Those friends were the reason that i ended up back in NZ. Sometimes i think it would have been way better, had i never come to NZ at all. I miss my family. It's hard being down here all by myself...but i could never do what Fred did, and move to another country without one or all of my children.

I would never leave without them. I would never separate them. I would never take them away from their father. I have lived in this country, all these years, without the support of family...for my children. My life would be very different, had Fred not been so selfish and put herself first, over her children.

I look forward to one day...being able to live near my family again...but not until all of my children are old enough to make their own choices re where they want to live.

Anyway...i hope Nicole is ok after saying goodbye to Eden...i am looking forward to them both getting home to me tonight...and not too late either, as Jorgia has her speech to work on!

Back later...maybe :)

Simon is finally home!

Wish my car seat was just a little bigger.

Something to keep me occupied for part of my day

The Essential 100 Challenge

250 CHURCHES AND MORE THAN 16,700 PEOPLE NOW ON BOARD!

The E100 Bible Reading Challenge launched across the New Zealand church on April 18. Join with thousands of others taking the Challenge as they read through the 50 essential readings in the Old Testament and 50 in the New Testament.

I only started this yesterday, so last night i had to play catch up! It was good though, having a big long read before bed...and now i am all caught up and looking forward to the next reading.

Just one more way that i will occupy myself over the next couple of months until i am free again!!! This challenge will take me past the end of my sentence. Yiippeee...It's nearly all downhill. I am only a matter of days away from being half way.

Back later.

Don't give the devil a place

Nor give place to the devil. - Ephesians 4:27 NKJV

When (the late) pastor Adrian Rogers wanted to attract birds to his garden, a neighbour told him, 'If you create the right environment they'll come.' So he bought the right kind of food, the right kind of birdhouse, mounted it on the right kind of pole, and enjoyed hosting a variety of birds. Rogers pointed out that many of us unwittingly roll out the welcome mat for the devil by creating an environment where he feels right at home. Satan can't take any ground you don't give him. He's looking for an environment where he can live comfortably.

If you've given the devil a place in your life today, you can reclaim that lost ground. First, by faith: '...every child of God defeats this evil world... through our faith' (1 John 5:4 NLT). God empowers us for spiritual warfare, and that power is released through faith. Knowing who you are in Christ gives you confidence.

Second, by resisting: '...submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you' (James 4:7 NKJV). Only as you submit to God, will you have the power to overcome the devil. You must come against him in the Name of Jesus and the authority of God's Word.

Third, by fighting: 'Put on the full armour of God so that you can... stand against the devil's schemes' (Ephesians 6:11 NIV). Remember, 'The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God... will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand...' (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT). You don't have to beg God to give you power to defeat the devil; it's already yours. '...I have given you authority... you can walk among snakes... Nothing will injure you' (Luke 10:19 NLT). Learn to walk in it!

The analogy at the beginning, with the garden and the birds, is so true.

I used to sit in that apartment in Mt  Eden, living a terrible life that i was so ashamed of, and i used to cry and ask  myself why i only had bad people in my life. I kept crying and wondering why things had only gotten worse and worse for me all that year, and how much worse could it possibly get.

Every time i thought it could not get worse, or i couldn't meet anyone as bad as the last person that i had allowed into my life...it got worse, and i met someone even worse.

In the end, that is part of the reason that i just wanted to die. I did not think that i could handle it getting worse...or another nasty, evil person coming into my life.

From the first night, in my new place, after i had stopped living that terrible life...good people started coming into my life again, and good things started happening to me every day. My life has just gotten better and better, from the day that i moved out of that apartment in Mt Eden and left that world in my past.

I had given the devil the hugest place in my life. In fact, i had laid out the red carpet for him, and given him my whole life. Just like in that Lifehouse - Everything skit. In the end, i realised this. I realised that nothing in my life was going to get better, till i made him uncomfortable in my world.

So that is exactly what i did, and as soon as i did...good things and good people have come my way, every single day. I know, and i am proof, that i can walk among the snakes now, and nothing can hurt me.

Even when i ignored him...God was there for me.

Good morning Sunshine! It's a beautiful day out there...i can see the sun streaming in through a gap in my curtains. More yard work is in store for Jorgia and I...right after i have another little snooze!

An empowered perspective - Importance of forgiveness

In order to forgive, we need to try and stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused.

When someone has hurt us, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most difficult things we have to face in resolving the situation is the act of forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier not to forgive and that the answer is to simply cut the person in question out of our lives. In some cases, ending the relationship may be the right thing to do, but even in that case, we will only be free if we have truly forgiven. If we harbor bitterness in our hearts against anyone, we only hurt ourselves because we are the ones harboring the bitterness. Choosing to forgive is choosing to alleviate ourselves of that burden, choosing to be free of the past, and choosing not to perceive ourselves as victims.

One of the reasons that forgiveness can be so challenging is that we feel we are condoning the actions of the person who caused our suffering, but this is a misunderstanding of what is required. In order to forgive, we simply need to get to a place where we are ready to stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused us. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, and our forgiveness of others is an extension of our readiness to let go of our own pain. Getting to this point begins with fully accepting what has happened. Through this acceptance, we allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions.

It can be helpful to articulate our feelings in writing over a period of days or even weeks. As we allow ourselves to say what we need to say and ask for what we need to heal, we will find that this changes each day. It may be confusing, but it is a sign of progress. At times we may feel as if we are slogging uphill through dense mud and thick trees, getting nowhere. If we keep going, however, we will reach a summit and see clearly that we are finally free of the past. From here, we recognize that suffering comes from suffering, and compassion for those who have hurt us naturally arises, enhancing our new perspective. ~ The Daily OM

This topic just follows me around like a bad smell doesn't it? I hope it can be helpful to write our feelings over a period of months, or even years! haha

Writing my feelings, on my blog, has been an amazing form of therapy for me. I am not sure that i will ever quit. It has most definitely helped me forgive people.

I have been feeling drowsy again these past few days. I really need to remember to take my pill every single night. If i miss a couple of nights, then start it again, i go right back to square one with my drowsiness. Part of my sleepiness today, could have had to do with the teenagers in my living room that did not go to sleep until about 5am this morning.

It was their last night together...the three of them, before Eden (Nicole's best friend) flies out tomorrow night. They spent most of the day together, at Botany, just hanging out. Nicole came home about 4pm and feel asleep. She woke up about an hour ago, and i found her in her bedroom crying, again, about Eden leaving. It breaks my heart. I wish there was something that i could say or do to make her feel better.

There isn't though. No amount of telling her how much easier it is to stay in touch these days, and how they can still talk on Facebook and MSN every night, and how Australia is not far away and she will be able to visit Eden in the school holidays, and Eden is always welcome in my home, if she wants to come back for a visit...will make up for her best friend not sitting next to her in class on Monday morning.

She is in her room, writing a huge long letter to Eden, and crying. I hung out in there with her for a few minutes...i gave her a hug, and said all of the above to her, played with her hair for a few minutes while she wrote her letter...then i left her alone.

Is there any worse feeling on this earth, than seeing your child sad or in pain?

No. There isn't. I can't imagine that will change for me, no matter how old they get. I just wish i could make it better for Nicole right now.

Other than that, all i have done today is sleep, and then Jorgia and i hung out in the garden together...pulling truckloads of rubbish and weeds out of the gardens out the back, and playing ball with Nixon. Nixon has yet to get the hang of playing catch. He chases the ball, and gets it ok...but then he likes to run away from us, and keep the ball from us. It takes us half an hour to catch him and get the tennis ball out of his mouth to throw it again.

Him doing that today, reminded me of how he used to tease Danny's dog, Hoodie, with his bone. Hoodie was too old to catch Nixon, so Nixon would run right up to him with his bone, put it down...then grab it again and run away, just as Hoodie was about to get it. That would go on and on for hours.

It was funny to watch. Mainly because Nixon always knew that Hoodie was the boss...and i think that is why he did it. haha

Anyway...back to sleep for me. Goodnight x

Steve Crow egged at Whanganui Boobs on Bikes

Steve Crow egged at Whanganui Boobs on Bikes - Story - National - 3 News

Porn king Steve Crow's controversial 'Boobs on Bikes' parade rolled into Whanganui today, but not everyone was happy to see so much flesh on display.

One man was so incensed, he threw a barrage of eggs at Crow, hitting him squarely in the head.

"We had one idiot throw some eggs at me," Crow told reporters afterwards. "He did a good job, that's alright. Freedom of expression, he can do that."

The incident happened on Victoria Ave, while Crow was riding a motorcycle with a large-breasted female passenger. The left-handed assailant, wearing blue jeans, a cap and a black hoodie, unleashed a number of eggs at Crow, before vanishing from the scene. Crow stopped the bike, and his passenger was visibly annoyed.

The incident was captured on cellphone camera by 3 News viewer Brent Hackett, who said the protester was a good shot.

Go the egg thrower...not like it would make much difference to Steve anyway. Look at the size of the bike that fat old man needed to ride, to carry him and his "large breasted passenger" ...by the looks of it, her breasts were not the only large thing on her.

There is nothing sexy about fat middle aged old men, and their fat tarts, on oversized 3 wheeled motorbikes...because a two wheeled one would not carry them!

Nope...not one sexy thing, about that, and adding a broken egg to his shiny head, makes it almost funny, in a circus freak kind of way.

Think methamphetamine use in NZ does not affect you? Think again...

Police swoop on second-hand dealers - National - NZ Herald News

Melted gold, diamonds and luxury watches worth more than $100,000 were found at the second-hand shop of a middle-aged married couple at the centre of an Auckland-wide police sting of burglars and pawn dealers.

The couple were arrested and charged with receiving stolen goods as part of Operation Castle which netted cannabis, cash, jewellery, drugs, televisions, stereos, laptops, cellphones, camcorders, firearms and $300,000 of expensive watches.

Police made 47 arrests over two days in a swoop on second-hand dealers trading in stolen goods and jewellery - particularly gold - and on known burglars.

Detective Inspector Greg Cramer said police were still calculating the total value of the goods items seized but the drugs were thought to be worth about $400,000 and the cash and jewellery was valued at $300,000.

Four people from three pawn shops in Avondale and West Auckland were arrested.

The Weekend Herald understands one of the biggest hauls was at an Auckland second-hand shop.

A married couple were found with thousands of dollars in cash, gold worth more than $100,000, diamonds and watches, one worth more than $10,000.

The pair will appear in Waitakere District Court next week.

Police had been analysing intelligence and carrying out surveillance over six months.

Of the 858 licensed second-hand dealers in the Auckland region, 115 had raised police concerns.

"The huge variety of goods turned up is probably a clear indication that drug crime, burglary and dishonesty are linked," Mr Cramer said.

"I think the operation will have created quite a dent."

He said burglars had to have avenues of disposal for goods they stole.

"What we have done here is really choked the avenues for disposal."

Mr Cramer said that gold had doubled in price by US$600 an ounce to US$1200 an ounce over the past three years.

"Gold has been the item of choice for many burglars recently. Generally such items are relatively small, portable and provide a high return.

"When it comes to gold jewellery, it would appear that some dealers have knowingly been buying it, melting it down and on-selling to gold bullion traders, in defiance of their statutory obligations.

"Traders should always question why a customer has melted gold product to sell, particularly if there's a regular supply from that customer."

Mr Cramer said 240 officers executed 44 search warrants on Wednesday and Thursday at shops and private addresses.

He said 94 breaches of the Secondhand Dealers and Pawnbroker's Act were detected, and police were yet to decide whether further arrests would be made. Some breaches were minor and technical.

Among the charges were receiving stolen property, burglary, theft, cultivation of cannabis, possession of cannabis for supply, possession of firearms and failure to hold licences or certificates.

At one of the searched premises, police found 18.6kg of cannabis which was seized with stolen machinery.

* If you believe some of the goods may be yours email: OpCastle@police.govt.nz

* Once all the items have been photographed, they will be uploaded onto the police website: police.govt.nz

* Anyone with information on non-compliant secondhand dealers, questionable business practices or active burglars, should call their local police or : 0800 CRIMESTOPPERS

Selling stolen property is one of the ways that people who can't afford their drug addictions, fund their drug use. Instead of thinking..."heck, i can't afford to be putting this poison that is screwing up my life, into my body anymore"...addicts resort to crime.
 
So...please tell me again, John Key, how pushing the price of the drug up, will help the general public?
 

Taxis!

Oh my gosh...i can not remember the last time that i caught a taxi but whooaaaa they charge a BOMB these days!

Nicole had a going away party to go to for her best friend, that moves to Aussie on Sunday. The party was in Howick. Three of them were then coming back here to stay the night, after the party. Since i didn't want to ask for, nor did i think i would be allowed, time away from home to go pick them up at midnightish...i gave her twenty bucks, and told her to ring me when they were ready to come home, and i would call a taxi to bring them home.

It was $27.00 from Cockle Bay in Howick...to our home...just up the road near Highland Park!!! That is robbery! That is how much petrol i have put in my car since i have lived here...and i have gotten them that far and back twice a day for the past 8 days...made a trip to Manukau and back, and a trip to Mt Albert and back...and still have enough petrol in my car for a couple more days.

UNbeLIEVable! Crazy. If i was in any business, i would say that i am in the wrong one...but i'm not, so i can't really say that.

hmmmm

Anyway...despite the crazy, mental cost...they are home safe and not so sound...they are being very, very noisy in my living room right now. I love it. Apparently they are staying up all night, so i will let you know if i am still loving it, at 6am.

Both my girls, have the neatest group of friends. I am really grateful for that. I am sad for Nicole, that her friend is moving. I remember moving all the time, when i was her age, and having to leave friends behind. It's hard. Lucky for Nicole, that it is so much easier to stay in touch these days. The internet is good like that.

Right...back to sleep for Nixon and I. He is in trouble right now, for getting muddy paw prints on my fresh, clean white sheets. Ugh. Those girl's burps would put a truck driver's to shame.

Night. x

Opening ourselves to love

Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may have lived with people who gave or withheld love to control us. It was not safe for us to receive love from these people. We may have gotten accustomed to not receiving love, not acknowledging our need for love, because these people have no real love to give.

At some point, we acknowledge that we want and need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. What do we do with it? Who can give us love? Who is safe and who isn't? How can we let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened, and unable to care for ourselves?

We will learn. The starting point is surrender - to our desire to be loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe enough to let people care for us; we will trust our ability to choose people who are safe and who can give us love.

We may first need to get angry that our needs have not been met. Later, we can become grateful to those who have shown us what we don't want, those who have helped us believe we deserve love, and those who come into our lives to love us.

We are opening up like flowers. Sometimes it hurts as the petals push open. Our heart is opening up to the love that is and will continue to be there for us.

Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the universe, and God send our way.

I think i already have this one sorted. I have Billy, Nicole, Jorgia, Nixon, my family in America...and God's love. That's about as much love as i need right now!

Jorgia and i have been so tired and blobby tonight. Nixon has been blobby too.

My internet, for some reason, until i restarted my laptop, was running at dial up speed. I was connected to the internet, but for some reason it was not connecting through my broadband. That was telling me the connection was local only...which usually means that i cant get on the net at all...but i WAS connected to the net...but for some reason it was not through my broadband but through something else that was only going the speed of something even slower than dial up.

I could not even watch a youtube video without it stopping every two seconds to buffer or whatever. I can't handle dial up slow internet. I would rather have no internet than dial up. I restarted my laptop though and it connected correctly...so here is hoping that little problem fixed itself.

Did any of that make sense to you?

Me either.

I heard my first siren from my new home today, and i am not missing Penny.

Goodnight! x

Jesus is the only way

Imagine you're a child studying astronomy. You read about the first mission to the moon and you begin to ask your teacher all sorts of space travel questions. 'What's it like on the moon?' The teacher replies, 'Well, I would guess' or 'I think' or 'perhaps'. She's never been there.

But next day Astronaut Neil Armstrong enters your classroom. 'Now ask your questions,' the teacher says, and Armstrong answers each with certainty. He knows the moon; he's walked on it. No speculation or hesitation - he speaks with conviction. So did Jesus: '...He taught them as one having authority...' (Matthew 7:29 NKJV). Jesus knows the dimensions of heaven. He knows the words of the songs sung by the angelic choir. He has unrivalled knowledge of God - and He wants to share His knowledge with you: '...no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him' (Matthew 11:27 NLT).

But notice what Jesus says next: '..."Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens... Let me teach you... and you will find rest for your souls' (Matthew 11:28-29 NLT). Underline the words 'Let me teach you'. 'Let me teach you how to handle your money, your marriage, and your mood swings. Let me teach you how to live the right way on earth, and how to go to heaven when you die.' And don't we need to learn? The age of information has become the age of confusion: too much know-how, and hardly any know-why. We need answers. Answers only Jesus has. 'But can I trust Him?' There's only one way to find out!

I felt sleepy and drowsy again this morning. I dropped the girls at school at 8:30 then i was so lazy and came back home, and went back to sleep until noon. Shocking stuff...but i have to admit...sleeping sure makes the time go fast.

Then, i had a busy afternoon, and have had no time for the internet. Shocking again...i know!

Now, it is just Jorgia and i here, until later on tonight. Nicole is at a party until about midnight, and then she will be home, with friends, for a sleepover.

My home has been full, every night except for Monday night. It's awesome. I am really tired though. I have a pot of my vegetable soup brewing on the stove...i think i might turn it right down, let Jorgia have the laptop, and go to bed and read for a little while.

Nixon is going wild outside because a cat just ran through our yard. Man, he goes nuts for cats. I think he misses Cocoa...Nicole's cat that we had in Waiuku.

Anyway...back later on.

Coping with stress

Inevitably, there are times of stress in our lives.

Sometimes, the stress is outside or around us. We are feeling balanced, but our circumstances are stressful. Sometimes, the stress is within; we feel out of balance.

When the stress is external and internal, we experience our most difficult times.

During stressful times, we can rely more heavily on our support systems. Our friends, and family can help us feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of stressful conditions.

Affirming that events taking place are a temporarily uncomfortable part of a good, solid plan can help. We can assure ourselves that we will get through. We won't be destroyed. We won't crumple or go under.

It helps to go back to basics - to focus on detachment, dealing with feelings, and taking life one day at a time.

Our most important focus during these times of stress is taking care of ourselves. We are better able to cope with the most irregular circumstances, we are better able to be there for others, if we are caring for ourselves. We can ask ourselves regularly: What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? What might help us feel better or more comfortable?

Self-care may not come easily during times of stress. Self neglect may feel more comfortable. But taking care of ourselves always works.

Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can't be benefited by taking care of myself.

I don't do stress very well at the best of times. I never have. This is something that i have been working on, and will continue to work on. I have a long way to go with this one, but on the other hand...i have come a long way as well.

In all honesty...i just do my best to avoid stressful situations. I just can't be bothered with them. I know that i will need to learn how to deal with stress better, in the future, but minimising the amount of stress in my life, seemed like a good start.

I have had a fantastic day.

Spent the morning cleaning this place, after Nicole's sleep over. I got everything done, then picked them up from school. Then dropped Jorgia at piano lesson...Nicole and i did our weekly food shopping...picked Jorgia up from piano lesson. I went inside and listened to her play. She is absolutely amazing. Her teacher told me that she does not even need to read the music. She just starts playing songs by ear. That reminded me so much of myself, when i was a kid. I used to just pick up musical instruments and start playing them without the music as well. I wish i had never stopped playing them.

Next week, i am going to take my camera and video her. She was playing "The only exception" by Paramore today... She played it so well. I loved listening to her.



Goodnight x

Then you put all three in a bucket

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Alcohol tax rise is likely recommendation

Alcohol tax rise is likely recommendation - English - Yahoo!Xtra News

An increase in excise tax is likely to be among recommendations of a report into alcohol to be released next week, Finance Minister Bill English says.

Kiwiblog reported today the Law Commission report, Review of the Regulatory Framework for the Sale and Supply of Liquor, due to be released next Tuesday, would make a number of recommendations including: A 50 percent increase in the excise tax on alcohol, no sale of liquor at off licences after 10pm, no one allowed to enter bars and nightclubs after 2am, and increasing the drinking age from 18 to 20.

Kiwiblog claimed to have been leaked the details of the report.

Justice Minister Simon Power said he was not responsible for the leak and would not comment until the report was tabled. He said the Government response would follow soon after the report.

Mr English said he understood the report did advocate the increase in excise tax.

"All of those possibilities have been suggested by various people, anti-smoking groups and the Maori Party want us to do something about tobacco excise... I understand it (the report) is likely to advocate an increase in excise tax. The Government will deal with those issues as they arise," he told reporters.

Labour MP Lianne Dalziel said she could not comment on the report until it was released but said she backed the "five-plus solution" being promoted by head of New Zealand's National Addiction Centre, Professor Doug Sellman.

The solution recommended raising alcohol prices, raising the purchase age, reducing alcohol accessibility, reducing marketing and advertising, and increasing drink-driving counter-measures, plus increased treatment opportunities for heavy drinkers.

All those ideas have also been raised by Law Commission president Sir Geoffrey Palmer.

Meanwhile, in Parliament Associate Health Minister Peter Dunne faced a grilling for refusing to meet Dr Sellman but agreeing to attend liquor industry functions.

Responding to Progress Party leader Jim Anderton's questions, Mr Dunne said during 2009 he met representatives of the liquor industry four times: on May 5, on May 27, on August 5 and on September 7.

"I also attended three functions sponsored by representatives of the wider liquor and hospitality industries. In contrast, I met with officials and non-industry-related groups on a mere 41 occasions."

Mr Anderton asked if Mr Dunne had any concerns about the perception "that he was overindulgent to the liquor lobby by meeting with them four times in four months and being hosted by them on a further three occasions over six months?"

Mr Dunne said overall he had not met many times with the industry. He said he did not need to meet Prof Sellman as his views -- such as that alcohol should be treated as an illegal drug -- were well known.

However, Mr Dunne said he was unaware of the "five plus" idea.

Speaking to journalists, Mr Dunne defended being hosted by the industry at a rugby game: "I am a rugby fanatic and I go to a rugby match to watch the All Blacks beat the Wallabies any time."

About time!!!
 
The funniest thing about this article, is...if you click on the link to it...you can read the comments. There are about 30 comments, obviously from alcoholic New Zealanders...(mostly...there are a couple of sober people in there) complaining about how they already can "barely make ends meet" and crying about this tax.
 
Dear Cry Baby Alcoholics,
 
Here is an question for you...if you can barely make ends meet, then what are you doing wasting your money on booze in the first place??? Regardless of any tax that you pay on it?
 
I would be very interested to know the answer to this question. The last time i checked, alcohol was not a necessity of life.
 
Yours sincerely,
 
Jackie

How to get over your past - 2

Behold, I make all things new. - Revelation 21:5 NKJV

Your past can either be an albatross around your neck, or the wind beneath your wings. So, accept what happened. If you don't, you'll keep reliving it.

While working in the Congo as a missionary, Helen Roseveare was brutally raped. Writing about it she says, 'I must ask myself, "Can I thank God for trusting me with this experience, even if He never tells me why?"'

The secret of trust doesn't lie in answers; it lies in acceptance. It's knowing that in the midst of whatever has happened, is happening or will happen, God is in control. Either you fix your mind on that and determine to live again, or go through life feeling like you never got a fair shake. Then, you must bury the past or live with its ghosts.

Rehashing old hurts is like watching the same movie over and over, hoping for a different ending. It's not going to happen! Learn from it and move on. You don't drown by falling into the water, you drown by staying there. Get out of the blame game. Blame is a waste of time. When you blame yourself you multiply guilt, chain yourself to the past, and increase your already low self-esteem.

When you blame God you cut yourself off from His power, doubt replaces trust, and you put down roots of bitterness that make you cynical. When you blame others you add to the distance between them and you, and lose the only option that works - forgiveness. Instead, trust the One who promised to 'make all things new', and move forward.

I love it! What more is there to say? I hope there is a part 3!

We had a fantastic evening last night, here in our home. My home is always full now. I can't quite believe how blessed i am. I know i say that all the time but i can't help it!

I received an email from one of my old friends, Nicky last night. She and i were so close...like sisters...she was my best friend...and then we lost touch, when Danny and I were living in Waiuku. We just distanced ourselves from everyone. We isolated ourselves and I lost touch with all of my friends that i had known for so long before i had even known him.

I have been back in touch with Nicky a lot, since i stopped living in shame, and was no longer too embarrassed to tell my old friends everything that i had been through and done. She lives down at Mt Maunganui, and i got an email last night telling me that she and her partner (who i have yet to meet...Nicky was in a relationship with someone else until just before we lost touch...her partner had been one of Danny's groomsmen, and she had been my bridesmaid) are going to be in Auckland on Monday and she is going to spend the day with me while he does some work up here, and then they MIGHT stay the night even...depending on how late he has to work! YIIIPPPEEEEE

She was my best friend and i have not seen her in 3 years, this Easter just gone. The last time i saw her, Danny and I had taken Tim and Tracey down to the Mount while they were here on holiday from the States. That was Easter 2007. I can not believe it has been that long since i have seen Nix.

I can NOT wait for Monday!

My old old OLD friend Damian, that i had lost touch with...because Danny did not like him...is coming over for dinner one night too! I am LOVING having my old friends back in my life.

It is making me want to stop hibernating, and get out and get a life again though. Ugh...i will have to reread last night's waiting post.

I have until 3:30pm to myself today...i have already cleaned up all the mess from last night, and done two loads of laundry. I don't even really feel like naps that much anymore...since moving to our new home, i get the best sleeps ever overnight. It had to be the trains and sirens in Mt Albert that caused my sleep disruptions. I guess that would explain why i always woke, every hour...trains...I will never live one street away from railroad tracks again!

Back later on!

I am soooo excited to see Nicky!