November 30, 2009
So much for my lazy day
I had a busy day today. Things that i needed to do took a lot longer than i had expected. I headed out of here to the bank at about 11am, and arrived back home about 4pm.
I then took Nixon for his long walk, whipped up a salad for dinner, did some cleaning, and now i am back in bed...shattered.
I'm looking out my bedroom window and it is nearly a full moon tonight. Not quite, but pretty close.
Didn't end up catching up with Dan today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. I'm too tired right now to think about anything other than sleep. At least i did everything that i needed to do though...i am a terrible procrastinator, at the best of my motivated times.
Tomorrow i will be lazy all day. It is my last day before i get the girls back for a week, so i better enjoy free use of my laptop, without feeling guilty because a child is sitting across from me, staring at it with her "give me the f*cking laptop mum" ...eyes. haha
Nixon is already passed out. I am going to join him.
Goodnight x
I then took Nixon for his long walk, whipped up a salad for dinner, did some cleaning, and now i am back in bed...shattered.
I'm looking out my bedroom window and it is nearly a full moon tonight. Not quite, but pretty close.
Didn't end up catching up with Dan today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. I'm too tired right now to think about anything other than sleep. At least i did everything that i needed to do though...i am a terrible procrastinator, at the best of my motivated times.
Tomorrow i will be lazy all day. It is my last day before i get the girls back for a week, so i better enjoy free use of my laptop, without feeling guilty because a child is sitting across from me, staring at it with her "give me the f*cking laptop mum" ...eyes. haha
Nixon is already passed out. I am going to join him.
Goodnight x
"No sense of justice" for Mills' victims
The people that this man had unprotected sex with, were consenting adults, who no doubt know what safe sex is. I am sure they are all aware of what a condom is, and what it is for.
They obviously chose to ignore the advice that they had no doubt received since the 80s, when the first cases of HIV and AIDS were reported, and the media then went into a frenzy scaring us senseless by leading us to believe that we could all get AIDS from sitting on a public toilet seat.
Not once, in all the articles i have read about this case, has there been mention of these so called "victims" taking responsibility for their own irresponsible actions when they decided to not practice safe sex. They chose to have unprotected sex with a man that they barely knew, and trusted him when he said he was disease free. That was a bad decision. An irresponsible decision.
What Glenn Mills did was awful, but i am sick to death of hearing about his "victims" They were not victims. They were consenting adults that chose to have casual unprotected sex. A bad decision, yes. Does that make them a victim? Not really. Not in my eyes.
Not unless they have lived on the moon for the past 30 years.
People need to stop being victims, and stop placing blame. You f*cked up. Learn from that f*ck up, and recover to the best of your ability.
November 29, 2009
I am so tired
I am already in my nanna nightie...which i only just dug out of my bottom drawer and am wearing for the first time in ages. I have had a bath, and Nixon and I are in bed and we are going to hopefully crash, very shortly.
I had an absolutely crap sleep last night and have been out and about all day today.
We went for a run this morning...then straight into the car to do some food shopping. I then cooked a very yummy, tuna and pasta salad for a late lunch and had that with salad from my garden and some fresh bread. I still feel full from that and i ate that at like 2:30 this afternoon.
We went for another run, at about 5pm...I tried hard to not sleep all day so that i would crash tonight and sleep all night so fingers crossed, that i am sleeping very shortly.
I have gotten the distinct impression lately, that Nixon no longer enjoys eating on his dog biscuits. His bowl is still full from the last time i filled it up, and that was like three days ago. I have never known a dog to prefer tuna pasta and toasted ham and cheese sandwiches over their dog food. He liked his Wild Bean sausage roll this morning too.
I think he is becoming spoiled. He jumps up next to me when i am busy typing and rests his head on my laptop and nudges my hand until i rub him. He was very growly at Dan on Friday night.
I never would have thought, 3 years ago when i bought my little ball of fur...that he would help me get better the way he has. Friends tell me that you can actually see in my face, how good he is for me. I didn't know what it was about him, at the time, 3 years ago....but i just had to have him. Now i know why.
I am so grateful to have him back.
Anyway...i have a busy day tomorrow. I get to spend it hanging out with Dan...and doing my usual things. Oh my gosh...twice in one week. I am spoiled. I hope Nixon is nicer to him tomorrow.
My eyes are heavy...wish me luck in my quest for the perfect sleep tonight. xoxo
PS. Is it just me, or did this weekend go super fast?
I had an absolutely crap sleep last night and have been out and about all day today.
We went for a run this morning...then straight into the car to do some food shopping. I then cooked a very yummy, tuna and pasta salad for a late lunch and had that with salad from my garden and some fresh bread. I still feel full from that and i ate that at like 2:30 this afternoon.
We went for another run, at about 5pm...I tried hard to not sleep all day so that i would crash tonight and sleep all night so fingers crossed, that i am sleeping very shortly.
I have gotten the distinct impression lately, that Nixon no longer enjoys eating on his dog biscuits. His bowl is still full from the last time i filled it up, and that was like three days ago. I have never known a dog to prefer tuna pasta and toasted ham and cheese sandwiches over their dog food. He liked his Wild Bean sausage roll this morning too.
I think he is becoming spoiled. He jumps up next to me when i am busy typing and rests his head on my laptop and nudges my hand until i rub him. He was very growly at Dan on Friday night.
I never would have thought, 3 years ago when i bought my little ball of fur...that he would help me get better the way he has. Friends tell me that you can actually see in my face, how good he is for me. I didn't know what it was about him, at the time, 3 years ago....but i just had to have him. Now i know why.
I am so grateful to have him back.
Anyway...i have a busy day tomorrow. I get to spend it hanging out with Dan...and doing my usual things. Oh my gosh...twice in one week. I am spoiled. I hope Nixon is nicer to him tomorrow.
My eyes are heavy...wish me luck in my quest for the perfect sleep tonight. xoxo
PS. Is it just me, or did this weekend go super fast?
I have been giving a friend of mine advice today...
Very good advice it was too...if i do say so myself.
And this is the thanks i get...
hahahahaahha
Love you xoxox
And this is the thanks i get...
You are smart for an old jailbird crackho
hahahahaahha
Love you xoxox
Fairy Dust
Morning,
Everyone needs a supply of Fairy Dust at hand to sprinkle over their lives when a miracle is required !
XOX
SS
I have buckets of that sh*t stored in the closet. haha
Is it just me...
or does everyone out there have an Afro, thanks to the humidity? How muggy is it this morning??? Very Muggy indeed.
I slept all night with my window wide open, the curtains open, and a breeze blowing through my room. Actually...i did not sleep all that much, but that is OK. I was too hot to fall asleep at first. Then i woke at 3am, and noticed an email from a friend, that concerned me...so i replied and when i did not hear straight back...i worried about that friend all night.
As usual though, all is well in the land of Jackie.
I love the fact that my home is elevated, so it is safe to sleep with all the windows wide open. A person would need a big ladder to break in, and Nixon would wake me up barking his head off if he heard anyone outside, so i am safe to sleep all night with the place open.
I love it. I love my home. Being able to sleep with the place wide open, is someting that i appreciate so much more, after having to be so security conscious at the apartment. Living shut in that apartment, with everything locked up, for fear of some crackhead trying to get me, has made me appreciate a simple thing like being able to fall asleep with all my windows wide open...so much more than I ever would have, otherwise.
I have spent a bit of time working on the new "Secret Squirrel's Thought for the Day" section of my blog. It is time consuming because that guy has probably spent half of this year finding positive and inspirational attachments, in order to make sure that my wedding photos stay out of my blog. haha...i love him for this.
Thank you SS...your section is now under construction but because i have like one million attachments from you...it is taking me forever. It's a good time filler for when i have nothing to bitch about though, so that is cool ha.
On that note, i am going to drag myself out of bed...jump in the shower...then Nixon and i are going to walk to Kings Plant Barn again. THEN we are going driftwood hunting. I want a rustic looking border for my garden.
Back later X
I slept all night with my window wide open, the curtains open, and a breeze blowing through my room. Actually...i did not sleep all that much, but that is OK. I was too hot to fall asleep at first. Then i woke at 3am, and noticed an email from a friend, that concerned me...so i replied and when i did not hear straight back...i worried about that friend all night.
As usual though, all is well in the land of Jackie.
I love the fact that my home is elevated, so it is safe to sleep with all the windows wide open. A person would need a big ladder to break in, and Nixon would wake me up barking his head off if he heard anyone outside, so i am safe to sleep all night with the place open.
I love it. I love my home. Being able to sleep with the place wide open, is someting that i appreciate so much more, after having to be so security conscious at the apartment. Living shut in that apartment, with everything locked up, for fear of some crackhead trying to get me, has made me appreciate a simple thing like being able to fall asleep with all my windows wide open...so much more than I ever would have, otherwise.
I have spent a bit of time working on the new "Secret Squirrel's Thought for the Day" section of my blog. It is time consuming because that guy has probably spent half of this year finding positive and inspirational attachments, in order to make sure that my wedding photos stay out of my blog. haha...i love him for this.
Thank you SS...your section is now under construction but because i have like one million attachments from you...it is taking me forever. It's a good time filler for when i have nothing to bitch about though, so that is cool ha.
On that note, i am going to drag myself out of bed...jump in the shower...then Nixon and i are going to walk to Kings Plant Barn again. THEN we are going driftwood hunting. I want a rustic looking border for my garden.
Back later X
I can't sleep
I am too hot...I just took Nixon out for a wee and i am glad i did...he peed for about 5 minutes straight. Now he is snoring again.
November 28, 2009
I LOVE Paul Henry
I seriously love this man. He cracks me up all day long. If he gets fired, he will be replaced with some politically correct boring RETARD...and stupid people will no longer have anyone to complain about.
We can't have that.
Can we?
More hands-on approach to legal aid welcomed - Yahoo!Xtra News
More hands-on approach to legal aid welcomed - Yahoo!Xtra News
This is interesting.
Sorry, i went to read some news before falling asleep and of course, found something that i have an opinion on.
That lawyer that i had a terrible experience with earlier this year, Julian Hague, is one of those lawyers that just milks the system. He did absolutely nothing to help me, or represent me. He just expected to turn up and get paid...and in the end, he did not even bother to turn up, and expected to get paid. It is not like i was a difficult client. Hell, i had plead guilty before i even had a lawyer.
I was luckier with his replacement, and i have been very lucky with the lawyer that i have representing me over the drugs charges. He is fantastic.
I can imagine that there would be lots of lazy, dishonest, lawyers that are getting paid by the NZ government to do absolutely nothing...just like Julian Hague. Lawyers like him should not be permitted to represent cases where legal aid is involved and the person being defended feels like they don't have a choice. People always have a choice, but most don't realise when receiving legal aid...that they can fire a stupid lawyer's ass, like i did to Julian, and request another one, that will actually turn up.
There you go...if you are ever being defended by a lawyer who is being paid via legal aid...you still have the right to choose a different lawyer.
This is interesting.
Sorry, i went to read some news before falling asleep and of course, found something that i have an opinion on.
That lawyer that i had a terrible experience with earlier this year, Julian Hague, is one of those lawyers that just milks the system. He did absolutely nothing to help me, or represent me. He just expected to turn up and get paid...and in the end, he did not even bother to turn up, and expected to get paid. It is not like i was a difficult client. Hell, i had plead guilty before i even had a lawyer.
I was luckier with his replacement, and i have been very lucky with the lawyer that i have representing me over the drugs charges. He is fantastic.
I can imagine that there would be lots of lazy, dishonest, lawyers that are getting paid by the NZ government to do absolutely nothing...just like Julian Hague. Lawyers like him should not be permitted to represent cases where legal aid is involved and the person being defended feels like they don't have a choice. People always have a choice, but most don't realise when receiving legal aid...that they can fire a stupid lawyer's ass, like i did to Julian, and request another one, that will actually turn up.
There you go...if you are ever being defended by a lawyer who is being paid via legal aid...you still have the right to choose a different lawyer.
I have had a productive day
The only thing that i wanted to do, that i did not manage to get done today, was my gardening. I have about 10 packets of seeds to plant. Every time i thought about going out to the garden, it started raining.
Nixon and i went on a huge long walk this afternoon, in between changing my blog. We got soaking wet. It started raining at that point where we were as far away from home as we were going to get, and about to turn around and head home anyway.
I like getting rained on, during the summer. It feels good.
I contemplated a trip to Hell ...pizza that is...when we arrived back home. I was starving. I decided to save myself the twenty bucks though, and Nixon and i had ham and cheese toasted sandwiches for dinner instead. I'm not sure how good cheese is for a dog. I might look that up. I know chocolate is no good for dogs, and it is so hard not to give him my chocolate chip cookies, when i am eating them. He must wonder why i won't give him any, when i share everything else with him. He wants them bad....stole one off the coffee table the other day. Typical Nixon-like behaviour!
Anyway...he is crashed out here next to me, and making me feel tired just looking at him. He is totally zonked out.
I'm tired as well, after my late night last night. Midnight is late for me these days...never mind that i slept in til 10am. I can still use the fact that i am catching up on getting no sleep at all for the first 7 months of this year haha.
I'm having a boring weekend. I love boring these days. Boring is hugely under-rated. I have my curtains open, bedroom window slid all the way open...there is a wonderful breaze coming in here, and i am listening to the rain.
I love my life.
Goodnight. X
Nixon and i went on a huge long walk this afternoon, in between changing my blog. We got soaking wet. It started raining at that point where we were as far away from home as we were going to get, and about to turn around and head home anyway.
I like getting rained on, during the summer. It feels good.
I contemplated a trip to Hell ...pizza that is...when we arrived back home. I was starving. I decided to save myself the twenty bucks though, and Nixon and i had ham and cheese toasted sandwiches for dinner instead. I'm not sure how good cheese is for a dog. I might look that up. I know chocolate is no good for dogs, and it is so hard not to give him my chocolate chip cookies, when i am eating them. He must wonder why i won't give him any, when i share everything else with him. He wants them bad....stole one off the coffee table the other day. Typical Nixon-like behaviour!
Anyway...he is crashed out here next to me, and making me feel tired just looking at him. He is totally zonked out.
I'm tired as well, after my late night last night. Midnight is late for me these days...never mind that i slept in til 10am. I can still use the fact that i am catching up on getting no sleep at all for the first 7 months of this year haha.
I'm having a boring weekend. I love boring these days. Boring is hugely under-rated. I have my curtains open, bedroom window slid all the way open...there is a wonderful breaze coming in here, and i am listening to the rain.
I love my life.
Goodnight. X
Taking a break
From the changes that i am making to my blog, to go for a run. I thought i would let people know so that i don't get a ton of emails, telling me everything that is wrong with it right now. haha
Run time for us...then some gardening, and i will finish my blog upgrade in bed tonight. OK.
X
Run time for us...then some gardening, and i will finish my blog upgrade in bed tonight. OK.
X
Grey Lynn Park Festival - Grey Lynn - Eventfinder
Grey Lynn Park Festival - Grey Lynn - Eventfinder
Nixon and i just got back from the Grey Lynn Park Festival.
There are TONS of people there. We had to park miles away, but that was OK because he was overdue for his daily exercise. We had a nice walk to the park ( mostly downhill ) then had an awesome time while we were there. Absolutely worth going to. HEAPS of cool stalls with unique Christmas present ideas, live music, and yummy, yummy food. You can smell the yummy food before you even get to the park.
There were also lots of other dogs there for Nixon to sniff on. Nixon was, of course, the cutest though.
We wandered around, looking at all the neat things that were for sale there. No doubt we will return to that festival when we actually have some money to spend. I could have gone berserk, spending up large there, if i had the money. Unfortunately...kind of...i have bills. Actually, not unfortunately...i have bills because i have a home. I like having my own home, so bills are OK. Regardless of that...we did not spend much but it was fun getting out of the house and wandering around, just window shopping.
I bought us hot dogs, and we sat in the park together and ate our hot dogs, while listening to the live music and people watching. I can people watch for hours on end, and never get bored.
We arrived back home just in time for it to start spitting. We are now using the feeble amount of rain that is falling from the sky, as an excuse to be LAZY. We will work in the garden and go on another walk after our nanna naps. Nixon is already snoring. The uphill walk back to the car wore him out. It wore me out too.
X
Nixon and i just got back from the Grey Lynn Park Festival.
There are TONS of people there. We had to park miles away, but that was OK because he was overdue for his daily exercise. We had a nice walk to the park ( mostly downhill ) then had an awesome time while we were there. Absolutely worth going to. HEAPS of cool stalls with unique Christmas present ideas, live music, and yummy, yummy food. You can smell the yummy food before you even get to the park.
There were also lots of other dogs there for Nixon to sniff on. Nixon was, of course, the cutest though.
We wandered around, looking at all the neat things that were for sale there. No doubt we will return to that festival when we actually have some money to spend. I could have gone berserk, spending up large there, if i had the money. Unfortunately...kind of...i have bills. Actually, not unfortunately...i have bills because i have a home. I like having my own home, so bills are OK. Regardless of that...we did not spend much but it was fun getting out of the house and wandering around, just window shopping.
I bought us hot dogs, and we sat in the park together and ate our hot dogs, while listening to the live music and people watching. I can people watch for hours on end, and never get bored.
We arrived back home just in time for it to start spitting. We are now using the feeble amount of rain that is falling from the sky, as an excuse to be LAZY. We will work in the garden and go on another walk after our nanna naps. Nixon is already snoring. The uphill walk back to the car wore him out. It wore me out too.
X
What women always tell men...no matter what
haha.
This morning, i am staying in bed for awhile and watching The Sweetest Thing. It's one of my favourite movies of all time, and Cameron Diaz's character is where i got the name "Christina Walters" from. haha Since this movie did not come out until 2003...i guess that puts to rest Danny's lie that i ever worked while with Nick....huhhhhh.
Anyway...i LOVE this movie and have not watched it in years.
Sleep in be lazy time for me. I had a FANTASTIC sleep though over night. I wonder why...haha
Nixon is snoring at my feet. He got very over protective of me last night when Dan was here. It was so sweet. I am going to take him for a walk to the park and watch some softball a bit later on this morning. I have been told twice in the past week...how obviously good for me, it is to have my Nixon back. I have been told that i am looking gorgeous and happiness suits me...
That was nice to hear
Good morning! Back later!
November 27, 2009
Best man fail
O M G...Just imagine what their wedding photos turned out like. haha
I had a lovely visit with Dan this evening. We had a very nice time...and that is all i have to say about that.
Yessssssssssssssssssss. Nice prime time. ha
Goodnight x
One chapter closed...
One to go.
I will never have to return to court for the issue that i had with Nick, earlier in the year. That is officially over with.
Thank you Nick. I know that you said that you only told the truth...but i still have to say thank you. I will be forever grateful, for how respectful you have been to me during this process and the lack of judgement that i have received from you, and your family throughout my recovery and the changes that i have been making to myself and my life.
Thank you for allowing me basically free access to my children, thank you for not holding a grudge. I know that you could have made things a lot harder for me, and i will always remember that.
Nick's victim impact report, said wonderful things about me. I phoned him afterwards to thank him, and he said there was no need to thank him...he just told the truth.
I still need to thank him though. He is a good man.
On that note...Nixon and i are going for a run now. He was stuck in the car for over two hours today. I had parked him in a parking garage and he had a container of water and his stuffed duck, but i was still so worried about him.
The judge did not make me sit in a cell and wait to sign papers, like you normally have to because i had him in the car. Thanks Nixon! That was not even planned, but worked out nicely!
Dan is coming over to hang out tonight after he finishes work so i better get moving. Yay for having some company tonight. Hell...how long has it been since i last got laid? Forever. I might have to use him or some shit tonight hahaha.
Laterrrrrrrrrrrr X
I will never have to return to court for the issue that i had with Nick, earlier in the year. That is officially over with.
Thank you Nick. I know that you said that you only told the truth...but i still have to say thank you. I will be forever grateful, for how respectful you have been to me during this process and the lack of judgement that i have received from you, and your family throughout my recovery and the changes that i have been making to myself and my life.
Thank you for allowing me basically free access to my children, thank you for not holding a grudge. I know that you could have made things a lot harder for me, and i will always remember that.
Nick's victim impact report, said wonderful things about me. I phoned him afterwards to thank him, and he said there was no need to thank him...he just told the truth.
I still need to thank him though. He is a good man.
On that note...Nixon and i are going for a run now. He was stuck in the car for over two hours today. I had parked him in a parking garage and he had a container of water and his stuffed duck, but i was still so worried about him.
The judge did not make me sit in a cell and wait to sign papers, like you normally have to because i had him in the car. Thanks Nixon! That was not even planned, but worked out nicely!
Dan is coming over to hang out tonight after he finishes work so i better get moving. Yay for having some company tonight. Hell...how long has it been since i last got laid? Forever. I might have to use him or some shit tonight hahaha.
Laterrrrrrrrrrrr X
I can wait
I have not been to court yet. Well i have but then i found out that i did not need to be there til later on today...so i came back home and have spent the last 4 hours working in my garden. It is an absolutely stunningly beautiful day out there. I had to dig more grass/weed up to make room for more sunflowers, lettuce, capsicum, tomatoes, and cherry tomatoes...so i have done that. I will plant all my seeds this afternoon when i get home.
I am having to wash all the mats in my place too. I stepped in Nixon's poos. That was not all that much fun. Now my Converse All Stars are drying in the sun along with the mats and the rest of my laundry.
We just ate ham, mayo, and mustard sandwiches. YUM.
Some people might remember years ago when i absolutely HATED with a PASSION, that advertisement where that ugly, dopey looking couple bobbed their head around and sang some stupid song about some building product...Total Span...that was what the product was. That advertisement was so annoying, but clearly it did it's job, because i still remember the stupid product 5 years later.
The Total Span advertisement has now been replaced with that totally RETARDED and hugely ANNOYING Pacific Blue ad where those complete morons dance to that stupid, STUPID maccorana or however you spell it song.
I want to throw something at my TV as soon as i hear the tune and see those dumb people blowing up their life saving devices while jiggling to that song.
They should be shot. All of them.
Thanksgiving
Billy is having his first ever, Thanksgiving Holiday right now. In a few hours he will be feasting on the meanest Turkey spread that he will have ever seen in his life. haha. Thanksgiving was yesterday ( for us ) but it is Thursday now in the US. Thanksgiving is always on the last Thursday in November.
How cool for him to be experiencing American Holidays with his American family. I am so happy for him. Not many Kiwi kids get to experience everything that he is getting to do during this special time of his life. He is going to be spending Christmas skiing in the mountains. He is going to graduate from an American high school with a high school diploma. He has already applied to Universities over there. He has a job, working in the kiosk as the local stadium, so gets to see all the sporting events etc for free. He has made one million friends over there. Good friends too. My parents told me that he has gotten in with a really neat group of good kids.
I am so proud of my son. I love you Billy and am so proud of you. He is so lucky, he is going to be in America when his new cousin is born too.
Tracey, my sister, had her 16 week check up yesterday and everything is going just fine. They heard the heartbeat and it is a nice strong beat. I think she said something like 156 beats a minute. Go baby Q!!! She has her scan in a couple of weeks...so hopefully she can email me her baby's first photo! She has put on 7 pounds, and apparently that has all been in her ass. haha...that would indicate to me that she is having a boy. A friend's mum told me that i was having a boy when i was pregnant with Billy because of the size my ass had grown to. haha. She said when you carry out front, that means a girl, and when your ass just gets huge so that you don't look pregnant, you just look like you have a huge ass...that means boy.
I kind of believe that. I never did really ever look pregnant when i was having Billy. My ass just kept getting bigger and bigger. With the girls though...my ass stayed the same, and i just had a beach ball stomach out front.
Anyway...all is well with my little niece or nephew...except for the boys names that Tracey likes. Sorry Tracey, but i am with Tim on that one. If you name that kid Jaxon...it will get called AJAX it's whole life. haha...i will think up some cool suggestions for you. You cannot name your kid after a leading household germ killer.
I better get my bum out of bed. I have to leave in an hour to head into town, for today's court appearance. I think i have court today...not positive but better to be safe than sorry i guess!
Good morning you lot. Back later on!
PS...woke every two hours again but had a good sleep...was so tired that i just woke up, pressed play on the media player, and was back asleep before it even started playing anything.
How cool for him to be experiencing American Holidays with his American family. I am so happy for him. Not many Kiwi kids get to experience everything that he is getting to do during this special time of his life. He is going to be spending Christmas skiing in the mountains. He is going to graduate from an American high school with a high school diploma. He has already applied to Universities over there. He has a job, working in the kiosk as the local stadium, so gets to see all the sporting events etc for free. He has made one million friends over there. Good friends too. My parents told me that he has gotten in with a really neat group of good kids.
I am so proud of my son. I love you Billy and am so proud of you. He is so lucky, he is going to be in America when his new cousin is born too.
Tracey, my sister, had her 16 week check up yesterday and everything is going just fine. They heard the heartbeat and it is a nice strong beat. I think she said something like 156 beats a minute. Go baby Q!!! She has her scan in a couple of weeks...so hopefully she can email me her baby's first photo! She has put on 7 pounds, and apparently that has all been in her ass. haha...that would indicate to me that she is having a boy. A friend's mum told me that i was having a boy when i was pregnant with Billy because of the size my ass had grown to. haha. She said when you carry out front, that means a girl, and when your ass just gets huge so that you don't look pregnant, you just look like you have a huge ass...that means boy.
I kind of believe that. I never did really ever look pregnant when i was having Billy. My ass just kept getting bigger and bigger. With the girls though...my ass stayed the same, and i just had a beach ball stomach out front.
Anyway...all is well with my little niece or nephew...except for the boys names that Tracey likes. Sorry Tracey, but i am with Tim on that one. If you name that kid Jaxon...it will get called AJAX it's whole life. haha...i will think up some cool suggestions for you. You cannot name your kid after a leading household germ killer.
I better get my bum out of bed. I have to leave in an hour to head into town, for today's court appearance. I think i have court today...not positive but better to be safe than sorry i guess!
Good morning you lot. Back later on!
PS...woke every two hours again but had a good sleep...was so tired that i just woke up, pressed play on the media player, and was back asleep before it even started playing anything.
November 26, 2009
AC/DC Rock n Roll Fannation
Donations still being accepted for AC/DC tickets.
Total amount required - $360.00
Total raised to date - $0.00
Please support the cause
Wife gets $10,000 a month after being dumped
Wife gets $10,000 a month after being dumped - Yahoo!Xtra News
Dumped via a note in the letter box??? I could only DREAM of a note in the letterbox! haha
What's more gutless and cowardly? A note in a letterbox...or a text message?
All i have to say, is thank goodness, I was not required to continue to live in the manner that i had become accustomed while i was married! hahahaha
Dumped via a note in the letter box??? I could only DREAM of a note in the letterbox! haha
What's more gutless and cowardly? A note in a letterbox...or a text message?
All i have to say, is thank goodness, I was not required to continue to live in the manner that i had become accustomed while i was married! hahahaha
Turrets weatherman
haha
I'm so tired.
I'm not sure if i am going to take a nap...or if i am going to bed super early.
I will let you know later.
X
I'm so tired.
I'm not sure if i am going to take a nap...or if i am going to bed super early.
I will let you know later.
X
I have had the awesome day. OK
Dropped the girls at school and made it home fairly quickly...well as quick as humanly possible without using my transit lane. ha
Cleaned my place, and was pleasantly surprised, when i went into their bedroom and it was perfectly tidy. The bed was made perfectly, just how i would make it, with even the cushions neatly organised on top.
Got my laundry all hung out early.
Paid all my bills, including the ones that i had to let slide last week because i was so broke. So everything is caught up for another month again. Now i just have Christmas presents for the girls and Christmas Day food money to set aside for the girls. Last year i had money, but was so lonely. This Christmas, i won't be lonely but will be broke.
I know which one i would prefer.
I carried on from the deep conversation that i was having with that friend yesterday. He has pointed out so many obvious things to me ... first and foremost being, how stupid we are when we are young when it comes to even just knowing who we are. There is nothing on this earth that would ever make agree to go back to being 20 again. F*ck that sh*t.
Dropped Penny at the dentist. Came back home, then took Nixon for a walk to Kings Plant Bar again. We bought tomatoes, more lettuce, cucumbers, and more sunflowers to plant...and also bought more of the bamboo sticks to hold all the climbing things up. I could not find any potato seeds. Weird.
It was a bit to carry home...but we made it. Only just though. I never realised how difficult it was to judge the speed of a train that is heading towards you in the distance. Those things are fast mofos, and i think next time Nixon and i will wait til the arms go back up and the bells stop! It looked like it was miles away, when i decided to keep running across the tracks.
It was closer than i thought...and going much faster. So that was ....a near death moment for us this afternoon. haha Not really...but i now understand how someone could manage to get hit by a train. I never got that previously.
Arrived back home, and spent ages out in the garden. I love being out there in the fresh air, playing in the dirt while Nixon watches from under the bench. Oh! I picked and ate two pea pods...they are ENORMOUS...and so yummy. I am glad that i planted tons of those.
On that note...I'm going to make something to eat and relax and be lazy for the rest of my day. I need an early night. I succeeded in staying awake all day today and resisting the urge to nap...I'm really tired now.
Later...
Cleaned my place, and was pleasantly surprised, when i went into their bedroom and it was perfectly tidy. The bed was made perfectly, just how i would make it, with even the cushions neatly organised on top.
Got my laundry all hung out early.
Paid all my bills, including the ones that i had to let slide last week because i was so broke. So everything is caught up for another month again. Now i just have Christmas presents for the girls and Christmas Day food money to set aside for the girls. Last year i had money, but was so lonely. This Christmas, i won't be lonely but will be broke.
I know which one i would prefer.
I carried on from the deep conversation that i was having with that friend yesterday. He has pointed out so many obvious things to me ... first and foremost being, how stupid we are when we are young when it comes to even just knowing who we are. There is nothing on this earth that would ever make agree to go back to being 20 again. F*ck that sh*t.
Dropped Penny at the dentist. Came back home, then took Nixon for a walk to Kings Plant Bar again. We bought tomatoes, more lettuce, cucumbers, and more sunflowers to plant...and also bought more of the bamboo sticks to hold all the climbing things up. I could not find any potato seeds. Weird.
It was a bit to carry home...but we made it. Only just though. I never realised how difficult it was to judge the speed of a train that is heading towards you in the distance. Those things are fast mofos, and i think next time Nixon and i will wait til the arms go back up and the bells stop! It looked like it was miles away, when i decided to keep running across the tracks.
It was closer than i thought...and going much faster. So that was ....a near death moment for us this afternoon. haha Not really...but i now understand how someone could manage to get hit by a train. I never got that previously.
Arrived back home, and spent ages out in the garden. I love being out there in the fresh air, playing in the dirt while Nixon watches from under the bench. Oh! I picked and ate two pea pods...they are ENORMOUS...and so yummy. I am glad that i planted tons of those.
On that note...I'm going to make something to eat and relax and be lazy for the rest of my day. I need an early night. I succeeded in staying awake all day today and resisting the urge to nap...I'm really tired now.
Later...
Mr Skinny Legs
Nixon has a new name. Not really...Nixon is far too cool of a name to change, and he suits Nixon...but now he looks more like a Mr Skinny Legs. haha
I have attempted to chop all the cement dust encrusted matted balls of fur off his legs...and now he looks like a chicken with hairy legs hahahaha and there are still encrusted cement dust bits left. I have to leave some hair on his legs so, after discussing this with Penny, the neighbour lady...it has been decided that those bits will just have to gradually grow out.
He looks so funny with skinny legs. Funny as in retarded. Poor Nixon. It will feel better for him over the summer months though and hopefully he will have a nice healthy coat to keep him warm over winter.
What a beautiful day it is outside! I am going to go for a walk to the garden centre now. I want to plant potatoes now. My garden just keeps growing and growing. I love it. I need more of those bamboo stick things to help the plants stand up and climb now.
The girls and i ate my lettuce on our BLT sandwiches for dinner last night. They loved it.
Here are photos of my garden's progress since October..
How awesome is that?
On that note, i am going to resist the urge to go back to bed, clean my place, run to the garden centre and back....drive Penny to the dentist because she had a filling fall out yesterday...go for another run...then hopefully it will be time for me to get a good sleep tonight.
I have court tomorrow for the Nick thing...i think. Hopefully, i have my days right. I will have to double check. Hopefully that will all be over and done with tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
Back later on. X
I have attempted to chop all the cement dust encrusted matted balls of fur off his legs...and now he looks like a chicken with hairy legs hahahaha and there are still encrusted cement dust bits left. I have to leave some hair on his legs so, after discussing this with Penny, the neighbour lady...it has been decided that those bits will just have to gradually grow out.
He looks so funny with skinny legs. Funny as in retarded. Poor Nixon. It will feel better for him over the summer months though and hopefully he will have a nice healthy coat to keep him warm over winter.
What a beautiful day it is outside! I am going to go for a walk to the garden centre now. I want to plant potatoes now. My garden just keeps growing and growing. I love it. I need more of those bamboo stick things to help the plants stand up and climb now.
The girls and i ate my lettuce on our BLT sandwiches for dinner last night. They loved it.
Here are photos of my garden's progress since October..
October 13, 2009
November 25, 2009
How awesome is that?
On that note, i am going to resist the urge to go back to bed, clean my place, run to the garden centre and back....drive Penny to the dentist because she had a filling fall out yesterday...go for another run...then hopefully it will be time for me to get a good sleep tonight.
I have court tomorrow for the Nick thing...i think. Hopefully, i have my days right. I will have to double check. Hopefully that will all be over and done with tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
Back later on. X
This is my life...now
I wish i had my mugshots. I wish i had photos of my life back then. Before and after shots i guess. The only photos that were taken of me during that time were either mugshots, or don't have my head in them at all haha.
My life now consists of my children, Nixon, my garden, exercise, and doing my best to be a happy and healthy person. Every single day...it amazes me, how i have gone from thinking that i was too far gone down an evil road to ever get back...to how my life is now in less than 5 short months.
It's not perfect. I am awake at 5am. My body is still recovering. My mind is still recovering. My heart is still recovering.
I have attempted to sleep in the ass dent in my couch since i woke at midnight. I might have a tired and grumpy day, after i drop the girls at school.
That's ok though. I can live with that.
Good morning you lot...x
November 25, 2009
Love
I have very few people in my life that i consider friends. I have had to be very selective about who i let in to my life, since i moved from that apartment in Mount Eden.
I met a couple of these friends in the last place in the world that i was looking for friendship. I have said before that i will never regret Jen. I will never do it again, but i don't regret it. It was worth it, if only to have some of the people that i now consider friends, in my life. Nevermind, that without Jen i would have ended up homeless, carless, and furnitureless, after the disaster that was me and Danny.
They have all helped and supported me, and never judged me. Not one single time, has any of these people judged me. They have all, in their own individual ways continued to lift me up, and help me.
In some cases this friendship has come from people that i knew before i met Danny. People that not unlike the druggies that i knew, i just disappeared from when i met Danny. I disappeared without explanation. I just stopped answering their calls and emails. I felt stink about that at the time, but felt that i was doing the right thing.
I now wish that i had not done that, but i am so grateful that they did not judge me for doing that either, and came back into my life when i needed them most.
I had a deep and meaningful conversation with one of these friends today. It is mind opening to have these conversations every once in awhile, and hear their opinions. They are always honest with me...even when they know that it might hurt me, or be something that i don't want to hear.
I love them for this. I thought i would share part of this conversation that i had today. I am so lucky to have such wise friends, that care about me enough to be completely honest with me.
Thank you. xoxoxox
I have had a pretty fantastic day. Jorgia came on our walk with us tonight. She got to hold the lead so my arm got to have a break. Then she and i watered the garden together. Well, she watered and pointed out weeds to me and i pulled them....and dug around in my compost area. I think my garden is growing so well because of my composting skills. ha
Jorgia then modelled the new dress that she has bought for her graduation dance on December 10th. She is graduating from Intermediate school and heading off to Howick College next year. She put her new dress on, with new shoes and everything and she nearly brought tears to my eyes. She looked so grown up and so beautiful.
I am so grateful that i am still here, that i am back, and not missing out on seeing my daughters grow up.
On that note...i have a crowded bed tonight, and Jorgia, Nixon, and i are hitting the sack. We are going to watch a movie called " The Ghost of Girlfriends Past"...apparently it is really funny. I will be asleep in 5 minutes so will have to tell you about it another time.
Goodnight. x
I met a couple of these friends in the last place in the world that i was looking for friendship. I have said before that i will never regret Jen. I will never do it again, but i don't regret it. It was worth it, if only to have some of the people that i now consider friends, in my life. Nevermind, that without Jen i would have ended up homeless, carless, and furnitureless, after the disaster that was me and Danny.
They have all helped and supported me, and never judged me. Not one single time, has any of these people judged me. They have all, in their own individual ways continued to lift me up, and help me.
In some cases this friendship has come from people that i knew before i met Danny. People that not unlike the druggies that i knew, i just disappeared from when i met Danny. I disappeared without explanation. I just stopped answering their calls and emails. I felt stink about that at the time, but felt that i was doing the right thing.
I now wish that i had not done that, but i am so grateful that they did not judge me for doing that either, and came back into my life when i needed them most.
I had a deep and meaningful conversation with one of these friends today. It is mind opening to have these conversations every once in awhile, and hear their opinions. They are always honest with me...even when they know that it might hurt me, or be something that i don't want to hear.
I love them for this. I thought i would share part of this conversation that i had today. I am so lucky to have such wise friends, that care about me enough to be completely honest with me.
Danny never loved you , he doesn't know what love is but you also gave to much in the relationship because you wanted it to be , you filled in the gap that he didn't give you and you convinced yourself it was a full relationship.Thanks to that advice from a man that i am very fond of, who i have known since my Christina days...I don't feel lonely tonight. Every single word he has said is true and right. I don't feel lonely, i don't feel regret, i don't feel anger, and i don't feel guilt.
To be in LOVE Jackie , you will only need to 50% of the relationship , yet you will feel like your in a world you have never known, wrapped up and secure yet without really trying.
You were the relationship and you have convinced yourself it was love but you just wanted it to fill a hole that was inside you.
Find Jackie first then find love.
Thank you. xoxoxox
I have had a pretty fantastic day. Jorgia came on our walk with us tonight. She got to hold the lead so my arm got to have a break. Then she and i watered the garden together. Well, she watered and pointed out weeds to me and i pulled them....and dug around in my compost area. I think my garden is growing so well because of my composting skills. ha
Jorgia then modelled the new dress that she has bought for her graduation dance on December 10th. She is graduating from Intermediate school and heading off to Howick College next year. She put her new dress on, with new shoes and everything and she nearly brought tears to my eyes. She looked so grown up and so beautiful.
I am so grateful that i am still here, that i am back, and not missing out on seeing my daughters grow up.
On that note...i have a crowded bed tonight, and Jorgia, Nixon, and i are hitting the sack. We are going to watch a movie called " The Ghost of Girlfriends Past"...apparently it is really funny. I will be asleep in 5 minutes so will have to tell you about it another time.
Goodnight. x
What a beautiful day!
Life is fantastic. I have walked, done gardening, swept my neighbours porch for her, and now i am off to get my girls. We are going to have BLT sandwiches with lettuce from my garden for dinner...and i am going to bake chocolate chip cookies later when it cools off...after our early evening run.
I am one day happier than i was yesterday.
Wednesday afternoon icecream time!
Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrr xoxox PS......check out those pea pods! I AM the gardening guru haha
Back to every two hours
Good morning!
I woke every two hours overnight. I was asleep by 10pm, then woke at midnight, 2, 4, 6...and then i was lucky enough to get a 3 hour stretch and woke again at 9am.
That is so weird. I feel like recording what goes on around here at those times, to see if it is something specific that wakes me up. I am not far from train tracks...maybe that is what it is. I noticed sirens too, during one of those times that i woke up.
It did not really bother me though. I just pushed play again on the Windows Media Player and my Nat Geo documentary just started up again. I have watched the first 10 minutes of it like 6 times now. So far all i have gotten out of Armageddon 2012...is that some tribe in Central America, called the Maya Tribe ( or something like that ) that lived 5 thousand years ago, had a calendar and it stops on December 21st 2012.
That's kinda weird but so was the fact that the world was going to blow up at Y2K...the only thing that went wrong that night was the port o loo at the party that i was at crapped out. Excuse the pun.
I'm not convinced that we are all going to die in 2012 yet. I guess i still have another hour and a half of the documentary to watch though...so i will get back to you on that one.
I better get my butt moving. I have to take Nixon for his walk before it gets too hot, then i have a friend popping over for lunch...then i am picking up the girls from school at 3. Have to make the most of my time with them this afternoon and tonight, because i don't get them back for a whole week.
I hate my weeks without them. Well hate is probably a strong word...i do enjoy better sleeps, and not having to run back and forth from Howick...but i do miss them. A week seems such a long time to go without seeing them now.
Back laterrrrr.
x
I woke every two hours overnight. I was asleep by 10pm, then woke at midnight, 2, 4, 6...and then i was lucky enough to get a 3 hour stretch and woke again at 9am.
That is so weird. I feel like recording what goes on around here at those times, to see if it is something specific that wakes me up. I am not far from train tracks...maybe that is what it is. I noticed sirens too, during one of those times that i woke up.
It did not really bother me though. I just pushed play again on the Windows Media Player and my Nat Geo documentary just started up again. I have watched the first 10 minutes of it like 6 times now. So far all i have gotten out of Armageddon 2012...is that some tribe in Central America, called the Maya Tribe ( or something like that ) that lived 5 thousand years ago, had a calendar and it stops on December 21st 2012.
That's kinda weird but so was the fact that the world was going to blow up at Y2K...the only thing that went wrong that night was the port o loo at the party that i was at crapped out. Excuse the pun.
I'm not convinced that we are all going to die in 2012 yet. I guess i still have another hour and a half of the documentary to watch though...so i will get back to you on that one.
I better get my butt moving. I have to take Nixon for his walk before it gets too hot, then i have a friend popping over for lunch...then i am picking up the girls from school at 3. Have to make the most of my time with them this afternoon and tonight, because i don't get them back for a whole week.
I hate my weeks without them. Well hate is probably a strong word...i do enjoy better sleeps, and not having to run back and forth from Howick...but i do miss them. A week seems such a long time to go without seeing them now.
Back laterrrrr.
x
Just friends
Sometimes being "Just friends" is better anyway. Far less bullsh#t and it usually lasts longer!
November 24, 2009
Concrete dust is not a hair product
Nixon and i went for a late run tonight. The breeze out there after such a hot day felt fantastic.
The reason that we went so late, was...i had gotten stuck in to trimming his hair again. It's hard to stop, when he is in a tolerant mood. This is because you never know when he will become intolerant and snap and growl. He was feeling pretty laid back tonight, so i just kept chopping away.
I filled up two vacuum cleaner bags with his hair.
The grossest thing about his haircuts, and the most difficult parts to cut...are the bits that are grey and appear to be matted with what looks like concrete dust...it's some kind of dust from a building site and it's been in his hair forever. Cutting those bits is like cutting a thick sponge. It's not even like hair. He has huge bits like that in his ears and up and down all four of his legs. Just thick, dirty, concrete, dusty bits of matted balls of hair.
I am so glad that i managed to get him back. Not just for myself, because he was my dog...but for his own well being. The level of neglect that it is so obvious that Nixon experienced, is disgusting.
I downloaded a National Geographic Doco earlier, while we were out doing the gardening. It's called Armageddon - Countdown to 2012. Sounds scary. I remember when i was a kid and i saw on some TV show that the world was going to end in 1993. I figured, at the time though, that 1993 was so far away, and by then i would be 22, turning 23...and that was old so it was nothing that i needed to worry about just then.
2012 seems close though. ha ha Not good.
Goodnight. x
The reason that we went so late, was...i had gotten stuck in to trimming his hair again. It's hard to stop, when he is in a tolerant mood. This is because you never know when he will become intolerant and snap and growl. He was feeling pretty laid back tonight, so i just kept chopping away.
I filled up two vacuum cleaner bags with his hair.
The grossest thing about his haircuts, and the most difficult parts to cut...are the bits that are grey and appear to be matted with what looks like concrete dust...it's some kind of dust from a building site and it's been in his hair forever. Cutting those bits is like cutting a thick sponge. It's not even like hair. He has huge bits like that in his ears and up and down all four of his legs. Just thick, dirty, concrete, dusty bits of matted balls of hair.
I am so glad that i managed to get him back. Not just for myself, because he was my dog...but for his own well being. The level of neglect that it is so obvious that Nixon experienced, is disgusting.
I downloaded a National Geographic Doco earlier, while we were out doing the gardening. It's called Armageddon - Countdown to 2012. Sounds scary. I remember when i was a kid and i saw on some TV show that the world was going to end in 1993. I figured, at the time though, that 1993 was so far away, and by then i would be 22, turning 23...and that was old so it was nothing that i needed to worry about just then.
2012 seems close though. ha ha Not good.
Goodnight. x
Twenty dollars
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.haha...thought you guys might enjoy that one. X
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut!
Cross-dressing Reid gets dumped by Katie Price
I just don't understand it.
Some women just can't be pleased.
How on earth could she have dumped this guy?
I think he is dreamy.
Mental note to self # 347.25
Nixon and i just got back from a walk to Kings Plant Barn. I needed to buy snail killer and i wanted to plant more corn. So off we went.
By the time we got there, Nixon and i were both panting, sweating, and dying for a water. I tied Nixon up outside the shop, and he was lucky enough to get a drink. The trolley guy took a liking to Nixon and got him a drink. I was not so fortunate.
I thought we might die from the heat on the way back home. We stopped at the BP near my house, and this time i got the treat, in the form of a mint Magnum. YUM...i love those.
That is the 3rd day in a row that i have stopped at the BP for a mint Magnum. I think they are my new addiction.
From now on...walks in the morning and at night only. Nixon is fast asleep at my feet, and still panting hard. I am finishing off my Fanta and then heading out to my garden. I love my place...the huge windows being open make it so cool in here. I have a breeze that goes right through the whole place.
Back later. X
How i quit P
I mentioned last week, how Toby, the police officer that was in charge of the search of my apartment and my arrest for having that drug, had asked me how i quit that hideous drug. At the time, when he asked me, i could not really think of an answer, other than to say that i just quit it. I said it was the most horrible time of my life. I did nothing but sleep and cry for two weeks, and i nearly killed myself several times.
I have thought a lot about that question over the past week. I have thought a lot about how i gave up P. Several police officers have told me that they have never known anyone, that has truly been able to give it up. I have been told that i am the only person that people have met that has been able to just quit that drug and not look back.
I went back and searched through my old posts, and looked for a better answer than the one that i gave Toby the other day.
I wanted a more specific answer, in case i ever get asked that question again. So here goes. This is how i gave up my addiction to methamphetamine / P and changed my life.
1. I made up my mind to quit. I WANTED to quit. I was sick of living a life that i was ashamed of. I was sick of the hideous people that came with that drug. I had always known deep down that i was too good for that life. I was too good to be associating with criminals. I knew i was better than them.I knew i was worth more than that life.
From the day that i first tried P...my life went on a downward spiral. It went from bad to worse, until i just wanted to be dead. In the end it felt like i was too far gone to ever get back to a normal life. I realised that it was no coincidence that i was addicted to P and for the first time ever in my life, i felt suicidal.
I realised that it was no coincidence that i was addicted to P and for the first time in my life i was knowingly associating with people that had been in prison, were involved in gangs, were thieves, etc etc.
For the first time since my children were born, i barely saw them and put P before my relationship with them. I decided that i had to quit that drug. If things did not get better for me after giving up that drug...THEN i would kill myself.
I think, as with any addiction, in order to succeed in giving it up, you have to WANT to give it up. You have to be sick of it. You have to know that you are well and truly over it, hate it, not want to have it be part of your life anymore. You have to WANT to be cured. If you don't have that desire in you to want to quit...then you won't.
I decided that i WANTED to cure myself of this addiction. I made up my mind to do it.
2. I stopped living in denial. I knew i had to be honest with everyone in my life...and everyone who was not even in my life. I had to stop living in shame. I had to admit everything that i had done and take responsibility for my actions.
If i wanted help, and wanted to get better, i had to stop lying to every single person on this planet, including myself. I started by coming clean to James, the policeman that helped me so much back then. Then i told Nick. Neither judged me. Both wanted to help me. That just opened the floodgates, and i wanted everyone to know what i had done, what i had been through, and what i was going through.
Being honest helped me so much. It helped me feel proud of what i was doing, and how far i had come. I felt proud for the strength that i was showing everyday. I love feeling proud, after living in shame for so long. P never once made me feel as good, or as happy, as living a life that i am proud of, now makes me feel every single day.
3. I focused on the people that should have always come first in my life, from the day they were born. My children. I admitted to myself that previously i had placed more importance on a man ( my relationship with Danny ), P, money, and spending time with criminals, than i had on my relationship with them. I knew that i needed to fix that, before it was too late, and they ended up feeling about me...how i feel about my own mother. I will spend every day for the rest of my life, putting those wonderful kids of mine first in my life. I will never not be there for them again. They will never not know what is going on in my life again. They will never not know how much i love them. They will never miss me...again. They will never come second in my life again. They will always be my first priority.
4. I disappeared. I do not believe that anyone can quit that drug, and continue to live the same life that they lived while doing that drug. With the exception of D, as far as anyone that i knew while on that drug is concerned, i just went poof one day. I could be dead for all they know. I did not even say goodbye. I did not tell anyone that i was leaving, or quitting that life. I was just there one day, and gone the next. I did not want to give any of them the chance to try to talk me out of the changes that i was making.
I had to be prepared to never see any of those people again. I had to ensure that i was never in a situation where it was accessible to me. I am dead to those people, and they are dead to me. They don't exist to me anymore, and no doubt, i am long forgotten by them. Except for the stupid snowman, and that is only cause the stupid man had a crush on me. YUCK.
I will never ever place myself in a situation where i even know people that do that drug. I will never have it around me again. D is the only exception to that, and the only reason i make an exception for her, is because she is so sick. I make an exception for her because i know that seeing her, and trying to help her, only reinforces my opinion of just how evil that drug is. If i ever once looked at her and felt tempted to go back, she too would no longer be in my life. That is why i will never allow her to know where i live. I need to be dead to her too...if i ever feel tempted. I can't see that happening though.
Seeing her makes me feel even more proud of how far i have come. I would like to see her quit too. I would like to help her. She needs to want to quit though, and i can't make her want to give up that life. I can't preach to her. So i will continue to do little things to help her out...when i am able to. I remember how desperately i needed someone in my life that was not associated with that drug. I needed someone normal to care about me. I had that in Dan. I guess i look at it like D, has that in me.
The loneliest time of my life followed my decision to quit that drug. I still felt so lonely, right up until the time that i got Nixon back. I still spend all my time alone, just with Nixon, when i don't have the girls. I have gotten used to being alone. I enjoy my own company now. I fill my time with things that i enjoy doing. I have found new hobbies that i enjoy doing on my own.
I have discovered so much about myself, and for the first time in my life...i love myself. Being alone is one million times better than having crackheads in my life. I have learned to like being alone.
5. I focused on exercise, and my health. Every day that i exercise is a hundred times better than if i don't. I feel happier, and more energetic on the days that i get straight out of bed and go for a run. Exercise is definitely an essential part of my recovery from drug addiction and depression. I truly used to notice the difference in how i felt on the days that i would be lazy, as opposed to the days that i got myself outside and motivated on my walks.
These days, i have no choice...thanks to Nixon i have to walk or run so far that i feel fantastic by the time that we stroll back towards our driveway.
6. I will never forget seeing those mugshots of me. I will always associate that drug with those mugshots. They horrified me. A couple of people have worried about me when i have been upset about things and have asked if i am tempted to go back. My answer has always been a firm NO. I remember nothing good from that life. I only remember a nightmare.
I will save myself the hassle and nightmare that drug wreaks in every life it touches, and just kill myself, before i ever do that drug again. I will just take a shortcut to where i know that i would end up, if i ever touched it again.
That will never happen. I am a different person now, to the person that i was that first tried that drug. At the time, i saw no future without Danny. I loved him so much, and i did not know how i was going to survive without him. I truly thought he was the only love of my life, and that the pain of him disappearing from my life would never leave me.
I am stronger, and healthier, both mentally and physically, than i was back then. I am happy now. I have hope for my future, and faith that it is only going to keep getting better. Instead of hating myself for the mistakes that i have made...i love myself and feel proud that i had the strength in me to recover from such a terrible mistake.
That, my friends, is the answer that i would have liked to have given Toby, the other day. It is the answer that i would have given him, if i had more time than to just say, it was the most horrible time of my life and i am glad that it is in my past.
Doing all 6 of these things, was essential for me to successfully quit that drug.
1 - I wanted to quit.
2 - Honesty. I confessed to everyone that would listen, what they already knew anyway
3 - I focused on people that i love - my children and wanting to do what was right for them
4 - Disassociation from everyone, and everything that i knew was involved in that drug
5 - Exercise and motivation. I filled my time with positivity and healthy activities, like my garden and walking.
6 - I will always remember that no matter how bad things seem, or how sad or lonely i feel...it could never be even a fraction of how bad i felt while living a life of shame on that drug. I will never forget how it made me not want to be alive anymore. I will always feel proud of how far i have come, rather than feel shame in how low i got.
There you go Toby...if you read this...that is how i quit that drug. That is how i continue to know that i will never go back to that life.
Good morning people! I had a fantastic sleep overnight. Time for our run. xoxox
I have thought a lot about that question over the past week. I have thought a lot about how i gave up P. Several police officers have told me that they have never known anyone, that has truly been able to give it up. I have been told that i am the only person that people have met that has been able to just quit that drug and not look back.
I went back and searched through my old posts, and looked for a better answer than the one that i gave Toby the other day.
I wanted a more specific answer, in case i ever get asked that question again. So here goes. This is how i gave up my addiction to methamphetamine / P and changed my life.
1. I made up my mind to quit. I WANTED to quit. I was sick of living a life that i was ashamed of. I was sick of the hideous people that came with that drug. I had always known deep down that i was too good for that life. I was too good to be associating with criminals. I knew i was better than them.I knew i was worth more than that life.
From the day that i first tried P...my life went on a downward spiral. It went from bad to worse, until i just wanted to be dead. In the end it felt like i was too far gone to ever get back to a normal life. I realised that it was no coincidence that i was addicted to P and for the first time ever in my life, i felt suicidal.
I realised that it was no coincidence that i was addicted to P and for the first time in my life i was knowingly associating with people that had been in prison, were involved in gangs, were thieves, etc etc.
For the first time since my children were born, i barely saw them and put P before my relationship with them. I decided that i had to quit that drug. If things did not get better for me after giving up that drug...THEN i would kill myself.
I think, as with any addiction, in order to succeed in giving it up, you have to WANT to give it up. You have to be sick of it. You have to know that you are well and truly over it, hate it, not want to have it be part of your life anymore. You have to WANT to be cured. If you don't have that desire in you to want to quit...then you won't.
I decided that i WANTED to cure myself of this addiction. I made up my mind to do it.
2. I stopped living in denial. I knew i had to be honest with everyone in my life...and everyone who was not even in my life. I had to stop living in shame. I had to admit everything that i had done and take responsibility for my actions.
If i wanted help, and wanted to get better, i had to stop lying to every single person on this planet, including myself. I started by coming clean to James, the policeman that helped me so much back then. Then i told Nick. Neither judged me. Both wanted to help me. That just opened the floodgates, and i wanted everyone to know what i had done, what i had been through, and what i was going through.
Being honest helped me so much. It helped me feel proud of what i was doing, and how far i had come. I felt proud for the strength that i was showing everyday. I love feeling proud, after living in shame for so long. P never once made me feel as good, or as happy, as living a life that i am proud of, now makes me feel every single day.
3. I focused on the people that should have always come first in my life, from the day they were born. My children. I admitted to myself that previously i had placed more importance on a man ( my relationship with Danny ), P, money, and spending time with criminals, than i had on my relationship with them. I knew that i needed to fix that, before it was too late, and they ended up feeling about me...how i feel about my own mother. I will spend every day for the rest of my life, putting those wonderful kids of mine first in my life. I will never not be there for them again. They will never not know what is going on in my life again. They will never not know how much i love them. They will never miss me...again. They will never come second in my life again. They will always be my first priority.
4. I disappeared. I do not believe that anyone can quit that drug, and continue to live the same life that they lived while doing that drug. With the exception of D, as far as anyone that i knew while on that drug is concerned, i just went poof one day. I could be dead for all they know. I did not even say goodbye. I did not tell anyone that i was leaving, or quitting that life. I was just there one day, and gone the next. I did not want to give any of them the chance to try to talk me out of the changes that i was making.
I had to be prepared to never see any of those people again. I had to ensure that i was never in a situation where it was accessible to me. I am dead to those people, and they are dead to me. They don't exist to me anymore, and no doubt, i am long forgotten by them. Except for the stupid snowman, and that is only cause the stupid man had a crush on me. YUCK.
I will never ever place myself in a situation where i even know people that do that drug. I will never have it around me again. D is the only exception to that, and the only reason i make an exception for her, is because she is so sick. I make an exception for her because i know that seeing her, and trying to help her, only reinforces my opinion of just how evil that drug is. If i ever once looked at her and felt tempted to go back, she too would no longer be in my life. That is why i will never allow her to know where i live. I need to be dead to her too...if i ever feel tempted. I can't see that happening though.
Seeing her makes me feel even more proud of how far i have come. I would like to see her quit too. I would like to help her. She needs to want to quit though, and i can't make her want to give up that life. I can't preach to her. So i will continue to do little things to help her out...when i am able to. I remember how desperately i needed someone in my life that was not associated with that drug. I needed someone normal to care about me. I had that in Dan. I guess i look at it like D, has that in me.
The loneliest time of my life followed my decision to quit that drug. I still felt so lonely, right up until the time that i got Nixon back. I still spend all my time alone, just with Nixon, when i don't have the girls. I have gotten used to being alone. I enjoy my own company now. I fill my time with things that i enjoy doing. I have found new hobbies that i enjoy doing on my own.
I have discovered so much about myself, and for the first time in my life...i love myself. Being alone is one million times better than having crackheads in my life. I have learned to like being alone.
5. I focused on exercise, and my health. Every day that i exercise is a hundred times better than if i don't. I feel happier, and more energetic on the days that i get straight out of bed and go for a run. Exercise is definitely an essential part of my recovery from drug addiction and depression. I truly used to notice the difference in how i felt on the days that i would be lazy, as opposed to the days that i got myself outside and motivated on my walks.
These days, i have no choice...thanks to Nixon i have to walk or run so far that i feel fantastic by the time that we stroll back towards our driveway.
6. I will never forget seeing those mugshots of me. I will always associate that drug with those mugshots. They horrified me. A couple of people have worried about me when i have been upset about things and have asked if i am tempted to go back. My answer has always been a firm NO. I remember nothing good from that life. I only remember a nightmare.
I will save myself the hassle and nightmare that drug wreaks in every life it touches, and just kill myself, before i ever do that drug again. I will just take a shortcut to where i know that i would end up, if i ever touched it again.
That will never happen. I am a different person now, to the person that i was that first tried that drug. At the time, i saw no future without Danny. I loved him so much, and i did not know how i was going to survive without him. I truly thought he was the only love of my life, and that the pain of him disappearing from my life would never leave me.
I am stronger, and healthier, both mentally and physically, than i was back then. I am happy now. I have hope for my future, and faith that it is only going to keep getting better. Instead of hating myself for the mistakes that i have made...i love myself and feel proud that i had the strength in me to recover from such a terrible mistake.
That, my friends, is the answer that i would have liked to have given Toby, the other day. It is the answer that i would have given him, if i had more time than to just say, it was the most horrible time of my life and i am glad that it is in my past.
Doing all 6 of these things, was essential for me to successfully quit that drug.
1 - I wanted to quit.
2 - Honesty. I confessed to everyone that would listen, what they already knew anyway
3 - I focused on people that i love - my children and wanting to do what was right for them
4 - Disassociation from everyone, and everything that i knew was involved in that drug
5 - Exercise and motivation. I filled my time with positivity and healthy activities, like my garden and walking.
6 - I will always remember that no matter how bad things seem, or how sad or lonely i feel...it could never be even a fraction of how bad i felt while living a life of shame on that drug. I will never forget how it made me not want to be alive anymore. I will always feel proud of how far i have come, rather than feel shame in how low i got.
There you go Toby...if you read this...that is how i quit that drug. That is how i continue to know that i will never go back to that life.
Good morning people! I had a fantastic sleep overnight. Time for our run. xoxox
November 23, 2009
Beauty in the truth
Yep...another one of those lessons that i had to learn the hard way. All good. X
Too early to hit the sack?
I have resisted the urge to take a nap since 2pm when Nixon and i returned home from our walk. Instead of napping...i got busy cleaning. It's always messy here, after a week with the girls. I also always have boatloads of laundry to hand wash as well.
I have to vacuum everyday now, with Nixon around. Although with his hair shorter, the amount of leaves and sticks that he drags inside, buried in his fur has reduced. He got so hot today during our walk that he just stopped and enjoyed a lie down in a puddle. haha. It was cute. I never have to worry about him taking off if i leave the door open or whatever now. He gets enough walks now, i guess, that he doesn't feel the need to. I used to have to be so careful because he would be gone in a flash, if you let your guard down for a split second.
So i got my place all spic and span. Watered my garden. Watched a DVD that the girls got me to download. Had a chat with a friend on facebook...went for another walk with Nixon...had a shower, and here i am.
Buggered, and with my bed all to myself. How bloody fantastic is that? Nixon is on the floor next to my bed...I have my WHOLE bed to myself and i have not slept all day.
AND! i got this from Billy this afternoon...
I have to vacuum everyday now, with Nixon around. Although with his hair shorter, the amount of leaves and sticks that he drags inside, buried in his fur has reduced. He got so hot today during our walk that he just stopped and enjoyed a lie down in a puddle. haha. It was cute. I never have to worry about him taking off if i leave the door open or whatever now. He gets enough walks now, i guess, that he doesn't feel the need to. I used to have to be so careful because he would be gone in a flash, if you let your guard down for a split second.
So i got my place all spic and span. Watered my garden. Watched a DVD that the girls got me to download. Had a chat with a friend on facebook...went for another walk with Nixon...had a shower, and here i am.
Buggered, and with my bed all to myself. How bloody fantastic is that? Nixon is on the floor next to my bed...I have my WHOLE bed to myself and i have not slept all day.
AND! i got this from Billy this afternoon...
OMG! Got up this morning and look what happened overnight!!! SNOW!!!
This was the view this morning from my parent's living room window. Now i am more homesick than ever. How cool that Billy is going to get a white Christmas. I am so proud of how well he is doing over in the States. He has even applied to colleges now....they call University, College over there. I am proud of him.
On that note...my shoulders and arms got tan today while walking. I officially have tan lines. Last summer, i did not even leave my apartment during the day, i don't think. I missed the whole summer. I am going to make the most of this one.
Goodnight. x
Seems the only industry offering any job security these days is the funeral industry!
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/3086737/Court-tense-as-Vercoe-murder-accused-appears
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/3086466/Queenstown-death-charges-still-being-investigated
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10611117
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/6502346/body-of-cyclist-found-in-tauranga-harbour/
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/6503562/body-believed-to-be-that-of-missing-man/
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/mp/6502284/skull-found-on-beach-had-fillings-local/
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/6503722/murder-accused-bold-brazen-crown/
What is UP with that???
All that in just the past couple of days. Is there something in the water? There are heaps more too, but i can't be bothered finding them.
Also not included is the woman that was found fully engulfed in flames this morning.
What is going on New Zealand? It's sure not the same country that i moved to 20 years ago.
Nixon and i left for our walk at about 10 am and only just got back about a half hour ago. We walked for like 4 hours. We went all the way to D's place and back...i went to collect my cookie tin so that i could make some more and take them to her. I think sometimes, my cookies are the only thing she eats.
Had a glass of water and a smoke with her, before Nixon and i headed out for the walk back home. It was a fantastic walk...and just like when you are driving...the trip there seemed a lot longer than the trip home. Weird huh?
I like seeing D every once in awhile, and taking her food and things. Seeing her is like seeing a real life poster child for why i could never go back to that life...and how far i have come. She is the only person that i know that does that drug...that i know that i can still be around. It's actually so weird to hear her stories now...it's like listening to someone tell me about a nightmare that they just had.
She was telling me how the snowman still pesters her for my address...she said that she thought he would let it go at first but that he still bugs her...wanting to know where i am. I will never let anyone that does that drug know where i am. ESPECIALLY not that revolting, hideous snowman. I wonder why he wants to know where i am anyway. I always told him that there was not enough money in the world for me to spend an hour with him. I told him that...and i meant it.
I would die if he ever turned up here. There is no way that i could get away with that kind of life, and the kind of people that i had turning up at my place...where i live now. The snowman is also friends with that Dave loser...Danny and Brian's friend.
Penny would probably beat them off with a stick. Penny is my neighbour in the front unit. She is a lovely lady...but sometimes she spits in my face when she talks. Actually...she always spits all over the place when she talks. I have learned to keep a bit of a distance haha.
Anyway...D was telling me how the snowman sold two bags of salt to some people and nearly got his ass killed. What a dope. Jeez i don't miss the people from that world. I did get some good news from her though. Bog ...this fat hideous Indian waste of space that i knew got busted! yeeee haaaaa....i hope he got busted thanks to the info that was in my phone.
I had a severe dislike for Bog. Hideous piece of crappy lard that he was.
Anyway...i am feeling great after my walk, and my visit with D. The occasional visit with her makes me realise that everything i have done and been through to change my life....really has been totally and utterly worth every little ounce of effort that it took to become proud of my life, instead of ashamed. I am so glad that i don't have to associate with those people anymore.
On that note...i am off to the garden centre. I want to plant more tomatoes. You should see the size of my pea pods and how many i have now! They are HUGE!
I will take a photo later after i have done my gardening.
Back later...hopefully no more dead bodies will turn up in NZ while i am gone.
Sheeesh.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/3086466/Queenstown-death-charges-still-being-investigated
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10611117
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/6502346/body-of-cyclist-found-in-tauranga-harbour/
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/6503562/body-believed-to-be-that-of-missing-man/
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/mp/6502284/skull-found-on-beach-had-fillings-local/
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/6503722/murder-accused-bold-brazen-crown/
What is UP with that???
All that in just the past couple of days. Is there something in the water? There are heaps more too, but i can't be bothered finding them.
Also not included is the woman that was found fully engulfed in flames this morning.
What is going on New Zealand? It's sure not the same country that i moved to 20 years ago.
Nixon and i left for our walk at about 10 am and only just got back about a half hour ago. We walked for like 4 hours. We went all the way to D's place and back...i went to collect my cookie tin so that i could make some more and take them to her. I think sometimes, my cookies are the only thing she eats.
Had a glass of water and a smoke with her, before Nixon and i headed out for the walk back home. It was a fantastic walk...and just like when you are driving...the trip there seemed a lot longer than the trip home. Weird huh?
I like seeing D every once in awhile, and taking her food and things. Seeing her is like seeing a real life poster child for why i could never go back to that life...and how far i have come. She is the only person that i know that does that drug...that i know that i can still be around. It's actually so weird to hear her stories now...it's like listening to someone tell me about a nightmare that they just had.
She was telling me how the snowman still pesters her for my address...she said that she thought he would let it go at first but that he still bugs her...wanting to know where i am. I will never let anyone that does that drug know where i am. ESPECIALLY not that revolting, hideous snowman. I wonder why he wants to know where i am anyway. I always told him that there was not enough money in the world for me to spend an hour with him. I told him that...and i meant it.
I would die if he ever turned up here. There is no way that i could get away with that kind of life, and the kind of people that i had turning up at my place...where i live now. The snowman is also friends with that Dave loser...Danny and Brian's friend.
Penny would probably beat them off with a stick. Penny is my neighbour in the front unit. She is a lovely lady...but sometimes she spits in my face when she talks. Actually...she always spits all over the place when she talks. I have learned to keep a bit of a distance haha.
Anyway...D was telling me how the snowman sold two bags of salt to some people and nearly got his ass killed. What a dope. Jeez i don't miss the people from that world. I did get some good news from her though. Bog ...this fat hideous Indian waste of space that i knew got busted! yeeee haaaaa....i hope he got busted thanks to the info that was in my phone.
I had a severe dislike for Bog. Hideous piece of crappy lard that he was.
Anyway...i am feeling great after my walk, and my visit with D. The occasional visit with her makes me realise that everything i have done and been through to change my life....really has been totally and utterly worth every little ounce of effort that it took to become proud of my life, instead of ashamed. I am so glad that i don't have to associate with those people anymore.
On that note...i am off to the garden centre. I want to plant more tomatoes. You should see the size of my pea pods and how many i have now! They are HUGE!
I will take a photo later after i have done my gardening.
Back later...hopefully no more dead bodies will turn up in NZ while i am gone.
Sheeesh.
My chronic fatigue syndrome
I have decided that the chronic fatigue that i have been suffering since last Friday...is due to the fact that my beautiful baby...Jorgia...likes to sleep with me. I love that she wants to sleep with me...however, with her AND Nixon in my bed, i don't think that i get a very good sleep.
Last night, she was talking in her sleep. She is so gorgeous. I ended up on the couch again though.
Anyone who has sat on my 3 seater...knows that there is a big dent in the middle of it that will never bounce back to normal. This is due to the fact that during my stint on P...i sat on that couch wide awake...24-7. Anyone that ever came over to my place during that time...always found me sitting on the couch, with the TV on (and up loud) whether i was watching it or not. It even stayed on during the infomercials at 4am. This was due to the fact that i felt like if the TV was on ...then i was a little less lonely. It helped to hear voices...even if it was the voice of Victoria Principal selling her face freezing cream.
So...if i was not driving around to random parts of Auckland, looking for Danny...my ass was planted on this couch. Despite it being a huge comfy couch...the permanent ass dent in the middle makes it very uncomfortable to sleep on. Therefor i have had absolutely crap sleeps since Wed night when i got the girls back.
Having to drop them at school in Howick, also means that Nixon and i miss out on our morning run. We have to leave home about 7:15am, so that Nicole gets dropped off at school early. I think she does this because she is scared that if i drop her off when there are lots of other kids around...Jorgia and i will embarrass her by beeping and waving out the window like we did once, when i was driving a crappy old Mazda that was manufactured when i was still a teenager.
Ever since Jorgia and I did that ...laughing hysterically at how embarrassed Nicole was...she has not wanted me to drop her off when other kids are around.
Anyway...so chronic fatigue has been put down to crap sleeps because my bed is too crowded and no morning exercise.
Back to normal today and tomorrow...then i get my angels back for one night on Wed night. We are going to see New Moon that night because i have promised to have finished the books by then...and then i have a week without them, so can catch up on my efforts at getting my body clock back to something resembling a human.
On that note...i need to clean this place and take Nixon for his run. No nanna naps today. I WILL NOT TAKE A NAP TODAY. Repeat ten times then go for a run.
Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrr x
Last night, she was talking in her sleep. She is so gorgeous. I ended up on the couch again though.
Anyone who has sat on my 3 seater...knows that there is a big dent in the middle of it that will never bounce back to normal. This is due to the fact that during my stint on P...i sat on that couch wide awake...24-7. Anyone that ever came over to my place during that time...always found me sitting on the couch, with the TV on (and up loud) whether i was watching it or not. It even stayed on during the infomercials at 4am. This was due to the fact that i felt like if the TV was on ...then i was a little less lonely. It helped to hear voices...even if it was the voice of Victoria Principal selling her face freezing cream.
So...if i was not driving around to random parts of Auckland, looking for Danny...my ass was planted on this couch. Despite it being a huge comfy couch...the permanent ass dent in the middle makes it very uncomfortable to sleep on. Therefor i have had absolutely crap sleeps since Wed night when i got the girls back.
Having to drop them at school in Howick, also means that Nixon and i miss out on our morning run. We have to leave home about 7:15am, so that Nicole gets dropped off at school early. I think she does this because she is scared that if i drop her off when there are lots of other kids around...Jorgia and i will embarrass her by beeping and waving out the window like we did once, when i was driving a crappy old Mazda that was manufactured when i was still a teenager.
Ever since Jorgia and I did that ...laughing hysterically at how embarrassed Nicole was...she has not wanted me to drop her off when other kids are around.
Anyway...so chronic fatigue has been put down to crap sleeps because my bed is too crowded and no morning exercise.
Back to normal today and tomorrow...then i get my angels back for one night on Wed night. We are going to see New Moon that night because i have promised to have finished the books by then...and then i have a week without them, so can catch up on my efforts at getting my body clock back to something resembling a human.
On that note...i need to clean this place and take Nixon for his run. No nanna naps today. I WILL NOT TAKE A NAP TODAY. Repeat ten times then go for a run.
Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrr x
I have forgiven
I am no longer angry. I have forgiven.
Forgetting is proving a little more difficult.
I will get there though.
X
Forgetting is proving a little more difficult.
I will get there though.
X
November 22, 2009
Hundreds march over government inaction | Stuff.co.nz
The anti smacking referendum cost the government a cool 9 million dollars, and they totally ignored the outcome. pphhhtttt...what's 9 million bucks? Pocket change...obviously.
There...i found something to bitch about. What was the point? If they were just going to ignore the public opinion then why didn't they spend that 9 million dollars on the extremely under funded social services that are there to help at risk families...but because they are so lacking in funding from the government their resources are spread too thin!?!?
I knew i could find something to bitch about, if i tried hard enough. As you were.
O M G ...I have totally done this
HAHAHHAHA
I love how he just recovers and walks out like nothing happened.
I did a similar thing today. Nixon and i were out on our walk. We were on a very busy road and walking past a smallish shopping centre...one of those blocks of shops that has all those Asian food stores and the compulsory Super Liquor outlet.
I tried to slow down so that i could tighten the hoodie that i had tied around my waist and all of a sudden Nixon took off. He yanked my arm and made me run, while i was trying to tie the damn sweatshirt and i totally tripped up.
Not just one of those little trips that can easily be recovered from...i tripped, then did a running 4 or 5 steps in order to find enough time to put my hands out and break my fall, effectively stopping my face from being planted into the concrete.
The palms of my hands are scraped up and i have yet to check out the state of my knees...i am wearing jeans.
I made an immaculate recovery, despite the busy road that i was on, and the only person that saw was the little Asian man that was walking towards me. ha...i think my girls were more embarrassed for me when i told them about it, than i was at the time.
They are still laughing.
All is OK. Rob Thomas was nowhere in the vicinity. My pride will recover.
Amazingly enough...i have nothing to rant about today. Really. So much. Is this a new first on my path of recovery? Why yes...i think it just might be.
I have absolutely nothing to bitch about right now. I will go away and think hard. I am sure i can come up with something. ha
Back later. x
Movember - Show us your mo competition! | Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
Movember - Show us your mo competition! Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
The Mental Health Foundation of NZ are raising awareness about men's depression - they are giving away an 8g Ipod Touch. Pretty cool, if you ask me. All you have to do is send in a photo of your mo.
Unfortunately, i don't have a mo, so i can't enter...yet. Give me a few more years and that will probably change. haha...so someone should win this and then give it to me.
Since i am so cool and smart. ok.
The Mental Health Foundation of NZ are raising awareness about men's depression - they are giving away an 8g Ipod Touch. Pretty cool, if you ask me. All you have to do is send in a photo of your mo.
Unfortunately, i don't have a mo, so i can't enter...yet. Give me a few more years and that will probably change. haha...so someone should win this and then give it to me.
Since i am so cool and smart. ok.
Stripper fail
hahhahahahaha
I'm not too stressed about my 1am wake up tonight. It's hard to sleep with Jorgia and Nixon in my bed. Couch time for me...i think.
Back to sleep for me...unless i find more things to make me laugh. x
November 21, 2009
Anzac blitz on drunken violence | Stuff.co.nz
Anzac blitz on drunken violence Stuff.co.nz
Alcohol induced violence and crime costs New Zealanders over 1 billion dollars per year...according to this article.
Why is this blitz only being done in Christchurch?
I hate drunks. There is a corner in my neighbourhood...on the main street where the shops are, where drunk kids hang out from basically Wednesday - Sunday night. I feel sorry for the lovely cafe that is right there, as well as all the other businesses. I avoid that area most of the time. Apparently there is a petition going around to stop the street kid looking things from congregating there. I wonder how much good that will do.
I drank a beer today. I was so hot after getting back from our walk and i opened my fridge to get a cold drink. There have been two beers sitting in the door of my fridge, since Steve stayed here...the weekend of my birthday back in September. I opened one and drank half of it. It did taste nice and refreshing. By the time i got half way through it...it was warm. So i swapped it for an ice cold Fanta.
It's funny how apparently once you are an alcoholic or a drug addict, they say you will always be one. I don't feel that way. I have no desire to ever abuse my body like that ever again. I know i never will. I don't believe that ...once an addict, always an addict ...stuff. Maybe for some people it is like that...hard to resist temptation for the rest of their life.
I don't feel any temptation at all.
Anyway...i said i was going to bed like an hour ago. Then i got reading stuff...now i am REALLY going to sleep....for reals.
Night x
PS...it is one month today since I got Nixon back. He is asleep here next to me...all clean and curly. I love him.
Alcohol induced violence and crime costs New Zealanders over 1 billion dollars per year...according to this article.
Why is this blitz only being done in Christchurch?
I hate drunks. There is a corner in my neighbourhood...on the main street where the shops are, where drunk kids hang out from basically Wednesday - Sunday night. I feel sorry for the lovely cafe that is right there, as well as all the other businesses. I avoid that area most of the time. Apparently there is a petition going around to stop the street kid looking things from congregating there. I wonder how much good that will do.
I drank a beer today. I was so hot after getting back from our walk and i opened my fridge to get a cold drink. There have been two beers sitting in the door of my fridge, since Steve stayed here...the weekend of my birthday back in September. I opened one and drank half of it. It did taste nice and refreshing. By the time i got half way through it...it was warm. So i swapped it for an ice cold Fanta.
It's funny how apparently once you are an alcoholic or a drug addict, they say you will always be one. I don't feel that way. I have no desire to ever abuse my body like that ever again. I know i never will. I don't believe that ...once an addict, always an addict ...stuff. Maybe for some people it is like that...hard to resist temptation for the rest of their life.
I don't feel any temptation at all.
Anyway...i said i was going to bed like an hour ago. Then i got reading stuff...now i am REALLY going to sleep....for reals.
Night x
PS...it is one month today since I got Nixon back. He is asleep here next to me...all clean and curly. I love him.
Thousands march for referenda action
I seriously considered going to this. Even if just to watch. I do not understand what the point of having those referendums is,.if John Key is not going to listen to them. They are not cheap. Seems like a big huge waste of money to me - just for him and the rest of Parliament to ignore the results.
In fact, i think Sue Bradford got some kind of award the same week as something mean like 86% of NZers voted that they think her anti smacking law is bullsh#t - for the work that she did in creating that law. Hello - all of NZ disagrees with it - but here is an award for the work that you did while creating something that the country hates.
Duh.
So anyway- i was going to go to this march but then something dawned on me. If i start protesting shit - all i will need to do is grow a moustache and put a sheepskin slipper on my head, learn how to pretend the police are roughing me up every time there is a camera around - and i will have become SUE BRADFORD.
I will hold my own silent protests in my living room.
Between 4000 and 5000 people are marching through central Auckland this afternoon, urging the Government to act on referenda.
The "March for Democracy" along Queen Street has been organised to protest the Government's failure to respond to three citizens-initiated referendums including one calling for the repeal anti-smacking legislation.
Protesters are bearing placards aimed at Prime Minister John Key, some reading "JK listen to me" and "JFK, John Fuhrer Key".
Auckland businessman Colin Craig has funded the march.
He said the march is focusing on the Government's failure to respond to referendums on reducing the number of MPs; a more victim-centred justice system; and amending the anti-smacking legislation.
He said the march was demanding the smacking law be changed so that a light smack was not a criminal offence
More Rob Thomas - 3am
I love this song. This acoustic version is amazing.
He is gorgeous.
I really need to get laid.
I think my inner monologue is being noisy again. Did you hear something?
I am full of home made hell dogs. So are the girls. So is Nixon. Do you have any idea how many hell dogs are in a whole kilo? I can't believe that is what we lose if we lose a kilo off our bodies....or in some cases, what we put on. Scary.
He is gorgeous.
I really need to get laid.
I think my inner monologue is being noisy again. Did you hear something?
I am full of home made hell dogs. So are the girls. So is Nixon. Do you have any idea how many hell dogs are in a whole kilo? I can't believe that is what we lose if we lose a kilo off our bodies....or in some cases, what we put on. Scary.
Road code - About limits
Road code - About limits
I mentioned earlier, that i was curious about whether or not, the anti depressant that i am on, would be considered driving while on drugs. I know that guy that was recently found guilty of manslaughter...or something similar, after killing that woman out in Karaka, was on a cocktail of prescribed medication, as well as alcohol and other substances that day. I was curious to know whether or not, had he just been on his prescribed medication, which was obviously some heavy meds...would the outcome of his trial still have been the same?
My medication does make me very drowsy...sometimes. Other times it has the opposite affect. For the life of me i can't work out what the trigger is that makes me drowsy. It was not until yesterday, when i drove home from Howick in the morning, after dropping the girls at school, that i wondered if i would be in any trouble if pulled over and drug tested.
The road code is very vague regarding which drugs the police are able to test for. It basically just says that some prescribed medication can be tested for so ask your doctor if it is recommended that you drive while taking it.
Since ignorance is no excuse when it comes to breaking the law...would it not seem practical for the NZ Police, or the LTSA to provide the public with this information? Exactly which prescribed medications we could get in trouble for driving on?
Friday, i felt so drowsy, that once i arrived back home, i felt like i should not have driven home from Howick. Most days, i am fine. Every day...i am on that drug.
Yesterday's drive just made me think about this a lot, and the above, very vague link, is the only information that i can find regarding this...online anyway.
On that note...i have bought our very own Hell Dogs and sweet chilli sauce to make at home. We have a whole kilo of Hell Dogs to scoff between the 3 of us. I just have to cook them first. Stink buzz. Back laterrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I mentioned earlier, that i was curious about whether or not, the anti depressant that i am on, would be considered driving while on drugs. I know that guy that was recently found guilty of manslaughter...or something similar, after killing that woman out in Karaka, was on a cocktail of prescribed medication, as well as alcohol and other substances that day. I was curious to know whether or not, had he just been on his prescribed medication, which was obviously some heavy meds...would the outcome of his trial still have been the same?
My medication does make me very drowsy...sometimes. Other times it has the opposite affect. For the life of me i can't work out what the trigger is that makes me drowsy. It was not until yesterday, when i drove home from Howick in the morning, after dropping the girls at school, that i wondered if i would be in any trouble if pulled over and drug tested.
The road code is very vague regarding which drugs the police are able to test for. It basically just says that some prescribed medication can be tested for so ask your doctor if it is recommended that you drive while taking it.
Since ignorance is no excuse when it comes to breaking the law...would it not seem practical for the NZ Police, or the LTSA to provide the public with this information? Exactly which prescribed medications we could get in trouble for driving on?
Friday, i felt so drowsy, that once i arrived back home, i felt like i should not have driven home from Howick. Most days, i am fine. Every day...i am on that drug.
Yesterday's drive just made me think about this a lot, and the above, very vague link, is the only information that i can find regarding this...online anyway.
On that note...i have bought our very own Hell Dogs and sweet chilli sauce to make at home. We have a whole kilo of Hell Dogs to scoff between the 3 of us. I just have to cook them first. Stink buzz. Back laterrrrrrrrrrrrr.
If you missed the final Rove last night
You have to see the segment with Judith Lucy, talking about her meeting with John Mayer...it's hilarious.
That woman is hilarious.
That woman is hilarious.
I escaped the hormones
and took Nixon on the hugest walk. I bet you are wondering just how far we went aren't you? If not...too bad, i am going to tell you anyway.
For those of you that are privileged enough to be included in my circle of trust, and know where i live...haha We walked so far that, that a car load of hot guys from out of town, towing a racing car, stopped and talked to me to ask me for directions to Waikaraka Park...and i easily gave them directions to where they wanted to go...then we continued the LONG way that we had to go to get home.
That is something that i have to keep in mind when going on these long walks with Nixon...it is all very well to keep walking but eventually we have to turn around and head back home. I nearly had back sweat today, and if I'd had my cell phone on me, and one of the girls had their license...i think i would have rung them to go pick us up.
Nixon is going to need another bath tonight. I let him swim in a creek because it was so hot out there. God only knows what is in the water in those dodgy creeks. I can give him more of a haircut then too, because he will be so tired.
The girls seem to have expelled the demons that were possessing them, while i was out, so that is nice. It is semi peaceful here now. I am downloading some movies that they want to see right now.
Tonight we are going to have a movie and junk food night...for our viewing pleasure we shall be watching...
The 500 Days of Summer
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
My Sister's Keeper
and
Coraline
Soon, we will be heading to Pak n Save to stock up on munchies.
I think i am recovering from the drowsiness that i felt yesterday. I went back to sleep this morning and woke up about 11am ...so that means that i slept about 20 of the previous 24 hours...but now i am feeling semi normal again.
I will NEVER take my pill in the morning again.
Back later...X
For those of you that are privileged enough to be included in my circle of trust, and know where i live...haha We walked so far that, that a car load of hot guys from out of town, towing a racing car, stopped and talked to me to ask me for directions to Waikaraka Park...and i easily gave them directions to where they wanted to go...then we continued the LONG way that we had to go to get home.
That is something that i have to keep in mind when going on these long walks with Nixon...it is all very well to keep walking but eventually we have to turn around and head back home. I nearly had back sweat today, and if I'd had my cell phone on me, and one of the girls had their license...i think i would have rung them to go pick us up.
Nixon is going to need another bath tonight. I let him swim in a creek because it was so hot out there. God only knows what is in the water in those dodgy creeks. I can give him more of a haircut then too, because he will be so tired.
The girls seem to have expelled the demons that were possessing them, while i was out, so that is nice. It is semi peaceful here now. I am downloading some movies that they want to see right now.
Tonight we are going to have a movie and junk food night...for our viewing pleasure we shall be watching...
The 500 Days of Summer
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
My Sister's Keeper
and
Coraline
Soon, we will be heading to Pak n Save to stock up on munchies.
I think i am recovering from the drowsiness that i felt yesterday. I went back to sleep this morning and woke up about 11am ...so that means that i slept about 20 of the previous 24 hours...but now i am feeling semi normal again.
I will NEVER take my pill in the morning again.
Back later...X
Police officers disciplined for misconduct
Police officers disciplined for misconduct - Yahoo!Xtra News
Jeez...some of the things that the police can be disciplined for seem awfully trivial. Use of offensive language while off duty? It's not against the law to swear. That seems harsh to me. These people are human after all, and have their own lives and dramas once they take that uniform off.
The most interesting one to me, on that list is the misuse of the Police Database, and disclosing Police information. That should be a sackable offence, and shows a total lack of maturity and ability to be trusted with the sensitive information that they deal with on a day to day basis.
On that note...i really should check my Baillie email and see if i have heard from the Investigator that i was dealing with regarding Renate Peter's friend's indiscretion. He is the same man that interviewed me over the Dan thing...his whole job revolves around investigating breaches of professional standard within the Police. It would be interesting to know what is happening there, although i know these things do take time. Dan's thing is still on going after 5 months...however Dan's thing is not as straight forward as a friend of Renate's who works for the Police blatantly accessing my file and breaching every code of conduct possible when it comes to use of the police database and breaching my right to privacy.
I hardly think an investigation or hearing would even be required. I am going to do everything i can to make sure that person is disciplined to the fullest extent possible. This person that Renate knows, doing that, could have pushed me over the edge. If he does it again, it could well push someone else over the edge. That person does not deserve to be employed in a position of trust.
Jeez...some of the things that the police can be disciplined for seem awfully trivial. Use of offensive language while off duty? It's not against the law to swear. That seems harsh to me. These people are human after all, and have their own lives and dramas once they take that uniform off.
The most interesting one to me, on that list is the misuse of the Police Database, and disclosing Police information. That should be a sackable offence, and shows a total lack of maturity and ability to be trusted with the sensitive information that they deal with on a day to day basis.
On that note...i really should check my Baillie email and see if i have heard from the Investigator that i was dealing with regarding Renate Peter's friend's indiscretion. He is the same man that interviewed me over the Dan thing...his whole job revolves around investigating breaches of professional standard within the Police. It would be interesting to know what is happening there, although i know these things do take time. Dan's thing is still on going after 5 months...however Dan's thing is not as straight forward as a friend of Renate's who works for the Police blatantly accessing my file and breaching every code of conduct possible when it comes to use of the police database and breaching my right to privacy.
I hardly think an investigation or hearing would even be required. I am going to do everything i can to make sure that person is disciplined to the fullest extent possible. This person that Renate knows, doing that, could have pushed me over the edge. If he does it again, it could well push someone else over the edge. That person does not deserve to be employed in a position of trust.
PMS Central
Boy...did Nick luck out this weekend ...or what?
That is all.
I'm good in bed
I remembered my pill last night so i won't be taking another this morning. I took two yesterday.I will never take one in the morning again. Better to just skip it.
Hopefully, i am a functional human being today, instead of a zombie.
Fingers crossed, cause my inability to move for any reason other than Nixon, or the girls yesterday was pretty horrible.
I am now going to drink a bucket of coffee and hope for the best.
Good morning sunshine!
All i need
Guess who is awake? Guess who is still the hottest man on the planet?
This is my favourite Matchbox 20 song. It always makes me smile. So does Rob Thomas.
Isn't he gorgeous? At least i can look at him at 1am...looking at Rob Thomas on youtube is better than looking at a snoring, smelly man, who is breathing his bad breathe on me...anyday. ha
I have to try to sleep so that i don't sleep all day again.
This totally bites.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
November 20, 2009
Never go to bed mad
I used to say that. I always said ...never go to bed on an argument. I gave up saying that after awhile though. I would have gotten less sleep, than when i was on P, if i had stayed up and waited for Danny to figure out how to communicate.
I have very funny friends
"Hey , hows it going , will i get conjugal rights if your in the clink? hehe love you"I had to inform this friend that hopefully, it is unlikely that i will end up in the clink, but that i might have to pay him for his services for a year instead of vice versa like the old days!
hahahaha TOTALLY just kidding...
kinda
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
lol
Run time. I have to let out some ...tension. haha
Men stare at me
OK so i woke up at 4am and could not get back to sleep. I have been googling absolutely useless (but funny) shit for the last hour and a half. I'm not tired this morning though, so that is a bonus.
Good morning!
Good morning!
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