It's not that you don't know this, it's that you keep forgetting it and need to be reminded of it: God can use you! Yes, the same God who worked through Moses and Esther, Deborah and Paul, works today through imperfect people like you and me. He can give you victory in the place of defeat and turn last year's humiliation into this year's celebration. All the great achievers in the Bible had one thing in common: they were just ordinary people who took risks in obedience to God, believed Him and ended up doing amazing things.
Can you imagine trying to fill Moses' shoes? God had used him to dry up the Red Sea, wipe out the Egyptian army, receive the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai and feed millions of Israelites every day in the wilderness. How would you like to follow someone like that? The thought of it must have shaken Joshua to his core. But God reassured him: 'No man shall be able to stand before you...as I was with Moses, so I will be with you...' (Joshua 1:5 NKJV). Once he heard those words he had the confidence needed to pick up where Moses left off.
The Bible says, 'We walk by faith, not by sight.' The devil doesn't mind you speaking words of faith as long as you don't take steps of faith. So trust God. When He says something to you it's always for a good reason. When He tells you to do something, He will give you the strength and resources to do it. What's God asking you to do? Step out in faith and do it!
Lots of things going on here in my world lately.
Billy has purchased his first car. It is redder, faster, and noisier than what i had envisioned for him - which is a worry - but he is happy. If i had my way - he would be putting around in a Morris Minor like the boys did back in the 80s. Now a third of my mother taxi duties have been relinquished and replaced with the worry that my son is driving around on the roads with people like Dre Oakley.
It is T's first day at Uni today. I am jealous of him - getting to start before me. I have to wait until next week for my first lecture. I am excited for him as well though, and also excited about my new "stepmother" duties. He gets his children back for a week today and i get to pick them up from school all by myself because he will still be in the city when they finish. Whoa - it is like we are becoming a real family. I would say that i will have my eyes peeled for Ms Pop Up - but that kind of blew over as fast as it blew in. It was a total non event.
I have been saddened by a response that T received from his sister these past few days. She lives in London, and he has not seen her or had contact with her for 6 years. The last time he saw her he was wasted on P and things did not end well. I had encouraged contact with her just like i had encouraged him to contact his parents. I kind of wish i hadn't now. I do not know the full story of what happened back then but it is clear from the email exchange that forgiveness and moving forward is not one of her fortes. T had warned me this would most likely be the case, but i encouraged him to try anyway - and now i kinda wish i hadn't! Whale Oil's post re The Cult of Victimism pretty much sums her and their correspondence up. T tried to explain how frail and ill their mother is - the sister has no contact with the parents either - and the response he received went like "YES YES when mum was dying 6 years ago i did this and that for her...."
That was about when i told T to give up.
Still - not a happy outcome and it kind of makes me sad. I won't dwell on that too much though. Forgiveness is a hard thing to learn - i remember that well. I just hope her words don't get T too down. The whole thing made me want to hug my own sisters. We have had some nasty arguments in the past - huge fights - but we have always managed to remain close.
Hmmm - What else? I received a job offer yesterday. I received an email from someone that i used to know offering me a job managing a brothel.
Unfortunately - i had to decline. As much as the extra money would be wonderful right now - not only would encouraging damaged women to damage their lives further not sit well on my conscience - i can think of nothing worse than having a bunch of cats who are competing with men for their money in my life again.
Talk about the enemy trying to stick an oar in! I have never been more grateful to be grateful for what i have. I will take the broke road thanks.