My Sunday Rant

According to the Arnotts website, New Zealanders love their Shapes and munch their way through 8 million packets each year.

That is so very many crackers.

So i am not strange or weird to admit that cheddar flavoured Shapes are one of my favourite things to munch on. I love them. I have loved them for a long time. During that terrible time of my life, when i was addicted to methamphetamine, about the only things i ate for a whole year were Skittles, pistachio nuts, Camembert cheese with rice crackers....and cheddar flavoured Shapes.

My mouth is no longer so dry that i need Skittles to salivate. I can no longer afford pistachio nuts. My body is no longer speeding so fast that my butt can afford to eat a block of cheese a day without it expanding to the size of a small house. I can though, still enjoy a box of Shapes every once in awhile - well i thought i could anyway - until i started hanging out with a particular friend of mine.

My efforts to consume a box of Shapes are hindered from the moment that i spot the box on the shelf at the supermarket. If i am with this friend of mine, he immediately launches into all the reasons why i should not purchase my Shapes, how gross they are, and how i "Don't deserve to have the body that i have if i keep eating that junk."

Sometimes his nagging advice has worked and i have put the box back. Three times though, i have ignored my nagging well meaning friend, rolled my eyes at him, and still purchased my Shapes.

Not one of those three boxes of Shapes have ended up in my stomach.

I get home with my beloved box of cheddar flavoured Shapes, and faster than i have opened the box, pulled open the tin foil packet inside, and reached into the box to grab a handful - the box is pulled out of my hands and like a 5 year old who has just arrived home from a long day at school - i am told that they will ruin my appetite for whatever meal is planned in the coming hours.

My friend closes the box and puts it in the cupboard.

I stare at the cupboard and say nothing. This happens every single time i attempt to consume a Shape cracker, until i give up and go home.

The funniest thing happens while i am gone though. My Shapes are NEVER in the cupboard when i return!

SOMEONE EATS MY SHAPES EVERY SINGLE TIME I LEAVE THEM ALONE.

I get told off every single time i even look at the box of Shapes, but as soon as i am gone, my friend devours the entire box on his own, then puts the EMPTY box back in his cupboard. Sorry - it was not empty last time. He left me two whole Shapes to eat when i returned. I know he left me two because when i complained that the box that i had returned to was now in the cupboard empty, after i was not allowed to eat them, so i had put it in the rubbish - he made a big deal of digging it out of the rubbish and showing me that there were still two in there - that he left for me.

THREE TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED.

Rant over.

As you were.

I am off to get three boxes of Shapes and eat them all on my own - without sharing - or getting nagged at.