Here are three rules for living.
First, learn to control the climate around you. Negativity is contagious; look out for its 'carriers'. Love them, lift them, but don't let them infect you. Filter what people say to you through God's Word. '...God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power (ability and a can-do attitude) and of love (which always looks for the best) and of a sound mind (which is stable and consistent)' (2 Timothy1:7 NKJV).
Second, learn to laugh at yourself. A woman who'd been given a lovely plant took it home, watered it, fertilised it and set it in the sun. A year later she discovered it was silk - and she still laughs about it. When you're secure in God's love and approval you can laugh at yourself; it's a mark of spiritual maturity.
Third, learn to factor God in. Ever hear of the 90/10 rule? When 90 per cent of the circumstances are uncontrollable, focus on the 10 per cent you can do something about. Paul did that. '...We were troubled on every side; without were fightings, within were fears. Nevertheless God...' (2 Corinthians 7:5-6 KJV). Note the words 'Nevertheless God'. When you're facing a mountain always remember: God can move it, He can level it, He can tunnel through it, or He can help you climb it. All you have to do is factor Him in by seeking His face and consulting His Word. 'Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom...' (Colossians 3:16 KJV). Keep a rich deposit of Scripture within you and draw on it daily.
Number four - the (minimum) five date rule before becoming physically intimate with someone should be a law. By the end of the 5th "date" or the 5th time you see each other and spend time together you have usually gotten to know the person well enough to see a bit of the REAL them...not just the part of them they WANT you to see.
Friday night (date number 4) was ok...but i was starting to see warning signs. I went to his place, then we headed out to a movie. I hadn't been to the movies in ages. I had a nice time. When i arrived at his place, earlier in the evening though, a workmate of his was on his way out the door. I got introduced to him briefly then my Mr Nice guy told me that they had just smoked marijuana. I don't know if i would have noticed this if he had not told me about the pot smoking, or not...but he acted weird all night. When we got back to his place after the movie, i was feeling pressured. We had a small "disagreement" about this, and i went home. Somehow though, he managed to convince me that this pressure that i was feeling regarding sex, was all in my head, about me, because of my past, and my problem.
Yesterday, we had such an awesome day. He has just bought a house, and he picked me up to take me with him while the building inspection report was being done. I was excited for him while he excitedly showed me his new home. He took me to his work, so i got to see where he spends his days. We went out for lunch with a friend of his, who i got on so well with. We laughed all afternoon, and his friend later text Mr Nice, and told him what a "keeper" he thought i was. It was an awesome feeling to be liked, and to get on so well with his friend, after how all of Danny's family hated me on sight. It really was.
This is my weekend with the kids though. I had things to do with them yesterday afternoon. I had promised to drop Nicole at her friend's place at about 6pm...so i had to be around home for that. Billy was going to Onehunga to stay at his relative's place, because they were all doing Round the Bays today...so since i was here, i offered to drive him, to save him from catching the bus. I had Jorgia to pick up from her friend's place straight away after dropping Nicole and Billy off, and Jorgia brought a friend back here to stay the night. I then had to pick Nicole and her friend up from a party at midnight....and in between all that Nixon needed a bath...and some love.
Well, Mr Nice, had said he was happy just staying home with me last night, and hanging around while i did everything that i usually do for the kids during my weekends to have them...but after 4 beers and a bottle of red wine, i guess that was no longer the case.
I hate alcohol. I really do. People that don't know when to stop, just have no idea how much it changes their personalities. Mr Nice, went from Mr Nice, to Mr Drunk Asshole, right before my eyes last night. He went from being the sweetest, and funniest guy that i have met in forever, to a mean drunk who obviously thought i would be ok with him resenting the fact that i had to spend my Saturday night doing things for my kids, and even went so far as complaining about "that bloody dog" not leaving him alone - or something. like. that.
Five dates, was just enough time, for me to see that he has a drinking problem...and most likely a marijuana problem, and is not particularly nice when he overdoes either of those substances. Five dates was long enough for him to realise that he doesn't particularly like, sitting around at my house, because i have to be here for the kids every other weekend. It was definitely enough time for him to realise that no matter how hard he tried, he is not a dog person.
Needless to say, these two realisations, caused a bit of an argument last night. He was too drunk to drive home, so he stayed here. This morning, after listening to drunk snoring all night, he asked me what i wanted him to do - we had plans today. He seemed to think that arguing by the 5th date, the way we did last night, is normal. He seemed to think this was just some kind of teething problem, that we needed to work out, that all new relationships go through.
Arguing by the 5th date is NOT normal. I told him i just wanted him to go. So he did.
He thinks i am letting bad experiences from my past effect my future. Maybe i am. But is that always such a bad thing? Danny got drunk every night, and every time Danny got drunk - we argued. Is it such a terrible thing that i don't want to do that again? In the past, i put everything before my children - including and especially - MEN. Is it such a bad thing that i refuse to do that ever again? Despite the problems, and frustrations that i sometimes have with my children, they (and God) are the only certain and concrete things in my life. They are all i have. They are all i have ever had - even when i chose P over them. I will never forget that, and i will never repeat the mistakes that i have made with them when it comes to their pecking order in my life.
So maybe i am letting my past experiences, effect my present. So what? The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. I am not going to make the same mistakes that i have already made. I am not going to repeat mistakes that never made me happy - again.
I would rather be single, than with the wrong person...and 5 dates was enough for me to realise that he is probably wrong for me. Things are so much clearer, and that was so much easier to realise, without the emotions that bringing sex into the equation involve.
Everyone should have a 5 date rule. It was so successful in fact, that i might just increase it to a ten date rule. Gosh - i am never going to get laid again! haha ;)
Back to sleep for me. Then maybe a run.. No plans for me today. Now.