Not really...but i had lots to do today. I actually managed to get through the day without going back to bed, after i dropped the girls at school this morning.
Mean.
I spent all morning cleaning, and doing laundry, and listening to talk back radio, and all the drama that is going on over old Robin Brooke, and those silly slappers, that must have gotten behind in their rent again...or something, to be bugging him again 12 years later.
There needs to be a statute of limitations on rape / sex abuse claims. The whole story just wreaked.
Robin Brooke in new teen sex claim
So it turns out...these women, and yes they were women because they were 18 at the time...went out on the town with the sole purpose of scoring themselves an All Black. They met up with Robin, who one of them had already had sex with on a previous occasion. They all head back to the girl's flat, making a detour on the way home to purchase drugs. They consume drugs and alcohol, all three end up in bed naked together...they blackmail him at the time and he pays them $1500 bucks because she "was behind on her rent" ...and 12 years later they go to the media about this?
Please....cry me a river. It's slappers like these two that make life difficult for REAL victims of sex crimes. It is because of idiots like these two, making a mockery of the issue that REAL victims are afraid to come forward and make complaints.
The only victims in this story, are Robin's wife and children. Did Close up, or The Herald, not once think about how dredging this up would effect his 4 children? Honestly...if i was a celebrity, athlete, politician, or any other kind of high profile person in NZ...i would seriously dread slow news days. Who knows what they could dig up on any one of you, when those newsrooms get boring.
Ok so i spent my morning cleaning, and listening to that topic being discussed. Then i did the dreaded weekly foodshop...picked up Jorgia...put the groceries away...picked up Nicole from soccer...made dinner...ate it...am leaving the dishes til tomorrow because i am weaning myself from every single addiction that i have left and coffee is the worst one...so i am now hitting the sack at 7pm because i cannot function any more today without coffee.
And i have to spend tomorrow at the hospital. I have to be up, dressed, and ready to head out the door with the girls in the morning, because i have an appointment tomorrow at the hospital. Boring, but at least it will get me out of the house or awhile.
As of tomorrow...5 months down and only 2 to go. Eight more weeks of this cruddy boredom. Life is so good right now though...and i have a lot more to look forward to, like you have no idea, once this bracelet comes off.
I am really happy these days. I was right when i said ages ago that i knew good things were coming my way.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
June 30, 2010
June 29, 2010
About bloody time...
High-powered Kiwis unite to push for tougher liquor laws - National - NZ Herald News
In my life, i have had so many alcoholics, and been one myself. My Mother (Fred), my Stepfather, Danny, his entire family,...the list just goes on and on. I have seen the destruction that alcohol can cause to a person's life, relationships, and health...both physically and mentally.
Our drinking culture here in New Zealand, is so unhealthy, that it usually takes an alcoholic getting in their car, getting arrested, or worse, killing someone, before people will admit that they might have a problem. Usually, until that point in time, an alcoholic's behaviour is considered normal...even funny.
I wish it had not taken the loss of someone that i loved, and my marriage to realise how unhealthy our drinking culture is here, in New Zealand.
Today, i am praying for change, and that the people above can make a positive difference to the attitudes of at least, younger New Zealanders, so that they don't make the same mistakes that some of their parents have made.
The drinking culture in New Zealand HAS to change. We have no choice.
One of the highest-powered delegations ever to petition Parliament plans to speak out at the Beehive tomorrow in support of tougher drinking laws.Here is hoping that all those names, can actually make a difference.
Three knights and two dames, including two former Governors-General, will be joined by three archbishops, leaders of the Maori and Pacific communities and sports icons in a call to raise the drinking age, raise alcohol prices and implement other recommendations from a recent Law Commission report.
They also want MPs to abandon their traditional "conscience vote" on liquor issues so the Law Commission's proposals can be implemented as a consistent package.
Sir Paul Reeves, the former Governor-General who convened the group, said the 14 members shared general public concerns about New Zealand's binge-drinking culture.
"Like many other people, I have been disturbed by the presence of alcohol in schools, school balls and other events, and it seems to me that this is simply symptomatic of the place that alcohol is given in our culture generally," he said.
Anglican Archbishop David Moxon said the Law Commission's report offered "an historic political opportunity to shape the access to, and the price of, alcohol".
Former All Black Va'aiga (Inga) Tuigamala, now a West Auckland funeral director, said a big part of his job was burying the victims of car crashes caused by drunk drivers.
"A couple of Christmases ago I spent most of my Christmas having to pick up and look after young Pacific kids who got killed through speeding. That's the reality of my work," he said.
"We unfortunately have a record of a lot of domestic violence involving alcohol, a lot of deaths, and a lot of youngsters drinking."
The unusual initiative stems from an Anglican synod in Gisborne last month which endorsed a "five-plus" package promoted by Alcohol Action NZ, including higher alcohol prices, a higher drinking age, less-accessible alcohol, cutting marketing and advertising and boosting drink-driving counter-measures, plus more treatment opportunities for heavy drinkers.
The synod also backed a radical ban on all advertising of alcoholic drinks "in the light of the depredations they are having on our communities".
National Addiction Centre director Professor Doug Sellman, who spoke at the synod, said the idea of the leaders' group arose out of "a chat" he had with Sir Paul, another synod speaker.
He then approached the other members of the group on Sir Paul's behalf. He said Dame Silvia Cartwright, another former Governor-General and now a judge on a United Nations tribunal in Cambodia, made final changes to the group's statement.
Dame Silvia last night told the Herald she was inspired to join the group having seen the effects of alcohol on society during her more than 30 years working in the law.
"It has the capacity to ruin the lives of the person who drinks to excess as well as the lives of those around him or her," she said.
"I have identified excess drinking in many, many instances of family violence and relationship breakdown as well as in the areas of criminal offending."
Professor Sellman approached several sporting icons, but not all agreed to join the group.
"What I found talking to a lot of them was just how much alcohol controls rugby and cricket in New Zealand," he said.
But he had no trouble getting agreement from the Catholic and Anglican archbishops and was impressed by the Anglican synod.
Icons speak out:
* Sir Paul Reeves, former Governor-General (convenor).
* Dame Silvia Cartwright, former Governor-General.
* Archbishop John Dew, Catholic primate.
* Professor Sir Mason Durie, Maori health expert.
* Georgina Earl (Evers-Swindell), rowing gold medallist.
* Jeanette Fitzsimons, former Green Party co-leader.
* Sir Lloyd Geering, theologian.
* Dame Te Muranga Batley-Jackson, Manukau Urban Maori Authority founder.
* Michael Jones, ex-All Black.
* Dr Semisi Maia'i, Pacific Medical Association co-founder.
* Caroline Meyer (Evers-Swindell), rowing gold medallist.
* Archbishop David Moxon, Anglican leader.
* Inga Tuigamala, ex-All Black.
* Archbishop Brown Turei, Anglican leader.
In my life, i have had so many alcoholics, and been one myself. My Mother (Fred), my Stepfather, Danny, his entire family,...the list just goes on and on. I have seen the destruction that alcohol can cause to a person's life, relationships, and health...both physically and mentally.
Our drinking culture here in New Zealand, is so unhealthy, that it usually takes an alcoholic getting in their car, getting arrested, or worse, killing someone, before people will admit that they might have a problem. Usually, until that point in time, an alcoholic's behaviour is considered normal...even funny.
I wish it had not taken the loss of someone that i loved, and my marriage to realise how unhealthy our drinking culture is here, in New Zealand.
Today, i am praying for change, and that the people above can make a positive difference to the attitudes of at least, younger New Zealanders, so that they don't make the same mistakes that some of their parents have made.
The drinking culture in New Zealand HAS to change. We have no choice.
Character
‘Anyone who listens…and follows…is…like a person who builds a house on solid rock.’ Matthew 7:24 NLT
So True.
It is 6am...i will be back when the sun is up, and my brain is awake. :)
John Ruskin said, ‘The highest reward for man’s toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it.’
It’s said that when Michael Eisner, head of the Disney Corporation, had plans drawn up for a house, one wall was so thin it almost buckled under its own weight. Another software billionaire’s house had pine siding that rotted before the house was even completed. So, were they just too busy to notice?
Architects say that people find construction details boring; they’d rather spend their money on glitzy stuff. Yet it’s the foundation that determines the strength, stability and ultimately the value of the house. Are you putting all your efforts into maintaining an image while neglecting foundational things such as your attitude, your integrity and your God-given purpose?
Jesus said, ‘Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine…is like a wise man who built…on…rock. The rain came… the winds… beat against that house…it did not fall…its foundation [was] on the rock.’ (Matthew 7:24–25 NIV)
Houses built on sand are quick, cheap and easy; they provide temporary comfort and instant gratification. Building on rock is hard; it takes time, effort, foresight and perseverance—but the results are worth it.
If you’re not sure what kind of house you’re building, watch what happens when the storm hits! A house built on rock will withstand the same storm that levels those built on sand. Simply stated, there are no shortcuts. Character is the result of commitment, consistency and building according to the principles of God’s Word. When you make these things the foundation of your life you’ll make it through any storm.
Jer 25–27, Luke 3:11–20, Ps 64, Pr 14:25–28
So True.
It is 6am...i will be back when the sun is up, and my brain is awake. :)
June 28, 2010
Goff's drug-use denial 'typical for parents' - National
Goff's drug-use denial 'typical for parents' - National - NZ Herald News
I spent much of yesterday, arguing...well as close as i get to arguing these days, about whether or not Phil Goff is living in denial, in declaring to the nation that his daughter has never done drugs.
Sara Goff was caught with drugs in her bra. She apparently advised a judge, that the 4 ecstasy pills that she had in her bra, were for personal use. The judge then decided that the consequences of a criminal conviction would outweigh her offending. She was discharged without conviction, despite pleading guilty, and ordered to pay a fine.
In my opinion, Phil Goff looks ridiculous, announcing to the country that his daughter has never done drugs. If he truly believes that, then he is living in denial. As much as his denial sets a terrible example for other parents in New Zealand, who's children might be drug users, i truly hope that his naivety is a front for the media, and he actually does realise that his daughter has obviously done drugs.
Drugs do not just land in your bra by accident. You do not advise a judge that they were for personal use, unless you have done drugs. In my opinion, she is lucky that the judge bought the personal use story, because if she had planned on taking 4 of those things at once, she has a death wish. Half of one of those things had me awake, not eating, and a complete, jabbering basket case from a Tuesday morning until a Saturday night.
Anywayyyy that is not the point.
We can never know every move that our kids make, but when their drug use is blatantly in our face, like it is on Goff's right now, denial is the WORST thing you can do. Until it is in our face, like it is in Goff's, educating ourselves and knowing the signs to look out for, and being vigilante and responsible parents that PAY ATTENTION to our children's lives, are our only tools in keeping our kids safe. It is so easy these days, with the busy lives that most people have, to come home from work every night, ignore the signs, and live in denial.
The issue of drug abuse, and addiction is one time where you cannot just take a person's word for it, or think that because they appear to be a decent person, they should be let off. At the very core of addiction and drug use, is denial, and for any parent or judge to enable that denial is wrong, and not in the best interest of the drug user.
I don't believe that Goff's public denial of her ever being a drug user is a very good example. Shame and denial are what keep so many people stuck in that cycle, and to me...that is what Goff has displayed.
It is only when people can own their mistakes...say yep, i royally screwed up but i learned from it and am going to make the best of what i learned...that those who are still stuck in that cycle realise that there is hope.
In a perfect world...wouldn't it be wonderful, if such a successful young lady with such a bright future, and her father, could go...wow i made this mistake, but look, it did not screw up my whole life, so i am going to be a good example to others who might have made the same mistake, and show people that a mistake like this does NOT have to ruin your life. You can recover from something like this and be proud.
Wouldn't that set a GREAT example for other young adults who might have made the same mistake? But no...they deny it and continue the cycle of shame, denial, and a total lack of any positive role models for anyone in a similar situation to look up to.
The cycles of shame and denial that are rampant in New Zealand when it comes to this topic, are why i do not think Goff has set a good example for parents in New Zealand.
YES Goff is in denial, if he believes his daughter has never done drugs
Labour leader Phil Goff's denial that his daughter has ever taken drugs is a typical reaction for parents faced with evidence of drug use by their children, says the Drug Foundation.
Police charged Sara Goff, 25, with possession of a prohibited drug after four tablets were found hidden in her bra as she entered a Sydney dance party on January 1 this year, the Sunday Star-Times reported yesterday.
Ms Goff, a policy analyst with the Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry, was fined A$500 ($612) and ordered to pay A$76 court costs when her case was heard at Dowling Centre Local Court in Sydney.
She told police the pills were Ecstasy and she had intended "to consume them", according to court documents. She was convicted and fined at a hearing she did not attend.
However, on appeal, a judge found she had committed the offence but dismissed the case without recording a conviction.
Mr Goff, who as a Justice Minister in the Labour Government took a hard line on drugs, confirmed to the Sunday Star-Times that his daughter had been arrested but said she had "never taken drugs".
Drug Foundation director Ross Bell told the Herald that the Labour leader "sounded like any other parent in that situation".
"I'm not saying Phil Goff's denial is naive but we often see parents just not wanting to admit their kids are using drugs or are in trouble because of the stigma around it.
"Quite often parents would want to deny that their kids might be using ... A lot of the time parents are unwilling or unable to talk to their neighbours, friends and wider family about that drug use because of the stigma."
In contrast to the relatively open discussions about alcohol use, parents tended to be fearful when talking about drugs.
"We all get in denial or we all jump on our moral high horse," Mr Bell said.
Mr Goff did not comment yesterday.
A spokesman for MAF was unable to say yesterday whether the ministry had discussed the issue with Sara Goff.
"Anything in that regard would be an employment matter and as with all such matters it would be confidential to Sara Goff and we wouldn't be making any comment."
While MAF policies require employees to declare certain criminal convictions, the issue is complicated by the fact that Ms Goff faced the charge in Australia.
She is not the first daughter of a high-ranking Labour politician to have a conviction for possessing Ecstasy overturned.
In 2001, Annette King's daughter Amanda was convicted of dangerous driving causing injury and possession of Ecstasy after she crashed her mother's ministerial car.
In 2002, the conviction for possession was overturned and the dangerous driving convictions were downgraded to careless driving causing injury.
I spent much of yesterday, arguing...well as close as i get to arguing these days, about whether or not Phil Goff is living in denial, in declaring to the nation that his daughter has never done drugs.
Sara Goff was caught with drugs in her bra. She apparently advised a judge, that the 4 ecstasy pills that she had in her bra, were for personal use. The judge then decided that the consequences of a criminal conviction would outweigh her offending. She was discharged without conviction, despite pleading guilty, and ordered to pay a fine.
In my opinion, Phil Goff looks ridiculous, announcing to the country that his daughter has never done drugs. If he truly believes that, then he is living in denial. As much as his denial sets a terrible example for other parents in New Zealand, who's children might be drug users, i truly hope that his naivety is a front for the media, and he actually does realise that his daughter has obviously done drugs.
Drugs do not just land in your bra by accident. You do not advise a judge that they were for personal use, unless you have done drugs. In my opinion, she is lucky that the judge bought the personal use story, because if she had planned on taking 4 of those things at once, she has a death wish. Half of one of those things had me awake, not eating, and a complete, jabbering basket case from a Tuesday morning until a Saturday night.
Anywayyyy that is not the point.
We can never know every move that our kids make, but when their drug use is blatantly in our face, like it is on Goff's right now, denial is the WORST thing you can do. Until it is in our face, like it is in Goff's, educating ourselves and knowing the signs to look out for, and being vigilante and responsible parents that PAY ATTENTION to our children's lives, are our only tools in keeping our kids safe. It is so easy these days, with the busy lives that most people have, to come home from work every night, ignore the signs, and live in denial.
The issue of drug abuse, and addiction is one time where you cannot just take a person's word for it, or think that because they appear to be a decent person, they should be let off. At the very core of addiction and drug use, is denial, and for any parent or judge to enable that denial is wrong, and not in the best interest of the drug user.
I don't believe that Goff's public denial of her ever being a drug user is a very good example. Shame and denial are what keep so many people stuck in that cycle, and to me...that is what Goff has displayed.
It is only when people can own their mistakes...say yep, i royally screwed up but i learned from it and am going to make the best of what i learned...that those who are still stuck in that cycle realise that there is hope.
In a perfect world...wouldn't it be wonderful, if such a successful young lady with such a bright future, and her father, could go...wow i made this mistake, but look, it did not screw up my whole life, so i am going to be a good example to others who might have made the same mistake, and show people that a mistake like this does NOT have to ruin your life. You can recover from something like this and be proud.
Wouldn't that set a GREAT example for other young adults who might have made the same mistake? But no...they deny it and continue the cycle of shame, denial, and a total lack of any positive role models for anyone in a similar situation to look up to.
The cycles of shame and denial that are rampant in New Zealand when it comes to this topic, are why i do not think Goff has set a good example for parents in New Zealand.
YES Goff is in denial, if he believes his daughter has never done drugs
Do not look back
‘Remember Lot's wife!’ Luke 17:32 NIV
When the Sunday school teacher told her class, 'Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt,' one child responded, 'That is nothin'! My mum was driving home yesterday, and she looked back and turned into a telephone pole!'
Lot's wife only appears briefly in Scripture, so why did Jesus tell us to remember her? Two reasons:
(1) She invested her life in something that had no future. John writes, 'This world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.' (1John 2:17 NLT) God tried to get Lot's wife out of Sodom, but when she thought of what she was leaving, she looked back and turned into a lifeless monument. When God says it is time to move, do not hesitate! Do not become like those who once walked with Him, witnessed on the job, stood out as shining lights in their communities, but now have turned cold and unresponsive.
(2) Your decisions have consequences. If Lot's wife had kept moving forward she'd have been there to protect her daughters when they got to the cave. Instead they became involved in abuse and incest.
Before you lose your children, poison your marriage, and tear up your life by refusing to break with your past, 'remember Lot's wife.' She did not make it to safety, but she did make it into Scripture long enough to warn us about three things: (a) complacency (b) involvement with the wrong things (c) a divided heart!
Jer 22–24, Luke 3:1–10, Ps 59:9–17, Pr 14:23–24
How funny...getting this one today. Just yesterday, i finally deleted and blocked the woman that i had known, who is a drug addict, from my list on Facebook. I received a friend request from "The snowman" ...that hideous crackhead that i had known, that would constantly turn up at my place at all hours and make such a commotion in the stairwell that i had to let him in...so that my neighbours would not get suspicious...then would refuse to leave until i gave him drugs, and had to drive him all over town just to get rid of him. Yes...he found me on there through her. He had recently been added to her list...which just proved to me that she is still on that drug.
I then noticed that she was adding every single person on my list. So i finally decided that i could no longer try to be a good example to her...or try to show her that there is hope.
Both of the crackies got the BLOCK. There was only so much that i could do to try to help her. I had done it. Trying to do anymore than i already had, was looking back.
No thanks.
I have Jorgia home with me today. Well i had to go pick her up at morning tea. She fell over during PE and knocked her head, and is now suffering on my couch with a bad headache. Poor thing. :(
I am really missing Billy, and wanting to get him home. He is in Boise at the moment, visiting with his new cousin. Then it is back to job hunting for him. The unemployment rate amongst teens is something crazy like 26% in the States at the moment, and i am starting to think it would be better just to get him back here. He needs to get his student loan, and enrollment for Uni here, and a job here by Feb.
I have also heard that my Dad is trying to get him to sign up for the draft...or the army, or something. Not sure what is going on there, as i did not even realise that there was a draft these days to sign up for! But apparently it is illegal if you don't sign up for it...according to my Dad.
Hmmmmm....I am missing Billy. A LOT.
NZ's most trusted - the list | NATIONAL News
NZ's most trusted - the list NATIONAL News
OK so what i would like to know, is...who did they survey, other than homeless people, hookers, brothels, NZPC, soccer fans, and debt collectors (job security and all that jazz) for Mark Bryers, Eric Watson, and Terry Seripisos to end up on that list?
And what does it say about New Zealanders when we trust a weather presenter more than we trust our Prime Minister!?
That list is mental. Just like the people that were surveyed...
The full list of New Zealand's most trusted people, according to the latest Reader's Digest survey.
1. Corporal Bill Apiata, Victoria Cross recipient
2. Kevin Milne, presenter of Fair Go
3. Sir Peter Snell, scientist and former Olympian
4. Margaret Mahy, children's author
5. John Kirwan, former All Black and mental illness spokesperson
6. Sir Colin Meads, former All Black
7. Sir Peter Jackson, film director
8. Alison Holst, celebrity chef and author
9. Irene van Dyk, netballer
10. Valerie Vili, Olympic shotputter
11. Richie McCaw, All Blacks captain
12. Dame Malvina Major, opera singer
13. Ray Avery, scientist, New Zealander of the Year 2010
14. Mike McRoberts, 3 News anchor
15. Dame Susan Devoy, former squash player
16. Sir Richard Hadlee, former cricketer
17. Sir Brian Lochore, former All Black and coach
18. Daniel Vettori, New Zealand cricket captain
18. Queen Elizabeth II
20. Hayley Westenra, singer
21. Sam Neill, actor
22. Prince William
23. Robyn Malcolm, actor
23. Greg Murphy, V8 Supercar driver
25. Dave Dobbyn, musician
26. Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, opera singer
27. Jo Seagar, celebrity chef
28. Sir Stephen Tindall, The Warehouse founder
29. Simon Dallow, ONE News anchor
30. Jim Mora, radio host
31. Tamati Coffey, TV weather presenter
31. Sir Anand Satyanand, Governor-General
33. John Campbell, presenter of Campbell Live
34. Helen Winkelmann, Chief High Court Judge
34. Garth McVicar, Sensible Sentencing Trust spokesman
34. Mark Sainsbury, Close Up host
37. Peta Mathias, chef, author and TV presenter
38. The Topp Twins, entertainers and activists
38. Roger Hall, playwright
40. Sir Paul Callaghan, physicist
41. Ruben Wiki, former rugby league footballer
42. Michael Campbell, golfer
43. Garth Morgan, economist and philanthropist
44. Sir Peter Gluckman, scientist
44. Ilona Rodgers, actor
46. A. J. Hackett, tourism entrepreneur
46. Steve Williams, Tiger Woods' golf caddie
48. Karen Walker, fashion designer
49. Celia Lashlie, social commentator, author
49. Joe Karam, former All Black, businessman
51. Howard Broad, Police Commissioner
52. Rhys Darby, comedian
53. David Russell, consumer rights advocate
53. Jemaine Clement, comedian, Flight of the Conchords duo
55. Bret McKenzie, comedian, Flight of the Conchords duo
56. Tim Shadbolt, mayor of Invercargill
57. Kate Sylvester, fashion designer
58. Te Radar, comedian
58. Louise Nicholas, rape victim advocate
58. Marcus Lush, TV and radio presenter
61. Keisha Castle-Hughes, actor
62. Bob Parker, former TV host, mayor of Christchurch
63. Jock Hobbs, former New Zealand Rugby Union chair
64. Alan Bollard, Governor of the Reserve Bank
65. Helen Clark, former Prime Minister
66. Oliver Driver, actor
67. Paul Henry, host of Breakfast Show
68. Graeme Hart, businessman
69. Marc Ellis, sports personality and businessman
70. John Key, Prime Minister
71. Sir Bob Jones, businessman
72. Terry Serepisos, businessman, host of The Apprentice NZ
73. Russel Norman, co-leader, Green Party
74. Eric Watson, entrepreneur
75. Lockwood Smith, politician
76. Phil Goff, Labour Party leader
77. Bill English, Deputy Prime Minister
78. Pita Sharples, co-leader Maori Party
79. Mark Bryers, businessman
80. Winston Peters, leader, New Zealand First
81. Tariana Turia, co-leader, Maori Party
82. John Banks, mayor of Auckland
83. Rodney Hide, leader, Act Party
84. Sir Roger Douglas, Act politician
85. Hone Harawira, Maori Party politician
OK so what i would like to know, is...who did they survey, other than homeless people, hookers, brothels, NZPC, soccer fans, and debt collectors (job security and all that jazz) for Mark Bryers, Eric Watson, and Terry Seripisos to end up on that list?
And what does it say about New Zealanders when we trust a weather presenter more than we trust our Prime Minister!?
That list is mental. Just like the people that were surveyed...
June 27, 2010
Flyers. Runners. Walkers.
‘…They will soar…They will run…They will walk...’ Isaiah 40:31 NLT
I have woken up all sweaty this morning because i turned on my heater in the middle of the night, then forgot to turn it off. My bedroom was like an oven. I have let Nixon out for his morning business, and let some cool air into my bedroom, and now i am going to crawl back under the covers and get a couple more hours sleep.
Nicole was so tired after her sleepover on Friday night, that she went to bed at about 6pm last night. I was not far behind her...how sad. haha I did get to go on a lovely drive out to Beachlands yesterday, to pick her up though. It was a beautiful day for a drive. I gave the ACDC cd a good clean and blasted it all the way out there. I have not done that in ages....gone for a drive in the country with ACDC blasting. I really enjoyed it.
Nicole and her friend made me turn it down on the way back to Howick though. What spoil sports. How things change! If i remember correctly, it was always my parents telling ME to turn down the music when i was a kid! Not vice versa!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Watchman Nee wrote a best-selling book entitled The Normal Christian Life. Why such a title? Because only when you understand what’s ‘normal’ in Christian living, will you be able to recognise which season you’re in, evaluate your circumstances accurately, and adjust. At one point Paul raises a man from the dead; at another point he writes, ‘We despaired even of life…’ (2 Corinthians 1:8 NIV)I ADORE this one! Love, love, love it! I guess whether we are a flyer, runner, or walker, is a matter of perception, as well? Maybe...maybe not.
The Bible says, ‘Elijah was a man just like us…’ (James 5:17 NIV) Yet one day he is calling down fire from heaven, the next day he is suicidal and in the depth of depression. Now, you can’t use this as an excuse for spiritual lethargy, but you must be discerning. Faith doesn’t exempt us from life’s seasons; it just enables us to go through them victoriously.
So:
(1) If you’re a flyer: If you’re being blessed by God and experiencing success beyond your natural abilities, enjoy it. But always remember, your ability to fly comes from God—not you. Forget that, and down you’ll go!
(2) If you’re a runner: Thank God you’re still in the race. Don’t compare yourself with high flyers or you’ll get discouraged, and don’t compare yourself with walkers or you’ll become proud. Just keep running and your time will come.
(3) If you’re a walker: Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days, pain, discouragement and fatigue make it impossible to fly high or run; all you can do is walk without fainting, and even that’s hard. No problem—give yourself permission to be where you are. Walking counts with God. When it’s the best you can do, it’s enough!
1 Kings 17:17–24, Mark 5:21–43, John 11:1–45
I have woken up all sweaty this morning because i turned on my heater in the middle of the night, then forgot to turn it off. My bedroom was like an oven. I have let Nixon out for his morning business, and let some cool air into my bedroom, and now i am going to crawl back under the covers and get a couple more hours sleep.
Nicole was so tired after her sleepover on Friday night, that she went to bed at about 6pm last night. I was not far behind her...how sad. haha I did get to go on a lovely drive out to Beachlands yesterday, to pick her up though. It was a beautiful day for a drive. I gave the ACDC cd a good clean and blasted it all the way out there. I have not done that in ages....gone for a drive in the country with ACDC blasting. I really enjoyed it.
Nicole and her friend made me turn it down on the way back to Howick though. What spoil sports. How things change! If i remember correctly, it was always my parents telling ME to turn down the music when i was a kid! Not vice versa!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
June 26, 2010
P cook, dealer gets 12 years for 'unprecedented misery'
P cook, dealer gets 12 years for 'unprecedented misery' - War on P - NZ Herald News
Wow...ok so what i don't GET is why, when he is sentenced to 12 years in prison...why does that not mean 12 YEARS IN PRISON??? Why sentence him to 12 years in prison, then stipulate that he must serve at least 6 years? Why not just sentence him to 6 years?
Or would that be too logical?
I realise that criminals need an incentive to behave their bad selves while in prison...but i did not realise that they could get more than half of their sentence reduced!
Does the NZ Justice System, hand down the 12 year sentence, knowing full well that the criminal will only actually serve say...5 years, just to make the system look better? I mean it looks pretty impressive to see a P cook get 12 years. It's only when you look closer that you realise he only got 6 years.
It's pretty misleading. I never realised until reading this article, just how much off a sentence an inmate can get.
Crazy...and annoying. = / 12 years should be 12 years and their incentive to behave should be not having more time tacked on to that!
A methamphetamine cook has been jailed for 12 years for making and dealing a drug that had caused "unprecedented misery and destruction to New Zealand society".
Lee Richard Oswald Bell, 42, pleaded guilty to 36 charges that included manufacturing P, possession of P for supply, possession of precursors used to make P and possession of restricted weapons that included firearms, ammunition and pistols.
He was found in a car in Pakuranga last July with a loaded shotgun beside him, a rifle under the seat, a stun gun, cash, scales, stolen jewellery and counterfeit New Zealand driver's licences, the High Court at Auckland heard.
Police had been hunting him since he fled the High Court six months earlier after a judge refused him bail.
At his sentencing hearing yesterday Justice Rebecca Ellis ordered he serve at least six years of the jail term.
"You have contributed to the suffering of others by supplying them with methamphetamine," she said.
Although his guilty plea saved the New Zealand taxpayer the cost of the trial, that had to be measured against the fact he continued to offend on bail.
Loaded guns were also found at some houses, including those where children lived.
Justice Ellis accepted Bell wasn't a small-time player but "a lead actor who at certain time dealt in ounces of methamphetamine".
Bell denied the amount of P he was alleged by police to have sold.
He admitted supplying between 560g to 672g of P - and the court heard he had been given the benefit of the doubt when it came to the amount of the drug sold.
Justice Ellis said her own view was he "probably supplied more than this". The drugs were thought to have a street value of between $250,000 and $500,000.
Wow...ok so what i don't GET is why, when he is sentenced to 12 years in prison...why does that not mean 12 YEARS IN PRISON??? Why sentence him to 12 years in prison, then stipulate that he must serve at least 6 years? Why not just sentence him to 6 years?
Or would that be too logical?
I realise that criminals need an incentive to behave their bad selves while in prison...but i did not realise that they could get more than half of their sentence reduced!
Does the NZ Justice System, hand down the 12 year sentence, knowing full well that the criminal will only actually serve say...5 years, just to make the system look better? I mean it looks pretty impressive to see a P cook get 12 years. It's only when you look closer that you realise he only got 6 years.
It's pretty misleading. I never realised until reading this article, just how much off a sentence an inmate can get.
Crazy...and annoying. = / 12 years should be 12 years and their incentive to behave should be not having more time tacked on to that!
Mark Hotchin's $30m mansion up for sale
The only thing that i have to say about this article or this photo...is look at the size of that house compared to it's next door neighbour!!!! If that is not such a repulsive display of greed, that it should be criminal...i don't know what is!
I cannot quite believe my eyes...the house next to it would be a mansion in most people's eyes. I mean that is the wealthiest street in Auckland...right?
UNBELIEVABLE. Hotchins should be in jail, just for building such a gawdy eyesore of a display of greed!
A sense of awe
‘Lift up your eyes on high, and see Who has created these things...’ Isaiah 40:26 NKJVHow cool is this one. Think about it!
GK Chesterton wrote: ‘The world is not lacking in wonders, but in a sense of wonder.’
It’s said that if the earth were as small as the moon its gravitation wouldn’t sustain our needs. On the other hand, if it were as large as Jupiter its extreme gravitation would make human movement almost impossible. If we were as close to the sun as Venus the heat would be unbearable; if we were as far away as Mars every region would experience snow and ice nightly.
If the oceans were half their size we’d get only 25 percent of our present rainfall; if they were one-eighth larger, annual precipitation would increase 400 percent, turning the earth into a vast uninhabitable swamp. Water solidifies at 0°C. But if the oceans were subject to that law, the amount of thawing in the polar regions wouldn’t balance out and we’d all end up encased in ice. To prevent this, God put salt in the sea to alter its freezing point. How’s that for a day’s work?
The Psalmist wrote: ‘How many are Your works, O Lord! In wisdom You made them all…I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.’ (Psalm 104:24,33 NIV) If God’s workmanship wouldn’t make you praise Him and want to know Him better, what would?
John Stott said: ‘Our greatest claim to nobility is our created capacity to know God, to be in personal relationship with Him, to love Him and to worship Him. Indeed, we are most truly human when we are on our knees before our creator.’
Jer 18–21, Luke 2:41–52, Ps 59:1–8, Pr 14:21–22
Nixon woke me up barking and wanting outside at 4am. He never barks unless there is someone at our door...so that worried me a bit. I had a look around and saw nothing. The neighbours dog was going mental as well, and they got up and had a look outside as well.
We all came to the conclusion that it must have been a cat. Nixon goes absolutely crazy mental if he even so much as smells a cat. It's so funny. I have never seen a dog go as crazy as he does over cats. It is weird too, because his best little friend that he used to sleep with every night from when he was a puppy, was Nicole's cat, Coco.
He never used to act like a crazy dog around cats. He has only done that since i have had him back.
Anyway...i am going back to sleep....Jorgia decided to stay at Nick's last night, and Nicole stayed at a friends. I have a couple of hours until i have to pick her up...zzzzzzzz.
June 25, 2010
World map
And on that note...here is something funny that i saw today.
haha crack up and about spot on!
Withholding
Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close ourselves off from a person we are in a relationship with. Our body may be present, but we are not. We are not available to participate in the relationship. We shut down.I like this one. I never, ever thought i would want another relationship ever again. I certainly did not think that i would ever be emotionally available to anyone ever again. I had decided that i could never go through the kind of hurt that i went through, again, therefore it was better to not bother, than take that risk.
Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to shut down in a relationship. We may legitimately need some time out. Sometimes it is self defeating to close ourselves off in a relationship. To stop being vulnerable, honest, and present for another person can put an end to the relationship. The other person can do nothing in the relationship when we are gone. Closing ourselves makes us unavailable to that relationship.
It is common to go through temporary periods of closing down in a relationship. But it is unhealthy to make this an ongoing practice. It may be a relationship sabotaging device.
Before we close down, we need to ask ourselves what we are hoping to accomplish by shutting down. Do we need time to deal? To heal? To grow? To sort through things? Do we need time out from this relationship? Or are we reverting to our old ways- hiding, running, and terminating relationships because we are afraid we cannot take care of ourselves in any other way?
Do we shut down because the person truly is not safe, is manipulating, lying, or acting abusively? Are we shutting down because the other person has shut down and we no longer want to be available?
Shutting down, shutting off, closing ourselves and removing our emotional presence from a relationship is a powerful tool. We need to use it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy and closeness in a relationship, we need to be present emotionally. We need to be available.
God, help me be emotionally present in the relationships that i choose to be in.
It has been well over two years now. I no longer think like that. I am happy now...it has been nearly a year since i left that life and everything else in my past. So much has changed.
I don't feel like sharing my whole life on my blog anymore...well not as much as i used to. I used my blog as a venting tool, to help me let out some of the awful feelings and things that i was going through, when i had no one to help me, or listen to me, or be here for me. I used it as a way to encourage myself to always live a life that i am proud of, because i made everything that i did so public, and did not want to write about things that i was ashamed of
That has changed so much now. Not only do i not really have anything to vent about, and no awful feelings....i have wonderful, and supportive friends and family who are constantly here for me, with their unconditional friendship and love. I no longer need encouragement to live a life that i am proud of. That is the ONLY way to live, in my view now. Living a life that i am proud of comes naturally to me now, and i have God's help, instead of my blog.
I have wonderful people, new relationships, as well as old ones back in my life. I don't want to share those with the whole world. They love me for who i am, and everything that i have done and been through...and they are mine.
I will still write in my blog every day...but my life is so fantastic now, that it is just too precious to share with people from that hideous life and that has nothing at all to do with not being proud of my life, and everything to do with it just being too good, to put into words.
I am truly blessed, and every day i thank God for that. Goodnight.
Who are you accountable to?
‘Two are better than one...’ Ecclesiastes 4:9 NKJV
On February 26, 1995, Barings, the oldest bank in Britain, announced it was going into bankruptcy after losing almost a billion dollars. In late 1994 the chief trader at Barings’ Singapore office began betting big on Japan’s Nikkei market. Then disaster struck. An earthquake hit Japan and on January 23, 1995, the Nikkei plunged more than 1000 points, and Barings lost big money.
But instead of cutting his losses the Barings’ Singapore trader doubled his investment, betting that the Nikkei would rebound. But it didn’t. Barings’ London office put up nearly a billion dollars to support its falling position on the Singapore investments. Finally Barings ran out of capital and declared bankruptcy.
So here’s the question: how could a twenty-eight-year-old trader in Singapore lose nearly a billion dollars and ruin a 233-year-old bank? According to TIME magazine, the problem was lack of accountability: ‘London allowed [the Singapore trader] to take control of both the trading desk and the back room settlement operation in Singapore. It is a mix that can be—and in this case was—toxic.
A trader keeping his own books is like a schoolboy grading his own tests. The temptation to cheat can be overwhelming, particularly if the stakes are high enough.’ Ever wonder why Jesus sent His disciples out in twos instead of solo? Because flanked with the right person we have support, encouragement and—protection. Protection from what? Ourselves!
If you’re serious about walking in victory, accountability is a step you must be willing to take. So, who are you accountable to?
Jer 14–17, Luke 2:34–40, Ps 21, Pr 14:17–20
I am having an absolutely WONDERFUL day. There are not many things better than being stuck inside my cosy home, and watching the rain pouring down the windows.
I am blessed. Out of all the days this week...today is the day that i would have chosen to have no appointments to go to, and nothing to do. I love it.
Back later.
June 24, 2010
Learn to laugh
‘…A cheerful heart is good medicine...’ Proverbs 17:22 NLT
If you’re constantly negative in your outlook, something’s wrong. ‘There is…a time to laugh…’ (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 NKJV) You say, ‘Right now I can’t find anything to laugh about.’ Then observe how the Psalmist opens Psalms 124, 125, and 126: ‘…If the Lord had not been on our side…they would have swallowed us alive…’ (Psalm 124:1–3 NIV) ‘Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken…’ (Psalm 125:1 NIV) ‘When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion…Our mouths were filled with laughter…Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”’ (Psalm 126:1–2 NIV)
When you can rejoice in the midst of trouble, people want to know what your secret is. And you can always find a reason to rejoice when you remember Who is on your side. Doctors have confirmed what the Bible teaches: laughter de-stresses you and strengthens your immune system; ‘A cheerful heart is good medicine’; plus, a positive attitude will bring you favour and cooperation.
When you keep adding to the heat and confusion of a crisis, people lose respect for your ability to handle things under pressure. But if you stay cool and maintain your sense of humour when things are falling apart, they’ll show their appreciation in better work and increased loyalty. Sure, some problems are serious, but you gain nothing by dwelling on the bleak side. Put the problem into God’s hands and watch the results! ‘He will…fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouts of joy.’ (Job 8:21 NRS)
Now, if Job could come to agree with that, surely you can!
Jer 10–13, Luke 2:21–33, Ps 17, Pr 14:13–16
So so soooo true. I remember a time when i could not remember the last time that i had laughed. How sad is that? Now, all i do is laugh...at everything!
I even laugh, when the girls feel the need to text me and wake me up at 6am on the mornings that they are at Nick's house! arrrrggggg! Back to sleep for me!
June 23, 2010
Letting go of old beliefs
Try harder. Do better. Be perfect.
These messages are tricks that people have played on us. No matter how hard we try, we think we have to do better. Perfection always elides us and keeps us unhappy with the good we have done.
Messages of perfectionism are tricks because we can never achieve their goal. We cannot feel good about ourselves or what we have done while these messages are driving us. We will never be good enough until we change the messages and tell ourselves we are good enough now.
We can start approving of and accepting ourselves. Who we are is good enough. Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.
We can be who we are, and do it the way we do it - today. That is the essence of avoiding perfection.
God, help me let go of messages that drive me into the crazies. I will give myself permission to be who i am and let that be good enough.
I don't worry about perfectionism at all now. The only thing that i worry about is doing my best every day, and being proud of who i am.
I had a busy day today. I cleaned all morning, I had an appointment at 1pm, that dragged on FOREVER. Then, i picked Jorgia up from school...we did the food shopping etc etc...then the girls went off with Nick for the night because they had a career evening at the school to go to.
I really wish i could have taken them instead. Next year i will!
The dwelling pulse - energy of a home
Our homes and your belongings within them all contain
energy. Tend to the energy of your home as you would
tend to anything you love.
energy. Tend to the energy of your home as you would
tend to anything you love.
Our homes are filled with energy that we create and allow to flourish. In many cases, our relationship with the pulse of our homes is passive rather than active because we do not pay particular heed to the energy that has been established. It is only when we regard these spaces as unique entities that we begin to understand why it is necessary to take charge of the energy that fills our homes. Stagnant, inharmonious energy can find its way into our dwellings through many avenues. Previous occupants, builders, visitors, and the individuals who maintain a home leave a strong energy imprint behind. Objects and symbols can also have an effect on the energy of a residence. When we are aware of all that can influence the energy of our spaces, we are empowered to create harmonious homes that do more than meet our need for shelter.
Exercising care with regard to who and what we invite into our homes is one of the easiest ways we can ensure that the energy within remains loving and supportive. It is not always possible to keep potentially harmful people and possessions from entering our homes, but we can take precautions. Individuals can be kept from private spaces like bedrooms and meditation areas, while property can be purified through cleansing or smudging. During periods of remodeling or construction, Reiki symbols and other positive imagery can be printed on surfaces that will later be covered by walls or flooring. Though hidden, these will continue to attract good energy and cleanse the existent energy. Blessings can also be drawn in plain sight, where they remind us of how potently our home's energy can affect our own.
A home can appear beautiful, comfortable, and stable while still serving as a dwelling place for negative or otherwise offensive energy. If you care for your home conscientiously and with great care, you will instinctively look beyond the surface qualities of your home when assessing how it feels. Since you actively guard your home against the intrusion of unwelcome energy, you will have the time and vigor necessary to cope with it constructively when should it appear in your midst. The spirit of your spaces will respond to your thoughtful ministrations, nurturing and supporting you for as long as you choose to reside within her walls. ~ The Daily OM
It is so true...how being careful about who we invite into our homes is so important to keeping the energy in your home positive. Everyone used to comment on how lovely my apartment in Mt Eden was. How awesome i had decorated it etc etc...but that place always had a horrible feeling about it to me. I hated it.
I never wanted to go back there after Louise, that druggie with the pommie boyfriend, overdosed on that drug she used to drink. Ugh...the thought of that day, still makes me feel sick. There were so many bad memories there, because of all the bad people that i had in my life, that it could have been a palace, and i still would have hated the place.
I am so careful now, about who i allow into my home, my life, and my space. I LOVE my home. It's not the nicest place i have ever lived. It's a bit damp...and it's old...but i don't have one bad memory here. And that is the way that i intend on keeping it.
How's your prayer life?
‘Evening and morning and at noon I will pray...’ Psalm 55:17 NKJV
What a beautiful day it is out there today. So beautiful that it is FREEZING. No cloud cover to keep in all of our ozone killing warmth! There was frost on the grass this morning. brrrr
I had a really busy day yesterday, and was not really feeling all that great. In fact i have been up and down all night, not feeling great, and waking up sweating. Weird. Feeling a bit better this morning though...although tired, which is nothing new.
I went to my counselling yesterday morning. I really enjoyed it...It was hard to get my butt moving and be out in Manukau by 10am, but once i got there, it was worth it. The counselling that i am doing is not court imposed, not for drug or alcohol issues, and nothing to do with Danny. It is all about helping me getting over my time involved in that hideous world, understanding what caused me to get to such a low place in the first place, and to get over the guilt that i feel for setting such a repulsive example for my children. I feel a TON of guilt for that every day...and sometimes, no, in fact all the time, i now give them every single thing they want, and do everything for them, because i am trying to make up to them, for the bad choices that i made.
I need to get over that guilt, or else i am going to create monsters! They are such good kids that i don't think i could really create monsters, but i do need to deal with that guilt and move on. So yeah...that is what my counselling is all about. I really enjoyed it yesterday. Talking about everything. I don't often speak out loud about things, and when i do, i still cry. Typing is easier than actually speaking to someone face to face.
Anyway...my house is an absolute pigsty. I am going to spend today cleaning, i guess. Maybe i will get some gardening in as well. I don't have the girls tonight, because they have a careers evening at Howick College to go to at 6:30, and i can't take them, so Nick has to...and then they are off to spend the night at Nick's tonight. :( I wish i could go to the career evening.
By the way...clothes dryers rule. I got one yesterday. I have not had one since i left the apartment in Mt Eden. It is soooo wonderful to not have wet clothes hanging all over the place on clothes horses in my spare room. I have an endless supply of laundry to do, every day, thanks to Nixon. I so wish that i had purchased everything for my home in DARK BROWN!
Back later!
In 1965 experts predicted that in 20 years we’d all be working a 22-hour week and retire by age 40 because computers would do most of the work. So what did the experts overlook? Appetites! The more we have the more we want. In this vicious cycle, the first casualty is our time with God! So, how’s your prayer life?
Before you answer, read these words from some great servants of God: DL Moody: ‘If you have so much business to attend to that you have no time to pray, depend upon it, you have more business on hand than God ever intended you should have.’ Jill Briscoe: ‘The management of time is the management of self; therefore, if you manage time with God, He will begin to manage you.’
Helmut Thielicke: ‘The Word of God is demanding. It demands a stretch of time in our day; even though it be a very modest one; in which He is our only companion…God will not put up with being fobbed off with prayers in telegram style and cut short like a troublesome visitor for whom we open the door just a crack to get rid of him as quickly as possible.’
AW Tozer: ‘Now, as always, God discloses Himself to babes and hides Himself in thick darkness from the wise and the prudent. We must simplify our approach to Him. We must strip down to essentials (and they will be found to be blessedly few). We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candour of childhood. If we do this, without a doubt God will quickly respond.’
Jer 7–9, Luke 2:8–20, Ps 8, Pr 14:9–12
What a beautiful day it is out there today. So beautiful that it is FREEZING. No cloud cover to keep in all of our ozone killing warmth! There was frost on the grass this morning. brrrr
I had a really busy day yesterday, and was not really feeling all that great. In fact i have been up and down all night, not feeling great, and waking up sweating. Weird. Feeling a bit better this morning though...although tired, which is nothing new.
I went to my counselling yesterday morning. I really enjoyed it...It was hard to get my butt moving and be out in Manukau by 10am, but once i got there, it was worth it. The counselling that i am doing is not court imposed, not for drug or alcohol issues, and nothing to do with Danny. It is all about helping me getting over my time involved in that hideous world, understanding what caused me to get to such a low place in the first place, and to get over the guilt that i feel for setting such a repulsive example for my children. I feel a TON of guilt for that every day...and sometimes, no, in fact all the time, i now give them every single thing they want, and do everything for them, because i am trying to make up to them, for the bad choices that i made.
I need to get over that guilt, or else i am going to create monsters! They are such good kids that i don't think i could really create monsters, but i do need to deal with that guilt and move on. So yeah...that is what my counselling is all about. I really enjoyed it yesterday. Talking about everything. I don't often speak out loud about things, and when i do, i still cry. Typing is easier than actually speaking to someone face to face.
Anyway...my house is an absolute pigsty. I am going to spend today cleaning, i guess. Maybe i will get some gardening in as well. I don't have the girls tonight, because they have a careers evening at Howick College to go to at 6:30, and i can't take them, so Nick has to...and then they are off to spend the night at Nick's tonight. :( I wish i could go to the career evening.
By the way...clothes dryers rule. I got one yesterday. I have not had one since i left the apartment in Mt Eden. It is soooo wonderful to not have wet clothes hanging all over the place on clothes horses in my spare room. I have an endless supply of laundry to do, every day, thanks to Nixon. I so wish that i had purchased everything for my home in DARK BROWN!
Back later!
June 22, 2010
You need discernment
‘…Those who…have their senses exercised to discern...’ Hebrews 5:14 NKJV
So true. I can't count how many times, in my life, i have ignored that inner voice, that intuition, and gone against what it was telling me to do. The voice that i had in my head, the words that it said to me..."You are going down a very dark road" that i ignored that first time that i tried P, is a perfect example. The voice that i had when i first met Danny, telling me that he was only going to hurt me, is another one. I have spent my whole life ignoring that voice.
Not anymore!
I have a busy day ahead of me. I would love nothing more than to be able to curl up and go back to sleep right now...but i can't! I have counselling this morning, then a friend popping in for lunch, then off to pick up the girls from school.
Back later on! ( I was too tired after staying up to watch the All Whites yesterday, to be bothered with my blog. Yesterday was a LONG day )
The Bible says that those who are spiritually mature ‘have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil’. Notice, it doesn’t say they use their head; it says they exercise their sense of discernment. The word ‘exercise’ means to train like a bodybuilder developing muscle. To discern correctly, you must:
(1) spend time meditating on the Scriptures
(2) harmonise what you think God’s telling you with what He says in His Word
(3) observe and obey the conditions that go with His promises. The Scripture, ‘Who by constant use have trained themselves’ (Hebrews 5: 14 NIV), means you must practice, be willing to learn from your mistakes, and grow in this area.
When it comes to knowing what’s good for you and what’s not, your Spirit is like an inner compass; it can guide you correctly when your head doesn’t know which way to go. Some things that you have dismissed as a hunch or an intuition were actually God’s Spirit trying to convey the answer to you. But you kept rejecting it because it didn’t sound ‘reasonable’. It takes faith to operate in this realm.
You’ll never have real discernment as long as you are ruled by reasoning. Reasoning is a product of your head; discernment is a product of your spirit. Your head doesn’t comprehend spiritual things. So when your spirit brings forth discernment and your head starts arguing about it, you never make progress. ‘…The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit…’ (1 Corinthians 2:14 NKJV) God says, ‘…What I have planned, that will I do…’ (Isaiah 46:11 NIV) God has a plan for your life. To follow it, you need discernment!
Jer 4–6, Luke 2:1–7, Ps 144:9–15, Pr 14:5–8
So true. I can't count how many times, in my life, i have ignored that inner voice, that intuition, and gone against what it was telling me to do. The voice that i had in my head, the words that it said to me..."You are going down a very dark road" that i ignored that first time that i tried P, is a perfect example. The voice that i had when i first met Danny, telling me that he was only going to hurt me, is another one. I have spent my whole life ignoring that voice.
Not anymore!
I have a busy day ahead of me. I would love nothing more than to be able to curl up and go back to sleep right now...but i can't! I have counselling this morning, then a friend popping in for lunch, then off to pick up the girls from school.
Back later on! ( I was too tired after staying up to watch the All Whites yesterday, to be bothered with my blog. Yesterday was a LONG day )
June 21, 2010
Keep on keeping on
‘…Stand firm. Let nothing move you...’ 1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV
This is very appropriate after the All Whites draw with Italy last night. Keep on keeping on All Whites! Yippieee.
I am tired. I could not get back to sleep after watching that game. The girls fell asleep mid game. I have Jorgia home sick with me today, with a stomach ache or something. Off to take Nicole to school!
Back later!
When you feel like quitting, ‘keep on keeping on’ and you’ll get what runners call their second wind. That’s the power which propels them to the finish line and makes them winners. It’s why the Bible says, ‘Blessed is the man who perseveres…’ (James 1:12 NIV)
Ever heard of Thomas Starzl? He became interested in organ transplants as a surgery resident in medical school. In 1958 he sewed new livers into dogs whose livers had been removed, but all of them died within two days of the operation. A year later he found a way to stabilise circulation, and the dogs lived for a week. In March 1963 he performed the first human liver transplant, but his patient bled to death. That failure, and the hepatitis epidemic that spread through artificial transplant centres worldwide during the 1960s, forced his liver transplant program to be abandoned. But he refused to quit. In 1968 Starzl reported the results from new transplant trials. All seven children involved had survived, although four died within six months; an encouraging, but not stellar, result. By 1975 only two liver transplant programmes were left in the world.
Twenty-three years after he first began, Starzl and his team found success: nineteen out of twenty-two patients lived for long periods. Starzl was criticised, even vilified, by the medical establishment. But he persevered. And we should be glad he did. Today liver transplants are routinely performed around the world and people who had no hope are now living happy and productive lives. So, whatever your assignment: ‘Stand firm. Let nothing move you.’
Jer 1–3, Luke 1:67–80, Ps 144:1–8, Pr 14:1–4
This is very appropriate after the All Whites draw with Italy last night. Keep on keeping on All Whites! Yippieee.
I am tired. I could not get back to sleep after watching that game. The girls fell asleep mid game. I have Jorgia home sick with me today, with a stomach ache or something. Off to take Nicole to school!
Back later!
How many NZers are up watching the football?
We are!!!
Not much gets me out of bed at 2am these days! Go the All Whites!!!!
I can NOT BELIEVE we just drew with the world champs!!! I heart Mark Paston!!!
Not much gets me out of bed at 2am these days! Go the All Whites!!!!
I can NOT BELIEVE we just drew with the world champs!!! I heart Mark Paston!!!
June 20, 2010
Do you have peace about it?
‘…You will…be led forth in peace...’ Isaiah 55:12 NIV
One of the first things you lose when you step out of God’s will is your peace. So if you don’t have peace about it, don’t proceed! God’s promise is, ‘You will…be led forth in peace.’
Many times peace is all God will give you to let you know whether you’re on the right track or not, so don’t violate ‘the peace rule’. Jesus said, ‘…My peace I give to you; not as the world gives…’ (John 14:27 NKJV) The world offers a feeling of peace that operates only when everything’s going well. But when the opinions you’re getting seem to be confusing and contradictory, when it feels like nothing is going right for you and yet you’re able to remain calm, you are experiencing ‘…the peace of God, which transcends all understanding…’ (Philippians 4:7 NIV)
You say, ‘How do I get this transcendent peace?’ Peter answers: ‘…Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honour. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you…Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith.
Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters…are going through the same kind of suffering you are…after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation…’ (1 Peter 5:6–10 NLT) So, be at peace, don’t rush ahead of God, be confident knowing that God cares about what happens to you.[a13]
1 Kings 17:1–7, 1 Kings 18:41–46, Mark 4:35–41
This is so true. I remember reading a discussion on a news website regarding the atheist signs that were going to be displayed on buses here in NZ...
There was a huge, long argument about them on a news website, and the only thought i had, and the only comment i made was...that i found the statement on the bus so ridiculous, because since becoming a Christian, i have never had less worries in my life. I don't really worry about anything now. God does my worrying for me. Everything is in his hands, and i have complete faith that everything will always be ok...i have an inner peace that i had never imagined was possible, until this past year.
I find it so mental, that these atheists would try to tell me there is no God ,so don't worry. I had so much worry before i truly believed in him, that my chest always felt tight, i was always angry, and it nearly killed me.
Anyway...today's reading reminded me of those bus signs and that conversation that i had on that website.
It is not even 7am...i am going to get some more zzzzzz in before the girls wake up. They stayed up late watching the rugby so hopefully they sleep in. We don't have Sky so they had to wait for delayed coverage. I think they were still up at midnight.
Back later. Good morning sunshine!
June 19, 2010
Making life easier
Life does not have to be hard.Oh my GOSH...Telecom came and fixed the fault in our phone line this afternoon! Now our internet connection is going sooooo fast. It is like having brand new computers again! Movies and documentaries download in like half an hour again...instead of 3 days!
Yes, there are times we need to endure, struggle through, and rely on our survival skills. But we don't have to make life, growth, change, or our day to day affairs that hard all the time.
Having life be that hard is a remnant of our martyrdom, a leftover from old ways of thinking, feeling, and believing. We are worthy, even when life isn't that hard. Our value and worth are not determined by how hard we struggle.
If we are making it that hard, we may be making it harder than it needs to be. Learn to let things happen easily, and naturally. Learn to let events, and our participation in them, fall into place. It can be easy now. Easier than it has been. We can go with the flow, take the world off our shoulders, and let God ease us into where we need to be.
Today, I will stop struggling so hard. I will let go of my belief that life has to be hard. I will replace it with a belief that i can walk this journey in ease and peace. And sometimes, it can actually be fun.
We have had the crackliest phone line and the slowest internet since we moved, back in April. I rang Telecom the weekend after we moved to report the fault. They would not send a technician out to have a look at the problem though, unless i agreed to pay the call out fee if it was not a Telecom fault. Having just moved in here....i had no idea if the jack points had been installed wrong or whatever, and i could not afford that call out fee if it was not their fault, so i just left it...and we have suffered in not so much silence with dial up speed broadband that constantly disconnects, requiring the modem to be reset ...ALL THE TIME.
Yesterday, the phone line just died. What a blessing that was! They HAD to send someone out...and now it is all fixed...for freeeeeee!
I can watch videos again without them pausing every 2 seconds to buffer or whatever they do. OK OK maybe this is not all that exciting for all you spoiled people out there that cannot REALLY remember how slow dial up is...but it sure is exciting for us!
I managed to clean my car, inside out today...even washed the car seat covers, and the floor mats. It looks and smells like new again. That will probably last until Monday morning when Nixon jumps into it. :-/ ugh...Nicole thinks we should start leaving him at home when we go out, but i cant do that. It is the ONLY time he gets to go anywhere, with me not being allowed to take him on runs...and he loves his car rides. I will stop taking him everywhere with me, when i am allowed to walk him every day again.
I managed to mow the lawns today as well. All in all a rather productive day. I will have a good sleep tonight. :)
All about Steve
If you feel like laughing this afternoon...watch this! Jorgia and i have been sitting here on the couch laughing so hard, watching this .
Crack up...for reals. :)
Crack up...for reals. :)
Furnace faith
‘…The God we serve is able to save us from it…But even if He does not...’ Daniel 3:17–18 NIV
This was a good one for me today, after having a bit of a down day, and not feeling that great yesterday. I had a really good sleep overnight. In fact i have had really good sleeps all week, this week...my problem has been that i have not been able to STOP sleeping.
It is easy to have faith when everything is perfect. The real test is having faith when things are suckie...which they kind of have been this week! ha
I am feeling good this morning though. I am going to get up, and keep myself busy out in the yard and doing housework all day today.
Good morning sunshines!
Facing the fiery furnace, the three Hebrew children refused to compromise their beliefs or change their behaviour. They told the king, ‘If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand…But even if He does not…we will not serve your gods.’
With the words, ‘even if He does not,’ they took their faith to a higher level. They knew God could prevent it, but not that His plan called for it in this instance. But they’d rather die than deny or disappoint Him. Understand this: God can take you out of your situation or bring you through it. When He leaves you in it longer than you’d like to stay, He’s developing ‘furnace faith’.
Furnace faith is dead to doubt and blind to impossibility. It reaches up through the threatening clouds and lays hold of the One who has all power in heaven and on earth. It makes the circumstances bearable and the future hopeful. Furnace faith believes that even if you do have to go through the fire, God will go through it with you.
Listen to the words of a heathen king who watched it all happen: ‘…I see four men loose, walking in…the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.’ (Daniel 3:25 NKJV) Furnace faith makes you as free in the fire of affliction as you are out of it. Furthermore, when your friends see the Lord in there with you, it’ll convince them like nothing else.
Hosea 11–14, Luke 1:57–66, Ps 139:13–24, Pr 13:25
This was a good one for me today, after having a bit of a down day, and not feeling that great yesterday. I had a really good sleep overnight. In fact i have had really good sleeps all week, this week...my problem has been that i have not been able to STOP sleeping.
It is easy to have faith when everything is perfect. The real test is having faith when things are suckie...which they kind of have been this week! ha
I am feeling good this morning though. I am going to get up, and keep myself busy out in the yard and doing housework all day today.
Good morning sunshines!
June 18, 2010
Being vulnerable
Part of recovery means learning to share ourselves with other people. We learn to admit our mistakes, and expose our imperfections - not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves. This sharing is a catalyst in healing and changing.
Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections because that makes us vulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, and people tried to control, manipulate, or exploit us, or they made us feel ashamed.
Some of us have hurt ourselves by being vulnerable. We may have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence. Or we may have told the wrong people at an inappropriate time, and scared them away.
We learn from our mistakes - and despite our mistakes, it is still a good thing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest. We can learn to choose safe people with whom to share ourselves. We can learn to share appropriately, so we don't scare or push people away. We can also learn to let others be vulnerable with us.
Today, God, help me learn to be appropriately vulnerable. I will not let others exploit or shame me for being vulnerable, and i will not exploit myself.
Telecom have been the hugest pain in my assholes today. I was in the middle of a really important phone call this morning, and my phone line was so crackly that i could not hear anything, and then it just disconnected. Our phone here, has been like that since the day we moved in, and our broadband has been so slow it is like dial up speed, and always drops out.
I had phoned them about this, the first weekend after we moved in here, and they would not send someone out to check the fault unless i agreed to pay some huge call out fee if it was not their fault. So we have just put up with the crackly line and the slow internet for the past 2 months.
Today, was a blessing really, because they finally admitted that it was their problem / fault and are sending someone out to fix it tomorrow. Hopefully, we will finally have a landline that we can actually HEAR people talk on, and internet that does not constantly disconnect itself and goes sooooo slowwww.
Fingers crossed.
I'm not feeling very well tonight. The girls did end up having friends for the night, so i made a pot of veggie soup for everyone, and now i am hitting the sack. I am REALLY tired this week for some reason...I wish so badly that Nixon and i could do our runs again. I feel so gross when i think about how long it has been since i got any regular exercise.
UGH....another week down :)
Goodnight.
Below the surface - finding deep strength
We have all have times in our lives when we think we don’t have the strength to carry on. You do, and you can.
We have all faced moments in our lives when the pressure mounts beyond what we feel we can handle, and we find ourselves thinking that we do not have the strength to carry on. Sometimes we have just gotten through a major obstacle or illness only to find another one waiting for us the moment we finally catch our breath. Sometimes we endure one loss after another, wondering when we will get a break from life’s travails. It does not seem fair or right that life should demand more of us when we feel we have given all we can, but sometimes this is the way life works.
When we look back on our lives, we see that we have survived many trials and surmounted many obstacles, often to our own amazement. In each of those instances, we had to break through our ideas about how much we can handle and go deeper into our hidden reserves. The thought that we do not have the strength to handle what is before us can be likened to the hard surface of a frozen lake. It appears to be an impenetrable fact, but when we break through it, we find that a deep well of energy and inspiration was trapped beneath that icy barrier the whole time. Sometimes we break through by cutting a hole into our resistance with our willpower, and sometimes we melt the ice with compassion for our predicament and ourselves. Either way, each time we break through, we reach a new understanding of the strength we store within ourselves.
When we find ourselves up against that frozen barrier of thinking we cannot handle our situation, we may find that the kindest choice is to love ourselves and our resistance too. We can simply accept that we are overwhelmed, exhausted, and stretched, and we can offer ourselves loving kindness and compassion. If we can extend to ourselves the unconditional warmth of a mother’s love, before we know it, the ice will begin to break. ~ The Daily OM
Off to pick up the girls! I have them all weekend this weekend....yay. I got a little bit lonely without them last weekend. I don't think either are having friends stay though, despite the huge argument over that, earlier in the week. They both spent all night nagging me about having friends stay, and how the other one should not be allowed...and then they both end up not having anyone over.
Teenage girls huh? Gotta love it.
My caffeine addiction
I have been trying to cut down on my caffeine intake. Nicole and Jorgia pointed out a couple of weeks ago that they think i am a coffee addict. They are entirely correct, of course. I have these HUGE coffee mugs, that everyone laughs at, when they see me drinking coffee out of them.
They are Starbucks City Mugs, that i got at various cities in the States. I continually drink coffee all day long out of these mugs...right up until i go to bed at night. In fact i take a mug with me to bed, to drink while i fiddle around on the laptop.
Anyway...i have been trying to cut down this week. I am doing a great job. It's so easy to not drink coffee during the day when i don't WAKE UP PROPERLY TIL 2pm. yesssssss sleeping all the time is the perfect cure for caffeine addiction.
From Doctor Jackie.
PS...back later after i skull this bucket.
They are Starbucks City Mugs, that i got at various cities in the States. I continually drink coffee all day long out of these mugs...right up until i go to bed at night. In fact i take a mug with me to bed, to drink while i fiddle around on the laptop.
Anyway...i have been trying to cut down this week. I am doing a great job. It's so easy to not drink coffee during the day when i don't WAKE UP PROPERLY TIL 2pm. yesssssss sleeping all the time is the perfect cure for caffeine addiction.
From Doctor Jackie.
PS...back later after i skull this bucket.
Growing through loss and change - 3
‘A time to gain, and a time to lose...’ Ecclesiastes 3:6 NKJV
It is way too early for me to be awake, on a morning that i don't have to get up to take the girls to school. Back later....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Grief counsellors have given us a healing process for working through our losses known as the ‘grief cycle.’ It includes five stages:
(1) Shock, sometimes called denial. Our initial reaction is, ‘This can’t be happening. I don’t believe it.’ We’re numb, incredulous, in a kind of stupor.
(2) Anger. We cry, ‘It’s not fair! What did I do to deserve this? How could God let this happen? I have been a Christian all my life!’
(3) Bargaining. ‘I’ll do anything if you’ll change this. Save my loved one and I’ll serve you for the rest of my life!’
(4) Depression. ‘There’s nothing left worth living for. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again!’
(5) Acceptance. ‘Somehow life must go on. I’ve got my family to think of, so I have to try again.’
The intensity, duration and order of these stages vary from person to person. You may re-experience any stage until the work of that stage is completed. But when you’ve finished your divinely appointed grief work, you’re ready to ‘…heal…laugh…dance…embrace…love…[find] peace…’ (Ecclesiastes 3:3–8 NKJV)
You’re ready for God’s new beginning. Israel had wept over Moses for thirty heart-rending days till ‘the days of weeping and mourning... ended.’ (Deuteronomy 34:8 NKJV) The mourning wasn’t avoided or shortened. It was worked through and completed; then they were ready for the future God had planned for them. ‘Moses My servant is dead..,’ you’ve grieved him in a healthy way. Now you’re ready to join Joshua and ‘…arise, go over this Jordan…to the land which I am giving to [you]…’ (Joshua 1:2 NKJV)
When you complete your grief, you continue your growth!
Hosea 6–10, Luke 1:39–56, Ps 139:7–12, Pr 13:24
It is way too early for me to be awake, on a morning that i don't have to get up to take the girls to school. Back later....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
June 17, 2010
Surrender
Master the lessons of your present circumstances.I have trust and gratitude oozing from my pores. It was today, a year ago, that the police raided my apartment in Mt Eden. This time last year, i had spent all day at Auckland Central Police Station, being questioned by police. When they finally let me go...i walked down to Queen St, as fast as i could, to purchase a new cell phone, and sim card, with the last of what little money i had. I then walked up Queen St, along Symonds St...I contemplated just jumping off the Symonds St bridge while i walked across it, but i kept walking...obviously.
We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance.
Avoidance is not the key: surrender opens the door.
Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason. There is a lesson, a valuable lesson, that must be learned before we can move forward.
Something important is being worked out in us, and in those around us. We may not be able to identify it today, but we can know that it is important. We can know it is good.
Overcome not by force, overcome by surrender. The battle is fought, and won, inside ourselves. We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free.
Today, i will be open to the lessons of my present circumstances. I do not have to label, or understand what i am learning; I will see clearly in time. For today, trust and gatitude are sufficient.
I finally made it back to that hideous apartment, and opened the door to a heat wave, and the biggest mess that i have ever seen in my life. The heaters had been left on all day. The police had emptied every drawer, and searched under every cushion...i did not know where to start cleaning. They had made a mess of the inside of my car as well...
I was beside myself. THEN there was a knock on the door, and i opened that door looking like death, and smelling like a jail cell, and with a ransacked apartment, because i had no money and was about to crash. Lucky i knew the person that knocked on my door, quite well...I was cleaning like there was no tomorrow, a couple of hours later.
The gratitude that i feel towards the police, is never ending and something that i will feel for the rest of my life. The gratitude towards the hooker that i had with me that morning, who stashed her drugs and let me take the blame, is huge, i will be forever grateful to her...She is still a hooker, involved in that world...who got lucky that day? ME.
It sure did not seem that way at the time...but i look back now and cannot believe how much has changed, how much i have changed, in the past 12 months.
I have soooo much to be grateful for, and i have complete faith and trust that my life is only going to continue to get better by the day.
Thank you Officer Toby White. I will never forget you. I LOVE my life.
Goodnight.
The consequences you sow - action and effect
Every action you take has a cause and effect. The influence we wield is infinite
All motive and action affects the cosmos in some way. The principle of cause and effect is the truth that allows us to change ourselves and the world around us for the better. However, this same universal law is also at work when change is not at the forefront of our minds. Our intentions flow forever outward in the form of energy, affecting both the people closest to us and billions of individuals we will likely never meet. For this reason, we should strive always to speak, think, and behave with great thoughtfulness and compassion. The virtues we choose to embody can inspire joy and integrity in the lives of countless people, whether we touch their existence directly or not.
The influence we wield is infinite. In an effort to internalize our conscious understanding of the nature of cause and effect, we can never truly know how our thoughts, emotions, words, or actions will manifest themselves on the larger universal stage because it is likely that the furthest-reaching effects will fall outside the range of our perception. We can only look to the guidance of our conscience, which will help us determine whether each of our choices is contributing to humanity's illumination or setting the stage for unintended troubles. When we are in doubt, we need only remember that the cultivation of altruism inevitably leads to a harvest of goodwill and grace. Motivated by a sincere desire to spread goodness, we will be naturally drawn to those choices that will help us express our commitment to universal well-being.
Nothing you do, however minor or mundane, is ever exempt from the rules of cause and effect. From the moment of your birth, you have served as an agent of change, setting forces beyond your comprehension into motion across the surface of the earth and beyond. You can exert conscious control over this transformative energy simply by examining your intentions and endeavoring always to promote peace, positive energy, and passion in your ideas and actions. While you may never fully comprehend the extent of your purposefully heartfelt influence, you can rest assured that it will be universally felt. ~ The Daily OM
Growing through loss and change - 2
‘A time to gain, and a time to lose...’ Ecclesiastes 3:6 NKJV
I LOVE it...LOVE LOVE LOVE it...that is exactly where i am right now, with EVERYTHING that i have ever grieved for in my life...i am at a place now where i can remember the loss, and even the pain that i felt at the time, without it hurting now.
I had a really busy day yesterday, and was so tired by the end of it that i was nearly falling asleep while sitting outside Howick College, in my car, waiting for Nicole to arrive back from her soccer game. Their game last night was way out at Point England, so they all rode in a van over there. I really feel sorry for that coach...trying to drive in rush hour traffic, back to Howick, with all those teenage girls in the van. I phoned Nicole to see how far away they were and boy, were they being noisy!
Anyway...i think all this dreary weather, and my time lying around being lazy has caused a definite vitamin D deficiency...i was feeling so tired last night that the bags under my eyes felt like they were dragging on the ground.
I spent some of the afternoon out in Manukau at CADS - Community Alcohol and Drug Services. Remember back in like Feb or March, i had to get an assessment, in order to see what treatment was best for me? Well they lost that original assessment, apparently...so i had to go back and get another one done.
The psychologist that assessed me, told me that i am very intelligent, that the groups that they have would probably not suit me because i have not touched alcohol or drugs in the past, NEARLY A YEAR...except for two glasses of wine...and that if i want to do any kind of counselling with them or whatever that it is available to me, but that she did not think that i really needed it, for the drug issue.
She advised that they could offer counselling though, to help me work through some of the guilt that i have regarding the kids, and those choices that i made, and the effect that it could potentially have on them in the long term...and to help me deal with my emotions regarding memories of that life. I still tear up, when i talk about it.
So that will be nice. I am going to take them up on that offer. I have a one hour counselling session every week, starting next Tuesday. That will be good. Might as well take advantage of all the free help that i am offered!
Right...off to get the girls to school. Back later!
When hit by major life losses like divorce, the death of a family member, a life-threatening illness or disability, we must ‘work through’ them, not suppress them in an attempt to move on. Moving on prematurely carries the baggage of unresolved issues into future relationships and opportunities, inviting the past to repeat itself indefinitely. What is the process of working through a life-altering loss? Understanding these two things will help you:
(1) Grief is the natural reaction to loss. Grief ‘buried’ is unfinished business. In the guise of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc., it’ll constantly resurrect itself in search of resolution, even if it takes years.
(2) Mourning is the ‘work of grief’. God’s Word says, ‘[There is] …a time to mourn…’ (Ecclesiastes 3:4 NAS) That means He’s appointed a season with a definite beginning and ending in which He intends you to do the fruitful work of grappling with your painful feelings. How long does it take? As long as it requires—depending on how great the loss, how many resulting additional losses it generates, and the spiritual, relational and emotional health of the mourner.
If we mourn scripturally, there’ll be ‘a time to dance’ again. If we allow ourselves the right to weep, there’ll be ‘a time to laugh’ again. (Ecclesiastes 3:4 NAS) The process God designed ultimately produces healing and readiness to reengage with life and the future. You’ll either complete your grief or repeat your grief. You’ve completed it when you can remember the loss without being immobilised by it!
Hosea 1–5, Luke 1:26–38, Ps 139:1–6, Pr 13:21–23
I LOVE it...LOVE LOVE LOVE it...that is exactly where i am right now, with EVERYTHING that i have ever grieved for in my life...i am at a place now where i can remember the loss, and even the pain that i felt at the time, without it hurting now.
I had a really busy day yesterday, and was so tired by the end of it that i was nearly falling asleep while sitting outside Howick College, in my car, waiting for Nicole to arrive back from her soccer game. Their game last night was way out at Point England, so they all rode in a van over there. I really feel sorry for that coach...trying to drive in rush hour traffic, back to Howick, with all those teenage girls in the van. I phoned Nicole to see how far away they were and boy, were they being noisy!
Anyway...i think all this dreary weather, and my time lying around being lazy has caused a definite vitamin D deficiency...i was feeling so tired last night that the bags under my eyes felt like they were dragging on the ground.
I spent some of the afternoon out in Manukau at CADS - Community Alcohol and Drug Services. Remember back in like Feb or March, i had to get an assessment, in order to see what treatment was best for me? Well they lost that original assessment, apparently...so i had to go back and get another one done.
The psychologist that assessed me, told me that i am very intelligent, that the groups that they have would probably not suit me because i have not touched alcohol or drugs in the past, NEARLY A YEAR...except for two glasses of wine...and that if i want to do any kind of counselling with them or whatever that it is available to me, but that she did not think that i really needed it, for the drug issue.
She advised that they could offer counselling though, to help me work through some of the guilt that i have regarding the kids, and those choices that i made, and the effect that it could potentially have on them in the long term...and to help me deal with my emotions regarding memories of that life. I still tear up, when i talk about it.
So that will be nice. I am going to take them up on that offer. I have a one hour counselling session every week, starting next Tuesday. That will be good. Might as well take advantage of all the free help that i am offered!
Right...off to get the girls to school. Back later!
June 16, 2010
Growing through loss and change - 1
‘A time to gain, and a time to lose...’ Ecclesiastes 3:6 NKJV
It is not even 6am. Nixon woke me to go outside, and he took forever...so i flipped the laptop open, and read this, and now i am wide awake...and he is fast asleep again at my feet.
Hmmm hardly seems fair. I have a good mind to give him a boot off the bed haha...i won't though...i will just turn out the light again and try to get some more sleep before the girls wake up. They start school an hour later on Wednesdays, so i can still get a couple more hours sleep.
Good morning sunshines, in the meantime!
Nothing develops our character like handling loss, and the change it brings. When we lose a marriage, a job, a child, a parent, our reputation, our health, our finances etc, we’re left with a choice: roll with the punches or get knocked out; flex or flounder!Wow - wish i had read that about 2 years ago. :)
What was, is no more. Suddenly in limbo, we’re lost between the past we knew and the future we don’t. Without a road map, in strange territory, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Faith tells us that God can ultimately transform every ending into a new beginning. But till then, riveted in our pain and confusion, what do we do between the old ending and the new beginning?
That’s where Israel was when Moses, their spiritual father, was taken from them. The loss left a whole nation anguished. ‘So the sons of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days…’ (Deuteronomy 34:8 NAS)
Note: God’s response to their grieving was not, ‘You shouldn’t feel that way. Forget Moses; after all, you’ve got Me. It’s time to toughen up. You just need to have more faith!’ When counsel sounds ‘religious’ and seems out of touch with reality, it doesn’t come from God. He doesn’t require us to be ‘super-spiritual’, deny our grief and pretend we don’t hurt.
He gives us ‘a time to weep…mourn…lose…’ on our way back to ‘…laugh…dance…gain…’ (Ecclesiastes 3:4–6 NKJV) He allowed an entire nation thirty days off work to feel and deal with their grief. Your tears are part of God’s provision for getting you through this loss and on to your healing.
2 Kings 24–25, Luke 1:11–25, Ps 73:17–28, Pr 13:20
It is not even 6am. Nixon woke me to go outside, and he took forever...so i flipped the laptop open, and read this, and now i am wide awake...and he is fast asleep again at my feet.
Hmmm hardly seems fair. I have a good mind to give him a boot off the bed haha...i won't though...i will just turn out the light again and try to get some more sleep before the girls wake up. They start school an hour later on Wednesdays, so i can still get a couple more hours sleep.
Good morning sunshines, in the meantime!
June 15, 2010
Competition between martyrs
"Yes i know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"I "bolded" my favourite sentence in this one. :)
My pain is greater than yours! What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimised we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what a tremendous martyr we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have legitimately been victimised. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal is not to show others how much we hurt or have been hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and share the solutions with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you have been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain. If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we have been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what is going on. Do we need to recognise how much we have hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is a gift, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
God help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what i need to learn, so i can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated it.
It's been a good day today. I have the girls back for the night and they have been giving me grief, and generally being a pain in my assholes....in a funny way.
Sometimes though, i wonder if i can ever win with those two! They both asked to have friends over this weekend...and being the cool mum that loves having all of their friends at my house, i said yes to both of them...and now i am in trouble for that. They are both moaning at me for saying yes, to the other one.
It's like they think...if one has friends, then the other one can't...whyyyyyy? It is actually BETTER when they both have friends over, that way no one is bored. But noooo saying yes yes yes to both of them means that now there are arguments over who gets to sleep in the lounge and who sleeps in the bedroom blah blah blah...
Am i the first parent to get in trouble with their children for saying yes when they ask for something?
Anyway, i have been banished to my room for the night. Thank goodness for that!
Knowing is the key - Getting what you want
The first step to getting what you want in life is knowing what you want.The first step to getting what you want in life is knowing what you want. This may sound obvious, but a surprising number of us are going through life without really coming to terms with the truth of what we want. There are many reasons for this, and they range from parental influences that curb our imaginations to external factors that curb our ability to take action. We may feel that getting too caught up in exploring our deepest desires is wasted energy when it seems we want things beyond our grasp. This is a very practical attitude and has its benefits, but it can be safely balanced with a more imaginative and unlimited approach to the question of what we want.Perhaps you are 40 years old and find within yourself a desire to be a ballet dancer. You see the impracticality and seeming impossibility of this idea, so you reject it without exploring it. But perhaps you should allow yourself to feel this desire and perhaps even take a dance class. Allowing yourself to participate in ballet in small ways may provide inspiration that leads you in a new direction in life. And time spent doing what you want to do is never wasted because it generates energy that can fuel the rest of your life.
You can begin to uncover and discover what you want by doing a simple, timed writing exercise. Set your timer for 15 minutes and write without stopping, starting every sentence with the words “I want.” Writing without stopping for a set period of time enables your inner voice to override your inner censor and helps to unearth buried dreams. It also creates a feeling of relief in the mind, heart, and body. This exercise can also be practiced orally, alone or in the company of a friend. You might try doing this exercise every morning for a week, looking back at the end of the week to see what has come up. Sometimes the simple act of expressing a want actually releases it, while other yearnings retain their energy, asking us to pay attention. When we pay attention to what we want, we are that much closer to getting it. ~ The Daily OM
I am still working on this one. I know what i don't want in life, and part of me thinks that i already have everything that i want...but that is just how i feel about the right here and now. It is nice to feel like i have everything that i want, but it will also be nice when i work out what ELSE i want to do with my life, and goals that i want to achieve, and can start working towards them.
Hopefully, i will have that sorted in the next 8 weeks. It is getting close now. Time is flying by. I can't quite believe how fast...and for the first time since i changed my life, i will literally have nothing new from my past to face. It will be all about my future.
I can't quite believe how close it is. I am nearly there. I have not thought about what i want, after this ends, because wanting something while having to sit here on my butt seemed futile. It's time to change that thought process.
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