I have THE COOLEST sisters and brother in law! Thank you guys for sending me the coolest t-shirt in the world! You guys made my day today. I love you! xoxox
May 31, 2010
I am going to do it
I am going to write a book.
As of tomorrow, i have three more months of sitting here on my butt. Four months down. Three to go. I can not think of a more productive way to spend my time, than to try to share my experiences and a message of HOPE, to anyone who's life or the life of a loved one has been touched by depression or methamphetamine addiction.
I can remember going to my doctor - The wonderful, brilliant, and compassionate Dr. Lee, last July, in the worst state imaginable. Suffering, from what i now realise were terrible withdrawals from methamphetamine. (at the time i just thought i was depressed about Danny) I nearly left, several times, while sitting in the waiting room crying. I listened to him tell me that the anti depressants that he was prescribing me would probably take 3 weeks to kick in, and make any difference. I remember thinking, "I don't have three weeks."
I think he read my mind, because that was when he started his speech to me about HOPE, and how there is always hope, and to always remember that. I remember thinking at the time, that was easy for him to say from his perfect life, but that he had no idea how hopeless my life had actually become.
I remember how i nearly did not bother to get the prescription filled, at the pharmacy below his offices, because i was crying so hard and people were staring at me. I nearly left while i waited.
I remember how, for months before that day...i never went anywhere in public when i knew there would be people around. I did my food shopping at 4am. I remember the last time that i went food shopping during the day...how i had been feeling the avocados, and looking around while i did that. I stood there for God only knows how long...feeling that one avocado, and staring at other women my age, doing their food shopping for their families, and wondering how my life had managed to get this bad, and having a feeling of hopelessness....of knowing that i could never get that back. I felt like i was too far gone down that dark road...to ever get back to a place, where i would be shopping for my family on my way home from work again.
That was months before i made the decision to change my life. To at least try.
I felt so hopeless. I dreaded each knew day, because for months, each new day had been worse than the previous day. The only people that i had in my life, were people whose lives were just as bad as mine. People who were on the same destructive path...and i saw no one getting off that path. I put my mental deterioration down to my depression relating to my marriage failure and Danny. While at first, that may have been my problem...in the end Methamphetamine was my problem. I did not realise this at the time though. That drug was supposed to make me happy right? That is all i had ever heard about it....it was so addictive because it makes you so happy. It gives you so much confidence and makes you sociable...right? That was all i had ever heard about it.
So why would i quit something like that? Imagine how much worse i would feel without it? Imagine how losing Danny would feel without this drug. No thanks!
So i stayed on that path...until the Police forced me to get off it. I stayed on that path because of fear of how bad i would feel without that drug. I stayed on that path because i felt so hopeless. I stayed on that path because i just wanted to die anyway. I stayed on that path because doing anything to help myself took more energy than i could muster.
I stayed on that path until i was threatened with a life sentence.
I got off that path, the day that i walked back down the hill from Grafton Rd, to my apartment, thinking "I will be back in a few months, after i have gotten off this drug, away from the criminals, hookers, and gang members that i know, and life is still hopeless."
That day never came. It never will. My life is better than it has ever been before now. I am happier than i have ever been before. Had i read my story, back when i first realised how badly i had messed up, while i was squeezing that avocado...I would have gotten off that path a lot sooner than i did. Had i known anything at all about methamphetamine, and how it affects a brain...i would never have gotten on that path in the first place.
I have a passion for telling this story. I have 3 months to do it. I am going to use these next 3 months to spread that message of HOPE. I can't think of a better way to put the last three months of my sentence to good use. There is a reason why God has me sitting here this long. I believe this is it.
I have made this decision after having about 237.59 people suggest to me that i do it. The old salt in a shaker reading this morning clinched my descision. If i don't do this...i am salt just sitting in the shaker. :)
As of tomorrow, i have three more months of sitting here on my butt. Four months down. Three to go. I can not think of a more productive way to spend my time, than to try to share my experiences and a message of HOPE, to anyone who's life or the life of a loved one has been touched by depression or methamphetamine addiction.
I can remember going to my doctor - The wonderful, brilliant, and compassionate Dr. Lee, last July, in the worst state imaginable. Suffering, from what i now realise were terrible withdrawals from methamphetamine. (at the time i just thought i was depressed about Danny) I nearly left, several times, while sitting in the waiting room crying. I listened to him tell me that the anti depressants that he was prescribing me would probably take 3 weeks to kick in, and make any difference. I remember thinking, "I don't have three weeks."
I think he read my mind, because that was when he started his speech to me about HOPE, and how there is always hope, and to always remember that. I remember thinking at the time, that was easy for him to say from his perfect life, but that he had no idea how hopeless my life had actually become.
I remember how i nearly did not bother to get the prescription filled, at the pharmacy below his offices, because i was crying so hard and people were staring at me. I nearly left while i waited.
I remember how, for months before that day...i never went anywhere in public when i knew there would be people around. I did my food shopping at 4am. I remember the last time that i went food shopping during the day...how i had been feeling the avocados, and looking around while i did that. I stood there for God only knows how long...feeling that one avocado, and staring at other women my age, doing their food shopping for their families, and wondering how my life had managed to get this bad, and having a feeling of hopelessness....of knowing that i could never get that back. I felt like i was too far gone down that dark road...to ever get back to a place, where i would be shopping for my family on my way home from work again.
That was months before i made the decision to change my life. To at least try.
I felt so hopeless. I dreaded each knew day, because for months, each new day had been worse than the previous day. The only people that i had in my life, were people whose lives were just as bad as mine. People who were on the same destructive path...and i saw no one getting off that path. I put my mental deterioration down to my depression relating to my marriage failure and Danny. While at first, that may have been my problem...in the end Methamphetamine was my problem. I did not realise this at the time though. That drug was supposed to make me happy right? That is all i had ever heard about it....it was so addictive because it makes you so happy. It gives you so much confidence and makes you sociable...right? That was all i had ever heard about it.
So why would i quit something like that? Imagine how much worse i would feel without it? Imagine how losing Danny would feel without this drug. No thanks!
So i stayed on that path...until the Police forced me to get off it. I stayed on that path because of fear of how bad i would feel without that drug. I stayed on that path because i felt so hopeless. I stayed on that path because i just wanted to die anyway. I stayed on that path because doing anything to help myself took more energy than i could muster.
I stayed on that path until i was threatened with a life sentence.
I got off that path, the day that i walked back down the hill from Grafton Rd, to my apartment, thinking "I will be back in a few months, after i have gotten off this drug, away from the criminals, hookers, and gang members that i know, and life is still hopeless."
That day never came. It never will. My life is better than it has ever been before now. I am happier than i have ever been before. Had i read my story, back when i first realised how badly i had messed up, while i was squeezing that avocado...I would have gotten off that path a lot sooner than i did. Had i known anything at all about methamphetamine, and how it affects a brain...i would never have gotten on that path in the first place.
I have a passion for telling this story. I have 3 months to do it. I am going to use these next 3 months to spread that message of HOPE. I can't think of a better way to put the last three months of my sentence to good use. There is a reason why God has me sitting here this long. I believe this is it.
I have made this decision after having about 237.59 people suggest to me that i do it. The old salt in a shaker reading this morning clinched my descision. If i don't do this...i am salt just sitting in the shaker. :)
Salt and light
‘You are the salt of the earth…You are the light of the world.’ Matthew 5:13-14 NKJV
I am soooo tired this morning. It is times like this past weekend, when my house has been so full of noisy kids...that i have to remind myself that it was only a year ago, that i spent all of my time crying because i never thought i would get back to where i am now - so busy with the kids and all their friends...and never getting any alone/me time.
Jorgia ended up sleeping with me again last night. She watched A Nightmare on Elm Street ...again...with her friends over the weekend. At midnight she crawled into my bed because she was having bad dreams. No more scary movies for her...ever.
Motivation to move has been a struggle for all of us this morning. I am lucky...i think i might catch some more zzzzzzs before i start my housework. I am Lucky...because i can. Then i will get busy doing some flavouring. :)
Christ’s critics told the truth when they said, ‘…He stirs up the people…’ (Luke 23:5 NKJV) The apostles’ critics told the truth when they said, They ‘…have turned the world upside down…’ (Acts 17:6 NKJV) Jesus and His disciples were ‘Let’s do something about it’ people, rather than ‘Let’s not make waves’ people. Which are you?
Jesus said: ‘You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavour, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out…You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all…Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father…’ (Matthew 5:13–16 NKJV)
The purpose of salt is to flavour, not to sit in a shaker. The purpose of light is to illuminate, not just be an accessory. Being shy or inarticulate or not knowing the Scriptures well enough to share them is not an acceptable excuse. You are the only Christian some people will ever meet, so a lot is riding on you.
Jim Elliott, who died as a missionary and martyr, said: ‘God makes His ministers a flame of fire. Am I ignitable? God, deliver me from the dread asbestos of ‘other things.’ Saturate me with the oil of Your Spirit that I may be a flame.’ Make me your fuel, flame of God. Today, make that your prayer!
1 Kings 21–22, Mark 13:1–11, Ps 82, Pr 12:18–19
I am soooo tired this morning. It is times like this past weekend, when my house has been so full of noisy kids...that i have to remind myself that it was only a year ago, that i spent all of my time crying because i never thought i would get back to where i am now - so busy with the kids and all their friends...and never getting any alone/me time.
Jorgia ended up sleeping with me again last night. She watched A Nightmare on Elm Street ...again...with her friends over the weekend. At midnight she crawled into my bed because she was having bad dreams. No more scary movies for her...ever.
Motivation to move has been a struggle for all of us this morning. I am lucky...i think i might catch some more zzzzzzs before i start my housework. I am Lucky...because i can. Then i will get busy doing some flavouring. :)
May 30, 2010
Begetting change - Same choices, same results
If our patterns of thought and behavior remain unchanged our lives will continue to unfold much as they have previously.
Repeated bouts of adversity are an unavoidable aspect of human existence. We battle against our inner struggles or outer world forces, and in many cases, we emerge on the opposite side of struggle stronger and better equipped to cope with the challenges yet to come. However, we can occasionally encounter trials that seem utterly hopeless. We strike at them with all of our creativity and perseverance, hoping desperately to bring about change, only to meet with the same results as always. Our first instinct in such situations is often to push harder against the seemingly immovable obstruction before us, assuming that this time we will be met with a different outcome. But staying power and stamina net us little when the same choices consistently garner the same results. A change in perspective, behavior, or response can do so much more to help us move past points where no amount of effort seems sufficient to overcome the difficulties before us.
Whether our intention is to change ourselves or some element of the world around us, we cannot simply wish for transformation or hope that our lives will be altered through circumstance. If our patterns of thought and behavior remain unchanged, our lives will continue to unfold much as they have previously. Patterns in which fruitless efforts prevail can be overcome with self examination and courage. It is our bravery that allows us to question the choices we have made thus far and to channel our effort into innovation. Asking questions and making small adjustments to your thought processes and behaviors will help you discover what works, so you can leave that which does not work behind you. To break free from those unconscious patterns that have long held sway over your actions and reactions, you will likely have to challenge your assumptions on a most basic level. You must accept once and for all that your beliefs with regard to cause and effect may no longer be in accorda! nce with your needs.
Stagnation is often a sign that great changes are on the horizon. Courting the change you wish to see in yourself and in the world around you is a matter of acknowledging that only change begets change. The results you so ardently want to realize are well within the realm of possibility, and you need only step away from the well-worn circular path to explore the untried paths that lie beyond it. ~ The Daily OM
Just drive and let God direct you
‘Lead me, O Lord…make Your way straight before my face.’ Psalm 5:8 NKJV
Life is so much better, and less stressful when you have faith that everything is part of God's plan for you. I know that sitting around, waiting for the end of my sentence, would be a lot more difficult if i did not know that there was a reason for it...even if some days it seems like a complete waste of time. Every time i start to think like that, i am shown another reason why i am going through this, and what it is supposed to be teaching me.
I still can't wait for it to be over though! I am DYING for some exercise...and so is Nixon! Poor little guy.
I just woke up...and the girls are still making noise and talking out there. I wonder if they have gotten any sleep at all...or if they have been awake all night.
I have to get up and make them all pancakes soon. Just a little more sleep for me first though.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Hannah Whitall Smith writes: ‘God’s voice will always be in harmony with itself, regardless of how many ways He may speak. The voices may be many, the message can be but one. If God tells me in one voice to do, or leave undone anything, He cannot possibly tell me the opposite in another voice…therefore my rule for distinguishing the voice of God would be to bring it to the test of this harmony.’ To know that you’re being led by God you must:
(1) believe that He has a plan for your life
(2) spend time in prayer asking Him to reveal it
(3) step out and obey Him, even though He doesn’t tell you all you’d like to know
(4) be confident that even in difficult times He’s still directing your steps.
During the making of Ben-Hur, Charlton Heston trained long hours to drive a chariot for the movie’s big chariot race. He improved greatly, but he became convinced that the task was more than he could handle. So he approached the legendary movie director Cecil B DeMille and said, ‘I’ve worked hard at mastering this rig. I think I can drive it convincingly in the scene, but I don’t think I can win the race.’ After a moment’s silence DeMille smiled and said, ‘You just drive, I’ll direct.’ He did, and the chariot race became one of the movie’s most memorable highlights.
You don’t need all the answers, you only need to know you’ve fully obeyed the instructions God gave you. Once you know that, just drive, and let Him direct you!
Ex 16:1–35, Jn 6:30–40
Life is so much better, and less stressful when you have faith that everything is part of God's plan for you. I know that sitting around, waiting for the end of my sentence, would be a lot more difficult if i did not know that there was a reason for it...even if some days it seems like a complete waste of time. Every time i start to think like that, i am shown another reason why i am going through this, and what it is supposed to be teaching me.
I still can't wait for it to be over though! I am DYING for some exercise...and so is Nixon! Poor little guy.
I just woke up...and the girls are still making noise and talking out there. I wonder if they have gotten any sleep at all...or if they have been awake all night.
I have to get up and make them all pancakes soon. Just a little more sleep for me first though.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
May 29, 2010
Powerlessness and unmanageability
Willpower is not the key to the way of life that we are seeking. Surrender is.
"I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something that they aren't, don't want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process." said one woman.
"I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn't love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking."
"I have spent years, trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me."
"I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What i am saying is this: I have spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when i couldn't. It has been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. It won't work!"
"By surrendering to powerlessness, i gain a presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which i cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible: being who i am, loving myself, feeling what i feel, and doing what i want to do with my life.
Learn to stop fighting lions, because we simply cannot win. We also learn that the more we focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.
Today, I will accept powerlessness where i have no power to change things, and i will allow my life to become manageable.
This whole reading, reminds me of Fred. One of the best days of my life, was the day that i realised that i had wasted 35 years of my life, trying to make my mother love me...that it was never going to happen...and to accept that and move on. She does not love herself, therefore how could she possibly love me? She is only happy when she, and the people around her are miserable.
I can relate so much to what is typed above.
Speaking of Fred. Both of my daughters birthday's have come and gone this year now, without so much as a "Happy birthday" to them...yet she focuses much of her day posting all over Billy's Facebook page. The girls are around the corner from her, and she has no interest in seeing them, or even wishing them happy birthdays...she instead, focuses on Billy's Facebook page.
How weird is that?
O well.
My home is very noisy right now. It is Jorgia's sleep over night. I have eight...yes EIGHT...13 and 14 year old, very high pitched squealy girls, who have consumed too much sugar...in my living room right now. I am in hiding. Under my covers.
Goodnight.
Kiwi war hero rewarded by Australia
Kiwi war hero rewarded by Australia
That is awesome.
Wouldn't it be nice, if New Zealand actually rewarded this man, and other war heroes from wars other than just WW II ? Since 1845, there have been 6 other wars that New Zealanders have fought in...that rarely get acknowledged.
Congrats Mr. Stanley. I am sure you are right that there were many New Zealanders that did great things during the Vietnam war. At least they are now beginning to get the recognition that they deserve...even if it is not from their own country.
Well done.
Nearly 44 years ago, in the bleak torrential rain of a Vietnam downpour, Morrie Stanley saved a lot of Australian lives.
Today the Australians recognised his Vietnam War bravery and in a moving ceremony which reduced the terminally ill Mr Stanley to tears, they pinned a bravery award on his chest in a ceremony at the East Coast Bays RSA on Auckland's North Shore.
The award was an Australian Unit Citation for Gallantry awarded to D Company, 6th Battalion Royal Australian Regiment which fought in a battle now famous in Australian military history.
Three New Zealand soldiers - Captain Stanley and lance bombardiers Willie Walker and Murray Broomhall - were attached to the 104 members of the Australian company when they were attacked in the rubber plantation of Long Tan by about 2500 to 3000 North Vietnamese Army and Viet Cong soldiers on August 18, 1966.
In the ensuing battle 17 Australian soldiers died and 23 were wounded but had it not been for the skills of the kiwis, the battle of Long Tan would probably have been lost and all the Australian soldiers killed.
The trio were at the front line directing the artillery fire from 21 artillery guns from New Zealand, Australia and American units which eventually drove back the attacking Vietnamese troops, leaving 245 dead.
Mr Stanley was in the thick of the action, directing artillery fire in torrential rain to land the artillery shells on the enemy soldiers within 30m of the Australian soldiers.
Today Mr Stanley said he was stunned to get the award and although he did not consider himself to be an emotional man, he had tears in his eyes, particularly when he was reunited with Mr Walker and several of the Australian soldiers. The Australian veterans had made the journey especially for the presentation.
"I am astounded, I was stunned.
"I have done a lot of weeping in the last week and I don't mind admitting that," said Mr Stanley, whose terminal cancer was diagnosed only two months ago.
He had expected to be going to the RSA for a small lunch gathering and said he was "floored" when he recognised people he had fought alongside nearly 44 years ago.
Mr Stanley said there were 104 Australian heros and three New Zealand heroes at the battle of Long Tan.
"We all saved ourselves. If I had not survived, they certainly wouldn't have and if they hadn't survived, I certainly would not have," he told NZPA today.
During the four-hour battle, more than 4000 artillery shells were fired from the 18 105mm pack howitzer artillery guns before the North Vietnamese and Viet Cong soldiers quietly slipped away.
In his account of the battle, Major Harry Smith, the company commander of D Company in 1966, said his soldiers fought off wave after wave of enemy attacks.
"They would reorganise and come back in with bugles sounding, clambering over bodies of dead comrades.
"At times we brought the artillery fire in very close, almost on top of us," he wrote.
Mr Stanley said many people did many great things during the battle.
That is awesome.
Wouldn't it be nice, if New Zealand actually rewarded this man, and other war heroes from wars other than just WW II ? Since 1845, there have been 6 other wars that New Zealanders have fought in...that rarely get acknowledged.
Congrats Mr. Stanley. I am sure you are right that there were many New Zealanders that did great things during the Vietnam war. At least they are now beginning to get the recognition that they deserve...even if it is not from their own country.
Well done.
When helping is hurting
‘Whoever says to the guilty, ‘You are innocent’—peoples will curse...’ Proverbs 24:24 NIV
Haha wretched stage officially reached, and realised it was a problem!
What an absolutely stunning day it is out there! I am going to clean my house, in preparation for it to be absolutely destroyed by Jorgia and her friends this afternoon and tonight. Then i am going to spend the rest of the day in my garden!
YAY for a beautiful day.
Tonight, my sanity will be tested. Jorgia's sleep over. I will have 9 teenage girls in my home for 24 hours. If i am still sane, this time tomorrow...i am officially immune from insanity. It will be like an immunisation! haha
Later!
Ever lied to protect the reputation of someone you love? Or covered up for them? Or rushed in to ‘help’ without being asked? We’re not talking about acts of compassion where help is genuinely needed, we’re talking about ‘enabling’, which is a destructive kind of helping.
It’s natural to want to protect a loved one from the painful consequences of their actions. But by letting them off the hook you end up feeling angry and victimised because you did something you didn’t want to do; something that wasn’t your responsibility.
The Bible says it’s a mistake to say to the guilty, ‘You are innocent.’ By continually rescuing them you lengthen the valley they must go through in order to come out whole on the other side. Paul said, ‘…Wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?’ (Romans 7:24 NIV)
Sometimes people have to reach the ‘wretched’ stage before they acknowledge their need, just like the prodigal hit bottom before he got serious about his sin problem. And his father let it happen. It’s called tough love for a reason! ‘When [the prodigal son] came to his senses, he said ‘…‘here I am starving to death! I will…go back to my father and say…I have sinned.’’ (Luke 15:17–18 NIV) By crossing the line between caring and caretaking, you hurt the person you’re trying to help by implying they can’t handle the truth or learn their lesson. So back off, and place your loved one into God’s hands. He loves them even more than you do.
1 Kings 18:16–20:43, Mark 12:28–44, Ps 113, Pr 12:15–17
Haha wretched stage officially reached, and realised it was a problem!
What an absolutely stunning day it is out there! I am going to clean my house, in preparation for it to be absolutely destroyed by Jorgia and her friends this afternoon and tonight. Then i am going to spend the rest of the day in my garden!
YAY for a beautiful day.
Tonight, my sanity will be tested. Jorgia's sleep over. I will have 9 teenage girls in my home for 24 hours. If i am still sane, this time tomorrow...i am officially immune from insanity. It will be like an immunisation! haha
Later!
Is there REAL poverty in NZ? or do attitudes just need to change?
There have been several items in the news recently relating to beneficiaries, and the welfare system, and it has got me thinking, as well as landed me in the middle of more than one discussion on the matter.
The first was the story about Paula Bennett declining to make a $15,000 dollar payment for "hurt and humiliation" to Natasha Fuller - a long term beneficiary who had complained about the study grant being scrapped. Natasha chose to enter the public debate regarding this issue, then felt humiliated when Paul Bennett pointed out that Natasha receives over $40,000 dollars a year from the NZ Government in order to raise her three children, two of whom, are school aged. Natasha had also in the past, received a $10,000 dollar one off payment, in order to start her own cleaning business, from the taxpayer. A cleaning business that subsequently failed.
In my opinion, when Natasha Fuller made the decision to go to the media, and publicly criticise, and complain about, the very system that was paying her to raise her children, she forfeited any rights to privacy that she had, in relation to how much help she has actually received from the NZ taxpayer, for her to raise her children. At that point, Paula Bennett had every right to point out, just how much help she had received, in order to defend the government's decision to axe the grant in question. I would even go further and say, that just like every other person, who is paid by our government...ie Police Officers, Teachers, Nurses, Politicians...beneficiary payments should be public. The tax payer has a right to know where their dollars are going.
Natasha Fuller complains that she will now be a beneficiary forever (she probably would have been anyway) and suggests that she is above working as a check out operator. I would like to ask Natasha, what is stopping her from taking advantage of the student loan scheme, like most students have to do these days in order to pay for their own educations? I would also like to ask her what she did with the $10,000 dollars that she received to start up a cleaning business, and how it could have possibly failed with that kind of cash injection at the beginning? How much does it cost to put an ad in the local paper and buy some Jiff? I would like to ask how she explains all the other cleaning businesses, that are successful, that did not receive that kind of help when starting out?
I would like to ask Paula Bennett, why Natasha is paid over $700 dollars a week, in the hand? Who does NZ have to blame for Natasha's attitude that she is above taking a job as a check out operator? She has this attitude, purely because of the fact that she would actually be taking a pay cut, if she did get off her butt and work in order to support herself, and her children. Perhaps ensuring that beneficiaries are not paid more than people who actually work hard to support themselves, would be an idea? Just a thought.
The second bit of news that got me thinking about NZer's attitudes towards poverty, was an article in the NZHerald regarding second hand appliance dealers and beneficiaries scamming WINZ, in order to get advances on their benefits.
I read a huge discussion about this yesterday. This discussion basically consisted of beneficiaries, complaining that the government will only give them $400.00 towards buying a washing machine, or a fridge. They appeared to be making excuses for this scam and indicating, that if the government were not so stingy, and gave them $800.00, instead of $400.00 then this scam would not be happening. With $400.00 they are only able to purchase second hand appliances, which break down within a couple of years, and this is just not good enough, in their opinion.
Here is an example of the attitude, and mentality that was displayed in this debate.
My response to that post was that i had a GREAT idea for this sewer mouthed woman. How about she get a job and pay for her own brand new appliances?
I sat back, and waited for the backlash...and sure enough it did not take long before i was told that i had no right to speak, and i had better hope that i never come upon hard times and lose my job! hahaha I had to laugh!
It was then my pleasure to point out to these people, that i have by far, more right to be commenting on the mentality of beneficiaries in this country, than they had to be commenting on my personal circumstances, or "my job" that i better hope i never lose! I explained that i do not have a job right now, that i am unable to work at the moment, and won't be able to for the next couple of months. I explained that i am so very grateful for the assistance that i have received, in getting back on my feet, after landing myself in such a terrible and seemingly hopeless situation, that the last thing i would do is sit on my butt on the internet and complain about not getting enough!
I went 7 months without a washing machine last year, because i could not afford one, and did not want to ask for any more help from the government than what i was already receiving, so i did what they did in the old days, before washing machines were ever invented - i HAND washed my clothes. The washing machine that i currently own, cost $46.50 and was purchased off Trade me. It is like brand new, runs like a dream, and every day when i use it, i count my blessings.
I can can't quite believe, that NZers are sitting on their butts bitching about ONLY getting 400 dollars GIVEN to them to buy appliances. That in itself, just proves what a scourge to society the welfare system has become. It breeds an attitude of EXPECTATION, and of things being a RIGHT, rather than an appreciation for things that are actually a blessing and a privilege...like receiving ANYTHING when it is not EARNED.
So, is there REAL poverty in NZ? In my opinion, if there is poverty in NZ, then it is a choice.
There is no excuse for every child not having a roof over their head, and the necessities of life, provided for them. If a child is missing out on doctor's visits in NZ then it is their parent's fault and not society's. Doctor's visits are just about fully subsidised, as are prescription medication for people on low incomes and beneficiaries. Not being able to attend birthday parties, music lessons, or play sports, does not constitute living in poverty, in my opinion, as one woman suggested it was. Less fortunate than other children? Yes. Poverty?No.
If parents choose to make bad decisions, and not be able to provide for their children, then rather than throwing more money at the welfare system, in turn, creating a bigger monster than we already have..wouldn't it be more beneficial for everyone, if another option was found? If attitudes were changed?
Sometimes a caring word and advice can help more than all the money in the world that you could throw at someone to try to help them. The thing here, that our welfare system, and a lot of it's beneficiaries seem to fail to realise, is that people appreciate everything that they have when it is earned. When things are just given, they are not appreciated nearly as much, and they are eventually perceived as a right, when they should be viewed as a privilege, and would be treated as such, had someone worked hard for what they have. The past two years of my life have taught me how to appreciate every little thing that i am blessed with, and made me realise just how much i took for granted before because things had come too easily.
Throwing more money at welfare beneficiaries, is like buying videos games for your children, and using that machine as a babysitter. It seems the easiest option at the time, the recipient is more than happy (until he wants more games), but it is only going to do damage in the long run.
That my friends, is why i don't agree with career beneficiaries, or providing any more help to people who already get enough help as it is. Throwing more, and more money at a welfare system is only going to create more of a monster than it already is.
Help needs to be provided in ways, other than monetarily.
The first was the story about Paula Bennett declining to make a $15,000 dollar payment for "hurt and humiliation" to Natasha Fuller - a long term beneficiary who had complained about the study grant being scrapped. Natasha chose to enter the public debate regarding this issue, then felt humiliated when Paul Bennett pointed out that Natasha receives over $40,000 dollars a year from the NZ Government in order to raise her three children, two of whom, are school aged. Natasha had also in the past, received a $10,000 dollar one off payment, in order to start her own cleaning business, from the taxpayer. A cleaning business that subsequently failed.
In my opinion, when Natasha Fuller made the decision to go to the media, and publicly criticise, and complain about, the very system that was paying her to raise her children, she forfeited any rights to privacy that she had, in relation to how much help she has actually received from the NZ taxpayer, for her to raise her children. At that point, Paula Bennett had every right to point out, just how much help she had received, in order to defend the government's decision to axe the grant in question. I would even go further and say, that just like every other person, who is paid by our government...ie Police Officers, Teachers, Nurses, Politicians...beneficiary payments should be public. The tax payer has a right to know where their dollars are going.
Natasha Fuller complains that she will now be a beneficiary forever (she probably would have been anyway) and suggests that she is above working as a check out operator. I would like to ask Natasha, what is stopping her from taking advantage of the student loan scheme, like most students have to do these days in order to pay for their own educations? I would also like to ask her what she did with the $10,000 dollars that she received to start up a cleaning business, and how it could have possibly failed with that kind of cash injection at the beginning? How much does it cost to put an ad in the local paper and buy some Jiff? I would like to ask how she explains all the other cleaning businesses, that are successful, that did not receive that kind of help when starting out?
I would like to ask Paula Bennett, why Natasha is paid over $700 dollars a week, in the hand? Who does NZ have to blame for Natasha's attitude that she is above taking a job as a check out operator? She has this attitude, purely because of the fact that she would actually be taking a pay cut, if she did get off her butt and work in order to support herself, and her children. Perhaps ensuring that beneficiaries are not paid more than people who actually work hard to support themselves, would be an idea? Just a thought.
The second bit of news that got me thinking about NZer's attitudes towards poverty, was an article in the NZHerald regarding second hand appliance dealers and beneficiaries scamming WINZ, in order to get advances on their benefits.
I read a huge discussion about this yesterday. This discussion basically consisted of beneficiaries, complaining that the government will only give them $400.00 towards buying a washing machine, or a fridge. They appeared to be making excuses for this scam and indicating, that if the government were not so stingy, and gave them $800.00, instead of $400.00 then this scam would not be happening. With $400.00 they are only able to purchase second hand appliances, which break down within a couple of years, and this is just not good enough, in their opinion.
Here is an example of the attitude, and mentality that was displayed in this debate.
Eve Nikora Thats a load a shit they winz only give you $400.00 buks for a washing machine thats the max they'll pay for one and they like 2 of mine have never lasted beyond 2 months yeah pay for 6th hand shit not 2nd hand. And they wonder why their system is fhuked they'd rather not just pay out the one of to buy a machine worth $800.00. Guarrantied for 2yrs. Nah they buy 2nd hand ones throughout the year and expect those to last. Yesterday at 17:14 · Flag
My response to that post was that i had a GREAT idea for this sewer mouthed woman. How about she get a job and pay for her own brand new appliances?
I sat back, and waited for the backlash...and sure enough it did not take long before i was told that i had no right to speak, and i had better hope that i never come upon hard times and lose my job! hahaha I had to laugh!
It was then my pleasure to point out to these people, that i have by far, more right to be commenting on the mentality of beneficiaries in this country, than they had to be commenting on my personal circumstances, or "my job" that i better hope i never lose! I explained that i do not have a job right now, that i am unable to work at the moment, and won't be able to for the next couple of months. I explained that i am so very grateful for the assistance that i have received, in getting back on my feet, after landing myself in such a terrible and seemingly hopeless situation, that the last thing i would do is sit on my butt on the internet and complain about not getting enough!
I went 7 months without a washing machine last year, because i could not afford one, and did not want to ask for any more help from the government than what i was already receiving, so i did what they did in the old days, before washing machines were ever invented - i HAND washed my clothes. The washing machine that i currently own, cost $46.50 and was purchased off Trade me. It is like brand new, runs like a dream, and every day when i use it, i count my blessings.
I can can't quite believe, that NZers are sitting on their butts bitching about ONLY getting 400 dollars GIVEN to them to buy appliances. That in itself, just proves what a scourge to society the welfare system has become. It breeds an attitude of EXPECTATION, and of things being a RIGHT, rather than an appreciation for things that are actually a blessing and a privilege...like receiving ANYTHING when it is not EARNED.
So, is there REAL poverty in NZ? In my opinion, if there is poverty in NZ, then it is a choice.
There is no excuse for every child not having a roof over their head, and the necessities of life, provided for them. If a child is missing out on doctor's visits in NZ then it is their parent's fault and not society's. Doctor's visits are just about fully subsidised, as are prescription medication for people on low incomes and beneficiaries. Not being able to attend birthday parties, music lessons, or play sports, does not constitute living in poverty, in my opinion, as one woman suggested it was. Less fortunate than other children? Yes. Poverty?No.
If parents choose to make bad decisions, and not be able to provide for their children, then rather than throwing more money at the welfare system, in turn, creating a bigger monster than we already have..wouldn't it be more beneficial for everyone, if another option was found? If attitudes were changed?
Sometimes a caring word and advice can help more than all the money in the world that you could throw at someone to try to help them. The thing here, that our welfare system, and a lot of it's beneficiaries seem to fail to realise, is that people appreciate everything that they have when it is earned. When things are just given, they are not appreciated nearly as much, and they are eventually perceived as a right, when they should be viewed as a privilege, and would be treated as such, had someone worked hard for what they have. The past two years of my life have taught me how to appreciate every little thing that i am blessed with, and made me realise just how much i took for granted before because things had come too easily.
Throwing more money at welfare beneficiaries, is like buying videos games for your children, and using that machine as a babysitter. It seems the easiest option at the time, the recipient is more than happy (until he wants more games), but it is only going to do damage in the long run.
That my friends, is why i don't agree with career beneficiaries, or providing any more help to people who already get enough help as it is. Throwing more, and more money at a welfare system is only going to create more of a monster than it already is.
Help needs to be provided in ways, other than monetarily.
May 28, 2010
15 ways to empower yourself
Overcoming Powerlessness
1. Accept yourself as you are, without criticism or harsh judgment.
2. Cooperate with the challenges you face so that you find a solution that works for you.
3. Understand and be in support of your aims and intentions to better yourself and your life.
4. Take a deep breath and begin to relax when feeling stressed.
5. Focus on the present moment and the immediate gifts it has for you.
6. Forgive yourself, your misunderstandings and disappointments.
7. Forgive others who let you down, hurt or abuse you in some way.
8. Be a giving person -- of your time, talents, money, joy, skills and vision.
9. Say "No" to a request you are unable to fulfil.
10. Take some small action when you feel stuck.
11. Make lemonade when life delivers its lemons to you.
12. Find opportunity where there is apparently none.
13. Learn from your experiences.
14. Choose to get up one more time after you fall down,
15. Praise and reward yourself when you do well.
1. Accept yourself as you are, without criticism or harsh judgment.
2. Cooperate with the challenges you face so that you find a solution that works for you.
3. Understand and be in support of your aims and intentions to better yourself and your life.
4. Take a deep breath and begin to relax when feeling stressed.
5. Focus on the present moment and the immediate gifts it has for you.
6. Forgive yourself, your misunderstandings and disappointments.
7. Forgive others who let you down, hurt or abuse you in some way.
8. Be a giving person -- of your time, talents, money, joy, skills and vision.
9. Say "No" to a request you are unable to fulfil.
10. Take some small action when you feel stuck.
11. Make lemonade when life delivers its lemons to you.
12. Find opportunity where there is apparently none.
13. Learn from your experiences.
14. Choose to get up one more time after you fall down,
15. Praise and reward yourself when you do well.
God will take care of you
‘…He will take care of you...’ Psalm 55:22 NLT
I have had a busy day. I took advantage of the half way decent weather (the fact that it was not pouring) to mow my lawn, and put more of that pile of weeds in to the big bin that i have. Then it started raining on me.
I'm tired now. I didn't get much sleep last night, for some reason. For the first time since i have been here, i kept waking every couple of hours.
Gosh i am missing Nixon and I's runs.
Oh yeah...so Billy graduates from his high school in the States next week...WITH STRAIGHT As AND ON THE HONOUR ROLL!!! I have seriously searched back through my mind...and tried to remember the day that he was born, the best i can...and work out if there was any possibility that he was swapped at birth haha...but nope...somehow...i produced a little genius.
So so so SOOOOO proud of you Billy! I love you. x
Gladys Aylward, missionary to China more than fifty years ago, was forced to flee when the Japanese invaded Yuncheng. With only one assistant, she led a hundred orphans over the mountains toward free China. During the journey she grappled with fear. After enduring a sleepless night she faced the morning with no hope of reaching safety.
A thirteen-year-old girl in the group reminded her of their much-loved story of Moses and the Red Sea. ‘But I am not Moses,’ Gladys sighed in despair. ‘Of course you aren’t,’ the girl said, ‘but God is still God!’ When Gladys and the orphans made it through, they proved once again that no matter how inadequate we feel, God is still God, and we can still trust Him.
Sometimes God calms the storm, other times He lets the storm rage and calms us. Either way, He sustains us and brings us through. We always have a choice: either we give the burden to God or we try to carry it ourselves.
How does God provide for us? One day at a time. Remember the Israelites in the wilderness? Each day God fed them by sending manna from heaven. Notice how it worked. The number of people in your family determined the amount of manna you received, no more and no less. And God would only allow you to collect enough for each day; if you tried to hoard more, it rotted.
Getting the idea? So trust God for today and leave tomorrow in His hands. ‘Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you.’ (Psalm 55:22 NLT)
1 Kings 16:1–18:15, Mark 12:13–27, Ps 108, Pr 12:14
I have had a busy day. I took advantage of the half way decent weather (the fact that it was not pouring) to mow my lawn, and put more of that pile of weeds in to the big bin that i have. Then it started raining on me.
I'm tired now. I didn't get much sleep last night, for some reason. For the first time since i have been here, i kept waking every couple of hours.
Gosh i am missing Nixon and I's runs.
Oh yeah...so Billy graduates from his high school in the States next week...WITH STRAIGHT As AND ON THE HONOUR ROLL!!! I have seriously searched back through my mind...and tried to remember the day that he was born, the best i can...and work out if there was any possibility that he was swapped at birth haha...but nope...somehow...i produced a little genius.
So so so SOOOOO proud of you Billy! I love you. x
Funny headline for the day
Woman acting badly robs bank; do you know her? - Taken from the Seattle Police Department's Crime Blog.
Sooo woman acting badly huh? As opposed to the woman acting nicely that robs a bank?
hahaha
Woman acting badly robs bank; do you know her?
Lynnwood police said a woman robbed the Chase Bank at 3321 184th St. S.W. in Lynnwood just after 1:30 p.m. Wednesday.
The woman, described as white and tanned and being 30 to 40 years old, 5 feet 2 inches to 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighing 130-140 pounds, walked in the bank and demanded money.
Then she fled.
She had on a dark-blue hoodie and jeans. She had the hood up around her face and was wearing large sunglasses.
If you know anything about her, call Lynnwood police Detective Greg Jamison at 425-670-5623.
Sooo woman acting badly huh? As opposed to the woman acting nicely that robs a bank?
hahaha
Paul Henry: Revisiting my childhood hell
Paul Henry: Revisiting my childhood hell
The outspoken TV One star faces the demons of his poverty-stricken past and reflects on how far he's come.
I am pretty sure that i have mentioned before how much i like Paul Henry...so i thought i would share this article that i found.
It's funny that i came across this article, after spending a couple of hours yesterday, having a debate on Facebook regarding the Natasha Fuller saga and whether or not there is REAL poverty in NZ.
I will share my opinion on that, when i wake up properly. It is not even 6am and Nixon woke me to go outside. I guess i would rather he woke me...than the alternative!
zzzzzzzzzzz
The outspoken TV One star faces the demons of his poverty-stricken past and reflects on how far he's come.
When Paul Henry looked up at the cream terrace house on Bristol's 22 Camden Road, the memories of some of his darkest days flooded back.
It was then an 11-year-old Paul shared a tiny 3.5-square metre bedroom with his mother, Olive. They'd abandoned his idyllic life living in East Auckland to shift into his grandparents Gladys and Harry's small home in a working class suburb in England.
'My mother had separated [from Paul's father Brian]. I was told I was leaving New Zealand for six months but it was obvious I was going to stay,' the polarising TV One Breakfast host recalls while looking at a picture of the terraced home.
'We had a nice house in Howick [East Auckland] with a track to the beach and a dingy – and we went to that. It was a brave thing for Mum to do but it was a huge step downwards no matter how you looked at it.'
Paul's trip down memory lane coincided with Breakfast's coverage of Britain's recent elections. While on location in the UK, he spent two days in the southwest port town of Bristol, revisiting his old childhood haunts and reflecting on a time that forever gave him the drive to better himself.
Today, the 49-year-old anchorman has dined with kings, prime ministers and film stars. He's travelled the world and made his millions through his commercial investment business and dealing in property.
He's mixed with lords, including renowned author, former prisoner and politician Lord Jeffrey Archer during his recent visit.
Like Paul, Jeffrey shares a passion for arts and culture, but they are similar in other ways as well.
'He's someone who overcame adversity to get himself out of the rut he was in,' says Paul, referring to Jeffrey's imprisonment for perjury and how he began writing to clear his debts.
Paul admires people who aren't afraid to lift themselves out of hardship to enjoy a better life – he's living proof. It came down to unwavering self-belief that was fostered in Bristol, a conviction he was simply 'biding his time' before he broke free from poverty.
'I would constantly lecture [my classmates] on the world and opportunities out there.
I didn't think for one moment I was going to be stuck in that place,' says Paul, who was born in Otara, Auckland. 'But Mum had no alternative but to go back.'
Newly single with no financial support and limited skills, Olive, now 80, tried to make do in their cramped living conditions.
'We had a tiny little dungeon room with a bath that was filled once a week and I used to have the last bath where Gran and Granddad had flaked off in it. By the time I got in the bath it was a cool broth,' Paul says, laughing.
Today the house is rented out to an Italian family in the Bristol neighbourhood that now has a strong Italian community. It still makes Paul giggle when he recalls how Gladys used to fret that the Italians would take over her street.
'My grandmother, who's full Gypsy, was concerned about the "invasion of the I-Ti's". You'll think she's a terrible racist but these people were living in the street for generation after generation and she felt threatened,' Paul explains.
'England was changing – it had never changed that way before.
'Gran was beside herself when Italians moved in next door. Granddad and I built a brick wall out of a demolished shed to keep Gran happy,' Paul adds.
'Gran was of the belief that if you couldn't see them, they weren't there.
'When I visited, an Italian woman walked across the road – she'd bought the house next door and remembered my grandmother. The most exciting thing for me when I was young was hearing the ice-cream van coming and this Italian woman went into the house through the door of her garage and there was the ice-cream van – she'd bought it,' he says, laughing. 'Gran was right all along.'
While Olive and Paul waited for a council flat to become available, Paul adjusted to his new life. One of his clearest memories is of wearing sandals – Olive couldn't afford shoes – on his one-hour walk to school in the rain and snow during Bristol's bleak winters.
'The kids used to call me Jesus Boots,' says Paul, who likens his school to a prison.
'There were steel bars, you walked down stone steps to a stone playground to a grey stone building. It was so different from the green fields of Cockle Bay School.'
But if life was hard at his grandparents' home, it was set to get worse when he and Olive shifted into their tiny flat at Frankham House, a towering concrete council estate.
For the next seven years the two of them lived in the crime-stricken building – a place that hasn't changed in 30 years.
Families who were in the block decades earlier remain, and it is their grandchildren who are still swinging on the same rusty swing sets that Paul once sat on and dreamt of a better life.
'When I was there I thought how easy it would have been for me to get a job in Bristol, move in to Frankham House, get a 36-inch flat screen TV, bolt it to the wall, sit there and die.'
Paul met the tenants at his former home, a couple who moved in 28 years earlier when Olive left Bristol to immigrate to New Zealand.
'It's one of these flats where you go in and you bolt the door. On the wall inside was a wooden club,' Paul says.
'It was just as rough when I was there. At night only half the light bulbs worked – stuff was stolen all the time and cars were smashed. You wouldn't use the lift at night for fear you'd be trapped in there and there'd be trouble.'
One of Paul's untroubled memories was his ritual of meeting Olive at 10pm, after she finished her triple shifts at the plastic bag factory where she worked.
'I'd cycle to the factory and wait outside the gate for her. Then we'd walk back together and that would be our time,' Paul smiles.
Paul, who regularly takes his three daughters, Bella, 17, Sophie, 19, and Lucy, 21, overseas, hasn't taken them to Bristol and isn't sure he ever will.
'It would be completely alien to them. They couldn't know what it would be like to live there. I wouldn't want them to know,' he admits.
'When I went back, I realised I'd done so many things, I'd made my fortune and the world's opened up for me... but I made it open up! The journey was emotional. It was disturbing, especially visiting the council flat, but it makes me appreciate what I've achieved and what I've got. Plus, I'm so pleased my mother wanted to come back to New Zealand and live with me.'
Here are Paul's tips on turning your life around:
• Get over making excuses for your lot in life and 'clear the decks'.
• Ignore your own negativity and that of the 'wasters around you'. Realise that the line of least resistance is to do nothing.
• Open your eyes to the limitless opportunities around you and the fact that they are available to anyone who is prepared to get up, cross the road and do it.
• Plan a journey to your future, but enjoy the challenges and successes along the way towards reaching your goals.
• Don't let setbacks convince you that you were wrong to try – successful people are measured by how they handle failure.
• Don't be a talker – do it.
I am pretty sure that i have mentioned before how much i like Paul Henry...so i thought i would share this article that i found.
It's funny that i came across this article, after spending a couple of hours yesterday, having a debate on Facebook regarding the Natasha Fuller saga and whether or not there is REAL poverty in NZ.
I will share my opinion on that, when i wake up properly. It is not even 6am and Nixon woke me to go outside. I guess i would rather he woke me...than the alternative!
zzzzzzzzzzz
May 27, 2010
Recognising choices
We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.Ohhh this is funny. I feel less trapped than i have ever felt in my life....which is odd...considering.
We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviours - such as care taking or controlling.
Feeling trapped is a symptom of co-dependency. When we hear ourselves say, "I have to take care of this person..." "I have to say yes..." "I have to try to control that person..." "I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way..." we can know we are choosing not to see choices.
That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.
Healing is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else's rules. More than anything else, healing is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves freedom to choose.
Today, i will open my thinking and myself to the choices that are available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.
OK so last night the fuse on my oven blew again. I tried to put the wires back together and it took me like an hour then when i put the silly thing back in the fuse box ...it just made a big popping noise...no more wire. Wire disintegrated ...or ...some...thing like that.
I took the fuse thing in to Hammer Hardware. This is a little hardware store in the main street of Howick...that has been there forever...since i can remember...since at least when i was a teenager...so yeah ...like ten years...ahem...moving right along ;) It is a tiny little hardware store.
I took my fuse thing in there, looking for the right fuse wire, and the lovely man that was working there totally fixed it for me right there and then and only charged me 50 cents!
There is something to be said for little mom and pop shops that have been around for ages. I guess they last because of that extra service that they give. I have no doubt that i would not have received such wonderful help, had i gone to Bunnings, or a big Mitre Ten.
So THANKS HEAPS, Howick Hammer Hardware. You are the BEST little hardware shop in Auckland.
I ended up being able to finish cooking the lasagna that i had started the night before.
I had a fantastic day today.
Goodnight. x
My Thursday night Police Ten - 7 fix
Since they have replaced Police Ten 7 ( my favourite TV show ) with American Idol, season 2487.5 for my Thursday night viewing...i went on google to get my fix. Here is what i found...i just had to share it! hahahaha
Financial planning
‘Take a lesson from the ants…they labour hard all summer, gathering food for the winter.’ Proverbs 6:6–8
I have never been good with money. In fact, saying that i have never been good is an understatement. This past year though, has taught me how to be careful with it...mainly because i have not had any! I don't spend one unnecessary cent these days...and i don't even like spending the necessary ones!
I used to be a shopaholic. I was laughing yesterday, with a friend of mine, how i went through different addictions to different shops...i was contemplating washing all the mats that i have on the floors throughout my home, because Nixon manages to get them muddy within 2 days of them being washed. I laughed and said how fortunate it was that i bought all those mats during my "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" addiction.
I remember going into Bed, Bath, and Beyond one day with a friend, and hearing the shop assistants telling my friend how i was their best customer! That is how bad it was. I had my addiction to the Citta Design factory shop in Normanby Rd...just up from where i lived at the time. I used to go for a walk to that shop 5 times a day and come back with all sorts of flash decor for that apartment...then there was my hardware shop addiction...i have every pink tool that was ever made hahaha. I left the buckets of paint that i thought i might need one day, at the apartment. Wish i had them now...my little picket fence could use a new paint job...
I laughed about my Texas Art School shop addiction. I used to love that shop. My fridge is covered with their cool retro fridge magnets, and i remember one day, going in there and spending 200 bucks on the gorgeous ceramic lamps that i have on my bedside tables.
I would never do that now. I can't even IMAGINE ever just wandering in to a shop and randomly purchasing 200 dollars worth of lamps.
I think this past year...not being able to work, and living off practically nothing...has given me a new appreciation for the value of the dollar. For that...i am very grateful. I know that when i am working again, and have more money...i will be a financial planner as opposed to a shopaholic.
I am back to a place where a hundred dollars is a lot of money. It used to mean nothing.
There are so many things that i have gone through this past year, and every single one of them has been for a reason....to teach me something that i needed to learn.
Your income-producing years are limited, so don’t waste them. Move while you can! Some Christians think that any mention of money is carnal; as a result they end up ensnared by poor planning and misguided spirituality.
Now old age and lost income have left them saddled with bills they can’t pay and children who can’t take care of themselves, much less their aging parents. Poverty is a silent prison that needs no walls and no chains; it locks us in without options and without hope. But it doesn’t have to be that way if you plan wisely and stick to your plan.
The Bible teaches financial planning; it says: ‘A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children…’ (Proverbs 13:22 NIV) Don’t allow anyone to convince you that God minds you having money. He doesn’t; He just minds money having you! God is a planner and a provider and He expects you to be one too. (See 1 Timothy 5:8) God will bless your plan; if you have one for Him to bless.
Do you? One illness or one accident can deplete all you have. One long-term injury can change life as you know it now. If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s this: jobs end and companies close; stocks fall and banks fail. That doesn’t mean you should avoid planning, investing or working. No, it just means after you’ve done all that wisdom demands, trust in nothing but God! He’s your provider, your protector, and the giver of every good income-producing idea you’ll ever have.
1 Kings 14–15, Mark 12:1–12, Ps 101, Pr 12:12–13
I have never been good with money. In fact, saying that i have never been good is an understatement. This past year though, has taught me how to be careful with it...mainly because i have not had any! I don't spend one unnecessary cent these days...and i don't even like spending the necessary ones!
I used to be a shopaholic. I was laughing yesterday, with a friend of mine, how i went through different addictions to different shops...i was contemplating washing all the mats that i have on the floors throughout my home, because Nixon manages to get them muddy within 2 days of them being washed. I laughed and said how fortunate it was that i bought all those mats during my "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" addiction.
I remember going into Bed, Bath, and Beyond one day with a friend, and hearing the shop assistants telling my friend how i was their best customer! That is how bad it was. I had my addiction to the Citta Design factory shop in Normanby Rd...just up from where i lived at the time. I used to go for a walk to that shop 5 times a day and come back with all sorts of flash decor for that apartment...then there was my hardware shop addiction...i have every pink tool that was ever made hahaha. I left the buckets of paint that i thought i might need one day, at the apartment. Wish i had them now...my little picket fence could use a new paint job...
I laughed about my Texas Art School shop addiction. I used to love that shop. My fridge is covered with their cool retro fridge magnets, and i remember one day, going in there and spending 200 bucks on the gorgeous ceramic lamps that i have on my bedside tables.
I would never do that now. I can't even IMAGINE ever just wandering in to a shop and randomly purchasing 200 dollars worth of lamps.
I think this past year...not being able to work, and living off practically nothing...has given me a new appreciation for the value of the dollar. For that...i am very grateful. I know that when i am working again, and have more money...i will be a financial planner as opposed to a shopaholic.
I am back to a place where a hundred dollars is a lot of money. It used to mean nothing.
There are so many things that i have gone through this past year, and every single one of them has been for a reason....to teach me something that i needed to learn.
May 26, 2010
Gossip
Intimacy is a warm gift of feeling connected to others and enjoying our connection to them.This one is an easy one to master. It is not hard to NOT gossip. I learned ages ago, way back before my life went bonkers, to live by a simple rule when it came to gossip.
As we grow, we may discover we have developed intimate relationships with people at work, with friends, sometimes with family members. Many of us are discovering intimacy in a special love relationship.
Intimacy is not sex, although sex can be intimate. Intimacy means mutually honest, warm, caring, safe relationships - where the other person can be who he or she is and we can be who we are - and both are valued.
There are many blocks to intimacy and intimate relationships. Addictions and abuse block intimacy. Unresolved family or origin issues prevent intimacy. Controlling blocks intimacy. Off -balance relationships, where there is too great a discrepancy in power, prevent intimacy. Care taking can block intimacy. Nagging and shutting down can hurt intimacy.
So can simple behaviour like gossip - for example, gossiping about another to diminish him or her to build up ourselves. Discussing another person's issues, shortcomings, or failures with someone else will have a predictable negative impact on intimacy.
We deserve to enjoy intimacy in as many relationships as possible. We deserve relationships that have not been sabotaged. That means we strive to keep our motives clean when it comes to discussing other people. If we have a serious issue with someone, the best way to resolve it is to bring the issue to that person.
Direct, clean conversation clears the air and paves way for intimacy, for good feelings about ourselves and our relationships with others.
Today, God, help me let go of my fear of intimacy. Help me strive to keep my communications with others clean and free from malicious gossip. Help me work toward intimacy in my relationships. Help me deal as directly as possible with my feelings.
That rule was - never say anything about anyone, that i would not be prepared to say to their face.
That simple basic rule has kept me out of trouble when it came to gossip. It has gotten me in some trouble too! When i have said things to people's faces that they didn't like...but o well. At least i am honest, and people have always known that they don't have to worry about what i was saying behind their backs.
I don't like gossip. I don't like to hear it. That is one of the reasons that i had to cut certain people out of my life this year. I knew people, who got excited by other people's misfortunes, and loved nothing more than to spread unhappy news and rumours.
I look at people who gossip like this - I am not special. If they are sitting in front of me or emailing me what they perceive as exciting gossip, or lies about someone else, then there is no doubt in my mind that they are doing that to me as well.
I don't want that in my life.
Right. I got some of the weeds cleared up off the section, by my garage today. I hope tomorrow is a nicer day so that i can do the rest and get the bin collected! My yard will look so awesome once that is done. I want to mow the lawn and do more weeding! So the sooner that is taken away the better. I got a second hand dehumidifier, and after being turned on for only a few hours, i got a nearly full bucket full of water out of this place! My home is so nice and warm and cosy tonight. I love it!
I took Jorgia shopping after school and bought her birthday present for her. She now has her very own hair straightener. No more squabbling over my GHD that i gave Nicole...that i should never have given her...because i now want it back....where was i??? hmmm Jorgia and i did the food shopping for her birthday party and i am not even going to think right now about how much extra my food bill was this week because it is just way too depressing.
Picked a soaking wet Nicole up from her soccer game...got home by 6pm despite the horrible rush hour traffic on the Pakuranga Highway. I had totally forgotten until today, how bad the traffic can get between Pakuranga Town Centre and Highland park, in rush hour, on a wet day. What a nightmare.
Got half way through making a lasagna for dinner, when the range fuse blew again. I tried to fix it myself this time, but the wires were too munted, so it was chicken french stick rolls with lots of avocado for dinner...watched Cougar Town, which cracked us all up ..."NO LAST NAME!" haha and now we are all in bed.
What a fantastic day. Goodnight. x
Lingering anger
‘Cease from anger…it only causes harm.’ Psalm 37:8 NKJV
WOW...fantastic!
I used to be so full of anger that i always felt like i was about to explode. Not anymore...I just can't bring myself to feel anger these days. Not for longer than 2 seconds anyway...i always notice these days, when i start to get angry and i chillllll. The girls make fun of me because they never take me seriously when i get mad these days because two seconds later i am annoying them with huge hugs.
They get annoyed when i want to hug them too much...especially when they are on the computer. hmmmm I went to give them kisses goodnight tonight, and had to kiss Nicole's elbow! She was too busy reading a book to move it away from her face!
Tired today. What's new? This is not healthy for me mentally or physically to not be allowed to exercise...it is no good for Nixon either. He is getting fat a lot faster than i am.
Shopping day today...i am taking Jorgia to get her birthday present, and buy all of the food for her sleep over this weekend. She is such an angel...i am really looking forward to her party. I can't remember the last time one of the girls had a birthday party at my place. Soooo exciting. 8 teenage girls in my home for 24 hours!!! If that does not drive me insane, then i think i am now immune to insanity.
In a 1994 newspaper article, War’s Lethal Leftovers Threaten Europeans, Associated Press reporter Christopher Burns writes: ‘The bombs of WWII are still killing in Europe. They turn up; and sometimes blow up; at construction sites, in fishing nets, or on beaches fifty years after the guns fell silent. Hundreds of tons of explosives are recovered every year in France alone. Thirteen bombs exploded in France in 1993, killing 12 people and wounding 11. ‘I’ve lost two of my colleagues,’ said Yvon Bouvet, who heads a government team in the Champagne-Ardennes region that defuses explosives from both WWI and WWII. Unexploded bombs become more dangerous with time. With the corrosion inside, the weapon becomes more unstable, and the detonator can be exposed.’
What is true of lingering bombs is also true of lingering anger: it explodes when you least expect it. Anger is not something to be proud of; it’s something to be prayed over. It hurts those closest to you; it causes you to lose respect in the eyes of others; it closes doors of opportunity; it puts you on dangerous ground with God. Take a moment and read what God’s Word says about your lingering anger: ‘Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret—it only causes harm.’ (Psalm 37:8 NKJV) ‘He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.’ (Proverbs 16:32 NKJV) ‘The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.’ (Proverbs 19:11 NKJV)
1 Kings 12–13, Mark 11:27–33, Ps 128, Pr 12:10–11
WOW...fantastic!
I used to be so full of anger that i always felt like i was about to explode. Not anymore...I just can't bring myself to feel anger these days. Not for longer than 2 seconds anyway...i always notice these days, when i start to get angry and i chillllll. The girls make fun of me because they never take me seriously when i get mad these days because two seconds later i am annoying them with huge hugs.
They get annoyed when i want to hug them too much...especially when they are on the computer. hmmmm I went to give them kisses goodnight tonight, and had to kiss Nicole's elbow! She was too busy reading a book to move it away from her face!
Tired today. What's new? This is not healthy for me mentally or physically to not be allowed to exercise...it is no good for Nixon either. He is getting fat a lot faster than i am.
Shopping day today...i am taking Jorgia to get her birthday present, and buy all of the food for her sleep over this weekend. She is such an angel...i am really looking forward to her party. I can't remember the last time one of the girls had a birthday party at my place. Soooo exciting. 8 teenage girls in my home for 24 hours!!! If that does not drive me insane, then i think i am now immune to insanity.
May 25, 2010
Loving ourselves unconditionally
Love yourself into health and a good life of your own. Love yourself into relationships that work. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.
We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it's time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it is even worse to treat ourselves that way now.
People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, love the most.
How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it if necessary. By "acting as if." By working as hard at loving ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.
Embrace and love all of yourself - past , present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly, and as often as necessary. Compliment yourself. Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for what you need. Learn to be good to yourself.
Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.
When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.
One day we will wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.
Today, i will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as i have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hateful behaviours. Help me replace those with behaviours that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me know that i am lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.
This is an excellent one to always remember. I love it. Especially the part that i highlighted in bold!
Tired tired tired...that is what i have been today. I think i might do something unusual tonight and have an early night. ;) I am not minding so much, with this weather...not being able to go anywhere. In fact, i am actually really enjoying it!
I plugged my drive with all my documentaries on it, into my media player, and spent the afternoon by the heater watching documentaries, and playing on the laptop. It was nice...and warm. How lucky i am that this last part of my sentence is over these cold, yucky months when no one wants to go outside anyway!?!
There is ALWAYS a bright side...to everything. If you think about that statement...it is actually true. I bought a wall plaque thing, back when i was still at the Mt Eden apartment, that had a poem on it that ended with that sentence. I used to buy things like that to try to cheer myself up and think positive. I remember all it ever did was make me mock it every time i looked at it. I still have it. It is on my wall above the phone in the kitchen now. It doesn't get snears and my eyes rolling at it anymore though. haha
I had the girls after school for a couple hours before Nick collected them. It is awesome how now, even on the nights that they do spend with Nick...i still pick them up from school and have them until he finishes work so i still get to see them every day. They are back with me tomorrow, until next week...yay!
I'm off to bed. Night! x
Tatum O'Neal's Sobriety Struggle
Tatum O'Neal's Sobriety Struggle - Oprah.com
I don't really dislike Oprah anymore. This past year, i have enjoyed quite a few of her shows. Today's one ...is one of the ones that i have enjoyed. So i thought i would share the transcript with you.
Isn't it amazing, how something that can seem so bad, and the end of the world when it happens (Tatum's arrest) is actually a blessing, and God intervening. I know, this is why i got arrested. I can remember sitting in that jail cell and thinking nothing could get worse for me...that it was the end of the world, and such a bad, awful thing...when in reality it was the biggest blessing that i have ever experienced, and one of the things that saved my life.
I find it interesting, what she says about living in shame. Maybe that is why i know i am ok, and will never go back. I will never again live in shame. I hated living in shame so much, and i will never forget how awful it was.
Every single day, i wake up and do my absolute best to behave in a way that i am proud of. Maybe shame is the thing that addicts have in common...that weak link that causes them to relapse?
Something to think about anyway...
Nearly time for me to pick up the girls! The sun has come out just for me. :)
I don't really dislike Oprah anymore. This past year, i have enjoyed quite a few of her shows. Today's one ...is one of the ones that i have enjoyed. So i thought i would share the transcript with you.
Addiction is a disease that affects millions of families around the world. Whether it's a loved one, friend or neighbor, sobriety rarely comes easy. Even Oprah's life has been touched by addiction. "A close family member died after struggling for years, in and out of treatment," she says.
One Hollywood actress knows the struggle all too well. Tatum O'Neal is best known as the youngest Oscar� winner in history and daughter of actor Ryan O'Neal. Offscreen, however, Hollywood glamour faded away to horror. Tatum says she was physically and emotionally abused throughout her childhood.
During her teenage years, Tatum says she turned to drugs to dull the pain. By age 20, she says she was addicted to cocaine.
In 1986, the darkness lifted when she fell in love and married tennis superstar John McEnroe. They had three children together, but after nearly a decade, they divorced. Over time, Tatum says she began abusing heroin, and in 1995, she lost custody of her children, Emily, Kevin and Sean.
Tatum says she completed several treatment programs, joined a 12-step program and got her life back on track. In 2004, she candidly spoke about her drug and alcohol addiction during her first Oprah Show appearance.
Then, in June 2008, a misguided moment landed Tatum in a New York City jail.
On June 1, 2008, the 44-year-old actress was arrested for buying two bags of cocaine just a few blocks from her New York City home. Tatum was charged with a misdemeanor—criminal possession of a controlled substance. She spent one night in jail before being released the next day.
Tatum remembers the day clearly. She says it was just before dusk on a Sunday when she decided to go in search of drugs. At the time, Tatum says she'd been sober for 10 months. "I wish I could describe why I would make a decision like this," she says. "I really can't. It baffles me."
It didn't take long for Tatum to find what she was looking for. "I live in a neighborhood that actually, you know, there's still some activity…drug activity," she says. "I walked out of my apartment, [and] … I sort of saw a guy standing there, and in that moment, I think I would look and see if he was maybe using."
Tatum says she told the man she wanted to buy cocaine. "He looks like he's struggling. He looks like he's addicted to something. I don't know what," she says. "So I said, 'Can you do that?' We were walking, and he brought it to me."
The moment Tatum had the drugs in her hand, five undercover police officers burst onto the scene. "[They] said, 'What do you have?' I showed them what I had," she says. "He said, 'You're under arrest,' [and] put my hands behind my back. He arrested the other guy, and I was really horrified."
In July 2008, Tatum pled guilty to disorderly conduct. She was sentenced to attend two drug treatment classes and pay a $96 fine.
Leading up to her arrest, Tatum says she was feeling lonely and disconnected. "I felt hopeless. I had some pain. These are all irrelevant if you're staying sober, because death happens. Life happens," she says. "I had just lost connection with people. I let this pain problem that I had just…I don't know. I swear to God. I had things going on, but I don't know. That's why it's such a baffling disease."
At the time, Tatum was also grieving the loss of Lena, her dog of 16 years, but she says that's not a reason to relapse. "We all lose our dogs, and we stay sober. So clearly I had lost my connection to any 12-step program, to people I was going to meetings with, to my sponsor," she says. "I didn't know that I had cut off, and I was trying to figure out my will. [I] was trying to manage my day, my pain."
As anxiety built up, Tatum says she began to tell herself that she was a worthless failure who had nothing to live for. "These are the things that crop up, and then I have the trigger that goes, 'Well, then throw it all away. Why don't you just throw it all away? Plus, the pain might go away.'"
Tatum believes she abused alcohol and drugs because she struggles with deep-seated self-hatred. "It's really destructive," she says. "And I've had a lot of destructive consequences."
Police officers intervened before Tatum was able to ingest the cocaine, but she says she's still ashamed of her near relapse. "It's really unseemly. I have a lot of shame about it," she says. "I just can't tell you. For a woman my age to do that … it makes me kind of sick. I have to try to learn to forgive myself. I just think it's disgusting."
As handcuffs were placed around her wrists, she says she thought only of her children. "They have had to struggle and fight to keep it being okay to love their mother," she says. "I've really worked on that."
When 22-year-old Kevin, 20-year-old Sean and 17-year-old Emily heard their mother had been arrested, Tatum says they were embarrassed. "[But] I think the main thing about that was that they heard that I had been intervened on before I got home to do the drugs," she says. "I think that that is the savior, if you will. That was like the higher power moment or God intervening because all bets are off if I pick up that drug."
Tatum says if she'd been able to take a snort of cocaine, she doesn't know if she would have stopped there. "There's no saying where I would have ended up," she says. "It's not like it's I'll do it and it will be done, and Monday will come and I'll be back at the gym and everything will be fine. … It's like a disaster."
After Tatum's marriage ended in divorce, John was granted sole custody of the kids. Tatum says he hasn't said anything about the recent arrest. "He hopes it will just go away," she says. "But we're speaking. He's been great with the children."
Tatum says she also hasn't heard from her famous father. Sharing the spotlight with her dad while she was growing up put a strain on their relationship, she says. "My father and I had a career that was sort of paralleling," Tatum says. "He did Barry Lyndon and I did Bad News Bears and we lived in the same house. We made a bet on which movie was going to make more money. … That was very hard for us." Living in the public eye was also tough on the family, Tatum says. "We were in a carnival in the middle of Hollywood," she says. "We were trying to make our way."
Tatum says she did get a call from actress Farrah Fawcett, who dated Ryan and moved in with Tatum and her father when Tatum was 14. In 2004, Tatum told Oprah that she and Farrah had trouble over the years coming to terms with each other, but Tatum says they've mended fences since Farrah was diagnosed with cancer in 2006.
"Once she got sick, I forgave everything. Any reservations I had about who she was changed," Tatum says. "I have a great deal of respect for her now." Tatum says that after her arrest, she received a voice mail from Farrah. "She wanted to know if I was doing okay, and I was very taken aback that she would do that. She's going through a lot."
Tatum is only one of many moms across the country dealing with addiction. Valerie, a stay-at-home mother of two, is Skyping™ in to the Oprah Show studio from her home in Woodlands, Texas. She says that she was addicted to painkillers when she was pregnant and took up to 40 pills a day.
Valerie's been clean for two years and says she had a profound spiritual awakening when she was in rehab. "I prayed on my knees on a concrete floor in a rehab facility, and I told God that I was his to do with what is his will," she says. "From then on it was, 'Thy will be done.' … The right answer would come every time."
Valerie's awakening came when she was only a few days sober, but the journey hasn't been as easy for Tatum. "I haven't been able to have that big white-light experience," she says. "I've had relapses."
Tatum says that her aha! moments happen when she faces her problems head on. "My spiritual awakening has come when I let go of the fight with everybody else and take on the fight with my disease of addiction," she says. "It's not about my father or career or ex-husband or any of that. It's me and my drug addiction. I needed to say 'That's the fight' and let go of everything else."
Since her arrest, Tatum says she is trying to be of service to other addicts. "There is a solution," she says. "For me, it's a 12-step program and believing in a higher power." She's also trying to erase the moral judgments that surround addiction. "It is not something that should be kept in the closet," she says. "It's not something I should be ashamed of. I'm trying to work on it."
For now, Tatum says she's focusing on being grateful for each day. "I'm thankful that I'm alive; thankful that my daughter has respect for me and understands that I'm in the fight for my life. My sons do as well," she says. "I hit my knees every day and try to remember to write a gratitude list. I'm so lucky that everything has turned out the way it has."
Isn't it amazing, how something that can seem so bad, and the end of the world when it happens (Tatum's arrest) is actually a blessing, and God intervening. I know, this is why i got arrested. I can remember sitting in that jail cell and thinking nothing could get worse for me...that it was the end of the world, and such a bad, awful thing...when in reality it was the biggest blessing that i have ever experienced, and one of the things that saved my life.
I find it interesting, what she says about living in shame. Maybe that is why i know i am ok, and will never go back. I will never again live in shame. I hated living in shame so much, and i will never forget how awful it was.
Every single day, i wake up and do my absolute best to behave in a way that i am proud of. Maybe shame is the thing that addicts have in common...that weak link that causes them to relapse?
Something to think about anyway...
Nearly time for me to pick up the girls! The sun has come out just for me. :)
Be ready for the puppyrazzi
Remember the email i received, offering a discount off Santa photos...for Nixon??? Now look...an email offering doggy facials! Seriously...i don't think Nixon is tooo worried about his fine lines! Next they will be offering botox and microderm abrasion.
Communication principles - 2
‘…It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!’ Proverbs 15:23 NLT
There is a lot that i could say about communication, or what lack of it does to a marriage, especially when one is incapable of communicating unless he is drunk, and you consider yelling abuse to be communication...but i really can't be bothered.
I am soooo tired. Back later on.
Here are three communication principles you should practice:
(1) The principle of proper timing. Dr James Dobson says that love can perish when a man and wife forget how to talk to each other. But it’s equally important to say the right thing at the right time. If there’s something you want to discuss with your husband or wife, wait till the kids aren’t around. Don’t bring it up over dinner when everybody’s tired and hungry. When you must talk immediately, put down the newspaper, turn the TV off, walk away from the computer and give each other your full attention.
(2) The principle of mirroring. ‘…Hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to…knowledge.’ (Proverbs 22:17 NKJV) Understanding increases when you measure it throughout the conversation. Have you ever said something to your partner and they heard something completely different? Mirroring lets you know you’re really communicating. When your spouse makes a point, respond by saying, ‘What I hear you saying is…’ or, ‘Are you saying…?’ Then rephrase what you think you heard and wait for affirmation or correction. It’s not about ‘being right’ and defending your position, it’s about making sure you’re ‘getting’ each other.
(3) The principle of prayer. This is the most important one, because God is the only third partner in a marriage who can make it work. Dig the well before you get thirsty, by making a habit of praying together. RA Torrey says: ‘Many fail…because they wait until the hour of battle…others succeed because they’ve gained the victory on their knees long before…Anticipate battles, and fight them on your knees before they arise.’
1 Kings 10–11, Mark 11:12–26, Ps 45, Pr 12:7–9
There is a lot that i could say about communication, or what lack of it does to a marriage, especially when one is incapable of communicating unless he is drunk, and you consider yelling abuse to be communication...but i really can't be bothered.
I am soooo tired. Back later on.
May 24, 2010
22 things my children have taught me
This is gorgeous.
I am missing them tonight. All 3 of them.
Goodnight....for REALS this time. x
I am missing them tonight. All 3 of them.
Goodnight....for REALS this time. x
Customs Officers unveil biggest P-haul in NZ history - Campbell Live - Video - 3 News
Customs Officers unveil biggest P-haul in NZ history - Campbell Live - Video - 3 News
If you missed Campbell Live tonight, here is the segment, interviewing a customs agent regarding the recent arrests for P smuggling.
Fantastic work and a job well done to the customs employees that were involved. Enjoy your chocolate cake!
If you missed Campbell Live tonight, here is the segment, interviewing a customs agent regarding the recent arrests for P smuggling.
Fantastic work and a job well done to the customs employees that were involved. Enjoy your chocolate cake!
Letting the cycles flow
Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles.
Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have times of closeness and times of distance. We have times of coming together and times of separating to work on individual issues.
We have times of love and joy, and times of anger.
Sometimes, the dimensions of relationships change as we go through changes. Sometimes, life brings us new friends or a new loved one to teach us the next lesson.
That does not mean the old friend disappears forever. It means we have entered a new cycle.
We do not have to control the course of our relationships, whether these be friendships or love relationships. We do not have to satisfy our need to control by imposing a static form on relationships.
Let it flow. Be open to cycles. Love will not disappear. The bond between friends will not sever. Things do not remain the same forever, especially since we are growing and changing at such a rapid pace.
Trust the flow. Take care of yourself, but be willing to let people go. Hanging on to them too tightly will make them disappear.
The old adage, about love still holds true: If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you their love is yours. If they don't, it never was.
Today, i accept the cyclical nature of life and relationships. I will strive to go with the flow. I will strive for harmony with my own needs and the needs of others.
Cyclical huh? Never even knew that was a word. Who would have thunk it?
I am soooooo tired, after last night's failed attempt at sleeping with both Nixon and Jorgia in my bed. I am hitting the sack super early tonight. I am Nicole and Jorgia-less tonight, so i might as well play catch up on my zzzzzs.
The girls and i stopped at a really cool arts and crafts shop in Howick today. They wanted me to buy them some ribbons for their hair. What an AWESOME shop it was...and so cheap. I am going to go back there later in the week and get some sketching pencils and a sketching pad and see if i am still any good at it. I used to be kind of talented when it came to drawing. Not as talented as Billy is...but i wasn't bad. I am going to see if i am any good these days.
I hope i am, and that i enjoy drawing again. It will give me another thing to keep me occupied over the next couple of months until i am FREEEEE again.
Time is going fast though. I can't believe it is already nearly June.
Goodnight. x
$6m of P in luggage
The six tourists flew into Auckland on Cathay Pacific flight 107 from Hong Kong early last Sunday afternoon.
Their short itinerary featured a two-day stay in Auckland and a visit to the tourist mecca of Rotorua before a return trip to Auckland and the flight home.
Five of the tour group, and their tour leader, passed through Customs and immigration and waited in the international arrivals hall for the last member of the group.
That man's baggage was being subjected to a search that Customs said yesterday led to the discovery of $6 million of pure methamphetamine.
The department said a quantity of the drug was found in sealed food and drink containers in luggage belonging to one member of the group.
As a result, other members were searched, leading to the discovery of "further concealments of methamphetamine".
Instead of going to the rooms they had reserved at SkyCity, the six were arrested and have spent the past week in jail. The tour leader was not arrested.
Customs revealed yesterday that the six Taiwanese tourists - and another man on the same flight who was found later - appeared in the Auckland District Court last week, each charged with importing a class-A controlled drug.
They face life imprisonment if found guilty.
Customs said the 8.175kg of pure methamphetamine found could have been sold for more than $6 million.
An outline of the police allegations seen by the Herald said the seven defendants - Huang Min-kuan, 24, Jian Che-yu, 25, Hsu Ching-yi, 25, Huang Chien-chuan, 28, Liao Chia-chia, 24, Hsu Nai-chun, 27, and Ma Fu-hsien, 39 - arrived early last Sunday afternoon.
They were on a private tour, and had organised their own guide, a female tour leader, who joined them in Hong Kong on the day they travelled to New Zealand.
All were associated in some way to each other on a personal level.
Ma Fu-hsien, a chef, was on the same flight as the tour group but remained separate from it. He passed through Customs and immigration checks.
When he was located the next day, he said he was on holiday, but police say he was also involved in the P-smuggling plot.
Taiwanese passport holders have had visa-free entry to New Zealand since last December.
I heard on the radio this morning, that all of the tourists had methamphetamine on them. Six people managed to get through customs with the drug, and were only caught because of a customs official becoming suspicious of the last one.
Amazing. I guess that gives us some kind of indication of just how much methamphetamine is successfully smuggled into New Zealand. I had read somewhere, that it was thought 1 out of 8 drug smugglers is caught in New Zealand.
It seems odd that these people tried to bring it in to NZ in food containers. Every time i have gone through customs...any food that i had on me was so closely inspected because of MAF regulations. Customs automatically check out all food.
I hope they get life, and then some. Too bad NZ is not a bit more like Bali when it comes to sentencing drug smugglers.
Communication principles - 1
‘…Whatever is in your heart determines what you say.’ Matthew 12:34 NLT
Ugh...i have been so sleepy today. No more scary movies for Jorgia EVER again. She ended up sleeping in my bed with me all night last night. If we all think back, we will be able to remember how bad my sleeps were when my bed was crammed with Jorgia AND Nixon. Actually...it was funny, because last night, Nixon got half the bed to himself, and Jorgia and i shared the other half.
Needless to say...i got no sleep.
Loving this rain. It feels like it is getting dark at 3pm! It has been a fantastic day to spend in bed. My driveway looks terrible though, with all those weeds out by the garage that i need to bag, getting more and more drenched.
Ugh. My home looks like white trashville. :(
The sign under a largemouth bass in a taxidermist’s window read: ‘If I’d just kept my mouth shut I wouldn’t be here!’ Jesus said, ‘…
Whatever is in your heart determines what you say.’ It actually sets the tone in your relationships. Seven percent of our communication is based on content, 38 percent on tone of voice, and 55 percent on nonverbal signals like your facial expression, how you sit and what you do with your hands.
Author Mandy Houk says: ‘If you care little for [people’s] feelings…it comes out in your speech…If we intentionally…fill our hearts with love and respect…it overflows into our speech.’ Solomon said, ‘A gentle answer deflects anger…harsh words make tempers flare.’ (Proverbs 15:1 NLT)
Author Rob Flood outlines two principles that helped change his attitude and heal his marriage: (1) The principle of first response. The course of any conflict is determined by the responder, not the initiator. When the Pharisees questioned Jesus, their intent was usually to trap Him. But because He had the power to determine the direction of the conversation, ‘…They failed…Instead, they were amazed by his answer…’ (Luke 20:26 NLT) (2) The principle of physical touch. This is hard to apply once an argument has started. So when you know you’re about to embark on a touchy subject you may find it beneficial to hold hands or sit close so you naturally touch.
Ever notice it’s hard to fight with someone when you’re making physical contact? Even if you do get into an argument, physical separation can be a visual clue that it’s time to switch tactics and regroup.
1 Kings 8–9, Mark 11:1–11, Ps 47, Pr 12:4–6
Ugh...i have been so sleepy today. No more scary movies for Jorgia EVER again. She ended up sleeping in my bed with me all night last night. If we all think back, we will be able to remember how bad my sleeps were when my bed was crammed with Jorgia AND Nixon. Actually...it was funny, because last night, Nixon got half the bed to himself, and Jorgia and i shared the other half.
Needless to say...i got no sleep.
Loving this rain. It feels like it is getting dark at 3pm! It has been a fantastic day to spend in bed. My driveway looks terrible though, with all those weeds out by the garage that i need to bag, getting more and more drenched.
Ugh. My home looks like white trashville. :(
NZ woman wanted by FBI
NZ woman wanted by FBI
Most of what had been written on the wall as of this time yesterday, has now been removed. It had appeared that the mother, and her friends, had embarked on a mud slinging match with the father that was full of hearsay and accusations of abuse, and drug use. It was full of excuses for the mother's plight...she was homesick, couldn't be "bothered with the legal BS" so did not bother to go through the proper legal channels in order to be able to return to NZ legally, did not have family support in the US, Mr Thomas is engaged to someone else...and so on and so on.
I have passionate and strong opinions relating to this case, and others like it. I have these opinions because i have lived this situation since i was ten years old. 30 years ago, i was the child, that did not get to grow up with her sister, and believe it or not...at the time, missed my mother so much that it hurt, because she had just disappeared back to NZ illegally, without me, having taken Tracey with her. It reminds me of the heartbreak that my Dad went through, not being able to watch Tracey grow up.
Since 2002, when Nick and I separated...i have been the mother, living in a country with no family support, homesick, missing my family, and wanting to go back home, with my children.
I am still here though. I am here because i never wanted to repeat the mistakes that my mother made, and have my children end up feeling about me, how i now feel about my own mother.
I am here because, as a parent, i have made that sacrifice so that my children would grow up with both of their parents. When i chose to have children in New Zealand, to a New Zealander...i was choosing to live my life here. It was not something that i thought about at the time...but that didn't change the choice that i was making.
Every child deserves both parents. Adam Thomas has custody of this child. It does not matter that he only got full custody once Bianca had run from the country. Had she not ran, then she might still have joint custody, but she chose to break the law and leave the country with her child...only notifying Mr Thomas a month later of her whereabouts and her intentions.
Bianca (and her friends up north) you can sling mud from today until tomorrow. Whether what you are saying is true or not, that does not change the fact that what you have done is WRONG, and the longer you run, the worse the situation will get for everyone involved.
My prayers are with baby Sydney for her swift and safe return to her father...before she is old enough to end up having to spend 30 years dealing with the hurt, that the immature and selfish behaviour of her mother, will end up causing everyone involved.
Edit - Turns out that this woman lived with her parents, so the excuse of not having any family support, that her "friends" tried to suggest yesterday...is a bit of a fail.
http://www.annarbor.com/news/fbi-seeks-saline-woman-in-international-kidnapping-investigation/
The family of a young New Zealand woman wanted by the FBI say her return to the country with her daughter has put them in a difficult position.I have spent a lot of time since i read this article, thinking about this situation and the feelings that it brought to the surface for me. I have read the whole wall on the Facebook group that Mr Thomas started in order to bring attention to his plight, and gain support in having his daughter returned to him.
The FBI is searching for New Zealand-born Bianca Ellen Ormsby, 21, who agents say kidnapped her young daughter in the United States during March.
Ms Ormsby, who had been living in Michigan, faces several charges including international parental kidnapping of her daughter, Sydney Thomas.
At the time, Ms Ormsby and Sydney's father, Adam Thomas, 21, had temporary joint legal custody of Sydney, who was 10 months old.
Ms Ormsby left the United States on March 16 with Sydney. The two travelled on New Zealand passports from Los Angeles to Auckland.
Ms Ormsby's grandmother, who lives in Hamilton, confirmed she was in New Zealand and said the pair were safe and well, the Herald on Sunday reported.
"At the moment I do know that she's in New Zealand but she has moved from the place she's been at," she said.
However, family members had been put in a difficult position.
"She has made adult decisions, but as far as I'm concerned, she is being a very difficult person.
"I feel sorry for the baby, but what can we do?"
Mr Thomas had not seen Sydney or Ms Ormsby since March 9, when she picked Sydney up.
He received an email from Ms Orsmby on April 11, saying she was in New Zealand and thought being there was best for Sydney.
Mr Thomas has started a Facebook page titled "Help bring home my kidnapped daughter", on which he said: "I will do whatever it takes to have Sydney returned to me".
If the New Zealander is extradited and convicted of the federal charge, she faces up to three years in prison, the website said.
A criminal complaint was filed on Tuesday in federal court in Detroit, a Michigan news website reported.
Most of what had been written on the wall as of this time yesterday, has now been removed. It had appeared that the mother, and her friends, had embarked on a mud slinging match with the father that was full of hearsay and accusations of abuse, and drug use. It was full of excuses for the mother's plight...she was homesick, couldn't be "bothered with the legal BS" so did not bother to go through the proper legal channels in order to be able to return to NZ legally, did not have family support in the US, Mr Thomas is engaged to someone else...and so on and so on.
I have passionate and strong opinions relating to this case, and others like it. I have these opinions because i have lived this situation since i was ten years old. 30 years ago, i was the child, that did not get to grow up with her sister, and believe it or not...at the time, missed my mother so much that it hurt, because she had just disappeared back to NZ illegally, without me, having taken Tracey with her. It reminds me of the heartbreak that my Dad went through, not being able to watch Tracey grow up.
Since 2002, when Nick and I separated...i have been the mother, living in a country with no family support, homesick, missing my family, and wanting to go back home, with my children.
I am still here though. I am here because i never wanted to repeat the mistakes that my mother made, and have my children end up feeling about me, how i now feel about my own mother.
I am here because, as a parent, i have made that sacrifice so that my children would grow up with both of their parents. When i chose to have children in New Zealand, to a New Zealander...i was choosing to live my life here. It was not something that i thought about at the time...but that didn't change the choice that i was making.
Every child deserves both parents. Adam Thomas has custody of this child. It does not matter that he only got full custody once Bianca had run from the country. Had she not ran, then she might still have joint custody, but she chose to break the law and leave the country with her child...only notifying Mr Thomas a month later of her whereabouts and her intentions.
Bianca (and her friends up north) you can sling mud from today until tomorrow. Whether what you are saying is true or not, that does not change the fact that what you have done is WRONG, and the longer you run, the worse the situation will get for everyone involved.
My prayers are with baby Sydney for her swift and safe return to her father...before she is old enough to end up having to spend 30 years dealing with the hurt, that the immature and selfish behaviour of her mother, will end up causing everyone involved.
Edit - Turns out that this woman lived with her parents, so the excuse of not having any family support, that her "friends" tried to suggest yesterday...is a bit of a fail.
http://www.annarbor.com/news/fbi-seeks-saline-woman-in-international-kidnapping-investigation/
May 23, 2010
I thought everyone loved scary movies
Apparently i was wrong! Right now Jorgia is huddled in my bedroom, keeping me company, because Nicole is having a shower, and she is too scared to stay in her beroom alone after watching A Nightmare on Elm Street last night! hahahaha
She is sitting here humming the "one two Freddy's coming for you" song and telling me that she will always hate numbers now! hahaha
And it was the 1984 version that had such shocking special affects that everything looked so fake it was laughable that we watched.
I love my Jorgie...she is a crack up.
haha...so much cheese in that movie that i ALMOST felt like having a wine to go with it.
She is sitting here humming the "one two Freddy's coming for you" song and telling me that she will always hate numbers now! hahaha
And it was the 1984 version that had such shocking special affects that everything looked so fake it was laughable that we watched.
I love my Jorgie...she is a crack up.
haha...so much cheese in that movie that i ALMOST felt like having a wine to go with it.
Blah
I have had a blah day today. I am not entirely sure why...but i have not been feeling all that happy this afternoon.
The girls have been good. Nicole spent the day out with friends at Botany...and Jorgia forced me to sit through "Titanic" with her. Ugh. Billy used to love that movie so much when he was little, that i can still recite it word for word...all three hours of it.
Laundry has been a mission to get dry this weekend. I have had to resort to hanging it on the clothes horse and putting the heater underneath it this evening...so that at least the girls school uniforms are dry in the morning. I vow to purchase a drier before the beginning of next winter. By then i will be working again and be able to afford one. I have not had one in nearly a year now, and this is the first time that i have missed having one...so that is pretty good. It is better for clothes, to be hung out anyway.
That silly soppy love song music in that movie got me thinking too much today, i think. I have been feeling sad, and down, and missing Danny. That is a stink feeling. No more soppy love story movies or music for me. They just make me sad.
On a brighter note. I received an email on Friday, from someone asking me if they could buy me a coffee tomorrow or Tuesday. It is a person that i have never met...but would love to meet because i think he is FANTASTIC. It is a politician that i have spoken to regarding my recent past, recovery, and the issues that i have with how detrimental home detention is to someone in my situation.
I think i might get sick...just thinking about having a coffee with this person, it makes me that nervous. Don't know why i mentioned it cause i am not going to tell who it is. haha Sorry about that...kind of...not really.
Early night for me. My house is clean. The girls are fed. Laundry is as dry as i can get it right now. Nixon is snoring next to me...don't EVEN mention my words last night about not letting him on the furniture anymore. I just feel MEAN pushing him off. I have clean sheets and blankets on my bed, but no duvet cover because it is still wet.
Life is good. Better than it was when i started this post even. Goodnight. x
The girls have been good. Nicole spent the day out with friends at Botany...and Jorgia forced me to sit through "Titanic" with her. Ugh. Billy used to love that movie so much when he was little, that i can still recite it word for word...all three hours of it.
Laundry has been a mission to get dry this weekend. I have had to resort to hanging it on the clothes horse and putting the heater underneath it this evening...so that at least the girls school uniforms are dry in the morning. I vow to purchase a drier before the beginning of next winter. By then i will be working again and be able to afford one. I have not had one in nearly a year now, and this is the first time that i have missed having one...so that is pretty good. It is better for clothes, to be hung out anyway.
That silly soppy love song music in that movie got me thinking too much today, i think. I have been feeling sad, and down, and missing Danny. That is a stink feeling. No more soppy love story movies or music for me. They just make me sad.
On a brighter note. I received an email on Friday, from someone asking me if they could buy me a coffee tomorrow or Tuesday. It is a person that i have never met...but would love to meet because i think he is FANTASTIC. It is a politician that i have spoken to regarding my recent past, recovery, and the issues that i have with how detrimental home detention is to someone in my situation.
I think i might get sick...just thinking about having a coffee with this person, it makes me that nervous. Don't know why i mentioned it cause i am not going to tell who it is. haha Sorry about that...kind of...not really.
Early night for me. My house is clean. The girls are fed. Laundry is as dry as i can get it right now. Nixon is snoring next to me...don't EVEN mention my words last night about not letting him on the furniture anymore. I just feel MEAN pushing him off. I have clean sheets and blankets on my bed, but no duvet cover because it is still wet.
Life is good. Better than it was when i started this post even. Goodnight. x
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