Going Easy

Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don't have to push so hard. Go in gentleness, go in peace.

Do not be in such a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace.

Frantic behaviours and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough.

Enjoy and relish middles, the heart of the matter.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may be almost done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is.

Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment.

Today, God, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be at peace and in harmony.

Phew...i like this one a LOT. I am in no way at risk of doing ANYTHING in a hurry at the moment. I can barely stay awake! Honestly...if it was not for Nixon or the girls this week, i don't think i would have even gotten out of bed. I am moving so slow at the moment, that i have to speed up to go backwards!

I drove out to Howick at 3pm this afternoon to pick up the girls...but when i got to Ann's place, she came outside and said that the girls were not there because Nicole had soccer practice until 5pm...i just about started snoring, standing there in Ann's driveway, at the thought of having to hang around for an hour and a half waiting for them.

I had a quick visit with Ann, then headed off to find my girls. Jorgia was walking home and i found her at the bottom of the street...We went back to Ann's for a little while, so she could get a drink and ran into my little adopted daughter Melissa...who is now ungrounded and allowed to come stay with us next week over the school holidays!!! yay cause she has been grounded FOREVER and i have not even seen her since January, because she now goes to a different school than the one that Jorgia goes to...anywayyyy.

Nicole rang just after 4 and was finished with soccer. Thank goodness for that. We made it home in rush hour traffic by about half past 5. I have never been so happy to get home...not that i can remember right now anyway...my eyes are heavy, even when i'm up and about, doing things. I am constantly yawning...and all i want to do is crawl back into bed and go to sleep.

I let the girls have Macdonalds...from Pt Chev Macdonalds!!! The one that lady supposedly found the maggot in her burger at! Just because i could not face cooking. I did not tell them the maggot story...so lets just keep that little bit of news quiet haha...i did however check their food. I don't believe the maggot story anyway...stories like that are always urban legends....right??? That's my story and i am sticking to it.

So my girls go back to Nick's place until Tuesday, tomorrow morning. I really hope that by the time i get them back on Tuesday...these pills have settled back into my system, and i no longer feel so drowsy, sleepy, and tired. Just moving is a mission right now. Nixon and i have the whole long weekend to sleep.

I have been trying to remember what i was doing last Easter...but i can't. I just remember that i hated weekends so much back then, so it would not have been a fun weekend...but i can't remember what i did. I can remember Easter weekend 5 years ago...but i can't remember last Easter. Aren't our brains wonderful things...how we tend to remember the good, and forget the bad?

I am going to put a documentary on now, and be asleep in 5 minutes, so that Jorgia can steal the laptop off me.

Goodnight x

Me-itus 2

It is God who makes us able to do all that we do. - 2 Corinthians 3:5 NCV

God's plan is to minimise you, and maximise 'Christ in you'! And He will do whatever it takes to make it happen. When you succeed through your own efforts, you take the credit. But when you have to depend on God, He gets the credit: '...It is God who makes us able to do all that we do' (2 Corinthians 3:5 NCV).

That doesn't make you worth less, it just identifies the source of your worth. Chuck Swindoll says, 'The very things we dread, brought contentment to Paul. He never said to his prison guard, "Next time you're near the emperor's assistant urge him to get me out. I shouldn't be here in the first place."

Paul's attitude prevented him from keeping record of wrongs done to him... He was in prison by divine appointment... If you want to learn contentment, develop an attitude of unselfish humility... Start with family and neighbours; model it before employees and clients... you won't have to raise flags or pass out tracts... the results will amaze you. "Do everything without complaining and arguing, so... no one can criticise you. Live... as children of God... in a world... of crooked and perverse people" (Philippians 2:14-15 NLT)...

Joyful acceptance, free of petty disputes and bickering... Nothing's more contagious!' Paul continues, '...I am glad to boast about my weaknesses... that the power of Christ can work through me... I take pleasure in... insults, hardships, persecutions... troubles... For when I am weak, then I am strong' (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT). If you haven't reached that point yet, remember this acronym based on the word SELF: S-urrender to Christ daily; E-mpty yourself of anything that hinders you from doing His will; L-ift up your heart to Him; F-eed on His Word.

I am fully aware that i would not still be alive, that i would not still be here, without God, and my faith in him.

On that note...i am so unmotivated and drowsy, it is beyond a joke. I am feeling really sleepy, lazy, and just generally gross.

I get the girls back tonight, for the night, and then i don't get them back until next week. Tuesday, i think, because it is the school holidays and i have them for most of that! So all i need to do is get through the long Easter weekend alone...and then i get to have them for nearly two weeks! Except, i think they want to spend the weekend in between with Nick. Not sure.

Anyway...i have to leave here to pick them up at 3. I can't be bothered moving between now and then...i don't think. I am going to watch a documentary and most likely sleep some more.

I shouldn't be complaining...a couple of weeks ago, i was moaning about not being able to sleep at all. Now i am sleeping too much. I know there is a happy medium somewhere...and i am going to find it!

Right after i have another nap...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ask not from whom the chicken comes

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Expanding your comfort zone

Leaving your comfort zone of current patterns and behaviors is a courageous step toward self-growth

None of us are born with a guidebook that provides explicit rules for thought and behavior that will enable us to navigate life successfully. To cope with the myriad of complexities to which all of humanity is subject, we each develop a set of habits and routines that ground us, their continuity assuring us that life is progressing normally. Most of us know, whether instinctively or by experience, that transformations can be uncomfortable, but we always learn and gain so much. Any initial discomfort we experience when expanding our comfort zones diminishes gradually as we both become accustomed to change and begin to understand that temporary discomfort is a small price to pay for the evolution of our soul.

Your current comfort zone did, at one time, serve a purpose in your life. But it is representative of behaviors and patterns of thought that empowered you to cope with challenges of days past. Now, this comfort zone does little to facilitate the growth you wish to achieve in the present. Leaving your comfort zone behind through personal expansion of any kind can prepare you to take the larger leaps of faith that will, in time, help you refine your purpose. Work your way outward at your own pace, and try not to let your discomfort interfere with your resolve. With the passage of each well-earned triumph, you will have grown and your comfort zone will have expanded to accommodate this evolution.

Whether your comfort zone is living with your parents, or perhaps being too shy to socialize, or maybe it’s not realizing your spirit self—whatever it is, start small, and you will discover that venturing beyond the limited comfort zone you now cling to is not as stressful an experience as you imagined it might be. And the joy you feel upon challenging yourself in this way will nearly always outweigh your discomfort. As you continue to expand your comfort zone to include new ideas, activities, goals, and experiences, you will see that you are capable of stimulating change and coping with the fresh challenges that accompany it. ~ The Daily OM

Nearly, 9 months ago, when i moved to this little flat of mine, this was a healthy comfort zone for me. It was what i needed at the time. I needed to move to a place where i was isolated and could be completely alone with myself, and the girls, and never have to worry about seeing anyone else or even going anywhere else, if i didn't want to.

That was what i needed at the time. That was healthy for me at the time.

I don't really think that it is any more though. As much as i love my comfort zone, i am looking forward to the day when i can have a life again. I am looking forward to having a job, and being able to have a social life. I am looking forward to saying goodbye to this comfort zone that i have hibernated in for the past 9 months...and moving on to better things.

Today, after dropping Nicole at school, i came home and went back to sleep. The phone woke me at noon when Tracey and Tim phoned me with their news...then i went back to sleep. I woke up at 3pm and struggled to drag myself out of bed to take Nixon for a walk. I managed it though. I purposely took him on a really, super long route that takes twice as long. I did that just because i knew that as soon as we got back home, i would crawl back into bed.

I am so blessed to have Nixon. If i did not have him, i don't think i would have gotten out of bed at all today. He is my furry, smelly, little angel, he is.

These anti depressants kick my butt all day long at the moment. I had forgotten how drowsy they make me. Hopefully, my body gets used to them soon.

Back later x

It's a BOY!!!

My little sister Tracey, and her husband Tim, are the proud parents of a beautiful 4 lb 7 oz baby boy!!! He made his entrance into this world at about 11:15 am NZ time. He has a healthy set of lungs on him, as he was screaming when she first held him, but he is now resting comfortably in the NICU.

I am so so sooooooooo proud of Tracey. She did it all naturally, just like i did. That is a mean feat for someone to give birth naturally, in the States. An epidural, over there, is pretty much a pre requisite for giving birth.

When i spoke to her just now, she was so proud of herself for doing it naturally, and so glad that she experienced that. She told me i was her inspiration to do it that way...that she just kept thinking "if Jackie can do it, so can i" ...that made me feel so good...that i inspired her to give her baby the healthiest start in life, and to appreciate and really experience childbirth...rather than being all numb.

I am so so so sooooooooooooo proud of you Tracey. I love you so much. I wish i was able to be there for you right now, but i promise to get there as soon as i can.

Congratulations, you crazy kids.

I love you.

xoxoxo

PS...He doesn't have a name yet and photos coming soon!

Me-itus 1

Look... into my heart - Psalm 139:23 CEV

Dr David Jeremiah says, 'When you're sick, physical symptoms let you know there's something wrong. "Me-virus" has warning signs too, like: Mirroritis: obsession with your appearance. Moneyitis: tightfistedness, equating your self-worth with your net worth and overspending on personal wants. Micromanageitis: insisting on doing things your way. Majestyitis: an exaggerated opinion of your importance and a sense of entitlement. Makeoveritis: the drive to "one-up" everybody else.' The Psalmist prayed, 'Look... into my heart... ' (Psalm 139:23 CEV).

KP Yohannan says, 'When it's only God and you, you're more apt to face your pride and your sins. With everyone else we argue these things away, look wonderful and smile. Before God, we face ourselves, cleansing and purification take place, and we're less phony.'

Curing 'me-itis' calls for: 1) strengthening your spiritual immune system with Scripture: '...[His] great and precious promises... enable you to... escape... corruption...' (2 Peter 1:4 NLT) 2) prayer: '...Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done... His peace will guard your hearts...' (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT) 3) a clear conscience: '...I confessed my sins... you forgave me and took away my guilt' (Psalm 32:5 CEV) 4) fellowship: 'not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together... exhorting one another...' (Hebrews 10:25 NKJV) 5) service: 'Each of you has received a gift... to serve others... that in everything God will be praised...' (1 Peter 4:10-11 NCV) 6) relationships: Pick your friends carefully, and avoid 'me-itis' carriers '...Bad temper is contagious - don't get infected' (Proverbs 22:25 TM) 7) giving: 'A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed' (Proverbs 11:25 NIV).

The fact that this is part one of how many??? scaressss me! haha I work on every single one of these things...every day these days. Have done, for awhile now.

OK so Tracey and Tim are still in labour...her contractions are regular now, last about a minute, and she is 7cm dilated!!! Getting there! Although it is taking her a lot longer than it ever took me. In the next few hours i will have a new niece or nephew!

I just got off the phone with them a few minutes ago. I am so proud of Tracey...she has not had an epidural...YET...yet being the key word there, she informed me. She is trying really hard to do it naturally...i had to get off the phone with her though before i changed her mind. It's funny how we say things, trying to be encouraging but they just don't come out the way they were meant to ....huhhhh.... or is it just me that does this?

I said something like..."Oh don't worry...it will get worse...i mean i just wanted to die...but it is a positive pain just focus on what you get at the end"....ummm yeah so the focus there was supposed to be on the fact that it is a positive pain, not the wanting to die part...but she laughed and repeated what i had just said to everyone in the room and i could hear them all laughing. I figured i better hang up the phone before i scared her any more than i already had!

I am so excited for them to be parents. I wish i was there.

What a beautiful day. I have dropped Nicole at school and other than walking Nixon this afternoon, we have nothing else to do today. I am going to do something a little bit different...i don't know...maybe i will be LAZY or something for a change.

I am downloading a new documentary to watch.



Back later!

He basically stinks all over

http://www.nataliedee.com/

hmmmm kinda like someone else we know....huhhhhh? NIXON!

Balance

Seek Balance

Balance emotion with reason.
Combine detachment with doing our part.
Balance giving with receiving.
Alternate work with play, business with personal activities.
Balance tending to our spiritual needs with tending to our other needs.
Juggle responsibilities to others with responsibilities to ourselves.
Balance caring about others with caring about ourselves.
Whenever possible, let's be good to others, but be good to ourselves too.
Some of us have to make up for lost time.

Today, i will strive for balance.

I try to remember now, to always help others, but not if it comes at an expense to myself or my children. By expense i mean, emotionally, mentally, or physically. I used to put every other person on this planet's needs before ours, and then I would just end up resenting people, and bitching all day long about whatever it was that i had done for them.

I will always want to help others...i think everyone does to a certain degree. We all want to feel appreciated don't we? I keep a healthy balance now, by asking myself if helping or giving to a certain person or thing comes at my own or my children's expense. If the answer is no...then i know that i will never have a reason to bitch about it, so it is all good.

I can't stand bitching...i never want to be a complainer ever again!

Anywayyy...Nicole and i had a pretty cruisy day today. She was home sick today...boy was she sick. She has come right now though, so back to school for her tomorrow. We had the hugest sleep in this morning.

Dan stopped by for a quick visit on his way home from work...then we proceeded to go back to sleep! Nicole woke me up at noon to take Nixon for his walk. Thank goodness she did that or else i would have slept right through his walk time. Man it was hard to drag my sleepy butt out of bed and take him walking, but he had not been on a walk in 3 days and was driving us bonkers. Poor little guy. He handled it quite well actually. Better than i thought he would. I had not been able to take him walking over the weekend because of having to transport Nicole back and forth from Howick for her party.

So Nixon and i did our huge walk. Got back home and checked my emails, and there was one from my favourite mum to be...my sister, Tracey telling me that her waters had broken and they were on their way to the hospital! I rang her straight away because she had sent the email a few hours earlier...and all is well, but she won't be going home anytime soon.

At the moment that means she is 7 weeks early, and i think they are trying to keep it in there for another day or two. On Tuesday, their time, she is 34 weeks and i think they are trying to keep it in there until then. At any rate, the little bug will be born at some stage over the next 36 hours.

I wish i was there, so badly, to support her and Tim through this time. Monica and my other sister Kari, jumped in the car with my little nephew Zeke, and drove all the way from Spokane to Boise, as soon as they heard. I wish i had been able to do that road trip with them! They had just arrived at the hospital, the last time that i spoke to Tracey.

That was at 9:30pm on Sunday night their time, and Tracey was going to try to sleep. I told her i would not ring again until the morning, their time...and they are going to ring me if anything happens over night. I am thinking of my little sister, becoming a mum for the first time, after the struggle that they had to get pregnant...and all my thoughts and prayers are with them at this special time.

I hope that everyone that reads this sends positive vibes and a little prayer for Tracey and Tim, and asks that their little bug makes a safe and healthy arrival into this world.

Goodnight x

Destiny Church abuse allegations

Destiny Church abuse allegations - Story - National - 3 News

A Destiny Church pastor has been given the sack from her state-funded childcare job and has resigned from her church job tonight as a result of a Campbell Live investigation.

Robyn Edmonds worked for the Open Homes Foundation (OHF), an organisation which places at risk children. Last week Campbell Live alerted Minister of Social Welfare Paula Bennett of a case of alleged sexual abuse associated with one of those children.

Child, Youth and Family removed one child from care and today announced a wider investigation.

Twenty-nine-year-old Joshua Edmonds faces a charge of indecent assault on a 13-year-old girl that was in foster care of the Open Homes Foundation.

Robyn Edmonds, Joshua's mother, is head of the OHF and until today, was a pastor at Destiny Church.

Now, another child of the pastors is alleged to have been sleeping with a foster child, this time a 14-year-old boy.

"What I believed happen is that the pastor's daughter was seeing and had a relationship with one of the Open Home boys and they were in a relationship," says former church member Ben Evans.

"My wife was called in to counsel the whole family on the situation and how to deal with it."

Mr Evans has left the church now, but at the time was married to the OHF's head social worker. He says not only did Lee and Robyn Edmonds know about the alleged abuse, but so did many others in the church.

"Absolutely," says Mr Evans. "They were all going through counselling to try and sort the situation out within Open Homes Taranaki."

Campbell Live tracked down the boy's mother, who confirmed her child was abused by Ms Noble, and said she Robyn and Lee Edmonds barely acknowledged her.

The boy lived at a home for at-risk kids run by Lee Edmonds and a man called 'Duke'. Duke says Rebecca Noble regularly took the boy to a park for sex.

When the affair came to light, the teenager was beaten up by her husband.

Campbell Live visited the homes of the Edmond families. The pastors had recently shifted out, and their adult children were nowhere to be seen - absent since last Wednesday, the neighbours say.

When Campbell Live went to Taranaki on Sunday morning to ask Robyn Edmonds about the investigation into the Open Homes Foundation, the church was surprisingly closed. Apparently church members had gone fishing in the Wairarapa.

Another example of abuse was told to Campbell Live by Randolph Pratt, a former church member. He was returning a CYFS child to a Destiny family after he had run away.

"When he got him back, booted him fair up the date and lifted him off the ground," he says. "We tried to calm the situation down and took the kids all home with us, then this other girl wanted to ring the police but was told to keep quiet about it."

Another church member told Campbell Live Rebecca Noble was sent to Auckland to be counselled by Bishop Brian Tamaki after the alleged affair with the 14-year-old.

Those who have spoken out are pleased CYFS are investigating.

"[The abuse] should be brought to light straight away, because anything that's brought to light doesn't get time to fester in the dark like a mushroom," says 'Pete', a former church member.

"I'd have assumed CYFS were involved quite early on," says Mr Evans. "[She should] come clean about it, really."

"I think she should stand down from being a pastor and from Open Homes till everything is sorted out," says Mr Pratt.

This afternoon, she did. Both Robyn and Lee Edmonds have resigned as Destiny pastors, and the OHF has asked Robyn Edmonds to resign.

They would not comment on whether they had apologised to the alleged victims, but did apologise to Bishop Tamaki for the "adverse effect this situation has had on them".

One more repulsive example of how this cult does nothing more than target, and take advantage of the most vulnerable members of our society.

Alone with God

The Lord is a jealous God. - Exodus 34:14 NKJV

God is jealous of anything that takes His place in your life, especially a 'relationship idol'. You say, 'What's that?' It's the lie that convinces you your happiness depends on another person. When you look to somebody other than God for security, purpose, worth and contentment - all the things He willingly provides - He's jealous.

So tear down that idol! Yes, it's hard to have nobody to share your life with, or come home to. But when God wants you to hear His voice, sometimes He silences all the rest. Has it occurred to you that you're alone, not because nobody likes you, but because God is drawing you to a deeper place of intimacy with Him?

 'How can I know?' you ask. Joshua was alone when God gave him the plan for conquering Jericho. John was alone on the island of Patmos when Heaven opened and he wrote the book of Revelation. The Bible says, 'Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak' (Genesis 32:24 NIV). That's when God changed his name from Jacob, a deceiver, to Israel, a prince with God.

When you don't know who you are, you'll allow yourself to be swallowed up in somebody else's life in order to find worth and fulfilment. You'll think you need them in order to enjoy being you. No, let God tell you who you are. After all, who knows you better? The only way you'll discover your true identity, is by being alone with God!

This is so true. For the first time in my life, i am alone and single. These past two years, since Danny and i split, is the longest that i have ever been single. This past 9 months is the most alone that i have ever been in my life.

For the first time in my life, i have had absolutely no interest in being in a relationship. For the first time in my life, I have had no social life. I have spent the past 9 months just with my girls, Nixon, myself, and God...doing my best to make the changes to myself and my life that i needed to make in order to be happy.

It's a journey, not a destination, and i am loving it.

I miss being in love, and having someone love me back...but i will have that again one day, if it is meant to be...and next time it will be right.

Anywayyyyy...have i mentioned that i am going to be an Aunty again sometime in the next 24 hours!!! I can't BELIEVE it!!!

I have Nicole home with me, sick today...she has not been well since i picked her up from her friend's place yesterday. Someone learned the hard way, that they need to eat before consuming Vodka Cruisers me thinks. Isn't that just a lesson that we all had to learn the hard way? Hopefully she will just never want to have them again!

GAME ON!!!

Tracey is in labour!!! 6 Weeks early!!! Her waters broke about 4 hours ago and she and Tim are at this very moment, in the hospital waiting for their wee bug to be born!

In the next 24 hours, i am going to be an Aunty again!!! I am soooo excited.

I so wish i was able to be there.

I WOULD be there if it was not for this ankle bracelet. This is the biggest part of my punishment....missing out on my little sister becoming a mum.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh...i have just gotten off the phone with her though, so at least i am blessed with the technology to be able to ring her and vice versa any time i want over the next 24 hours. That truly is a blessing. Back when i was having my girls, it was a bit harder because we did not have cell phones.

Anywayyyy i am DYING of excitement.

Too many creme eggs

http://www.nataliedee.com/

They are on special at Foodtown...4 creme eggs for $3.00. Doesn't get better than that! Nicole and i took advantage of that awesome multi buys deal this weekend!

After-Burn

"How could i do it? How could i say it? Even though i meant it, i still feel ashamed, guilty, afraid."

This is a common reaction to new, and exciting behaviours. Anything to do with owning our power and taking care of ourselves can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and fear.

We do not have to allow these feelings to control us. They're a backlash. They're after-burn. Let them burn out.

When we start confronting and attacking feelings and messages, we will experience some after-burn. The after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life - shame and guilt.

Many of us grew up with shame-based messages that it was not okay to take care of ourselves, be honest, be direct, and own our power with people. Many of us grew up with messages that it was not ok to be who we were and resolve problems in relationships. Many of us grew up with the message that what we want and need is not ok.

Let it all burn off. We don't have to take after-burn so seriously. We don't let the after-burn convince us that we are wrong and don't have the right to take care of ourselves and set boundaries.

Do we really have the right to take care of ourselves? Do we really have the right to set boundaries? Do we really have the right to be direct and say what we need to say?

You bet we do.

Today, i will let any after-burn which sets in after i practice a new behaviour burn off. I will not take it so seriously. God, help me let go of my shame and needless fears about what will happen to me if i really start caring for a loving myself.

Ok...so THAT is what i was feeling, back in February when i cut certain people out of my life because they had been so disrespectful of my beliefs and views. THAT is what i was feeling when i told Mr yes/no guy that sorry...nope...i was not happy to have sex with him while he carried on internet relationships with American women who were coming to stay with him in a couple months time.

After burn...gotcha.

In both those cases...part of me did feel guilty, or bad, for only thinking of myself and doing what was right for me...and for not trying harder to see the other person's point of view. Then i went back to realising how i deserve to have so much better than that in my life these days. I am way too good to have people that drag me down in my life.

I just won't allow it...ever again. EVER...and my tolerance level is about zero, as well. I just can't bring myself to give people like that chances. Not at this point in time anyway.

Maybe i will grow to be more tolerant and be able to give people chances, in the future, when i am further down the road to being the healthy and strong person that i want to be...have always wanted to be but didn't know how. Maybe when nightmares of what i have been through are not so vivid, i will be more tolerant.

Right now, i just can't be though...and i can't bring myself to apologise for that either. It's all about ME and my children's happiness right now. I want people in my life that lift me up. I want to lift others up...not be dragged down.

Goodnight. x

TV star's brother busted for drugs

TV star's brother busted for drugs Stuff.co.nz

THE BROTHER of Apprentice star and football club owner Terry Serepisos has been convicted for a string of serious drug offences, including supplying methamphetamine.


Lambros Serepisos was sentenced to nine months' home detention when he appeared at the Wellington District Court on March 19. He was convicted of supplying methamphetamine, Ecstasy and Fantasy and for carrying a firearm. He is serving his sentence at a Wellington home owned by his mother, Alliki Serepisos.

Revelations of criminal charges against Lambros Serepisos come as his younger brother Terry, who has achieved national prominence since rescuing the Phoenix Football Club from collapse and now hosts The Apprentice New Zealand, fends off a letter-writing campaign criticising his business practices and lifestyle.

Lambros Serepisos was caught up in Operation Viper, in which more than 70 people from around central Wellington, Porirua, Wairarapa and the Hutt Valley were busted for $500,000 worth of LSD, Ecstasy, methamphetamine and cannabis. Fifteen of those apprehended had gang connections.

Police charged the 52-year-old in September 2008 and it is believed he pleaded guilty to the charges just before a jury trial was scheduled to start.

A number of residential and commercial properties had been used to deal the drugs.

The officer in charge of the operation, Detective Senior Sergeant Darrin Thomson, said what concerned police most about the operation was the number of children involved.

"Kids aged from three to 14 years have been found in environments we believe were detrimental to their well-being," he said.

Lambros is listed as the sole director of Paleros Restaurant Ltd, and his mother and now-deceased father Dimitrious are listed as shareholders. The restaurant is no longer operating.

In recent weeks, since The Apprentice New Zealand began screening on TV2, a series of anonymous letters has arrived at the Sunday Star-Times, containing dozens of allegations about Terry Serepisos, his private life and his business practices.

One letter alleged he owed money to several firms and authorities, including the Wellington City Council in unpaid rates. A city council spokeswoman would not be drawn on the claims. "We won't be commenting on any money Terry Serepisos owes council," the spokeswoman said.

But Star-Times inquiries revealed companies owned by Serepisos – 79 Manners Street Ltd, Century City Developments Ltd, Century City Football Ltd and Century City Ltd – have struggled to manage a number of debts, some of which have been referred to debt collectors and recorded as "payment defaults" with the credit reporting agency Veda. The recorded debts ranged from $158 to $71,000.

Ad Feedback Last week it was reported that a group of Canadian tourists had been trapped in the lift of an apartment building owned by Terry Serepisos, and an elevator company involved in a financial dispute refused to attend. The Fire Service later assisted in freeing the tourists. That story emerged after an anonymous email was leaked to media.

Last week, Terry Serepisos told the Star-Times that claims he owed money "all over town" were "just rubbish".

He said he was "disappointed" that people were taking shots at him, and blamed the "tall-poppy syndrome".

While he had enjoyed filming The Apprentice New Zealand, it had raised his profile, and "you get put under attack". He was amazed by some of the comments he had heard.

"Ever since I started doing the show you get all sorts of people coming out saying all sorts of rubbish ... I think anybody with a high profile gets these rumours; it's all part of the territory."

In December the Star-Times revealed that players within the Phoenix, which he has owned since 2007, were upset their wages were arriving late in their bank accounts.

Meanwhile, a TVNZ spokeswoman confirmed the broadcaster had made inquiries with police before signing on Serepisos as the New Zealand equivalent of US mogul Donald Trump.

"TVNZ carries out due diligence with all our hosts on all our shows. The checks on Mr Serepisos were completely standard practice and we were satisfied with the outcome," TVNZ's statement reads.

Hey Justice Department! How about some consistency with your sentences!?!?! How did this guy only get 9 months home detention, when there were firearm charges included yet last week Anna Ngo or whatever her name was got 3 1/2 years in prison for less serious charges!

My charges were way less serious than these ones, and i ended up with nearly the same sentence! Only a couple of months shorter!

Once again, i am not complaining but some consistency would be nice!

If i was that Anna Ngo ( I think that was her name ) i would be feeling pretty hard done by right about now. This guy only plead guilty at the LAST chance that he had before it went to trial. I plead guilty at my FIRST opportunity.

The world has gone mad.

Gosh there are a lot of druggie, sleazy, theiving stories in the paper today. I swear i saw a headline that said something like "Drunk driver gives CPR to dead possom" but i can't find it again!

I think i need a nap now.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Kerre Woodham - Grant mercy for attack survivor

Kerre Woodham - Grant mercy for attack survivor - National - NZ Herald News

Susan Couch was lucky to survive William Bell's murderous rampage at the Panmure RSA in 2001.


Three people were shot dead by Bell, who was out on parole at the time. Susan Couch was left brain-damaged and partially paralysed as a result of the attack and has spent years in rehab.

She's battled courageously to overcome her physical injuries, but the ongoing battle she's been having with successive governments for compensation is not one she should have to be fighting.

Susan was lucky to survive - but that was about the only piece of luck she's had.

She was unable to get ACC for lost earnings because, shortly before the attack, her relationship had ended and she'd had to give up work, temporarily, to look after her young son.

She was also unable to get a lump-sum payment from ACC as the victim of an attack because of a loophole, and so she has struggled to make a life for herself and her child.


And although the decision by the Supreme Court to allow Susan Couch and her lawyer leave to sue the Department of Corrections for negligence might look like the end of the road for Susan, it's not.


The judges, with the exception of Sian Elias, have made it far more difficult for Susan and her lawyer to win their case.

Previously, they had to show the Department of Corrections was negligent - now she and her lawyer have to prove that not only was the department negligent, but also that staff there knew Bell posed a risk but did nothing about it. The judges have raised the legal bar to a near-impossible height.

Susan's a fighter though, and so she's not giving up. But I'd love to see the Government make use of a facility it has to approve ex-gratia payments to individuals.

Every minister can authorise a payment relating to matters within their portfolio up to $75,000; anything above that must be approved by Cabinet.

Judith Collins, the Minister of Corrections, is a fair woman. She must see Susan Couch has been hard done by. The Crown has surely spent way in excess of what Susan Couch is asking for, fighting her at every turn.

A one-off payment from Cabinet that would allow Ms Couch to rebuild her shattered life is the very least the Government could do to right the wrongs that she has suffered.

AMEN!

ASB suing Versalko's $2.4 million prostitute

ASB suing Versalko's $2.4 million prostitute

Jeepers...i would love to know how this woman managed to get this amount of money off this guy. Either he was incredibly stupid, or she had the mean game going on...ESPECIALLY considering her age and the fact that she was working in a brothel.

I had wondered who this woman was...but did not expect her to be a middle aged brothel worker! No doubt the details of how she squeezed this much money out of this crook will be made public as the case progresses.

I wonder if she paid tax on it? Kinda hard to hide income like that when you are purchasing properties worth 800 grand. If not, no doubt the IRD will be after her in a big way now too!

Yikes.

What an idiot, the woman that wrote a reference for him for his sentencing is. Why would what he spent the money on, make any difference? Was his fraud ok? Until you found out some of the money was spent on hookers? haha...how mental. So she was ok with telling the courts what a wonderful man he is despite stealing 18 million dollars worth of other people's money...but whoooaaaaaa he spent it on hookers so now THAT makes it bad!?!

Lady that gave this Versalko dude a reference - YOU ARE A MORON.

The prostitute given $2.4 million by fraudulent banker Stephen Versalko is far from the high end of the escort business.


Instead, she is a mother of one who worked at an Auckland brothel, the Pelican Club, and is closer in age to Versalko's 49-year-old wife Megan than the many of the other prostitutes that she used to work with.

The prostitute's daughter, like Versalko's only girl, is a teenager.

While the Pelican Club charges its staff out at $210 an hour - although clients can pay up to $1500 a night - the women earn considerably less. By comparison, celebrity stripper and escort Lisa Lewis once advertised her services at $7000 a night.

The ASB Bank is now suing the prostitute for the $2.4m Versalko paid her.

The Herald on Sunday is prohibited from revealing the woman's identity because of suppression orders granted by the Auckland High Court.

The auburn-haired woman said much of what had been written about her by the media was misconstrued.

But she could not correct it, she said.

She had been told by her lawyer - a Queen's Counsel - that anything she said publicly could harm her in court.

The orders were made in a legal case taken by the ASB Bank - which was ripped off to the tune of $18m by its Remuera branch investment advisor Versalko.

The case is an effort by the ASB Bank to recoup as much money as it can.

Versalko spent most of the money on property and lifestyle - including at least $3.4m on prostitutes.

Evidence given in the fraud case at the Auckland District Court stated that Versalko had paid for the services of a number of prostitutes.

Among those were two who profited well beyond their hourly rate - including the woman now being sued.

The bank has taken a legal order out over her home.

The "caveat" is the same procedure the ASB Bank used to seize and then sell Versalko's family home and Coromandel holiday home.

The bank claimed in the document that the woman had a lifestyle property, worth just over $800,000 through "institutional constructive trust" using funds belonging to ASB Bank.

A successful claim of "Institutional constructive trust" would mean the prostitute had legal title over property she paid for with money she did not deserve.


The legal argument is that the money is effectively held in trust for the body that it rightly belongs to - the ASB Bank. The woman also owns, or has interest in, other property.

ASB board of directors chairman Gary Judd QC said the bank should "absolutely" be suing the prostitute for the money. The comment comes after two weeks of silence from bank executives who industry colleagues say should be embarrassed that Versalko was able to steal $18m over nine years.

Judd said the ASB Bank's image had not been harmed by the massive fraud. "Reasonable people would understand that when you have a large number of people, unfortunately, occasionally, there will be someone amongst them who seeks to behave inappropriately." The bank could not release details of how the fraud was carried out.

Reports in the Herald on Sunday of staff feeling betrayed by Versalko were understandable, Judd said.

An ASB customer who wrote a glowing reference as fraudster Stephen Versalko faced his sentence said she would never have agreed to her letter being used in court had she known what the stolen money was spent on.

The woman agreed to allow a letter she had written six months ago to Versalko to be used in sentencing, after being contacted by Versalko's wife Megan.

But the woman said on Friday that if she had known the scale of the fraud, and that the money was spent on prostitutes, "I would never have written it. He used to speak so warmly of his wife. I just don't know how she would feel".

The letter writer - whom the Herald on Sunday has agreed not to name - wrote to Versalko in September, just weeks after he had been identified as the ASB Bank staff member fired for a multimillion-dollar fraud.

It said: "You are, without doubt, one of the nicest people in business I have ever dealt with. One can lose one's way in life but there is always a way back."

The other letter writer, who met Versalko through their daughters, said he stood by his reference. The letter said Versalko was "one of the most dedicated and loyal fathers I have had the pleasure of meeting".

I just don't see how the bank can win this one. I don't see how they can say that she bought property with money that she did not deserve. That means that anyone who receives a monetary gift from anyone...could be later told that they did not deserve it and have it taken off them. Doesn't it?

How can the bank say that she did not deserve it? No one knows what agreement those two came to behind closed doors... If he wanted something, and she named her price, and he agreed, and she did whatever it was that he wanted...then how did she not earn it or deserve it?

This really is where the decriminalisation of prostitution in NZ will get interesting. If it was still illegal then i am thinking that the ASB would have a case...but as it is, i just can't see how they can win this.

Who knows...but it will certainly be interesting finding out!

Fight for your family

She named the child Ichabod - 1 Samuel 4:21 NKJV

Eli the High Priest lived to see his two sons killed in battle, the Ark of the Covenant captured by the Philistines, and his daughter-in-law give birth to a child called Ichabod, which means 'the glory has departed from Israel'.

There's a lesson here. Today the devil is trying to take the Ark - God's influence - out of our homes. Through media and peer pressure the forces of darkness are seeking to capture the minds of our children by exposing them to the wrong values. Mum, Dad, what's being written over your house? 'The glory has departed', or '...as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord' (Joshua 24:15 NKJV)?

We are in a war, but a lot of us have not been at war! If we're going to 'fight the good fight' for and with our children, we need to get our act together. Children don't mind following someone who's showing by example how it's done, and who's doing it with them. Hannah, Eli's neighbour, was such a parent. After years of being childless she made a vow to God: '...If you will give me a son, I will give him back to you all his life...' (1 Samuel 1:11 NCV).

God answered her prayer with Samuel, who became one of Israel's greatest prophets. Later God gave Hannah more children '...so she became the mother of three sons and two daughters...' (1 Samuel 2:21 NCV). That's because He knew He could fulfil Hannah's deepest longing and that it wouldn't make her selfish. He knew she was more interested in His glory and benefit than she was in her own. Parent, can God trust you like that?

The ONLY thing i want to do with my life, is set a good example for my children these days. That is my numero uno priority. I wish i could say that had always been the case...but better late than never right?

They are my pride and joys.

Right now, i wish so badly that i could hug Billy. He has had a bit of an argument with his grandad, and is upset. I have explained to him that grandad only places such high expectations on him, because he has so much potential...like i did...and that we all just want to make sure that he does not waste that potential...like i did.

Poor Billy is paying for my mistakes...in a way. He might not have so much pressure put on him, if i had not been such a screw up! He is getting straight As over there in America, but i guess he got an F on an assignment and got in trouble...grounded from the xbox etc.

I wish i could hug him...and my Dad...both of them right now. I love you guys!

As for Nicole...i have just picked her up from her friend's place in Howick. She has gone straight back to bed the minute we walked in the door...hmmmm must have been a good party! I would hug her...but i don't think she wants a hug right now!

Blue Chip - the missing millions - Investment Companies

Blue Chip - the missing millions - Investment Companies - NZ Herald News

Where the money went

Wyatt Creech interview on Blue Chip and Mark Bryers

Although nothing like the hedonistic early Blue Chip days of fast cars and upmarket hookers, it does suggest available funds.

That is the funniest...or shall i say most disgusting quote out of all three of those articles...

"Hedonistic EARLY days???"

This guy was spending 10k a night on hookers and snorting lines of P off glass tables...in the FINAL days! When he KNEW it was all going to custard.

Now, after stealing the life savings off how many people? He is STILL living a life of luxury, that he does not deserve to be living.

Gifts, not burdens

Children are gifts. Our children, if we have children, are a gift to us. We, as children, were gifts to our parents.

Sadly, many of us did not receive the message from our parents that we were gifts to them and to the Universe. Maybe our parents were in pain themselves; maybe our parents were looking to us to be their caretakers; maybe we came at a difficult time in their lives; maybe they had their own issues and simply were not able to enjoy, accept, and appreciate us for the gifts we are.

Many of us have a deep, sometimes subconscious, belief that we were, and are, a burden to the world and the people around us. This belief can block our ability to enjoy life and our relationships with others. This belief can even impair our relationship with God. We may feel we are a burden to God.

If we have that belief, it is time to let it go.

We are not a burden. We never were. If we received that message from our parents. it is time to recognise that issue as theirs to resolve.

We have a right to treat ourselves as a gift - to ourselves, to others, and to the Universe. We are here, and we have a right to be here.

Today, I will treat myself, and any children i have, as though we are a gift. I will let go of any beliefs i have about being a burden to God, my friends, my family, and myself.

My children, are the most important things in my life. I will never lose sight of that again. I love them so much and i am so proud of them, that i can't even begin to describe it. I look back on photos of them when they were little, and sometimes i get sad...sad that i have not always been the parent that i am now. Sad that i didn't always put them first in my life. Sad that i can't get that time back, to do everything right where they are concerned. Sad that i wasted a whole year of their life, not being there for them because i chose to spend my time with criminals instead.

My children helped save my life. I am not sure that i could have been as strong as i was, and been able to quit that drug, had i not had them and my relationship with them to fix...to focus on.

My children and their happiness, is the only thing that i care about. I often laugh, when people tell me what wonderful and beautiful children i have... i laugh and say that they are about the only i have done right in my life.

I am so proud of them. I don't know how i got so lucky...heaven only knows that my parents weren't so lucky! haha...Billy is about to graduate from high school in America, on the honour roll with straight As...Nicole and Jorgia are so awesome that i could go on all day...so smart, intelligent, beautiful on the inside and out...i just don't know how i managed to get such wonderful gifts.

They truly are gifts. I try not to dwell on the things i have done wrong as a parent...all i can do is do my best and what i know is best for them from here on out...and that is what i am doing.

Every day i tell them how much i love them...just like my Dad does to me.

On that note...i am going to hit the sack. Nicole and i had a record run out to Howick this morning...made it there in like 15 minutes. We had to stop at Pakuranga for something that she needed for the party that she is going to tonight...then by the time i dropped her at Ann's, i had like 5 minutes to get home.

That was fun...i wonder if i ever get pulled over for speeding, if my ankle bracelet and my time limitations will be excuse enough to get out of the ticket? I am sure that one of these days, i am going to find out, so i will let you know when it happens!

I was only about 15 minutes late. All good...i hope anyway! Nixon has missed out on his walk today, because of having to transport Nicole. He seems ok with that though...so far.

I am actually wondering...if it is really just a sleep over at a girlfriend's house that Nicole is going to tonight though, now...She got 30 bucks off Nick, and 20 bucks off me, and went and bought herself a pair of high heals...they were very high too...black ones...she said it was just a dress up thing at her friend Lydia's place. That seemed to make sense at the time, but i hadn't really thought that hard about why they would all be wearing high heals...until just now.

Hmmmmmmmmmm ....my gift has me worried about her now. Why do things always like this only seem strange in hindsight...why is it that earlier in the week when she needed to buy her first pair of heals to have a sleepover at a girlfriend's house, that made sense...but now it doesn't?

I might not be getting much sleep tonight after all. This has seriously only just dawned on me while i have been typing about my day...that it is quite possible that my gift is at a party with boys or something equally dodgy tonight!

UGHHHHHH

Goodnight x

The kindness of strangers

I woke up in the middle of the night, and opened my laptop...as i do (when will i learn?) and this time i read something that made me feel so good. I read it, then i read it again, then i went back to sleep feeling so happy and with a smile on my face. This email made the challenges that i am having at the moment, seem insignificant.

It reminded me again, of how i have come back from so much worse than the piddly little problems i am having at the moment (how bad is the boredom of home detention as opposed to living with the threat of a prison sentence looming over my head...not bad at all)...to know that the words that i have typed in here...my feelings... sometimes encourage or help others, makes me smile...truly smile, from my heart.

I started my blog, when so low, as a way to encourage myself to never go back. I promised myself from the day i announced my P addiction, to always be honest on it, so that it would encourage me to always live a life that i was proud of, in the future. I couldn't handle shame any longer. Writing in here, and being completely honest, helped me always make choices that i will be proud of...it still does...because writing about things that i am ashamed of, was not that much fun.

It makes me feel so proud...so so SO proud to know that what i write has somehow helped someone else. I really don't know how to describe how good this email made me feel. I hope Judith does not mind me sharing it.

Hi Jackie,


I was going to post this as a comment on your blog, but unfortunately I don't seem to be able to - I might need to register or something in order to do that. Then this got too long-winded and intense so I thought I might just email you instead. Thank you for providing your contact details so that I could!!

I hope you don't mind, but I came across your blog some months ago (looking for something else) and have really enjoyed reading the whole thing - start to finish - and feeling privelidged that you would allow complete strangers like me access to your story in the way that you have (although possibly not deliberately).

I imagine you now, in your home, happy with your girls around you, preparing the food that you have grown and I see the contrast between the first few entries way back when - and I can't tell you how wonderful it makes me feel, to see someone who has picked herself out of the bottom of the hole, and crawled her way back upwards, always honest about the setbacks and down days, but unfailingly hopeful. I feel like I know you already having read your blog from start to finish... I wanted to 'announce' myself in some way (nobody likes a lurker) but never knew quite what to say to you to introduce myself.

So I subscribed to the RSS feed - now every day, your words of hope and honest battle come into my inbox, often giving me myself a lift at just the right time.

Today, your post "Letting Go of Worry" appears just as I needed to read it. Having spent all week stressing myself to bits over something I can't control, I read the words "I am CHOOSING to worry"... and it hits me like a ton of something smelly. I knew it was time to finally introduce myself, the long-time-lurker, and tell you just how you have affected my life, without even knowing you have, even though I live in England, have never had any problem with P, or addiction (except cigarettes I suppose), or a marriage breakdown, or any of the things that you have been through.

I hope it doesn't weird you out that there is someone sat at a desk 12,500 miles away who feels like she is connected to you in some way, who every day looks forward to reading some more of your words, who really wishes for you the best and brightest things and who thinks of you often. I think you are an amazing person Jackie, and I've never even met you, but I would like to one day should I ever make it back over there.

God bless you and keep you. Every day your words inspire me and make me stronger. You make me smile, laugh out loud (at work usually), and a couple of times have made me near tears for your persistence, your faith, your perseverance and your brutal honesty putting yourself out there for all the world to read.

All my best wishes,

Judith
England.

My day, weekend, week etc etc is going to be that much better, after such an encouraging and uplifting email from a stranger! How do i reply? I'm speechless.

I just had the hugest sleep in...puzzle time with Nicole...then i will attempt to get unspeechless and reply to Judith's kindness.

Good morning you lot! x

Letting go of worry

What if we knew for certain that everything we are worried about today will work out fine?
What if...we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we would be grateful for that problem, and it's solution?
What if...we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?
What if...we had a guarantee that everything that is happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?
What if...we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they are intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?
What if...we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?
What if...we knew everything was ok, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We would be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, i will know that i don't have to worry about anything. If i do worry, i will do it with the understanding that i am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

I needed this one. I worry way too much sometimes. I am going to work on that.

I am feeling really tired and drowsy again...i slept a lot of today. Then i headed out to Howick to grab Nicole at 3pm. Today, i had the worst run to Howick and back ever. There were two accidents on the Southern near Mt Wellington, and traffic was practically stopped all the way back to spaghetti junction, on the way there...then on the way back, i don't know what the story was but it took FOREVER. We didn't go on the motorway because the traffic was blocked so took the scenic route...and got every single red light...and bad slow driver in front of us...and every traffic jam possible all the way home.

Today...i spent 3 hours in my car and didn't even leave Auckland. That is TRAGIC!

Never mind...at least i was not sitting at home i guess!

Nicole and i just ate a yummy Cajun chicken salad dinner, drenched in Paul Newman Ranch dressing, and a french stick...We have spent the evening working on a puzzle that we have already done twice...twice now, we have nearly finished this huge 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and then it has gotten ruined before we finished it and we have had to start over. Once she ruined it...and once i ruined it.

I tried to tell her and Ann (who loaned it to me for us to do) that maybe that particular puzzle is just not meant to get finished...but nooooo that didn't fly. We have started it ALL OVER again tonight.

UGH...this one is getting it's photo taken when it is completed.

Right...i am exhausted. Goodnight. x

Kurariki faces growing list of charges

Kurariki faces growing list of charges - Yahoo!Xtra News

Charges are racking up against Bailey Junior Kurariki.

The 20-year-old has appeared in the Manukau District Court this morning. He was arrested after failing to appear in court yesterday and faces two counts of indecent assault relating to an incident last month when two female journalists went to Kurariki's home to interview him.

Kurariki has also been charged with assaulting a prison officer.

Over the weekend a charge of willful damage was laid against him and now the prosecution says fresh charges are pending.

The case has been stood down until later in the day to allow for the latest charges to be laid.

I wonder...how much support Bailey has received since his release, towards doing anything positive with his life. I wonder, if like me, he has just been left to his own devices, and turns up for his probation visits...gets asked how he is doing...tells them fine...and is out the door in 5 minutes.
 
Has he been shown his options regarding getting an education...help finding employment...received support in relation to reentering society after spending his whole teens institutionalised?
 
Or have they just pointed him in the direction of the nearest WINZ office, to go on the dole? and waited for him to get put back in prison again?
 
The media are making a joke of him and treating him like a circus freak. They are loving every new charge.
 
Every new charge, every new arrest, and every appearance on tv and in our newspapers gets this kid one step further away from ever being a productive member of society, and one step closer to being angry enough to kill again.
 
He was a product of the home environment that his hideous excuse for a mother had created for him...when he was 12. Now he is becoming a product of society and the media. The New Zealand public will have no one to blame when he ends up like Graham Burton or William Bell...and ends up in prison for most of his life.
 
He will get to a point where he says "F*ck the world"...and does not care what he does or who he hurts... or what the consequences are.
 
The  probation department is becoming a joke to me. Apparently the guy that did my CADS assessment left their employment the next day and no one can find the result of my assessment with him...but no one seems concerned about that. No one is offering or suggesting to me any form of counselling...not that i really want any drug or alcohol counselling but ummm...shouldn't they be MAKING me?
 
One would think so...but nope. I do the 5 minute visit once a week...tell them i am fine...and that is the extent of the concern that i get from the probation department. I would bet Bailey gets pretty much the same.

The sad thing now is...he has a baby on the way, who is going to be affected by all of this. Maybe someone should tell Bailey that he is NOT a circus freak, or hopeless and point out that he now has something to focus on...to be a better person for...and that there is HOPE.

The ultimate trophy - 2

What is our crown in which we will glory? 1 Thessalonians 2:19 NIV

Solomon writes, '… riches do not endure… a crown is not secure for all generations' (Proverbs 27:24 NIV).

When we try to impress people we think are important, we're trophy collecting. A trophy is anything you can get others to look at that will make them say, 'Wow.' Every vocation has its own trophies. Some pastors have trophy churches, trophies to their ability, troughs at which the ego feeds. But the problem with feeding at a trough is, all you ever get is slop.

In her book Glittering Images, Susan Howatch tells about a clergyman who devoted his life to always appearing godly, wise, loving and charismatic. Meanwhile his soul starves because no one knows him. 'They never meet the man I keep hidden. They just meet the man on public display. I call him the glittering image because he looks so good in the mirror. But beyond him… lies the angry stranger who appears in the mirror whenever the glittering image goes absent without leave.' His ministry was his trophy - and also his prison.

But there's another kind of trophy to collect - the right kind. And you don't have to outdo anyone else to get one. Paul wrote to the church in Philippi telling them that his old crowns - his religious accomplishments - he now considered 'dung'. He was collecting a new kind of crown: '… what is our… crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord… Is it not you?' (1 Thessalonians 2:19 NIV).

For Paul, the ultimate trophy was not his personal achievement as an author or church builder. It was the joy of winning, discipling and investing in the lives of others. Think about it!

Personal achievement....i like that.

As i expected...i am sleepy and drowsy today. I have until about 2pm before i have to get out of bed. I have to leave here at 3pm to go and look at a house, then pick Nicole up. Nicole is staying with me this weekend ...YAY...because she has a sleep over party to go to in Howick and it is easier to stay with me, to get there, than to get there from Waiuku.

No Jorgie though : (

Back laterrrrr x

Warrant for Kurariki's arrest issued

Warrant for Kurariki's arrest issued - Yahoo!Xtra News

A warrant has been issued for Bailey Junior Kurariki's arrest after he failed to front up at Manukau District Court on sex charges.

Kurariki, 20, was due to appear on two counts of indecently assaulting a female over 16 and one count of committing an indecent act after allegedly exposing himself and groping two women journalists.

But he failed to appear as scheduled, prompting Judge Jonathan Moses, who had earlier warned a warrant for his arrest would be issued if he did not appear by 4pm, to issue the warrant.

Kurariki's lawyer Jonathan Hudson told NZPA this afternoon that Kurariki had not appeared and that the warrant had now been issued.

Mr Hudson told the court this morning that Kurariki's family had said he was unwell.

He said Kurariki had gone to his probation officer who referred him to a doctor.

But Judge Moses said if Kurariki was well enough to see his probation officer, he was well enough to turn up in court.

Mr Hudson would not say if he had been able to contact Kurariki this afternoon.

I honestly can't believe i am saying this...but i actually feel sorry for this guy at the moment. Imagine having to watch your mother on the news saying that if she had a gun, she would just shoot you? Had she been a half way decent parent in the first place, and taken notice of what her child was up to, he most likely would not have ended up with the label of "New Zealand's youngest killer" at the age of 12.

Now he has to go through the rest of his life, with that label...and to top it off his mother goes on Campbell Live and tells him, and the rest of New Zealand that she loves and cares for him so much, that if she had a gun she would just shoot him.

What a horrible human being his mother is. No wonder he ended up the way he did...with that horrible woman for a parent. I can't believe i am saying this, but i have a sense of empathy for this kid now, after seeing that old witch on tv.

She would be a fantastic example to use in the argument for forced sterilization for bad parents.

Bailey's mum on Campbell Live saying that if she had a gun she would shoot him...

Campbell Live, and TV3 even airing this pathetic excuse for an interview just goes to show that they care about nothing other than their ratings. Way to encourage positive change morons!

That guy melted all over the place

http://www.nataliedee.com/

I went to the doctor today...

This month, i have had a few things that have been..."challenges"...i have dealt with them to the best of my ability, and on the whole, i am pretty happy with how i have handled things. I am not perfect, and i never will be. I will always make mistakes and screw up, and have to say sorry for things that i say and do. I am human.

The past couple of weeks, i have had things going on that have given me a bit of a shake up. The change in probation officer thing, has sucked. I really liked my previous one, and now starting over with a new one that does not even know me...is not fun.

The issues that i am having re shifting, have been stressful and a real challenge. I feel as though i have been treated unfairly, and i am going about dealing with that through the proper channels.

Trying to find a new home, in Auckland, that i can afford, that has 3 bedrooms (one for Billy as he is returning after his graduation in May) and will allow Nixon, is proving to just be too much for me. To top it off, i am unable to even go view homes, unless i have gotten permission from probation, which means that by the time i have done that...it's most likely too late. I have looked at one home so far and there were about 20 other people there at the same time that all wanted to take it.

This has all been going on over the past couple of weeks, and i have noticed it affecting my mental health / depression. I lost my temper with the girls, in a similar manner to the way i used to, although admittedly not as bad...not by a fraction. I have been yelling at Dan non stop and taking all of my problems out on him every 5 minutes ( why he has not told me to bugger off at any stage over the past year and a half is beyond me ) and today, everything just seemed hopeless to me, and i could not stop crying. I have even gotten road rage, and slammed my horn at Asians in Howick. It's been a long time since bad drivers made my blood pressure go up.

I started feeling a bit crazy again.

I had stopped taking my anti depressants back in January, when i had the girls here all the time and everything was all happy. Now...two months into this sentence of mine, and spending much of my time here alone with Nixon, I feel like i was slipping back into depression mode.

I recognised this today, and made an appointment to head back to Dr Lee. I am glad that i did. I have had a small setback and moved from a 3 back up to a 6 on the depression scale...so still not bad. He told me that the anti depressants take about 10 days to get out of your system, so that was kind of good to hear. I have been ok and doing well without them, for a good 5 or 6 weeks, before events of the last couple weeks upset me.

Remember how he told me that stopping the anti depressants was a bit like learning how to swim with a life jacket on... then just taking your life jacket off? You might be ok and be able to swim fine without it...or you might sink? That made sense to me at the time...still does. Today he told me that i took my life jacket off...and was swimming fine..but then i panicked when a saw a shark! haha

I love Dr Lee and his analogies. He is the shizzzzzzzzzzz.

Anyway...so now i am back on the anti depressants until further notice again. He laughed and told me that next time i lose my prescription, rather than stop taking them...to see him for a copy!

Fair call....cause that was the only reason i stopped them in the first place.

Sooo yeah...back to sleepy drowsy time for me for the next few days...i am thinking. That will be kind of nice though, because i have had problems sleeping since i came off them. A happy medium would be awesome right about now though.

Anyway...I am thankful that God gave me the insight to realise what was happening, and to get to my doctor and get help, before things got too bad this time. Thank you to my friend, who shall remain nameless, who told me in no uncertain terms, to get to my doctor today, as well. x

The ultimate trophy

Enoch had this testimony, that he pleased God. - Hebrews 11:5 NKJV

In the film 'Cool Runnings', the Jamaican bobsleigh team is so desperate to win an Olympic medal, they're convinced none of their efforts matter if they end up without it. All the learning, joy and growth they'd devoted themselves to, are forgotten next to a piece of metal on a ribbon. Their coach is a 400-pound man who won an Olympic medal bobsleighing 20 years earlier and had been a complete loser ever since. He tells them, 'If you're not enough before the gold medal, you're not enough with it.'

Jesus talked a lot about rewards. But the pursuit of rewards can hurt us when we go after them for the wrong reason. A trophy is not the achievement itself - it's not the learning we've gained, the muscles we've trained, or the courage we've developed. It's just a symbol of achievement. It's an external validation of our worth. At best, the trophies in the showcase are little reminders, something to make us grateful for the past and keep us motivated for the future. At its worst, the trophy case becomes a shrine, a tool to prop up a false image of ourselves.

Trophies bring momentary pleasure that can be addictive, but the pleasure always wears off. In the book of Revelation we see 24 leaders '...lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God...'' ' (Revelation 4:10-11 NIV). When you give all the glory to God, your accomplishments bring joy, but when you try to take the credit for yourself your trophies tarnish, fade and become a burden. Look at Enoch: his ultimate trophy was 'that he pleased God'.

Apologies for being a little bit late with my morning read! I was out of bed at 6am to drop the girls at school, and my day proceeded to get crappier by the minute for a while there.

I got a bit upset today, for the first time, about this home detention thing. Hey...it took me nearly 2 months to get sick of this...that is not bad going!

While i will be forever grateful to not be in jail right now...i can't help but feel that home detention is a waste of time, and fairly detrimental to anyone's physical and mental health, while on it. I honestly believe, that if i was inclined to go back to drugs...home detention would be what caused it.

This would be a lot easier, if i was wasted.

As it is...i sit here like a vegetable, unable to do anything to improve my life any further, until this damn bracelet comes off. I can't get a job, i can't make new friends or visit my old ones, i can't get...let alone stay motivated to do anything to improve my life, and continue to get better.

There is just nothing to get motivated for. How is this helping anyone? All it is doing is making me think how much easier this would be if i were happy to scrub my shower for 5 hours straight to keep me entertained like i used to when i was in a constant state of fried.

How is me being on Home Detention, and being unable to become a productive member of society again...helping anyone?

It's not. I firmly believe that this is the wrong sentence for anyone who is recovering from drug abuse. If i had not been smart enough to cut everyone that i knew from that world, out of my life, i would be in trouble right now. I am feeling that hopeless about the next few months of my life.

That is about all i have to say on that matter. I guess i should feel lucky that it took two months for me to get down about this.

RSA victim can sue Corrections

RSA victim can sue Corrections - National - NZ Herald News

This is appalling. Why does the burden of proof lie with Susan Couch? Isn't what she has been through over the past ten years, 3 murder victims, and William Bell's hideously long list of previous convictions enough proof that the corrections department was negligent in allowing him to be released into the community?

Why should she have to prove anything? Shouldn't it be the Corrections Department who should have to prove that they did not knowingly let a monster out into our society instead?

The world is mad. Ten years, and still no justice for this woman, and now to get justice SHE is the one that has to do all the work, while the Corrections Department just sit back and have another sandwich.

Unbelievable. Upsetting, even.

Susan Couch's victory in the Supreme Court yesterday came with a sting in the tail - the Court has set the bar far higher for her and others to win "exemplary damages".


Her lawsuit against the Corrections Department for contributing to her permanent injuries at the hands of triple murderer William Bell can now go ahead.

But she will have to show that the department and its officers knew their failings in monitoring Bell could lead to an attack and injuries such as those she suffered.

Until yesterday, she would have had to show just that Corrections had been "outrageous" and reckless.

Now, her quest for justice will need to show the department had "consciously appreciated the risk" that releasing Bell on parole posed to her safety and that it "proceeded deliberately and outrageously to run that risk".

Bell, who is serving a 30-year non-parole prison term, had 102 convictions when he attacked Ms Couch during a murderous rampage at the Mt Wellington-Panmure Returned and Services Association club in December 2001 in which three people died.

Ms Couch, who was a part-time accountant at the RSA, was left with brain damage and partial paralysis. She also suffered two breaks to her right arm, a break to her left arm and a fractured cheekbone.

She lost 75 to 80 per cent of her blood and spent six months in Middlemore Hospital, followed by years in rehabilitation.

She still has difficulty speaking and walks with a cane.

In June 2008, the High Court granted Ms Couch leave to sue Corrections for $2.55 million in damages. The department appealed against that decision and won.

Last March, Ms Couch appealed against that decision in the Supreme Court, and yesterday the court overturned the Court of Appeal ruling and also awarded her costs of $27,500.

Her lawsuit, for $500,000, will go to a full High Court hearing expected to start in the next 18 months to three years.

The Supreme Court unanimously held that Ms Couch could take a case for exemplary damages, which cannot be compensation for injury but are, in law, an explicit way of punishing the Corrections Department financially.

The court said that neither accident compensation legislation nor laws covering the liability of government departments and employees could block Ms Couch's case from being heard in the High Court.

But the Supreme Court judges split four to one in raising the standard Ms Couch and others will have to meet to win damages. Chief Justice Dame Sian Elias dissented, strongly opposing the higher threshold.

Appreciating ourselves

It is time to stop the nonsense of running around picking on ourselves.

We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly - feeling less valuable than others, believing they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not.

We have a right to be here. We have a right to be ourselves.

We are here. There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are. We are good enough, and deserving.

Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us.

It does not matter what we have done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours. It has worked to shape and form us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good.

We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less then nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be.

That my friend, is a wonderful gift.

God help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.

I adore this one. This book amazes me, every single day...not to mention it helping me brush up on my touch typing skills! bahha

I am in bed right now, appreciating the rain running down my bedroom window, above me. I don't even care that i just finished hanging laundry half an hour ago.

Goodnight. x

Polyesterplaidapotamus

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Nixon and i got bored today

Where would we be without the camera to play with? Isn't he gorgeous?

I love Nixon. Where would i be without my best buddy?

Sideswipe: Key 'defriends' Facebook critic

Sideswipe: Key 'defriends' Facebook critic - Sideswipe - NZ Herald News

Alesyia is hurt at being "de-friended" on Facebook by Prime Minister John Key: "I'd been one of around 5000 'friends' of John Key's for quite some time, and on Wednesday, for the first time, I posted a message on his wall. My polite but forthright paragraph voiced my concerns over his intention to support commercial whaling and suggested that he pay attention to the opinions of the people he was elected to represent. Within hours, my message had been deleted and I had been 'de-friended'. Although I can see the funny side, I do find it a disturbing that Mr Key deals with dissenting views in such a petulant manner. I guess I won't be getting a Christmas card this year."

haha how funny. You would think that any politician would know, that not everyone in his little group of 5000 "friends" would agree with everything that he says and does, and would be able to muster a half intelligent response to voters expressing their opinions regarding current political matters.

How childish to just delete her, and her comment. Bad form...such bad form that it is funny.

'P' kids struggle when they start school

'P' kids struggle when they start school - War on P - NZ Herald News

Children born to P-addicted mothers show serious concentration and behaviour problems as they start school.

A joint American-New Zealand study has found that when US methamphetamine babies reach the age of 5, many are unable to sit quietly and focus on a single task.

Auckland University researchers say babies here are showing the same brain problems at birth as their American counterparts, suggesting they are likely to develop similar behaviour problems as they grow older.

Lead researcher Dr Trecia Wouldes said US academics had begun studying the children of crack cocaine mothers 15 years ago and included P mothers when the drug took hold in some parts of the country.

Auckland was later asked to join Honolulu, Los Angeles, Iowa and Oklahoma in the study because of our high rate of methamphetamine abuse.

Dr Wouldes said the American cocaine babies did not show any behaviour differences until the age of 4, but these grew dramatically as they got older.

"They're starting to find that those are the kids that are using drugs, they've got more problems at school, they've got more psychological problems - a whole raft of things."

The P babies also seemed normal at first but at 5 they began to show significant behaviour problems as well.

Dr Wouldes said the New Zealand children had been studied up to the age of 3 and she hoped to keep following them as they reached school age.

"This 4-year follow-up is absolutely critical to see if they are ready for school. Can they sit, how well do they speak and communicate and are there emerging behavioural problems - tantrums or acting out?"

All the evidence so far suggested the New Zealand children will follow the American pattern.

The way their brains worked at birth and at one month old was a close match with the US babies who had gone on to develop behaviour problems at 5.

"What it's saying is that we can probably identify these children who are going to have developmental problems at birth or at one month."

Dr Wouldes said these children were likely to be even worse affected by the drug throughout their lives than P-abusing adults.

The New Zealand study compared 102 mothers who used P with 109 non-using mothers from similar social backgrounds.

Earlier results of the study showed the babies born to P-users were 3.5 times more likely to be below average weight.

Stellar Trust chief executive Mike Williams said the combined evidence from the New Zealand and American research was disturbing. It suggested that as these children grew older, New Zealand could face even worse social problems from P than the violent crime currently committed by adults.

Interesting.

Hey Mike Williams from the Stellar Trust...why is this information disturbing to you? Were you not already aware of this information? Or did it take this research to inform the chief executive of the Stellar Trust...a trust set up to "battle methamphetamine" in New Zealand, that P damages children? Maybe NOW you can put some of that money that you have taken off GlaxoSmithKline towards helping these children?...instead of paying an ex heroin addict (what does heroin have to do with this?) to visit high schools and talk about his glory days, and organising more celebrity dinners that cost as much as they raise!
 
I wonder how much this research, to find out what everyone with half a brain...even fried brains, already knows...cost?
 
I am going to look into that.
 
Rather than having hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on paying already wealthy scientists to waste time on research, when we already know what the result of that research would be, wouldn't it be nice if instead, the money was invested on research into how to actually help these kids. Even better...invest it in actually helping them.
 
They act like they have discovered something that will actually surprise anyone.
 
Ridiculous. Stop studying these poor kids and start helping them! They are not lab rats!

Is God saying, 'Wait'?

No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. - Psalm 84:11 NKJV

Often the toughest times in life are those moments when all we know about God doesn't seem to help or get us the results we want. That's when we learn about His silence. Whenever God doesn't say a word, He's teaching, even in stillness. He's allowing us to grow by forcing us to think, study and arrive at conclusions while He stands by like the loving parent He is.

Faith comes by hearing, but patience comes by silence. Patience is what God gives you when bad things remain unchanged. It's His sedative for the troubled heart. It's the balm He rubs into your aching muscles when it feels like you're being stretched to breaking point. These are the times when the pain lasts so long that only God can release the patience required - the sheer grace to get you through it.


There are great benefits to waiting.

For example, if you learn to wait and observe, you'll make better choices. The thing you think you can't live without today, you may be glad to live without tomorrow. '...No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11 NKJV).

So when God says, 'Wait,' trust Him. Either it's not what you need at this time, or He has something better in mind for you. You say, 'But what am I going to do in the meantime?' The Bible says, 'Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...' (Psalm 27:14 NKJV). Stop fussing, stop pushing, allow God to work and you'll come out of this stronger and with a better result.

Patience has never been my strong point. That is putting it mildly.

Over the past two years, i went from being an impatient person who wanted everything NOW and went out of my way to make things happen...to a person who procrastinated so much that i was happy to sit and wait all day, year, decade long, for something that i wanted or needed to do...to get done.

Now i am somewhere in between. I am having an issue right now, that i am struggling with. One minute i am wanting to jump up and run around and fix it NOW...the next, i just want to go back to sleep and worry about it when i wake up.

I have faith that God will look after me and everything will be ok though. I know that i will end up in a better place, once i get through this latest hurdle.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...just for a little while...and then i will jump out of bed and work on my problem! How's that for compromise?