What would i do without my girls to show me things like this on the internet?
I keel ewe!
January 31, 2010
Homicide probe launched after taxi driver's death
Homicide probe launched after taxi driver's death - Yahoo!Xtra News
This happened just around the corner from my old apartment in Mt Eden. No doubt this poor taxi driver, is the latest life to be taken by methamphetamine, in New Zealand.
P is everyone's problem.
If it has not touched your life yet, it will, and when it does, it will kick your butt.
Please Note!!!
The person that committed this murder has not been caught. I have assumed that he is a methamphetamine user because of the high levels of violent offending that is reportedly committed by methamphetamine users. Normal people do not stab taxi drivers.
The offender was reportedly carrying a black and white bag. From my experience, involved in that life, men do not carry bags, unless they are carrying drugs and/or drug paraphernalia on them. Never once, did i meet a man carrying a bag, that did not have drugs on him, in the bag that he was carrying.
Sometimes men carry bags if going to the gym, or to play sport. Somehow, i do not think that is the case, in the city, at 1am.
That was my experience, as is everything else that i write about in my blog. My experiences. My opinions.
Goodnight. :)
This happened just around the corner from my old apartment in Mt Eden. No doubt this poor taxi driver, is the latest life to be taken by methamphetamine, in New Zealand.
P is everyone's problem.
If it has not touched your life yet, it will, and when it does, it will kick your butt.
Please Note!!!
The person that committed this murder has not been caught. I have assumed that he is a methamphetamine user because of the high levels of violent offending that is reportedly committed by methamphetamine users. Normal people do not stab taxi drivers.
The offender was reportedly carrying a black and white bag. From my experience, involved in that life, men do not carry bags, unless they are carrying drugs and/or drug paraphernalia on them. Never once, did i meet a man carrying a bag, that did not have drugs on him, in the bag that he was carrying.
Sometimes men carry bags if going to the gym, or to play sport. Somehow, i do not think that is the case, in the city, at 1am.
That was my experience, as is everything else that i write about in my blog. My experiences. My opinions.
Goodnight. :)
Take full responsibility for everything in your life
This was the first thing that i had to do, when i decided to change my life. I continue, everyday, to work on this.
Old habits are sometimes hard to break. It is so easy to try to place blame on others, when we have done terrible things, made terrible mistakes, and are having to face the consequences of those actions.
I own my actions. Finally realising this, and realising the affect that my actions have had on my life, and on the lives of people that i love so much, made me so determined to make sure, that my actions are an asset to my life, rather than a liability!
It's never too late...to be who we were meant to be.
How You Manifest Your Reality - By Niurka Hernandez
"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.”
~ George Bernard Shaw
Old habits are sometimes hard to break. It is so easy to try to place blame on others, when we have done terrible things, made terrible mistakes, and are having to face the consequences of those actions.
I own my actions. Finally realising this, and realising the affect that my actions have had on my life, and on the lives of people that i love so much, made me so determined to make sure, that my actions are an asset to my life, rather than a liability!
It's never too late...to be who we were meant to be.
How You Manifest Your Reality - By Niurka Hernandez
It’s an uncanny phenomenon but it’s true: The Universe has a way of supporting those who get crystal clear on what they want and then wholeheartedly go after it.
It may be a challenging concept to wrap the mind around, but like it or not, we are all the authors and architects of the results we experience in our own life. Every thought we have, word we speak (whether to ourselves or out loud), and action we take is a seed planted – a seed that will germinate and grow when the appropriate conditions are present. Like farmers carefully planting the next harvest, we reap the effects of having sewn the seeds of past thoughts and behaviors. There are no idle thoughts! Everything we see, everything we experience, has its origin and cause in the realm of thought. Understanding this phenomenon is the beginning of true wisdom.
The challenge is that most people are unaware of how they create their reality from moment to moment, because they are not sufficiently aware of their thoughts. Do you know someone who no matter what happens in their life, it’s "not their fault," and so blames external factors for the circumstances of their life? This disempowering perception often leads to victim mentality and over time, victim mentality becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
If we want to transform something in our environment - whether it's our career, finances, health, relationships, or physical body - we must first transform how we think. When we change our thoughts we automatically change our actions, thereby producing a shift in our environment. Why? Because the external world is a reflection of the internal world. When we understand this and take full responsibility for everything that happens in our lives then we are “at Cause.” Mahatma Gandhi recognized this Universal Truth which is why he encouraged people to “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
This cause and effect dynamic is the essence of the first Law of Supreme Influence. One important key to making this Law practical is the realization that, in any given moment, a person is either “at Cause” or “in Effect” – there is no middle area. Being “at Cause” means having the awareness to recognize how our moment-to-moment "causes" produce the conditions of our lives, even if the "effect" isn’t experienced right away. In other words, when we're “at Cause” we get a result and we own it! Owning the result, desired or not, liberates the individual to make different choices. Conversely, anytime we blame or give an excuse, we're “in Effect.” The more we take responsibility for the cause and effect in our lives, the better our results!
Remember, when you change your environment automatically changes!
"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.”
~ George Bernard Shaw
Beyond words
John the Baptist prepares the way for Jesus - Luke 3:7-14 (also in Matthew 3:7-10)
John's message demanded at least 3 specific responses.
1 - Share what you have with those that need it
2 - Whatever your job is, do it well and with fairness
3 - Be content with what you are earning
John had no time to address comforting messages to those that lived careless or selfish lives - he was calling the people to right living. Just as a fruit tree is expected to bear fruit, God's people should produce a crop of good works.
God has no use for people that call themselves Christians but do nothing about it. Like many people in John's day who were God's people in name only, we are of no value of we are Christians in name only.
If others can't see our faith in the way that we treat them, we may not be God's people at all.
That is one lesson that i wish i had read a long time ago. I have always called myself a Christian. I remember Danny and i arguing about this all of the time. Well he did anyway. I never saw the point, in arguing with him about anything in the end. I would just get screamed at and abused...but i have, in the past, been very guilty of what this lesson talks about.
John's message demanded at least 3 specific responses.
1 - Share what you have with those that need it
2 - Whatever your job is, do it well and with fairness
3 - Be content with what you are earning
John had no time to address comforting messages to those that lived careless or selfish lives - he was calling the people to right living. Just as a fruit tree is expected to bear fruit, God's people should produce a crop of good works.
God has no use for people that call themselves Christians but do nothing about it. Like many people in John's day who were God's people in name only, we are of no value of we are Christians in name only.
If others can't see our faith in the way that we treat them, we may not be God's people at all.
That is one lesson that i wish i had read a long time ago. I have always called myself a Christian. I remember Danny and i arguing about this all of the time. Well he did anyway. I never saw the point, in arguing with him about anything in the end. I would just get screamed at and abused...but i have, in the past, been very guilty of what this lesson talks about.
How Bizarre singer dies
Musician Pauly Fuemana, frontman for the band OMC, died this morning at North Shore Hospital following a short period of illness.
His family was expected to issue a statement later today.
In 1995 OMC (Otara Millionaires Club) shot to fame with the single How Bizarre which reached number one in New Zealand, Australia, Canada, and parts of Europe.
OMC moved between three and four million copies of their album, also titled How Bizarre, making it New Zealand's biggest-selling record.
The band broke up in 2000. They reformed in 2007 and released a single 4 All of Us, featuring actor Lucy Lawless.
How sad.
I remember that song was even huge in the states. I remember listening to it on the radio when Nick and I were in America.
I wonder what happened.
The song is still awesome...even if the video is a tad dated!
Really sad.
Round two
of Nixon's runny bottom syndrome, and now he is staring at me with huge eye buggars in his eyes...
Unconditional love...that is what this is.
Still...i wouldn't mind if he would go "clean himself" in another room right now.
I think i might puke.
Unconditional love...that is what this is.
Still...i wouldn't mind if he would go "clean himself" in another room right now.
I think i might puke.
I am going back to bed
My day started with Penny's voice while i scrubbed Nixon's diarrhea off the footpath by my garden.
He could not do his runny poos on the grass! oh nooooo he had to do it right in the middle of the footpath where people have to walk. So while i was scrubbing the footpath, i got the pleasure of hearing Penny's voice the whole time...doing her yelling/talking to me all the way from her doorway down to me at my garden.
I can only hope that my day will get better, but at this point, i am not convinced that it is worth the risk of finding out.
Back to bed for me. Back to doggie biscuits, instead of wet food for Nixon!
I can now hear Penny, from the comfort of my bed, yelling/talking to some poor guy.
Latersssssssssssss!
He could not do his runny poos on the grass! oh nooooo he had to do it right in the middle of the footpath where people have to walk. So while i was scrubbing the footpath, i got the pleasure of hearing Penny's voice the whole time...doing her yelling/talking to me all the way from her doorway down to me at my garden.
I can only hope that my day will get better, but at this point, i am not convinced that it is worth the risk of finding out.
Back to bed for me. Back to doggie biscuits, instead of wet food for Nixon!
I can now hear Penny, from the comfort of my bed, yelling/talking to some poor guy.
Latersssssssssssss!
Busy night for Auckland police
Busy night for Auckland police - Yahoo!Xtra News
I spoke to Dan at about 9:30 last night, right before i started attempting to get some sleep. He told me that every single police officer in Auckland City was tied up on a job, and it was him, him, and him looking after the city area, at that point in time last night. He was the only free police officer that was not on a job!
I guess that just goes to show, just how much alcohol costs taxpayers, and how much further the police's resources are stretched because of alcoholism in New Zealand.
When i spoke to him, he was at Auckland Hopsital, dealing with a drunken domestic violence call out.
I spoke to Dan at about 9:30 last night, right before i started attempting to get some sleep. He told me that every single police officer in Auckland City was tied up on a job, and it was him, him, and him looking after the city area, at that point in time last night. He was the only free police officer that was not on a job!
I guess that just goes to show, just how much alcohol costs taxpayers, and how much further the police's resources are stretched because of alcoholism in New Zealand.
When i spoke to him, he was at Auckland Hopsital, dealing with a drunken domestic violence call out.
January 30, 2010
Sleep is being elusive tonight
I have been lying in bed, trying to get to sleep since 9:30. I'm tired. I just can't get to sleep.
I think it's too hot. I keep tossing and turning. I keep kicking all my covers off, and spreading out across my bed, looking for a cool spot that my body has not warmed up yet. I keep flipping my pillow over, hoping the other side will be cool.
The cool spots that i do seem to find, just warm up too quickly.
Then i start the whole process over again.
My eyes are puffy. I need sleep to make them unpuffy again.
Nixon and i did our huge walk this evening, once it cooled down. He is exhausted and has been asleep since two minutes after we crawled into bed. He has a pretty good life these days, he does.
Right...on that note i am going back to cold spot hunting, and hopefully i will wear myself out and crash shortly.
Goodnight. x
I think it's too hot. I keep tossing and turning. I keep kicking all my covers off, and spreading out across my bed, looking for a cool spot that my body has not warmed up yet. I keep flipping my pillow over, hoping the other side will be cool.
The cool spots that i do seem to find, just warm up too quickly.
Then i start the whole process over again.
My eyes are puffy. I need sleep to make them unpuffy again.
Nixon and i did our huge walk this evening, once it cooled down. He is exhausted and has been asleep since two minutes after we crawled into bed. He has a pretty good life these days, he does.
Be aware of the negative rain in your life. Even a stone can be worn down over time by constant falling rain. ~Language of Letting GoI found that little quote on a blog that i read. I liked it, so thought i would share.
Right...on that note i am going back to cold spot hunting, and hopefully i will wear myself out and crash shortly.
Goodnight. x
I remember thinking that it had not changed me
Isn't that mental?
I saw my girls like twice (i think) between January and July last year. It did not really bother me at the time that i had not seen much of them. I blamed Nick for the fact that i had not seen them. I didn't really do anything to make the situation better. I did not let it bother me.
I had a good old crying session when i arrived back home without them just before.
Looking at photos of my Coley, when she was a baby and growing up today, and thinking that 15 years ago she was being born, made it even harder to drop them off to Nick today. I sat here crying, and feeling so much guilt for every mistake that i have made since the day that my children were born.
I rang Dan and cried to him. I told him that i hate myself sometimes, because of the mistakes that i have made.
He always makes me feel better and always says the right things when i am feeling like this. He always points out how far i have come and how much i have changed for the better. He reminds me of how good the relationship that i have with them now is.
I said to him today, that i couldn't believe that was me, at that apartment, that didn't care that she had not seen her daughters all year...and he agreed and reminded me of how he had known me months before he even realised that i had children.
I had not purposely hidden the fact that i had children from him. They just never came up...because i was too busy with the druggies, and criminals that i had in my life, to talk about my children.
I hate every second that my girls are not with me.
How crazy that i thought that drug had not changed me. Sometimes i hate myself for not realising at the time, how much it had changed me. Sometimes i feel so much guilt, that i just never want to let those kids out of my sight ever again...
I think that is why i struggle so much, every time i have to drop them back to Nick, and face going back home without them.
I don't know. I miss them so much right now.
I saw my girls like twice (i think) between January and July last year. It did not really bother me at the time that i had not seen much of them. I blamed Nick for the fact that i had not seen them. I didn't really do anything to make the situation better. I did not let it bother me.
I had a good old crying session when i arrived back home without them just before.
Looking at photos of my Coley, when she was a baby and growing up today, and thinking that 15 years ago she was being born, made it even harder to drop them off to Nick today. I sat here crying, and feeling so much guilt for every mistake that i have made since the day that my children were born.
I rang Dan and cried to him. I told him that i hate myself sometimes, because of the mistakes that i have made.
He always makes me feel better and always says the right things when i am feeling like this. He always points out how far i have come and how much i have changed for the better. He reminds me of how good the relationship that i have with them now is.
I said to him today, that i couldn't believe that was me, at that apartment, that didn't care that she had not seen her daughters all year...and he agreed and reminded me of how he had known me months before he even realised that i had children.
I had not purposely hidden the fact that i had children from him. They just never came up...because i was too busy with the druggies, and criminals that i had in my life, to talk about my children.
I hate every second that my girls are not with me.
How crazy that i thought that drug had not changed me. Sometimes i hate myself for not realising at the time, how much it had changed me. Sometimes i feel so much guilt, that i just never want to let those kids out of my sight ever again...
I think that is why i struggle so much, every time i have to drop them back to Nick, and face going back home without them.
I don't know. I miss them so much right now.
If only it were as easy to do as it is to say...
I'm not feeling particularily positive or inspiring right now. Maybe later.
I always feel so lonely
after i have dropped them off to Nick.
Walking back in my front door without them makes me want to cry. I miss them so much when they are not here.
Today is worse, with it being Nicole's birthday. It was exactly this time 15 years ago that she was born. She was born at 4:07 in the afternoon on Anniversary Day 1995. It was a beautiful day, just like today. I have been thinking a lot about that time of my life, and it has made me even more sad, i think.
That time, around the time when Nicole was born, is the happiest memory that i have of my life so far. That was a really happy time for me.
I have made myself sad, looking at old photos, after walking back in my door alone. I'm not really alone. I have Nixon.
All good. Back later.
Walking back in my front door without them makes me want to cry. I miss them so much when they are not here.
Today is worse, with it being Nicole's birthday. It was exactly this time 15 years ago that she was born. She was born at 4:07 in the afternoon on Anniversary Day 1995. It was a beautiful day, just like today. I have been thinking a lot about that time of my life, and it has made me even more sad, i think.
That time, around the time when Nicole was born, is the happiest memory that i have of my life so far. That was a really happy time for me.
I have made myself sad, looking at old photos, after walking back in my door alone. I'm not really alone. I have Nixon.
All good. Back later.
My little 5lb baby turns 15 today
Happy Birthday Coley! I love you with all of my heart.
PS...I wish you were still like the top row though! xoxox
January 29, 2010
So it's not just daughters deleting nosy mothers!
MPs face off over Facebook - Yahoo!Xtra News
Politicians are doing it as well! Why am i not surprised that the behaviour of our politicians is similar to that of my 15 year old daughter, when i get nosy about what boys she is talking to on the internet? haha
AND...
I strongly suspect since politicians can blog about whatever they want, relating to other politicians, and political parties, then i am hardly breaking any laws by mentioning Fred the Nutter when talking about my life.
Not long ago...when i was a suicidal drug addict...Sally and Renate Peters started a blog that was full of lies about me. Guess what? I just didn't read it. I knew it would upset me, make me angry, hurt me etc. I was smart enough to realise that reading it, and reading their 30 odd psychotic emails to me, was not something that would have a positive affect on my wellbeing at the time. So i chose not to let them hurt me.
It's not rocket science. If you don't like someone's opinion, or what they have to say then don't read it. If the fact that someone that you tried so hard to turn into a miserable and unhappy person, chooses to never have anything to do with you again, and is over the moon with happiness with their life, partially because of that deicision, makes you so angry...then ignore them!
Easy peasy. Even Trevor Mallord figured out how to work a delete and ignore button all on his own.
Politicians are doing it as well! Why am i not surprised that the behaviour of our politicians is similar to that of my 15 year old daughter, when i get nosy about what boys she is talking to on the internet? haha
AND...
I strongly suspect since politicians can blog about whatever they want, relating to other politicians, and political parties, then i am hardly breaking any laws by mentioning Fred the Nutter when talking about my life.
Not long ago...when i was a suicidal drug addict...Sally and Renate Peters started a blog that was full of lies about me. Guess what? I just didn't read it. I knew it would upset me, make me angry, hurt me etc. I was smart enough to realise that reading it, and reading their 30 odd psychotic emails to me, was not something that would have a positive affect on my wellbeing at the time. So i chose not to let them hurt me.
It's not rocket science. If you don't like someone's opinion, or what they have to say then don't read it. If the fact that someone that you tried so hard to turn into a miserable and unhappy person, chooses to never have anything to do with you again, and is over the moon with happiness with their life, partially because of that deicision, makes you so angry...then ignore them!
Easy peasy. Even Trevor Mallord figured out how to work a delete and ignore button all on his own.
Fred is still on a maniacle rampage
Driving everyone almost as insane as she is, trying to get my blog removed from the internet. hahahahahah
I have to admit...it is satisfying, knowing how angry my happiness makes her.
Yeeehhhaaaaa!!!
Billy got his first semester report today .... He got 4 A's a B and C w00t 3.5 GPA! I am soooooooo sososoososos so so so proud of my Billster!!!!!! yeeeehaaaaaa!
Woooohooooo I am so lucky to have such amazing kids!!!!
How did i get so lucky???
Woooohooooo I am so lucky to have such amazing kids!!!!
How did i get so lucky???
January 28, 2010
My girls are back
YAY!!! I have missed them so much this week.
After a wee bit of a power struggle with Nicole tonight, and a bit of an argument, then a kiss and make up and tell her how i love her so much and just want what is best for her and to keep her safe because she is so precious to me and her Dad session...we are ok again.
I am back on her friends list and even listed as her mum again on Face book. This is a huge leap of faith on her part, because i can't help but be nosey on her page. I will really try not to make it so obvious next time. I will be a bit more "secret squirrel" from now on!!!
It's been so hot and muggy these last couple of days, that i have been struggling to find the energy or motivation to do much at all. Hopefully having the girls back will get me moving again. Dan stopped by today. He just randomly stopped by while he was driving past, and woke me up...at 4pm. SHAME at my laziness / sleepiness.
I cannot WAIT to have a job again. That will be my final step towards putting everything bad in my past, and making the most of my future.
I'm so happy to have my girls back tonight.
Goodnight. x
After a wee bit of a power struggle with Nicole tonight, and a bit of an argument, then a kiss and make up and tell her how i love her so much and just want what is best for her and to keep her safe because she is so precious to me and her Dad session...we are ok again.
I am back on her friends list and even listed as her mum again on Face book. This is a huge leap of faith on her part, because i can't help but be nosey on her page. I will really try not to make it so obvious next time. I will be a bit more "secret squirrel" from now on!!!
It's been so hot and muggy these last couple of days, that i have been struggling to find the energy or motivation to do much at all. Hopefully having the girls back will get me moving again. Dan stopped by today. He just randomly stopped by while he was driving past, and woke me up...at 4pm. SHAME at my laziness / sleepiness.
I cannot WAIT to have a job again. That will be my final step towards putting everything bad in my past, and making the most of my future.
I'm so happy to have my girls back tonight.
Goodnight. x
That dog owner up in Wellsford makes my blood boil!
Dog Massacre a Frenzy of Killing
I have just been watching Campbell Live. I have just watched in disgust, the interview with the owner of the dogs that have been massacred.
I have two questions.
Why is he not being prosecuted as well???
Why is he still allowed to own the dogs that are left alive???
I don't for a minute, buy his victim "these dogs are my family" bullsh*t act!!!
I am so angry that dogs have been left in his care, and i am so angry at the media for letting him portray himself as some kind of victim. If he loves his dogs so much, and they are his family, as he keeps stating...then why on earth did he agree to let his neighbour kill them in the first place???
What kind of a fruitloop owns 39 dogs in the first place???
OK i had more than two questions.
I am very angry about everything to do with that story. I am very angry with the media letting that crazy old man pretend to be a victim on the news...and i am so angry at the SPCA letting him keep the dogs that are still alive.
Rant over.
I have just been watching Campbell Live. I have just watched in disgust, the interview with the owner of the dogs that have been massacred.
I have two questions.
Why is he not being prosecuted as well???
Why is he still allowed to own the dogs that are left alive???
I don't for a minute, buy his victim "these dogs are my family" bullsh*t act!!!
I am so angry that dogs have been left in his care, and i am so angry at the media for letting him portray himself as some kind of victim. If he loves his dogs so much, and they are his family, as he keeps stating...then why on earth did he agree to let his neighbour kill them in the first place???
What kind of a fruitloop owns 39 dogs in the first place???
OK i had more than two questions.
I am very angry about everything to do with that story. I am very angry with the media letting that crazy old man pretend to be a victim on the news...and i am so angry at the SPCA letting him keep the dogs that are still alive.
Rant over.
Police officers escape charges over information leak - Yahoo!Xtra News
Police officers escape charges over information leak - Yahoo!Xtra News
I wonder why they get stood down on full pay? Why should tax payers have to support the lives of crooked police officers that break the law?
They shouldn't.
I wonder why they get stood down on full pay? Why should tax payers have to support the lives of crooked police officers that break the law?
They shouldn't.
Jesus Heals Peter's mother in law and many others Luke 4:38-41 Mark 1:29-34
Jesus healed Peter's mother in law so completely that not only did the fever leave, but her strength was restored, and she immediately got up and prepared a meal for them.Somehow, i don't think it is a coincidence, that it took me 9 years to even pick this book up. I also don't think it is a coincidence that every day, it feels like it has been written just for me, and is speaking directly to me.
Peter's mother in law gives us a beautiful expample to follow. Her response to Jesus's touch was to wait on Jesus and his disciples- immediately.
Has God ever helped you through a dangerous or difficult situation? If so, you should ask, "How can i express my gratitude to him?" Because God has promised us all the rewards of his kingdom, we should look for ways to serve him and his followers now.
God gives us health so that we may serve others.
You can’t lose in this game. You can’t go wrong. It’s not part of the plan. There’s no way not to get where you are going. There’s no way to miss your destination. If God is your target, you’re in luck, because God is so big, you can’t miss. ~CwG
Perfect Right Now | Crazy Sexy Life
I just had to share this.
Perfect Right Now Crazy Sexy Life
Perfect Right Now Crazy Sexy Life
Two summers ago, I had one of those ‘a-ha’ moments. It was August and this message came to me, “What if, Adrienne, you are perfect as you are, right now, in this very moment. What if we are ALL perfect as we are right now?”
Well that idea blew away every single one of my previous beliefs and thoughts. BUT, I bought into it and spent an entire bliss-filled week living this truth. I felt lighter and happier than I ever had before. A friend told me, “You look different, better.” A complete sense of peace and wonder filled my body, mind and spirit. And it felt like I was happy for no real reason at all, as I had always relied on external stimulus to give me a feeling of happiness.
But it was fleeting. Within a week, I began to question everything and even wanted to speed up the process by trying harder at this peace and bliss, thinking I could perfect it and make it become even better. I also began to think that I was completely delusional and silly.
I now know that this was my ego struggling to stay alive. Who am I without all those past beliefs and ties? Who am I if I am not always trying to lose 20 pounds? Who am I if I am not worried about what people think? How can I be perfect, how can right now be perfect, if I am not skinny, rich and going, doing and achieving constantly?
The ego identifies with outside sources which feeds its “life.” So when we are stuck in our story, our beliefs and our attachments, we look to outside stimulus to make us whole. For me it has always been food, a boozy beverage and approval from men that make me feel whole and happy.
When I had this a-ha moment, it was like all that slipped away effortlessly. I ate when I was hungry and easily picked light, nutrient-rich foods. I was not emotionally hungry at all. I felt very creative and idea after idea came to me, many of which manifested with ease. I was very present and in the moment. And for the first time in my life I was not trying to achieve anything or beating myself up for everything (which in my life has included, believe it or not, breathing).
I long for this blissful feeling to return. These days I focus on not trying so hard. I work on finding peace in small moments of time and being truly grateful for all I have. I feel as though my body and mind need to catch up to where my spirit is, where my true being lies. My spiritual teacher told me recently, “The body is dense and your true spirit has a very high vibration so it takes time to infuse this high vibration into the reality of your physical being.”
So I am learning patience (not my strong suit) and enjoying the journey, the now. The more I do that, amazingly, the more rich my life becomes.
So what I would like to pose to you is this: What if you are perfect as you are right now? Because here is the truth. You are. You are a beautiful, wonderful being put on this earth to be nothing but happy and content. While it may be true that you feel there is more for you on your path, trust that it will come. There is so much action in non-action. I know that this contradicts EVERYTHING that we are told in our society but it is true.
Love yourself, bask in your perfectly imperfect life, look at the world in wonder, listen with full ears and a full heart, focus on the abundance that is all around you and slowly but surely, watch the magic unfold.
Adrienne Martin is a licensed acupuncturist and health and wellness educator in the Greater Boston area. For more information, visit www.adriennemartin.com.
January 27, 2010
Today has been absolutely awesome
I was so scared and nervous when i woke up this morning. Maybe there was a bit of excitement thrown in as well. I had no idea what to expect, in relation to the TV interview. I had no idea what they would ask me, so didn't even know if i would be able to answer their questions and manage to sound half way intelligent.
I need not have worried. I was being interviewed about a subject that has consumed the last couple years of my life. I have experienced it, lived it, recovered from it, and researched it every day for the last 7 months. Ask me anything about the topic and you will be hard pressed to shut me up.
I flew through the interview, and feel confidant that i did a good job. I can't wait to see it. They said it will be aired in about 3 weeks. That is not too long to wait!
I talked with them about my upcoming sentencing as well. It's weird. I am actually looking forward to getting it over and done with. I am not scared or worried about what is going to happen to me. I have absolute faith that whatever happens, it is all part of a bigger plan. Knowing that, takes away any fears that i have for my future.
It's a good feeling.
Nixon and i waited until about 7:30 to go on our walk tonight. It was so stinking hot today. It almost makes me look forward to winter again. Almost...not quite. I don't think anything has felt or tasted as good, as the cold shower that i had when we arrived home, and the watermelon that i eat after our walk, most days. My love of watermelon is something that i have rediscovered this summer. I used to love it when i was a kid, but had not eaten it in years, until this summer. Now i can't get enough of it again.
Nixon is zonked out at the end of my bed...and i am going to join him, in his zonked status now.
Goodnight x
Oh! Nearly forgot...tomorrow night, i will no longer be daughter-less. I just got a text from Nicole, the Elvis lover, herself, asking if i can pick them up tomorrow night. Yipppeeeee!
I need not have worried. I was being interviewed about a subject that has consumed the last couple years of my life. I have experienced it, lived it, recovered from it, and researched it every day for the last 7 months. Ask me anything about the topic and you will be hard pressed to shut me up.
I flew through the interview, and feel confidant that i did a good job. I can't wait to see it. They said it will be aired in about 3 weeks. That is not too long to wait!
I talked with them about my upcoming sentencing as well. It's weird. I am actually looking forward to getting it over and done with. I am not scared or worried about what is going to happen to me. I have absolute faith that whatever happens, it is all part of a bigger plan. Knowing that, takes away any fears that i have for my future.
It's a good feeling.
Nixon and i waited until about 7:30 to go on our walk tonight. It was so stinking hot today. It almost makes me look forward to winter again. Almost...not quite. I don't think anything has felt or tasted as good, as the cold shower that i had when we arrived home, and the watermelon that i eat after our walk, most days. My love of watermelon is something that i have rediscovered this summer. I used to love it when i was a kid, but had not eaten it in years, until this summer. Now i can't get enough of it again.
Nixon is zonked out at the end of my bed...and i am going to join him, in his zonked status now.
Goodnight x
Oh! Nearly forgot...tomorrow night, i will no longer be daughter-less. I just got a text from Nicole, the Elvis lover, herself, asking if i can pick them up tomorrow night. Yipppeeeee!
The nocturnal parking meter predator is on the loose!
Alleged pay and display machine thief still at large - Yahoo!Xtra News
The parking meters of Auckland won't be safe until he is caught. Police are warning all parking meters not to approach him.
hahaha
It's a good day when a weed smoking ,ex politician getting a haircut, and a parking meter thief make the headlines!
The parking meters of Auckland won't be safe until he is caught. Police are warning all parking meters not to approach him.
hahaha
It's a good day when a weed smoking ,ex politician getting a haircut, and a parking meter thief make the headlines!
For those of you who don't know what Snoopy and Charlie Brown's teacher sounds like
Just so you know...for next time i am describing a conversation with Penny. x
Tanczos lops off dreadlocks
Can someone please tell me why this is in the news? Does anyone actually care what Nandos whatever his name is does with his hair?
Can anyone actually name anything productive that this guy did as a member of parliament? All he did the whole time was attempt to get marijuana legalised...at which he failed.
Am i the only one that did not even notice when he left parliament?
Slow day for news...much? I guess that is always a good thing.
Drunk driver tried to drive off with petrol bowser attached
Drunk driver tried to drive off with petrol bowser attached - Yahoo!Xtra News
I did this once. haha...i drove off with the petrol pouring thing still in my car, from the Shell station on the Pakuranga Highway...and i was stone cold sober!
It's an easy enough mistake to make... isn't it? ha
I actually did drive right off with it still attached though. Pulled it right out of it's socket! Or whatever...Did some damage to my car as well.
I was so embarrassed. Shell acted like it happened every day.
I did this once. haha...i drove off with the petrol pouring thing still in my car, from the Shell station on the Pakuranga Highway...and i was stone cold sober!
It's an easy enough mistake to make... isn't it? ha
I actually did drive right off with it still attached though. Pulled it right out of it's socket! Or whatever...Did some damage to my car as well.
I was so embarrassed. Shell acted like it happened every day.
I owned it!
Oh my gosh, that was so much fun. I want to be on TV every day!
I am so grateful for the chance that i just had to talk about how evil mehtamphetamine is. I am so grateful that i was just able to describe how much it changed me, and turned me into someone that i wasn't. I am so grateful for the chance that i just had to explain how i came back from such a low, low place, to end up a better person.
Back later x
Nervous excitement overload
Today, i am going to be interviewed for a television special regarding methamphetamine.
I'm dying of excitement, and nerves.
I really should have invested in my first trip to the hair salon in 3 years, before i agreed to do this huh?
I don't think i can accurately express how wonderful it feels, to be able to take something that was so evil in my life, and use it for something so good and positive.
I truly believe that i have God to thank for everything that is so positive, that is happening in my life right now.
Back later!!!
I'm dying of excitement, and nerves.
I really should have invested in my first trip to the hair salon in 3 years, before i agreed to do this huh?
I don't think i can accurately express how wonderful it feels, to be able to take something that was so evil in my life, and use it for something so good and positive.
I truly believe that i have God to thank for everything that is so positive, that is happening in my life right now.
Back later!!!
Wednesday morning giggle
An international clogging competition from the 80's...What a crack up. I am getting tired just watching them. Back to bed for me...just for a little while. haha
January 26, 2010
Breaking Bad
I'm really trying to watch this. I'm struggling to stomach it though. I don't know how much more i can take of watching Malcom in the Middle's dad run around in Y fronts.
Secret squirrel to save the day
Urgent message from the SS just received.
I know. I know.
I will remain strong. I will not back down this time.
X
Don’t you dare suck up & offer bribes (you can’t afford) and that she sure as hell doesn’t deserve !
And to reinforce my point I attach this !
XOX
SS
I know. I know.
I will remain strong. I will not back down this time.
X
Nothing much going on in Jackie's world
I guess Nicole REALLY did not think my joke photo was very funny, because i am still daughter-less as of tonight. I am so soft on those girls sometimes, and i have been tempted to ring her and say sorry and suck up and even offer bribes to get her to come back to me...but i have resisted.
I am confidant that i did the right thing, in making Nick aware of her new online boy interest. I am sure in 25 years, she will look back and realise that i was right, and was just being a concerned parent because i love her. I know that it will take 25 years for this to happen because that is how long it took me! Maybe Nicole won't be quite as hard headed as i am.
So i am not going to give in. She will get over it eventually. I hope she gets over it in time for her birthday this weekend!
Nixon and i have been sweet on our own though. It's been so hot that we have had to wait til evening to do our huge walk though. I went to walk him yesterday, at like 3pm and got 5 minutes away from home and felt like dying from the heat.
So we have had lazy days, and done our walking in the evening when it is cooler. We just got back, showered, and now he is crashed out at the end of the bed. I have done a bit of work in the garden. It's looking not that great anymore because i have picked and eaten just about everything. All i have left are corn, lettuce, peas, and something else that is sprouting up but i can't remember what it is. I am going to make a trip to the plant barn tomorrow and see what i can plant now, that will grow nicely at this time of the year. Lets hope it is not brussell sprouts or cabbage etc.
Jorgia's flowers that she planted last year are all blossoming now too.
Anyway...things are pretty boring here at the moment without the girls. That's ok though. Ever since i changed my life, i have actually appreciated boring so much. Boring is highly under rated and i would take it over drama and excitement any day. I love boring.
I received some photos from Tracey this morning. She is getting HUGE! Only 16 weeks until my new niece or nephew is born. That kind of excitement...i can handle!
I get a new neighbour tomorrow. The Indians right next door to me moved out last week, and a new guy moves in tomorrow. Penny has already filled me in on all the gossip. He is an older guy, who's marriage has just split up. He seems nice and quiet - insert snoopy's teacher's voice here - wah wa wahhh wa wa wahhhh wawa.
Goodnight. x
I am confidant that i did the right thing, in making Nick aware of her new online boy interest. I am sure in 25 years, she will look back and realise that i was right, and was just being a concerned parent because i love her. I know that it will take 25 years for this to happen because that is how long it took me! Maybe Nicole won't be quite as hard headed as i am.
So i am not going to give in. She will get over it eventually. I hope she gets over it in time for her birthday this weekend!
Nixon and i have been sweet on our own though. It's been so hot that we have had to wait til evening to do our huge walk though. I went to walk him yesterday, at like 3pm and got 5 minutes away from home and felt like dying from the heat.
So we have had lazy days, and done our walking in the evening when it is cooler. We just got back, showered, and now he is crashed out at the end of the bed. I have done a bit of work in the garden. It's looking not that great anymore because i have picked and eaten just about everything. All i have left are corn, lettuce, peas, and something else that is sprouting up but i can't remember what it is. I am going to make a trip to the plant barn tomorrow and see what i can plant now, that will grow nicely at this time of the year. Lets hope it is not brussell sprouts or cabbage etc.
Jorgia's flowers that she planted last year are all blossoming now too.
Anyway...things are pretty boring here at the moment without the girls. That's ok though. Ever since i changed my life, i have actually appreciated boring so much. Boring is highly under rated and i would take it over drama and excitement any day. I love boring.
I received some photos from Tracey this morning. She is getting HUGE! Only 16 weeks until my new niece or nephew is born. That kind of excitement...i can handle!
I get a new neighbour tomorrow. The Indians right next door to me moved out last week, and a new guy moves in tomorrow. Penny has already filled me in on all the gossip. He is an older guy, who's marriage has just split up. He seems nice and quiet - insert snoopy's teacher's voice here - wah wa wahhh wa wa wahhhh wawa.
Goodnight. x
January 25, 2010
How predictable
Vaccine alert for next wave of pandemic Stuff.co.nz
Do people really still buy into this media hype, that is nothing more than a clever marketing ploy by pharmaceutical companies worldwide?
Every year in recent memory, there has been some new pandemic that we are all supposed to fear, when in reality it is nothing more than a common flu, that has been around since the beginning of time. These "pandemics" don't kill any more of the population than the normal flu has always killed.
This is nothing more than creating a climate of fear, which in turn causes people to consume, and line the pockets of executives of every pharmaceutical company in the world.
This year, once again, our government will throw huge amounts of money at attempting to avert the common flu, and scare the not so bright public into thinking the plague is coming, instead of investing money in the REAL pandemic that is occurring in New Zealand. - The P Pandemic!
This is because it is more fiscally responsible for our government to scare the public into consuming medicine that they don't need, and in turn actually lowering their body's natural immune system, than it is to do anything about stopping the supply and demand for methamphetamine in this country.
John Key's "War on Drugs" is severely misguided and nothing more than a token in order to be seen as doing something about the havoc that meth is causing to New Zealand. Throwing money at rehab, does not help anyone. It does not stop someone from trying the drug in the first place. It does not stop someone from becoming a drug user, and allowing meth to destroy entire families. Rehab doesn't help anyone, until they are ready to be helped. Rehab does not help anyone until they stop the destructive thought processes that meth causes, and realise that they deserve better than the life that meth has to offer them. Once a person has realised they are better than that life, and want to change, rehab is no longer required.
Government funding should be thrown at education, and stopping people from ever trying meth in the first place.
Considering the amount of money that the methamphetamine industry brings into the New Zealand economy, that would not be responsible for any government to do though...would it?
Something to think about...
I wonder if John Key has given any consideration to the affect that the manufacturing of methamphetamine has on New Zealand's "Clean Green" image that previous governments and the Ministry of Tourism have gone to great lengths to protect.
Bugger worrying about mining, 1080 poisoning, or selling prime foreshore land to the likes of Shania Twain...has anyone put thought into the fact that for every pound of methamphetamine that is manufactured...5 pounds...yes FIVE pounds of toxic waste gets absorbed into our environment.
Methamphetamine is the REAL pandemic that our government should be throwing money at. P is everyone's problem. It does not discriminate. It effects everyone.
That's my rant for the day.
Wow...how the rants have changed!
Do people really still buy into this media hype, that is nothing more than a clever marketing ploy by pharmaceutical companies worldwide?
Every year in recent memory, there has been some new pandemic that we are all supposed to fear, when in reality it is nothing more than a common flu, that has been around since the beginning of time. These "pandemics" don't kill any more of the population than the normal flu has always killed.
This is nothing more than creating a climate of fear, which in turn causes people to consume, and line the pockets of executives of every pharmaceutical company in the world.
This year, once again, our government will throw huge amounts of money at attempting to avert the common flu, and scare the not so bright public into thinking the plague is coming, instead of investing money in the REAL pandemic that is occurring in New Zealand. - The P Pandemic!
This is because it is more fiscally responsible for our government to scare the public into consuming medicine that they don't need, and in turn actually lowering their body's natural immune system, than it is to do anything about stopping the supply and demand for methamphetamine in this country.
John Key's "War on Drugs" is severely misguided and nothing more than a token in order to be seen as doing something about the havoc that meth is causing to New Zealand. Throwing money at rehab, does not help anyone. It does not stop someone from trying the drug in the first place. It does not stop someone from becoming a drug user, and allowing meth to destroy entire families. Rehab doesn't help anyone, until they are ready to be helped. Rehab does not help anyone until they stop the destructive thought processes that meth causes, and realise that they deserve better than the life that meth has to offer them. Once a person has realised they are better than that life, and want to change, rehab is no longer required.
Government funding should be thrown at education, and stopping people from ever trying meth in the first place.
Considering the amount of money that the methamphetamine industry brings into the New Zealand economy, that would not be responsible for any government to do though...would it?
Something to think about...
I wonder if John Key has given any consideration to the affect that the manufacturing of methamphetamine has on New Zealand's "Clean Green" image that previous governments and the Ministry of Tourism have gone to great lengths to protect.
Bugger worrying about mining, 1080 poisoning, or selling prime foreshore land to the likes of Shania Twain...has anyone put thought into the fact that for every pound of methamphetamine that is manufactured...5 pounds...yes FIVE pounds of toxic waste gets absorbed into our environment.
Methamphetamine is the REAL pandemic that our government should be throwing money at. P is everyone's problem. It does not discriminate. It effects everyone.
That's my rant for the day.
Wow...how the rants have changed!
House hunting
Today, on this beautiful day...I am going to spend a bit of time looking for a new home. I have decided that i need to move more South/East, and to a 3 bedroom home, so that the girls can have their own rooms (well at least until Billy comes back anyway) and i am closer to their school, and their friends.
I want a house again, instead of an apartment/unit. I want a fenced yard for Nixon. I am going to have to sacrifice area in order to get those things, but that is ok. I will probably end up somewhere around where Nick and I started out 15 years ago, but that is ok. I can handle that.
I have moved the laptop into the lounge and turned the stereo on. I have poured myself a huge bowl of Bluebird ready salted thin cut chippies, and i have promised myself that the laptop will not go back into my bedroom today. So that means no going back to bed for me.
I need to work in my garden too. Stuff is dying now and i need to pull it all out and get it ready for starting over.
I am going to keep myself busy today, doing stuffff.
Back later...
I want a house again, instead of an apartment/unit. I want a fenced yard for Nixon. I am going to have to sacrifice area in order to get those things, but that is ok. I will probably end up somewhere around where Nick and I started out 15 years ago, but that is ok. I can handle that.
I have moved the laptop into the lounge and turned the stereo on. I have poured myself a huge bowl of Bluebird ready salted thin cut chippies, and i have promised myself that the laptop will not go back into my bedroom today. So that means no going back to bed for me.
I need to work in my garden too. Stuff is dying now and i need to pull it all out and get it ready for starting over.
I am going to keep myself busy today, doing stuffff.
Back later...
January 24, 2010
Lazy with a capitol L
That is what i have been today.
I stayed in bed, reading/sleeping until about 2pm today. It's mental. I never used to be able to stay in bed, for 2 minutes, after i was awake. I was always up at like 6am. Yesterday, i had an excuse, because i was not feeling all that well, after filling my bucket sized Starbuck's mug up with rotten milk.
Today, there was absolutely no excuse for my laziness though. I struggle with motivation when the girls are not here, and i don't have anywhere to go or anywhere to be.
Nixon and i still managed our 7 ks both days though. I can't NOT take him for his daily stroll...he has gotten used to being so spoiled. Now he is snoring on the pillow next to me. I love him so much. He is so funny though...he will be snoring away like he is in some huge big deep sleep...and i will try to sneak out of bed so quietly, just to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water or something...and he jumps straight up like he was awake all the time and just pretending, and follows me. I swear he follows me EVERYWHERE...even in my tiny flat, where there is nowhere to go!
I will look on the bright side. If my place was any bigger, then i would have to spend more time cleaning it, which would cut into my lazy time.
Apparently, Nicole did not see the humour in relation to her updated photo. I think she might be serious about not coming back to my place tomorrow.
I spoke to Dan about what was going on and he said that it definitely sounded very dodgy. He said that the police have a special department just for online predators, and that i should go to the police about it. It's a huge problem, and one that is rampant in NZ society. Rampant enough to warrant a special department within the police. I always thought that it was more of an overseas problem, rather than an issue here.
I don't think i will go as far as contacting the police. Maybe it really is a 15 year old boy. If it is, and i go to the police, then i risk Nicole NEVER speaking to me again. Ugh. Dan told me that i can't always be the cool mum, and that sometimes i have to do things that are going to piss them off, because that is what parents do.
I might sleep on that, because despite sleeping all weekend...I'm tired again.
Goodnight. x
I stayed in bed, reading/sleeping until about 2pm today. It's mental. I never used to be able to stay in bed, for 2 minutes, after i was awake. I was always up at like 6am. Yesterday, i had an excuse, because i was not feeling all that well, after filling my bucket sized Starbuck's mug up with rotten milk.
Today, there was absolutely no excuse for my laziness though. I struggle with motivation when the girls are not here, and i don't have anywhere to go or anywhere to be.
Nixon and i still managed our 7 ks both days though. I can't NOT take him for his daily stroll...he has gotten used to being so spoiled. Now he is snoring on the pillow next to me. I love him so much. He is so funny though...he will be snoring away like he is in some huge big deep sleep...and i will try to sneak out of bed so quietly, just to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water or something...and he jumps straight up like he was awake all the time and just pretending, and follows me. I swear he follows me EVERYWHERE...even in my tiny flat, where there is nowhere to go!
I will look on the bright side. If my place was any bigger, then i would have to spend more time cleaning it, which would cut into my lazy time.
Apparently, Nicole did not see the humour in relation to her updated photo. I think she might be serious about not coming back to my place tomorrow.
I spoke to Dan about what was going on and he said that it definitely sounded very dodgy. He said that the police have a special department just for online predators, and that i should go to the police about it. It's a huge problem, and one that is rampant in NZ society. Rampant enough to warrant a special department within the police. I always thought that it was more of an overseas problem, rather than an issue here.
I don't think i will go as far as contacting the police. Maybe it really is a 15 year old boy. If it is, and i go to the police, then i risk Nicole NEVER speaking to me again. Ugh. Dan told me that i can't always be the cool mum, and that sometimes i have to do things that are going to piss them off, because that is what parents do.
I might sleep on that, because despite sleeping all weekend...I'm tired again.
Goodnight. x
Following his lead
Matthew 2:13-15Yep!
This was the second dream or vision that Joseph had received from God. Joseph's first dream had revealed that Mary's child would be the Messiah (1:20-21). His second dream told him how to protect the child's life. Although Joseph was not Jesus's natural father, he was Jesus's legal father and was responsible for his safety and well being.
Divine guidance comes only to prepared hearts. Joseph remained receptive to God's guidance. How willing are you to listen to God? When you know what God wants, are you willing to follow his instructions?
January 23, 2010
How protective is over protective?
My daughter, Nicole is really angry with me at the moment.
During the past few weeks, while Nicole and Jorgia have been staying with me, Nicole has spent an increasing amount of time on Facebook and instant messenger programs. Often, i would get up to take Nixon out for a wee at 3am, and Nicole would be up, and on the desktop computer in their room.
Over the last few weeks...little bits of information have gotten back to me, mostly via Jorgia, cause sisters are good like that....aye Tracey!? haha It turns out that Nicole is spending all of her time talking to a boy. I would have no problem with that, if she had actually met this boy.
She hasn't met him though, and the information that has been leaked to me, and what i have found out for myself, just screams of something not being quite right. Maybe i am wrong. I hope that i am. Maybe i am being too nosey and overprotective. I don't know. One thing that i have learned in this life though...is that when things seem too good to be true...that is usually because they are.
Reasons why i am suspicious of this "kid" that Nicole has been communicating with.
1 - Apparently, he lives in Whitford, his parents own half of Air New Zealand, according to him.
Well he did anyway, until this morning when i pointed it out to Nicole. His mother has since been demoted to just being a friend now.
4 - Apparently he just flies off to Australia whenever he feels like it. In his private jet of course.
5 - His photo on Facebook looks like something out of a boy band.
6 - So, a kid with all of this going for him, money, looks, charm, private airplane, and the hottest mum, I'm betting out of all of his mates, would have lots of friends right? I mean i have never won any popularity contests, that is for sure, but even i have 40 Facebook mates...right? My daughters each have hundreds of "friends" on facebook right? This "kid" had 40 this morning when i pointed this out to Nicole. Now he has 58.
So this morning i see Nicole put her new cell phone number up on her Facebook page. He promptly commented with a face like this ===> :-o Who knows what that is supposed to mean. OK so by now i am getting a little bit concerned.
So i sent Nick a text message, telling him about my concerns and why i was concerned...I guess he told Nicole about my text message. I immediately began getting text messages from Nicole telling me to butt out of her life, to get my own life and stop worrying about hers, and telling me that she is not coming back to my place on Monday.
I tried to explain to her that i love her and just want to keep her safe. She responded with...she doesn't care. I have now been deleted from her friend list, after posting this link in response to one of her friend's smart ass, sarcastic remarks about horny old men coming after them.
http://www.mykidsafeinternet.com/internet-pornography-statistics.php#onlinepredators
Gosh she uses that delete and block function a little too loosely...first my mother got the axe for posting too many photos of Elvis Impersonators on Nicole's page, and now me. I am not too worried though. I know i will be able to get back into her friend list pretty quick. I will just not let her use the computer here until she unblocks me and adds me again haha.
Anyway, I am thinking right about now, how much of a blessing it was, for my Dad and Monica, that the internet was not around when i was a teenager. Thank goodness for small mercies. haha I can hear my Dad's reaction and see him shaking his head, all the way from Spokane. haha
Anyway...ugh. I feel like a nosey old person. To Nicole, that is exactly what i am, i guess, cause that is exactly what my Dad and Monica were...and heck, Monica was only in her late 20's when i was Nicole's age!
That's a depressing thought!
During the past few weeks, while Nicole and Jorgia have been staying with me, Nicole has spent an increasing amount of time on Facebook and instant messenger programs. Often, i would get up to take Nixon out for a wee at 3am, and Nicole would be up, and on the desktop computer in their room.
Over the last few weeks...little bits of information have gotten back to me, mostly via Jorgia, cause sisters are good like that....aye Tracey!? haha It turns out that Nicole is spending all of her time talking to a boy. I would have no problem with that, if she had actually met this boy.
She hasn't met him though, and the information that has been leaked to me, and what i have found out for myself, just screams of something not being quite right. Maybe i am wrong. I hope that i am. Maybe i am being too nosey and overprotective. I don't know. One thing that i have learned in this life though...is that when things seem too good to be true...that is usually because they are.
Reasons why i am suspicious of this "kid" that Nicole has been communicating with.
1 - Apparently, he lives in Whitford, his parents own half of Air New Zealand, according to him.
2 - Because his parents own half of Air New Zealand, he has a private plane that he flies wherever he wants on, and this explains how, one week he can be in Tonga, and then two weeks later be recovering from a coma, in America. Not too sure how he ended up in a coma but he is all good now. Phew
3 - He has this woman listed on Facebook as his mother ===>>>Well he did anyway, until this morning when i pointed it out to Nicole. His mother has since been demoted to just being a friend now.
4 - Apparently he just flies off to Australia whenever he feels like it. In his private jet of course.
5 - His photo on Facebook looks like something out of a boy band.
6 - So, a kid with all of this going for him, money, looks, charm, private airplane, and the hottest mum, I'm betting out of all of his mates, would have lots of friends right? I mean i have never won any popularity contests, that is for sure, but even i have 40 Facebook mates...right? My daughters each have hundreds of "friends" on facebook right? This "kid" had 40 this morning when i pointed this out to Nicole. Now he has 58.
So this morning i see Nicole put her new cell phone number up on her Facebook page. He promptly commented with a face like this ===> :-o Who knows what that is supposed to mean. OK so by now i am getting a little bit concerned.
So i sent Nick a text message, telling him about my concerns and why i was concerned...I guess he told Nicole about my text message. I immediately began getting text messages from Nicole telling me to butt out of her life, to get my own life and stop worrying about hers, and telling me that she is not coming back to my place on Monday.
I tried to explain to her that i love her and just want to keep her safe. She responded with...she doesn't care. I have now been deleted from her friend list, after posting this link in response to one of her friend's smart ass, sarcastic remarks about horny old men coming after them.
http://www.mykidsafeinternet.com/internet-pornography-statistics.php#onlinepredators
Gosh she uses that delete and block function a little too loosely...first my mother got the axe for posting too many photos of Elvis Impersonators on Nicole's page, and now me. I am not too worried though. I know i will be able to get back into her friend list pretty quick. I will just not let her use the computer here until she unblocks me and adds me again haha.
Anyway, I am thinking right about now, how much of a blessing it was, for my Dad and Monica, that the internet was not around when i was a teenager. Thank goodness for small mercies. haha I can hear my Dad's reaction and see him shaking his head, all the way from Spokane. haha
Anyway...ugh. I feel like a nosey old person. To Nicole, that is exactly what i am, i guess, cause that is exactly what my Dad and Monica were...and heck, Monica was only in her late 20's when i was Nicole's age!
That's a depressing thought!
Noon, and i'm still in bed
It has to be done once in awhile right?
I was sad yesterday afternoon, after dropping the girls back to Nick. I hate having to drop them back. I always feel really empty and lonely, walking back into my little place without them...especially when i have had them with me for a long stretch. It's a bit silly really, because i get them back on Monday.
I should be enjoying my peace and quiet. I don't enjoy peace and quiet as much as i used to. That is probably due to the fact that i have overdosed on peace and quiet these past 7 months! When i don't have the girls with me, it's just me and Nixon. I'm lucky Nixon does not mind spending lots of time in bed. He's asleep at my feet as i type.
I think i should have thrown out the bottle of milk that was in my fridge, and 4 days past it's use by date. I figured a little bit in my coffee would be ok. It smelled ok. My stomach has not felt right ever since, so i was awake most of the night. Hence all the changes to my blog. I was up, feeling sick, and bored. I figured it was time for a new look.
I like the new look.
I think i might put a documentary on the laptop, crawl back under the covers, and catch up on some zzzzzs.
Back later.
Hang on...i'm not sure if i was dreaming or not, but i think i read something about a naked prisoner running wild in Whakatane. The police are warning people not to approach a handcuffed, naked man, with dreadlocks.
Phew...lucky they warned me!
Police Seek Naked Escaped Prisoner
I was sad yesterday afternoon, after dropping the girls back to Nick. I hate having to drop them back. I always feel really empty and lonely, walking back into my little place without them...especially when i have had them with me for a long stretch. It's a bit silly really, because i get them back on Monday.
I should be enjoying my peace and quiet. I don't enjoy peace and quiet as much as i used to. That is probably due to the fact that i have overdosed on peace and quiet these past 7 months! When i don't have the girls with me, it's just me and Nixon. I'm lucky Nixon does not mind spending lots of time in bed. He's asleep at my feet as i type.
I think i should have thrown out the bottle of milk that was in my fridge, and 4 days past it's use by date. I figured a little bit in my coffee would be ok. It smelled ok. My stomach has not felt right ever since, so i was awake most of the night. Hence all the changes to my blog. I was up, feeling sick, and bored. I figured it was time for a new look.
I like the new look.
I think i might put a documentary on the laptop, crawl back under the covers, and catch up on some zzzzzs.
Back later.
Hang on...i'm not sure if i was dreaming or not, but i think i read something about a naked prisoner running wild in Whakatane. The police are warning people not to approach a handcuffed, naked man, with dreadlocks.
Phew...lucky they warned me!
Police Seek Naked Escaped Prisoner
January 22, 2010
Dealing to dirty drug | Stuff.co.nz
Dealing to dirty drug Stuff.co.nz
Christina Stroud says addiction to methamphetamine, commonly known as P, is the biggest social catastrophe of this generation, and people are unaware of the magnitude of the problem.
In two highly readable and pragmatic books launched last week, she shakes readers out of their lethargy with a programme beginning in Rodney to “recover our society” which she believes can only happen when we all take responsibility.
January 21, 2010
Positivity
I have had so much positive stuff coming my way lately, that it has been hard to keep up. I am loving it!
You know, it was this time last year that Danny disappeared completely. This time last year, i could hardly breathe when i thought about life and my future without him.
I am absolutely stunned, at how much can change in 12 short months. I now could never imagine being happy living the life that he and i led. I still miss him sometimes, because i loved him so much, but i'm ok with that. It's all good.
I am really excited about things that are happening in my life right now. I just can't share everything just yet. So it's a bit hard for me to find anything to write in here at the moment, because i am so excited and focussed on stuff that i need to keep to myself.
I don't think there is one thing, until now, that i have kept to myself, and not written in my blog over the last 7 months.
Maybe tomorrow there will be something more exciting than a bobsliegh rider's cracker, in the news!
You know, it was this time last year that Danny disappeared completely. This time last year, i could hardly breathe when i thought about life and my future without him.
I am absolutely stunned, at how much can change in 12 short months. I now could never imagine being happy living the life that he and i led. I still miss him sometimes, because i loved him so much, but i'm ok with that. It's all good.
I am really excited about things that are happening in my life right now. I just can't share everything just yet. So it's a bit hard for me to find anything to write in here at the moment, because i am so excited and focussed on stuff that i need to keep to myself.
I don't think there is one thing, until now, that i have kept to myself, and not written in my blog over the last 7 months.
Maybe tomorrow there will be something more exciting than a bobsliegh rider's cracker, in the news!
Feeling Inadequate
An angel promises the birth of Jesus to Mary. Luke 1:26 - 33
Mary was young, poor, female - all characteristics that, to the people of her day, would make her seem unusable by God for any major task. But God chose Mary for one of the most important acts of obedience he has ever demanded of anyone.
You may feel that your ability, experience, or education makes you an unlikely candidate for God's service. Don't limit God's choices. He can use you if you trust him.
I forgot to share this photo yesterday. This is how i spent my time while the girls were swimming. I got to enjoy the feeling of the black sand disappearing from under my feet, as the tide washed back and forth over them. It's such a cool feeling. One that i have felt hundreds, if not thousands of times before in my life, but have never enjoyed it quite as much as i did yesterday.
Back laterrrrr....maybe.
Oh My Gosh
I am going to be on TV!
Phew...just in case you missed it the first time i said it!
I can NOT believe it. I am so excited.
Anyway, that is all...as you were.
Phew...just in case you missed it the first time i said it!
I can NOT believe it. I am so excited.
Anyway, that is all...as you were.
Is less than two years in office
long enough to make this kind of judgement on the Obama administration?
I'm not so sure that it is...but that's a pretty powerful video.
I'm not so sure that it is...but that's a pretty powerful video.
January 20, 2010
It's been nearly a week
Since my last cigarette. A smoke and a coffee is no longer my first thought / mission in the morning. In fact, i don't think about having a cigarette much at all now. The only times that i REALLY feel like one is when i have a full stomach from eating too much...or i am driving. The full stomach thing is the worst.
I have eaten far too much junk with the girls this week. I forced them to come on my walk with Nixon last night, because of how much junk they have shoved down their gobs. I will be accused of child abuse soon, when they end up weighing 300 kg, if this keeps up. It's hard, when they have their own money, to stop them from eating 2 king size Cadbury chocolate bars, a day....EACH.
Shame on Foodtown, having them on special at 2 for $5.00. What the heck are parents supposed to do when chocolate is that cheap and kids have their own money? Assert our authority or something???
Sheesh.
I have eaten far too much junk with the girls this week. I forced them to come on my walk with Nixon last night, because of how much junk they have shoved down their gobs. I will be accused of child abuse soon, when they end up weighing 300 kg, if this keeps up. It's hard, when they have their own money, to stop them from eating 2 king size Cadbury chocolate bars, a day....EACH.
Shame on Foodtown, having them on special at 2 for $5.00. What the heck are parents supposed to do when chocolate is that cheap and kids have their own money? Assert our authority or something???
Sheesh.
Our day at Piha
We didn't really see much surfing...but we had loads of fun anyway! I'm beat. Nanna nap time.
Parking meter thief due in court
Man accused of parking meter thefts due in court - Yahoo!Xtra News
I wonder if John Banks realised how funny that sentence is, when he said it...or if he was actually serious.
"I wouldn't think that would be much of a challenge to an enterprising, nocturnal parking meter predator," he said.
I wonder if John Banks realised how funny that sentence is, when he said it...or if he was actually serious.
Faith
Zechariah and Elizabeth were faithful people, yet they were suffering. At the time, some Jews did not believe in resurrection, so their hope of immortality rested on their children. In addition, children would care for their elderly parents, and they added to the family's financial security and social status. Children were a blessing and childlessness was seen as a curse.
Zechariah and Elizabeth had been childless for many years, and at this time were too old to expect any change in their situation. They felt humiliated and hopeless. But God was waiting for the right time to encourage them and take away their disgrace.
If you are facing difficult times, remain faithful to God. One day, in this world, or in the world to come, God will take away your pain and replace it with his glory and peace!
7 months ago, i was living in so much shame, that i would not even go outside during the daytime. I had anxiety attacks at the thought of being around people, and i could not look anyone in the eye, because i thought they would be able to tell what my life had become, just by looking at me.
Now look at me. I truly believe that God has been looking after me this whole time. I truly believe that i am a better person for everything that i have experienced, and that there was a reason that i needed to get as low as i did, before i got better.
I am so excited about my future.
Right...on that note, i am going to clean my little place before Jorgia's friend arrives to stay the night. I am taking all three of the girls to Piha to watch the Junior World Surf Champs today. The surf champs are on out there starting today and going til the 25th. Hopefully it's a nice windy day out there!
PS...i would tell everyone about this amazing job opportunity that has been offerred to me, but no doubt my mother would get on the phone, do a mental rant, and try to sabatoge it for me...so i am keeping it on the down low. I don't need that kind of embarrassment anymore this week. x
Zechariah and Elizabeth had been childless for many years, and at this time were too old to expect any change in their situation. They felt humiliated and hopeless. But God was waiting for the right time to encourage them and take away their disgrace.
If you are facing difficult times, remain faithful to God. One day, in this world, or in the world to come, God will take away your pain and replace it with his glory and peace!
7 months ago, i was living in so much shame, that i would not even go outside during the daytime. I had anxiety attacks at the thought of being around people, and i could not look anyone in the eye, because i thought they would be able to tell what my life had become, just by looking at me.
Now look at me. I truly believe that God has been looking after me this whole time. I truly believe that i am a better person for everything that i have experienced, and that there was a reason that i needed to get as low as i did, before i got better.
I am so excited about my future.
Right...on that note, i am going to clean my little place before Jorgia's friend arrives to stay the night. I am taking all three of the girls to Piha to watch the Junior World Surf Champs today. The surf champs are on out there starting today and going til the 25th. Hopefully it's a nice windy day out there!
PS...i would tell everyone about this amazing job opportunity that has been offerred to me, but no doubt my mother would get on the phone, do a mental rant, and try to sabatoge it for me...so i am keeping it on the down low. I don't need that kind of embarrassment anymore this week. x
January 19, 2010
Absolutely amazing
I have been contacted by someone and asked if i would be willing to do an interview in relation to my experience with P! I am going to be interviewed on Monday!....
AND
There is a possibility that i could have scored my DREAM JOB! An amazing job working with amazing people, and doing something that i am so passionate about!
I cannot believe it.
Remember my post back in November, titled "something good will come my way" ???
I think it is coming. I have had the most amazing day. Prayers are definitely getting answered.
Run time for Nixon. Back later.
AND
There is a possibility that i could have scored my DREAM JOB! An amazing job working with amazing people, and doing something that i am so passionate about!
I cannot believe it.
Remember my post back in November, titled "something good will come my way" ???
I think it is coming. I have had the most amazing day. Prayers are definitely getting answered.
Run time for Nixon. Back later.
By the way...
I nearly forgot...I got the best compliment ever from the lady who interviewed me for my pre sentence report. She will be writing the report, for the judge to read before my sentencing.
She told me...and i quote..." if i have ever met a person that deserves a second chance...it would be you"...
I don't think anyone can understand or realise how good that made me feel. It made all the withdrawals, and all the loneliness, and shifiting over that weekend all on my own and wearing myself out so much that i ended up in hospital...and every single tear that i have cried in the last 7 months....worth it.
What an awesome thing to hear from someone who meets drug addicts and criminals day in and day out.
I love my life.
She told me...and i quote..." if i have ever met a person that deserves a second chance...it would be you"...
I don't think anyone can understand or realise how good that made me feel. It made all the withdrawals, and all the loneliness, and shifiting over that weekend all on my own and wearing myself out so much that i ended up in hospital...and every single tear that i have cried in the last 7 months....worth it.
What an awesome thing to hear from someone who meets drug addicts and criminals day in and day out.
I love my life.
According to my probation officer
...my mother is going to come to court to see me get sentenced, in order to "support" me.
Odd. I wonder where all that support was when i was a suicidal drug addict, that no longer wanted to exist...i wonder where that support has been throughout my recovery from that horrible life and drug addiction...i wonder where that support has been during all of my previous court appearances...
Colleen Wright....you disgust me.
Even the probation officer did the quote thing with her fingers and laughed at you saying to "support" me.
Once again you just prove that you are only happy when i am unhappy. You turning up at court will not bother me...it will just be another low for you.
I am proud of my life now. I am proud that i have survived and turned out to be a good person despite your best efforts to turn me into a miserable person like yourself. I am proud of how far i have come and that i did it without your help.
I have never needed you in my life. I now will never again, want you in my life. You hate that, and i am glad.
Odd. I wonder where all that support was when i was a suicidal drug addict, that no longer wanted to exist...i wonder where that support has been throughout my recovery from that horrible life and drug addiction...i wonder where that support has been during all of my previous court appearances...
Colleen Wright....you disgust me.
Even the probation officer did the quote thing with her fingers and laughed at you saying to "support" me.
Once again you just prove that you are only happy when i am unhappy. You turning up at court will not bother me...it will just be another low for you.
I am proud of my life now. I am proud that i have survived and turned out to be a good person despite your best efforts to turn me into a miserable person like yourself. I am proud of how far i have come and that i did it without your help.
I have never needed you in my life. I now will never again, want you in my life. You hate that, and i am glad.
Not only did my mother ring the police
...when the police told her that i was doing nothing wrong in writing in my blog...she then rang the probation office and did her nut at them and threatened the Herald to them as well!
Honestly Colleen...you are helping my cause. Everyone that you ring about me, just ends up feeling sorry for me, having a mother like you.
Keep up the good work. Your actions, will help keep me out of jail. Anyone with a mother like you would eventually turn to drugs.
I just got home from doing my pre sentence report. It went really well. The pre sentence report was my chance to kinda explain my side, of what happened, and how i ended up involved with that drug and that life. I am lucky really...i try to explain to people, how unhealthy it is for me to have any kind of relationship with my mother, and they don't usually understand.
Thanks to Colleen, the police, and the probation office, now understand why i am better off without her in my life.
What a beautiful day. I am going to enjoy it.
Honestly Colleen...you are helping my cause. Everyone that you ring about me, just ends up feeling sorry for me, having a mother like you.
Keep up the good work. Your actions, will help keep me out of jail. Anyone with a mother like you would eventually turn to drugs.
I just got home from doing my pre sentence report. It went really well. The pre sentence report was my chance to kinda explain my side, of what happened, and how i ended up involved with that drug and that life. I am lucky really...i try to explain to people, how unhealthy it is for me to have any kind of relationship with my mother, and they don't usually understand.
Thanks to Colleen, the police, and the probation office, now understand why i am better off without her in my life.
What a beautiful day. I am going to enjoy it.
This is how a mum behaves...
Thank God for Monica...that is all i have to say. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful stepmother, who has always shown me nothing but love.
Okay, you might not like this, but I found out that you have a "blog". Had to ask what a blog was!!! I found it on the internet and read some of your (okay, alot of your writings). I am glad I found your writing, finally, no secrets as there has been an invisible wedge between us, that now I understand.
First off, I am so sorry for what you went thru several years ago. I knew something was wrong, but, Jackie I had no idea of the pain you must have been dealing with to get involved in the type of drugs you were doing. I am so sorry.
But look at you now! The healing and the road to recovery!! I am so thankful that you "are alive" and enjoying life. Dad and I read that you will be going to trial? Please know that prayers are being prayed and so many prayers have FINALLY been answered! We continue to thank our Lord for you and trust that what ever the outcome is on this court thing...it will be part of your recovery.
Jackie, you have such a talent for writing. Have you thought lately about doing something about all that creative brilliance you have? Writing, drawing ability....Let it not go to waste!! Make it into $$$$$$$!!
Enough for now, I love you a ton...Monica
That my friends...is my stepmother Monica. How lucky is my Dad? How lucky am I?
Just like how i am not ashamed of how low i got, but instead i am proud of how far i have come...I am not going to dwell on how evil and incapable of love my mother is. Instead i am going to be so grateful that my Dad met Monica, and i am blessed with the best stepmother in the world.
Colleen might have given birth to me, but she has never been my mom. Anyone can be a mother...but it takes someone that truly knows how to love another human to be a mom.
Monica has always been my mom.
Good morning you lot. I have probation office visit to get to this morning. It's an extra long visit because they are doing my pre sentence report for my drugs charges. I am really looking forwad to getting this done.
Back later on to let you know how it went!
x
Ngapuhi leader criticises Taipa protesters
Ngapuhi leader criticises Taipa protesters - Yahoo!Xtra News
Silly Ngapuhi tribe. That Tawhnee Kiwikiwi is from that Ngapuhi tribe. Apparently they were a really mean tribe that ran around eating all the other tribes.
Then they all moved to Kaitaia to go on the dole and protest when they want more hand outs.
Ngapuhi tribe people complain about not enough free stuff too much.
Jorgia and i are both awake. She is reading...i am going to try to get some more sleep.
Latersss
Silly Ngapuhi tribe. That Tawhnee Kiwikiwi is from that Ngapuhi tribe. Apparently they were a really mean tribe that ran around eating all the other tribes.
Then they all moved to Kaitaia to go on the dole and protest when they want more hand outs.
Ngapuhi tribe people complain about not enough free stuff too much.
Jorgia and i are both awake. She is reading...i am going to try to get some more sleep.
Latersss
January 18, 2010
My 4th day as a no coffee drinking non smoker
I can't believe i have made it this far. I think i am actually struggling with not having the caffeine in my system, more than the nicotine now.
I feel so sleepy all the time, unless i am busy doing something. So i tried to keep myself busy today. I picked lots of veggies out of my garden, and took Georgia's advice regarding freezing my beans. I have tons of carrots. Nicole and i munched on carrots, dipped in Paul Newman's Ranch dressing all afternoon. Jorgia was swimming at a friend's in Howick.
I am pretty sure that i won't smoke again. I think i may have done it. I can't see the point in having one now...after making it 4 days without one. To have one now would make the last 4 days just a waste of stress and time.
I just have to remember this time...that i can't just have one every once in awhile, because that will eventually lead back to me being a smoker again.
Dan popped in this morning. That was nice, to start my day laughing with him. He can't believe that i have given up smoking as well now. I was thinking earlier about what had been harder to give up...meth or cigarettes...and i decided that cigarettes is harder to give up. This is simply because they are sold everywhere. It's so easy to give in...with meth, once i removed myself from that toxic environment and disappeared, i could no longer get it, even if i had ever decided that i wanted to. Which i didn't.
So after visiting with Dan, i dropped Jorgia at her friend's place out in Howick, then i headed back home and worked in my garden etc...i then had the temporary meltdown over just how evil Fred the nutter is...had a hundred rants back at her...went to pick Jorgia up from her friends....and thought about my rants. Decided i was just stooping to her level and she is not worth that much of my attention, so deleted them...
Now, here i am, in my cosy bed. Nixon is asleep at my feet and Jorgia is asleep next to me...and i am going to join them now. I can barely keep my eyes open.
Who needs sleeping pills? Not me.
Goodnight. x
I feel so sleepy all the time, unless i am busy doing something. So i tried to keep myself busy today. I picked lots of veggies out of my garden, and took Georgia's advice regarding freezing my beans. I have tons of carrots. Nicole and i munched on carrots, dipped in Paul Newman's Ranch dressing all afternoon. Jorgia was swimming at a friend's in Howick.
I am pretty sure that i won't smoke again. I think i may have done it. I can't see the point in having one now...after making it 4 days without one. To have one now would make the last 4 days just a waste of stress and time.
I just have to remember this time...that i can't just have one every once in awhile, because that will eventually lead back to me being a smoker again.
Dan popped in this morning. That was nice, to start my day laughing with him. He can't believe that i have given up smoking as well now. I was thinking earlier about what had been harder to give up...meth or cigarettes...and i decided that cigarettes is harder to give up. This is simply because they are sold everywhere. It's so easy to give in...with meth, once i removed myself from that toxic environment and disappeared, i could no longer get it, even if i had ever decided that i wanted to. Which i didn't.
So after visiting with Dan, i dropped Jorgia at her friend's place out in Howick, then i headed back home and worked in my garden etc...i then had the temporary meltdown over just how evil Fred the nutter is...had a hundred rants back at her...went to pick Jorgia up from her friends....and thought about my rants. Decided i was just stooping to her level and she is not worth that much of my attention, so deleted them...
Now, here i am, in my cosy bed. Nixon is asleep at my feet and Jorgia is asleep next to me...and i am going to join them now. I can barely keep my eyes open.
Who needs sleeping pills? Not me.
Goodnight. x
That was not healthy for me
That was not living up to the favour that i said i would do for James the policeman, and that was just going to cause more grief for Nick and my girls, and Tracey.
How about my sunflowers...
Jackie and the Beanstalks
Get a load of this...
I think my beans are on steroids!
OK so now i am wondering...just how does one get banned from Facebook? Is it even possible?
January 17, 2010
I felt great this morning
I was up and out of bed super early. My non smoking buzz did not bother me this morning. I thought i was over the worst of it.
Took Nixon for an early morning run...well maybe not all that early. I think it was about 10am.
Got "jaaaccckiiiieeeed" by Penny a couple of times...and i took her some beans from my garden. OMGeeee my beans are HUGE. I will take a photo tomorrow. They are the hugest beans i have ever seen. Will have some with dinner tomorrow night or else they are just going to start going to waste. I have so many.
Anyway...sometime in the early afternoon, i decided that i felt like a nap, and i have not quite recovered from that feeling for the rest of the day.
I have really felt like a cigarette too...but i'm not giving in. It's good that the girls are here to keep an eye on me!
I'm going to hit the sack early. The girls are glued to movies on the tube...and Nixon is crashed out at the end of my bed. I'm going to put a documentary on and join him. This no caffeine thing is killing me. At least i am getting good sleeps now though!
I wonder if Fred the Nutter has gone complaining to the Herald about my blog yet...like she threatened to...LOL
Took Nixon for an early morning run...well maybe not all that early. I think it was about 10am.
Got "jaaaccckiiiieeeed" by Penny a couple of times...and i took her some beans from my garden. OMGeeee my beans are HUGE. I will take a photo tomorrow. They are the hugest beans i have ever seen. Will have some with dinner tomorrow night or else they are just going to start going to waste. I have so many.
Anyway...sometime in the early afternoon, i decided that i felt like a nap, and i have not quite recovered from that feeling for the rest of the day.
I have really felt like a cigarette too...but i'm not giving in. It's good that the girls are here to keep an eye on me!
I'm going to hit the sack early. The girls are glued to movies on the tube...and Nixon is crashed out at the end of my bed. I'm going to put a documentary on and join him. This no caffeine thing is killing me. At least i am getting good sleeps now though!
I wonder if Fred the Nutter has gone complaining to the Herald about my blog yet...like she threatened to...LOL
PS...Why has Graham gone and cut Nicole out of every photo of you lot, so that he has photos of just her? That is creepy.
The truth is...
This is so true. This is exactly how i see things now. This is why i am happy to stay single forever...I just don't think there is anyone out there, that i would consider being worth risking going through what i went through with Danny, all over again.
I just can't go through that again. Ever.
Day three of my non smoking buzz...
If i had one here in front of me...no doubt i would have it and love every second of it. I don't have one here though, and that doesn't really worry me.
I feel good.
At the same time as i am quitting that awful habit, i have cut out about 90 % of my caffeine intake as well. I have actually been sleeping ok the last few nights, since i have been home. I had great sleeps while i was away. I had put this down to not drinking as much coffee because Orlando only had instant, and i just don't do instant coffee very well.
Anyway, because i always smoke when i had a coffee, i have cut out all the coffee i used to drink. I only have my morning one now, where as i used to drink it non stop all day, out of my big bucket sized Starbucks coffee mugs.
Caffeine and Nicotine were my last unhealthy habits. Now what am i going to do?
January 16, 2010
How to spot a P lab
I have been thinking about this, since the police discovered the meth lab in Victoria Ave, Remuera. Everyone seemed so shocked that a meth lab could possibly have been discovered in such an upmarket street, and to top it off Mayor John Banks street no less!
I found it amusing that people, especially the media seemed so surprised. This drug does not discriminate. It's evil destruction reaches all levels of society. I knew wealthy businessmen who were addicted to this drug. I knew homeless street workers that were addicted to this drug. I also knew everything in between.
So i have done some research, on the internet, relating to what to look for if you suspect someone you know, your neighbours, or anyone else might be manufacturing methamphetamine. It is going on every day, in every neighbourhood, and it is more likely to be happening next to you, if you live in an "upmarket" street.
The smell of Meth is something that is not easily hidden - meth labs emit extremely strong odours that are hard to cover up. This smell is sometimes described as a strange sweet smell...not like a perfume, but more like a lightly scented cleaning chemical. There is also a stage in the process where it may smell like a gas leak, or rotten eggs. Some of the odours relating to an operational meth lab have been described as smelling like :
- Lighter fluid
- Ether
- Ammonia
- Auto parts cleaner
- Rotten eggs
Usually if you live near a meth lab, you will smell these things repeatedly. Some meth cooks will try to prevent the smells from escaping, and anyone seeing in, by covering their windows with tin foil or newspaper.
There will also be people coming and going at all hours, day or night. This is typical of not just a lab, but a meth house where drug dealing is taking place. The curtains will usually be closed, day or night...rain or shine.
Frequent late night activity.
Visitors with expensive vehicles - i remember once, i had a Harley Davidson, a Maserati, a Ferrari, and an Astin Martin, parked in my car port, all in one day. That is not normal.
Extensive investment in home security.
Depending on how much meth is being made, there will likely be containers that are used in the meth making process laying around. If they are making more than just a small amount, they will likely have the following items laying around.
- Glass, Pyrex, or cooking dishes
- Jugs / bottles
- Paper towels
- Coffee filters
- Thermometer
- Funnels
- Blender
- Rubber tubing / gloves
- Buckets
- Gas cans
- Tape / clamps
- Aluminium foil
- Hot plates
- Plastic storage containers / ice chests
- Measuring cups
- Towels / bed sheets
- Lab beakers / glassware
So if you happen to glance through a garage window and see a blender and a hotplate plugged in, that might be a little odd, especially if there is a film or a chemical residue on them. Also keep in mind though, that these are common household items.
Finally, almost all of the materials required to make meth can be purchased at your local shops. If you are living near a meth lab, you will likely find empty containers of the following items laying around or in the rubbish.
- Rubbing alcohol
- Toluene ( Brake cleaner )
- Ether ( Engine starter )
- Sulfuric acid ( Drain cleaner )
- Red Phosphorus ( matches )
- Rock salt
- Lithium ( Batteries )
- Trichloroethane ( Gun Scrubber )
- MSM ( Cutting agent )
- Farm fertilizer
- Sodium Hydroxide ( Lye )
- Acetone
- Cat litter
Before anyone goes nuts on me for listing the ingredients needed to make P...the recipe is readily available online, and any crackhead that wanted to try making it themselves, would have found the actual recipe long before finding my blog.
I have listed the common ingredients required to make meth, so that if you happen to see a lot of empty containers laying around or in the rubbish, combined with the behaviours listed above, you can make an educated guess as to whether or not you may be living near a P lab.
Contact the Police, or your local Fire Department, if you are suspicious of someone near you. It is better to be safe than sorry, when it comes to home made meth labs. They are very dangerous and explosions due to home made meth labs can and do happen.
Prior to my involvement with this drug...i never would have noticed any of the things that i have mentioned in this post, if they were being done right under my nose. Sometimes it takes one to know one...i never would have noticed if someone was on that drug, until i did it myself.
I found it amusing that people, especially the media seemed so surprised. This drug does not discriminate. It's evil destruction reaches all levels of society. I knew wealthy businessmen who were addicted to this drug. I knew homeless street workers that were addicted to this drug. I also knew everything in between.
So i have done some research, on the internet, relating to what to look for if you suspect someone you know, your neighbours, or anyone else might be manufacturing methamphetamine. It is going on every day, in every neighbourhood, and it is more likely to be happening next to you, if you live in an "upmarket" street.
The smell of Meth is something that is not easily hidden - meth labs emit extremely strong odours that are hard to cover up. This smell is sometimes described as a strange sweet smell...not like a perfume, but more like a lightly scented cleaning chemical. There is also a stage in the process where it may smell like a gas leak, or rotten eggs. Some of the odours relating to an operational meth lab have been described as smelling like :
- Lighter fluid
- Ether
- Ammonia
- Auto parts cleaner
- Rotten eggs
Usually if you live near a meth lab, you will smell these things repeatedly. Some meth cooks will try to prevent the smells from escaping, and anyone seeing in, by covering their windows with tin foil or newspaper.
There will also be people coming and going at all hours, day or night. This is typical of not just a lab, but a meth house where drug dealing is taking place. The curtains will usually be closed, day or night...rain or shine.
Frequent late night activity.
Visitors with expensive vehicles - i remember once, i had a Harley Davidson, a Maserati, a Ferrari, and an Astin Martin, parked in my car port, all in one day. That is not normal.
Extensive investment in home security.
Depending on how much meth is being made, there will likely be containers that are used in the meth making process laying around. If they are making more than just a small amount, they will likely have the following items laying around.
- Glass, Pyrex, or cooking dishes
- Jugs / bottles
- Paper towels
- Coffee filters
- Thermometer
- Funnels
- Blender
- Rubber tubing / gloves
- Buckets
- Gas cans
- Tape / clamps
- Aluminium foil
- Hot plates
- Plastic storage containers / ice chests
- Measuring cups
- Towels / bed sheets
- Lab beakers / glassware
So if you happen to glance through a garage window and see a blender and a hotplate plugged in, that might be a little odd, especially if there is a film or a chemical residue on them. Also keep in mind though, that these are common household items.
Finally, almost all of the materials required to make meth can be purchased at your local shops. If you are living near a meth lab, you will likely find empty containers of the following items laying around or in the rubbish.
- Rubbing alcohol
- Toluene ( Brake cleaner )
- Ether ( Engine starter )
- Sulfuric acid ( Drain cleaner )
- Red Phosphorus ( matches )
- Rock salt
- Lithium ( Batteries )
- Trichloroethane ( Gun Scrubber )
- MSM ( Cutting agent )
- Farm fertilizer
- Sodium Hydroxide ( Lye )
- Acetone
- Cat litter
Before anyone goes nuts on me for listing the ingredients needed to make P...the recipe is readily available online, and any crackhead that wanted to try making it themselves, would have found the actual recipe long before finding my blog.
I have listed the common ingredients required to make meth, so that if you happen to see a lot of empty containers laying around or in the rubbish, combined with the behaviours listed above, you can make an educated guess as to whether or not you may be living near a P lab.
Contact the Police, or your local Fire Department, if you are suspicious of someone near you. It is better to be safe than sorry, when it comes to home made meth labs. They are very dangerous and explosions due to home made meth labs can and do happen.
Prior to my involvement with this drug...i never would have noticed any of the things that i have mentioned in this post, if they were being done right under my nose. Sometimes it takes one to know one...i never would have noticed if someone was on that drug, until i did it myself.
Day two of my non smoking buzz
This is kind of hard. I am trying not to think about it. As long as i don't think about how nice a smoke would be right now...i'm ok. As soon as i think about how nice a smoke would be right now...
It gets a lot more difficult and the thought of that smoke gets that much nicer!!!
I'm ok though...i am going to do it this time. I am just going to go make myself busy doing something and not think at all about how wonderful a cigarette would taste right now....
I'm going to do some baking before the day gets too hot.
Back later on, when i have totally forgotten how nice a smoke would be right now.
lol...i may never come back.
It gets a lot more difficult and the thought of that smoke gets that much nicer!!!
I'm ok though...i am going to do it this time. I am just going to go make myself busy doing something and not think at all about how wonderful a cigarette would taste right now....
I'm going to do some baking before the day gets too hot.
Back later on, when i have totally forgotten how nice a smoke would be right now.
lol...i may never come back.
Floor caves in at Weight Watchers meeting
Floor caves in at Weight Watchers meeting - Yahoo!Xtra News
If that is not a sign, i don't know what is. haha Lose some weight or stick to single level dwellings for your meetings!
If that is not a sign, i don't know what is. haha Lose some weight or stick to single level dwellings for your meetings!
January 15, 2010
I am going to have the earliest night ever...
I have struggled to stay awake all day. I think this will have something to do with me also cutting down to one cup of coffee in the morning, rather than the constant intake of caffeine that my body is used to.
I have not had any coffee today, because coffee goes with my smoking. I can't really imagine one without the other...so i guess i am hitting two birds with one stone. I am getting rid of my last two addictions.
Unbelievable really.
I have a feeling that i am going to have a very good sleep tonight.
Later x
I have not had any coffee today, because coffee goes with my smoking. I can't really imagine one without the other...so i guess i am hitting two birds with one stone. I am getting rid of my last two addictions.
Unbelievable really.
I have a feeling that i am going to have a very good sleep tonight.
Later x
Day one of being a non smoker
This heat is bothering me worse than the lack of nicotine in my system!!!
I have not had a cigarette since about 11pm last night. I feel OK. I have felt like one, a couple of times today, but have not given in. I really have to, and want to, quit this time. I need to quit this time. I am going to do it.
This heat has drained me of any energy that i thought i might be able to muster, to get anything done today. We drove out to East Tamaki to grab a few things off Nick that Nicole had left behind, then came straight back home and just blobbed inside.
The sun is too hot. I feel sorry for, rather than envious of, the people at Big Day Out today. I had really wanted to take the girls to that this year, but could not afford it in the end. Right about now, i am so grateful for that. I am just waiting for the sun to go away so that i can take Nixon for his walk.
I have heavy eyessssssssss...
I have not had a cigarette since about 11pm last night. I feel OK. I have felt like one, a couple of times today, but have not given in. I really have to, and want to, quit this time. I need to quit this time. I am going to do it.
This heat has drained me of any energy that i thought i might be able to muster, to get anything done today. We drove out to East Tamaki to grab a few things off Nick that Nicole had left behind, then came straight back home and just blobbed inside.
The sun is too hot. I feel sorry for, rather than envious of, the people at Big Day Out today. I had really wanted to take the girls to that this year, but could not afford it in the end. Right about now, i am so grateful for that. I am just waiting for the sun to go away so that i can take Nixon for his walk.
I have heavy eyessssssssss...
January 14, 2010
I'm tired...
and don't have much to write about tonight.
I have just had a busy day, spent mostly with my beautiful girls. We have had tons of fun being stupid with the camera. All 3 of us took Nixon for his walk. I think the girls felt like exercise after gobbling up a king size Cadbury bar each!
There is nothing worth talking about in the news really tonight, and i am too tired to be original and write my own thoughts.
Maybe tomorrow!
X
I have just had a busy day, spent mostly with my beautiful girls. We have had tons of fun being stupid with the camera. All 3 of us took Nixon for his walk. I think the girls felt like exercise after gobbling up a king size Cadbury bar each!
There is nothing worth talking about in the news really tonight, and i am too tired to be original and write my own thoughts.
Maybe tomorrow!
X
Isn't it amazing...
How much entertainment 3 people can get out of a cheap camera and fully charged batteries. We have had fun today...being totally stupid. I love it. My girls are so cool.
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