In discussing marriage on his TV sitcom, Jerry Seinfeld tells his friend why he's not married: 'No healthy person would want the neglect I have to offer.' Let's face it, even the best marriages are made up of two imperfect people who sometimes neglect each other. And when you've been hurt it's easy to react in the flesh instead of responding in the Spirit. Some hurts go deep. At this point we must remember that forgiveness is a decision, but trust is a process; when it's been torn down, it takes time to rebuild. Men and women often perceive trust differently.
When a woman's been hurt, her husband may think an apology should immediately enable her to trust him again, move on, and not talk about it. That's not so; two things need to happen. First, the offending partner needs to acknowledge what they've done. Don't just tell your partner to 'get over it'. Validate their feelings, even though they act like they don't want you to. Acknowledge their pain. When others rationalise or trivialise what's hurting us, it only makes us angrier. Only when we feel validated do our wounds begin to heal. Second, the offended partner needs to make sure that bitterness doesn't creep in. 'How can I do that?' you ask. By refusing to stay hurt any longer than is absolutely necessary, and by allowing God to heal your heart and restore your love. The Bible says, '...If you hear His voice today, don't be stubborn!'
When God gives you the grace to forgive and release the hurt, you need to seize it!
SoulFood Reading: Song of Sol 1-4, Luke 22:54-62, Ps 3, Pro 21:4-8
Someone that i know and love must need marital advice at the moment...because i certainly don't! I always laugh at how these little emails are always relevant to my life - but i struggle to believe that i will ever be married again...so who knows why these ones are being sent to me.
I had a bad morning this morning. Nicole was an absolutely awful teenager. Both the girls were late for school this morning. and i had to phone Nick, and bother him at work, to get him to help me. Nicole is now grounded from her cell phone and her hair straightener, for at least a week, and until she can apologise to everyone in our home. I am STICKING to this punishment after this morning, as well.
I am the first to admit that i am too soft on my children. I feel a lot of guilt for the time that i was so messed up, and not in their life, so i do too much for them. I tend to let punishments slide. I forget punishments when they suck up to me, because they have decided they want something, and i don't like to tell them off, or be the mean parent.
The time has come to let that guilt go. She was so awful, that she tried to throw Nixon out of the car, when i took her cell phone off her.
I cannot believe my morning.