Surrender

Master the lessons of your present circumstances.

We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance.

Avoidance is not the key: surrender opens the door.

Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason. There is a lesson, a valuable lesson, that must be learned before we can move forward.

Something important is being worked out in us, and in those around us. We may not be able to identify it today, but we can know that it is important. We can know it is good.

Overcome not by force, overcome by surrender. The battle is fought, and won, inside ourselves. We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free.

Today, i will be open to the lessons of my present circumstances. I do not have to label, or understand what i am learning; I will see clearly in time. For today, trust and gatitude are sufficient.

I have trust and gratitude oozing from my pores. It was today, a year ago, that the police raided my apartment in Mt Eden. This time last year, i had spent all day at Auckland Central Police Station, being questioned by police. When they finally let me go...i walked down to Queen St, as fast as i could, to purchase a new cell phone, and sim card, with the last of what little money i had. I then walked up Queen St, along Symonds St...I contemplated just jumping off the Symonds St bridge while i walked across it, but i kept walking...obviously.

I finally made it back to that hideous apartment, and opened the door to a heat wave, and the biggest mess that i have ever seen in my life. The heaters had been left on all day. The police had emptied every drawer, and searched under every cushion...i did not know where to start cleaning. They had made a mess of the inside of my car as well...

I was beside myself. THEN there was a knock on the door, and i opened that door looking like death, and smelling like a jail cell, and with a ransacked apartment, because i had no money and was about to crash. Lucky i knew the person that knocked on  my door, quite well...I was cleaning like there was no tomorrow, a couple of hours later.

The gratitude that i feel towards the police, is never ending and something that i will feel for the rest of my life. The gratitude towards the hooker that i had with me that morning, who stashed her drugs and let me take the blame, is huge, i will be forever grateful to her...She is still a hooker, involved in that world...who got lucky that day? ME.

It sure did not seem that way at the time...but i look back now and cannot believe how much has changed, how much i have changed, in the past 12 months.

I have soooo much to be grateful for, and i have complete faith and trust that my life is only going to continue to get better by the day.

Thank you Officer Toby White. I will never forget you. I LOVE my life.

Goodnight.