Powerlessness and unmanageability

Willpower is not the key to the way of life that we are seeking. Surrender is.

"I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something that they aren't, don't want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process." said one woman.

"I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn't love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking."

"I have spent years, trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me."

"I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What i am saying is this: I have spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when i couldn't. It has been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. It won't work!"

"By surrendering to powerlessness, i gain a presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which i cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible: being who i am, loving myself, feeling what i feel, and doing what i want to do with my life.

Learn to stop fighting lions, because we simply cannot win. We also learn that the more we focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, I will accept powerlessness where i have no power to change things, and i will allow my life to become manageable.

This whole reading, reminds me of Fred. One of the best days of my life, was the day that i realised that i had wasted 35 years of my life, trying to make my mother love me...that it was never going to happen...and to accept that and move on. She does not love herself, therefore how could she possibly love me? She is only happy when she, and the people around her are miserable.

I can relate so much to what is typed above.

Speaking of Fred. Both of my daughters birthday's have come and gone this year now, without so much as a "Happy birthday" to them...yet she focuses much of her day posting all over Billy's Facebook page. The girls are around the corner from her, and she has no interest in seeing them, or even wishing them happy birthdays...she instead, focuses on Billy's Facebook page.

How weird is that?

O well.

My home is very noisy right now. It is Jorgia's sleep over night. I have eight...yes EIGHT...13 and 14 year old, very high pitched squealy girls, who have consumed too much sugar...in my living room right now. I am in hiding. Under my covers.

Goodnight.