Gifts, not burdens

Children are gifts. Our children, if we have children, are a gift to us. We, as children, were gifts to our parents.

Sadly, many of us did not receive the message from our parents that we were gifts to them and to the Universe. Maybe our parents were in pain themselves; maybe our parents were looking to us to be their caretakers; maybe we came at a difficult time in their lives; maybe they had their own issues and simply were not able to enjoy, accept, and appreciate us for the gifts we are.

Many of us have a deep, sometimes subconscious, belief that we were, and are, a burden to the world and the people around us. This belief can block our ability to enjoy life and our relationships with others. This belief can even impair our relationship with God. We may feel we are a burden to God.

If we have that belief, it is time to let it go.

We are not a burden. We never were. If we received that message from our parents. it is time to recognise that issue as theirs to resolve.

We have a right to treat ourselves as a gift - to ourselves, to others, and to the Universe. We are here, and we have a right to be here.

Today, I will treat myself, and any children i have, as though we are a gift. I will let go of any beliefs i have about being a burden to God, my friends, my family, and myself.

My children, are the most important things in my life. I will never lose sight of that again. I love them so much and i am so proud of them, that i can't even begin to describe it. I look back on photos of them when they were little, and sometimes i get sad...sad that i have not always been the parent that i am now. Sad that i didn't always put them first in my life. Sad that i can't get that time back, to do everything right where they are concerned. Sad that i wasted a whole year of their life, not being there for them because i chose to spend my time with criminals instead.

My children helped save my life. I am not sure that i could have been as strong as i was, and been able to quit that drug, had i not had them and my relationship with them to fix...to focus on.

My children and their happiness, is the only thing that i care about. I often laugh, when people tell me what wonderful and beautiful children i have... i laugh and say that they are about the only i have done right in my life.

I am so proud of them. I don't know how i got so lucky...heaven only knows that my parents weren't so lucky! haha...Billy is about to graduate from high school in America, on the honour roll with straight As...Nicole and Jorgia are so awesome that i could go on all day...so smart, intelligent, beautiful on the inside and out...i just don't know how i managed to get such wonderful gifts.

They truly are gifts. I try not to dwell on the things i have done wrong as a parent...all i can do is do my best and what i know is best for them from here on out...and that is what i am doing.

Every day i tell them how much i love them...just like my Dad does to me.

On that note...i am going to hit the sack. Nicole and i had a record run out to Howick this morning...made it there in like 15 minutes. We had to stop at Pakuranga for something that she needed for the party that she is going to tonight...then by the time i dropped her at Ann's, i had like 5 minutes to get home.

That was fun...i wonder if i ever get pulled over for speeding, if my ankle bracelet and my time limitations will be excuse enough to get out of the ticket? I am sure that one of these days, i am going to find out, so i will let you know when it happens!

I was only about 15 minutes late. All good...i hope anyway! Nixon has missed out on his walk today, because of having to transport Nicole. He seems ok with that though...so far.

I am actually wondering...if it is really just a sleep over at a girlfriend's house that Nicole is going to tonight though, now...She got 30 bucks off Nick, and 20 bucks off me, and went and bought herself a pair of high heals...they were very high too...black ones...she said it was just a dress up thing at her friend Lydia's place. That seemed to make sense at the time, but i hadn't really thought that hard about why they would all be wearing high heals...until just now.

Hmmmmmmmmmm ....my gift has me worried about her now. Why do things always like this only seem strange in hindsight...why is it that earlier in the week when she needed to buy her first pair of heals to have a sleepover at a girlfriend's house, that made sense...but now it doesn't?

I might not be getting much sleep tonight after all. This has seriously only just dawned on me while i have been typing about my day...that it is quite possible that my gift is at a party with boys or something equally dodgy tonight!

UGHHHHHH

Goodnight x