The last long weekend, was Queen's Birthday weekend .I was so relieved when it was over, and that i did not have to face another long, holiday weekend until the end of October. I hated weekends back then, but long weekends were the worst. Poor Dan the policeman, would always cop it at dusk on Friday nights. All weekend every weekend i would sit alone in that apartment with the curtains closed, and think about what other people were doing. Long weekends were worse...not only was it an extra day to be miserable...it was hard knowing that most people get to leave Auckland with friends or family and have fun.
I felt so left behind, left out, lonely, and like the whole world was just carrying on without me. Which it was.
I never in a million years would have believed that by the next long weekend, i would be so happy again, and feel so normal again. I would not have believed that i would no longer be consumed with grief, and hurt. I definitely did not think that i would no longer be at that apartment in Mt Eden or on drugs. I would have thought you were mental if you had told me that i would no longer love the person that i loved so much, at the time. I never would have believed how fantastic the relationship that i would have with my children would be by now...as well as my relationship with Nick, their dad.
I can't believe everything that has changed since Queen's Birthday weekend. I am even on the road to getting myself a life, and making some friends. I have my Nixon back. This long Labour Weekend, will be full of fun with my girls, and running around with Nixon. I am sooo happy that it is a long weekend because that means an extra day before the kids go back to Nick. My whole life has changed.
I am so tired right now. My day started at 6 with Nixon's run/wee time. Then i dropped the girls at school. I stopped in to check on a friend that has been feeling crappy. Had a coffee and a smoke with her...then home to hand wash all my laundry, including my white duvet cover. haha that was covered in mud/brown Nixon hair. Got that out, and my bed looks lovely again, and has a dark brown throw rug, covering my lovely linen, so that does not happen again.
I got all my work done around the house...had a break and played on here for a little while, then Nixon and i headed out for a walk. This time we walked along the beach, and he got to have a swim. He absolutely loved it. He got sand all though my car though so it's time for a trip to Wash World for a vacuum, before my car starts looking like shit.
I thought about everything, while Nixon and i were running along the beach. I look back now and i can not think of anything worse than hiding in that apartment, with the curtains closed, only going out at night, and only associating with people that i mostly could not stand. Hiding in that apartment and parking my car elsewhere, so that people like the snowman would think i was not home.
I ran along the beach with Nixon and i realised just how good life is and how lucky i am. I can't believe i missed out on all of this for nearly a year of my life, and spent nearly 3 years so miserable.
I had to get to Jorgia's school early, and park a little ways away so that i could walk to her school, with Nixon to meet her. She wanted to show him off to her friends. Her friend Melissa, has known Nixon since he was a little puppy as well. She could not believe how much fur he has now...she could not believe that we had already given him a bit of a trim last night.
I dropped Melissa off at her place...then grabbed Nicole, and headed home. We drove through Highland Park at 3:30 and someone was already at the pub for the weekend. haha tragic. Stopped to do a food shop...and now we are home.
My legs are too sore for me to move off my couch. Nixon is passed out at my feet. He has not shown one sign of missing anyone from his life of sitting in the Daewoo. He won't leave my side. Someone told me today that dog's always remember people's smells. Maybe he did remember me straight away. I know for sure he remembered Jorgia. She used to play with him heaps though. I was a different person when we lived in Waiuku and while i always loved Nixon...i didn't make enough time for him back then like i should have. I had other things...like fixing my marriage on my mind.
I am making up for that now, but my legs are hating me for it. I am going to have a wonderful sleep tonight. All that fresh air and exercise. I have hardly had a chance to sit down all day. Now Jorgia wants me to teach her how to make my Cajun Chicken Salad, so that she can make it for Nick and Kristine, when it is her turn to cook. They all take turns cooking when at Nick's place.
I am too tired for cooking right now. I am going to have a nap...late dinner for us tonight, after i have had a rest.
I got a funny text from a mate today, saying how pleased he is to know he never has to encourage me to get my skinny ass out of bed again haha
I laughed at that...but right now Nixon and i are back in bed...crashingggggg at least for an hour or two. I think we wore each other out today. I love it.
YAY for long weekends. I hope the weather stays this nice. I hope my legs stop aching.
I love my life...x
I felt so left behind, left out, lonely, and like the whole world was just carrying on without me. Which it was.
I never in a million years would have believed that by the next long weekend, i would be so happy again, and feel so normal again. I would not have believed that i would no longer be consumed with grief, and hurt. I definitely did not think that i would no longer be at that apartment in Mt Eden or on drugs. I would have thought you were mental if you had told me that i would no longer love the person that i loved so much, at the time. I never would have believed how fantastic the relationship that i would have with my children would be by now...as well as my relationship with Nick, their dad.
I can't believe everything that has changed since Queen's Birthday weekend. I am even on the road to getting myself a life, and making some friends. I have my Nixon back. This long Labour Weekend, will be full of fun with my girls, and running around with Nixon. I am sooo happy that it is a long weekend because that means an extra day before the kids go back to Nick. My whole life has changed.
I am so tired right now. My day started at 6 with Nixon's run/wee time. Then i dropped the girls at school. I stopped in to check on a friend that has been feeling crappy. Had a coffee and a smoke with her...then home to hand wash all my laundry, including my white duvet cover. haha that was covered in mud/brown Nixon hair. Got that out, and my bed looks lovely again, and has a dark brown throw rug, covering my lovely linen, so that does not happen again.
I got all my work done around the house...had a break and played on here for a little while, then Nixon and i headed out for a walk. This time we walked along the beach, and he got to have a swim. He absolutely loved it. He got sand all though my car though so it's time for a trip to Wash World for a vacuum, before my car starts looking like shit.
I thought about everything, while Nixon and i were running along the beach. I look back now and i can not think of anything worse than hiding in that apartment, with the curtains closed, only going out at night, and only associating with people that i mostly could not stand. Hiding in that apartment and parking my car elsewhere, so that people like the snowman would think i was not home.
I ran along the beach with Nixon and i realised just how good life is and how lucky i am. I can't believe i missed out on all of this for nearly a year of my life, and spent nearly 3 years so miserable.
I had to get to Jorgia's school early, and park a little ways away so that i could walk to her school, with Nixon to meet her. She wanted to show him off to her friends. Her friend Melissa, has known Nixon since he was a little puppy as well. She could not believe how much fur he has now...she could not believe that we had already given him a bit of a trim last night.
I dropped Melissa off at her place...then grabbed Nicole, and headed home. We drove through Highland Park at 3:30 and someone was already at the pub for the weekend. haha tragic. Stopped to do a food shop...and now we are home.
My legs are too sore for me to move off my couch. Nixon is passed out at my feet. He has not shown one sign of missing anyone from his life of sitting in the Daewoo. He won't leave my side. Someone told me today that dog's always remember people's smells. Maybe he did remember me straight away. I know for sure he remembered Jorgia. She used to play with him heaps though. I was a different person when we lived in Waiuku and while i always loved Nixon...i didn't make enough time for him back then like i should have. I had other things...like fixing my marriage on my mind.
I am making up for that now, but my legs are hating me for it. I am going to have a wonderful sleep tonight. All that fresh air and exercise. I have hardly had a chance to sit down all day. Now Jorgia wants me to teach her how to make my Cajun Chicken Salad, so that she can make it for Nick and Kristine, when it is her turn to cook. They all take turns cooking when at Nick's place.
I am too tired for cooking right now. I am going to have a nap...late dinner for us tonight, after i have had a rest.
I got a funny text from a mate today, saying how pleased he is to know he never has to encourage me to get my skinny ass out of bed again haha
I laughed at that...but right now Nixon and i are back in bed...crashingggggg at least for an hour or two. I think we wore each other out today. I love it.
YAY for long weekends. I hope the weather stays this nice. I hope my legs stop aching.
I love my life...x
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