The Hormone Guide - Obviously a joke from a MALE friend.

The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this!
Men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS               SAFER                   SAFEST                    ULTRA SAFE

What's for Dinner?        Can I help you     Where would you like       Here, have some wine.
                                     with dinner?          to go for dinner?

Are you                       You sure              WOW! Look at you!        Here, have some wine
wearing that?              look good in
                                   brown!

What are you            Could we be         Here's my paycheck.           Here, have some wine.
so worked up           overreacting?
about?

Should you be       You know, there     Can I get you a piece            Here, have some wine.
eating that?            area lot of apples     of chocolate with that?
                              left.

What did you        I hope you didn't      I've always loved you           Here, have some wine.
DO all day?          over-do it today.      in that robe!

13 Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one:

13. Potential Murder Suspect

I do not have PMS and i don't even drink anymore...not even wine. This little bit of advice, clearly created by a man that thought he was being funny does not apply to me.

The only truth in it is that plainly...men suck.

Thanks buddy...i managed a smirk.

It's funny how i get texts and emails now if i seem a bit down or grumpy. I don't mind it. In fact i appreciate it and love to hear from my friends...I love that i no longer feel like i could die in my home and not be found until the smell annoyed the neighbours ( i seriously felt like that for much of the past year )

I'm normal again though...and i am allowed to feel grumpy, and tired, and hate all men, every once in awhile without it meaning anything other than, i am grumpy, and tired, and hate all men. haha Especially Pommy Gits. I will elaborate further on exactly why he is now a Pommy Git and i am never going to ever ever see him again...a bit later. Probably at 1am when i wake up for no reason and can hardly keep my eyes open but feel the need to have a smoke and look on here anyway.

I have to quit smoking. I really do. It is the last addiction that i need to get rid of and the only unhealthy thing that i do to myself now...other than hanging out with Pommy Gits.

Thanks for the funny. x