Today could have been a lot worse.

I don't think i am in too much trouble over the whole fridgegate debacle...as long as i can get it returned asap which i will look into doing tomorrow. It should not cost too much for a moving company to come collect it and drop it back i don't think. Hopefully not anyway.

The only issue with that though...is that i will now be fridgeless and forced to have contact with The Baillies or Danny re my fridge and washing machine that is at his dad's place in Whangaparaoa. The thought of having any contact with Danny or any of that family really scares me.

I have to admit to not having faith in myself, that i have come that far. I don't think i am ready to handle anything like that without having a meltdown. Not a psychotic crackie meltdown, but an emotional and hurtful one.

I have not cried much at all since i moved. I cried the other day when i heard from Janette but that was not meltdown tears...i don't know what that was about...i think it was just because i try to block Danny from my thoughts most of the time and i was forced to think about him. I think hearing about the things that she had been through as well made me sad. It was only a few tears and then i recovered.

I need my fridge and washing machine but i can't have contact with them. I am in catch 22. Seeing Brian that night...and the way he spoke to me. I remember just telling him how mean i thought he was...in a calm voice...then walking away from him and driving home. I can't handle that kind of thing again.

I know i can't. So anyway...that is the only stress that i am dealing with re fridgegate. So that could have been a lot worse.

A friend brought me smokes. yessssssssssssssssssssss

I made a roast dinner and collected the girls from school...we chased after police cars trying to work out what they were chasing....we got right under the police helicopter to find....a car accident. ugh...anti climaxasauras! I am sure there was more to it. There were road blocks everywhere and police were driving around all the little streets really fast with like 4 cops in each vehicle. The accident did not look THAT bad.

Nicole is not feeling well so i may have her home for the day tomorrow. That will be good becauseeeeeeeee...Dan the policeman text me on Sunday and i ignored him. He text me again on Monday and asked if i was mad at him and if he could pop in for a visit on Tuesday...I was sooooo strong willed and said that yes i indeed was annoyed with him and no he would not be seeing me on Tuesday. I added that he will never change and told him to take care.

He knew better than to reply to that via text. Today he rang. I CANNOT STAY MAD AT THAT GUY WHEN SPEAKING TO HIM OR IN PERSON!!!! I can only stay mad at him via text!!! What is UP with THAT??? He wants to pop over and see me tomorrow and i said...."sure shithead...what time?" ....basically. UGH!!!!!!! Hopefully Nicole stays home from school tomorrow. That way it will be just COFFEE visit with Dan time and nothing more.

Not wishing ill health on my daughter or anything though!

We are all feeling fat and stuffed after a huge roast dinner. I had not cooked a roast in forever, and today seemed like a good day for that. I had to cut it up myself. Poor Jorgia got the bits with the string still left in it haha. She chewed it forever before she realised. I even made gravy the same way Danny used to on the stove, from my memory of watching him do it. It was only a little bit lumpy. All good. tasted fine haha

OH! We rang Billy and spoke to him. He is having a blast. Has gotten in with a really good group of kids at school...already has a bunch of female admirers ...but he knows the rules on that one. No sexy time til he is 30. I will NOT be made a grandmother before i turn 50. A girl i have known since i was a teenager and is a year younger than me is already a grandmother. F%ck that SH%T! I would kill him.

He has been going to American football games, is going to play baseball but is scared of the physical that he has to have before he is allowed to play. I asked him why and he said " how would you like your nuts squeezed?" That was about the time that i reminded him where he came from and how much worse that was. He said " ok...ewwww....but ok" haha Hopefully i convinced him that he will survive.

I talked to my Dad and Monica...they are all good and really happy with how he is doing. It was really awesome to talk to them again. They are all off to Seattle for the weekend. Luckies.

I miss them so much.

Right...on that note i am off to watch the movie/doco on tv3 tonight on the BTK killer. I think i already watched it once on the CI channel on Sky but i am addicted to documentaries and love the crime ones...so on that note...

Goodnight! xoxo