I just had a visit from an old friend...

I had not seen him since the week that i quit that drug. The last time i saw him, he had brought pizza to the apartment. The apartment was a complete mess. There was paper and chalk everywhere. That was when i was at my absolute craziest and lowest. This was during the time that i just wanted to die. Well i thought i did...i sent far too many text messages and emails telling people that i was going to kill myself though. I would not have done that, had i really wanted to die. I would have just walked up the road and jumped off the bridge by the Southern Cross Building near Grafton Road, like i had thought about doing so often.

Instead i ended up with repeated visits, in fact everyday for a couple of weeks from the police...because people kept ringing them and telling them that i was suicidal. I even spent the night at the Auckland Central Police Station getting assessed by doctors one night. I think everyone i knew had rung the police at one stage or another back in June/early July. I never wanted to die. I just thought that i was too far gone to ever make it back to some form of being normal ever again. I had given up hope of ever being anything more than a crackho and i knew i could not live that way any longer.

Anyway...the last time i saw this friend my lounge floor was covered in tracing paper and chalk. I had spent the whole weekend with paper and chalk trying to make sense of imprints in Danny's diary and the imprints in my coffee table, or driving around hallucinating. I can remember driving around at night, looking for Danny, and i would constantly look in my rear vision mirror and see someone sitting in the back seat of my car. I would see accidents on the motorway that were not there and slam on my breaks in the middle of spaghetti junction for no reason, street signs always turned into people ...i was crazy the last time i saw him.

He was another person that i had lied to about it. He has never been around it so believed me...but he does say now that in the end he had a feeling i was lying. He said he always stayed friends with me because he could tell that i was a smart and good person. We were just talking about how we ate pizza, then i just crashed out with my head in his lap and he could not even wake me up...the last time he saw me.

I had met him before i ever did that drug...and he witnessed the rapid decline in my life, health, and appearance between December and July. He says to me now that he didn't believe it at first because i had never tried to rip him off or get money out of him like most druggies do.

I never did that to anyone. I guess that was the only low that i never quite reached. I never completely lost my sense of pride. Stealing and ripping people off was something that i had always promised myself i would never do. I was always the one that got ripped off and stolen off.

I preferred that. Still would.

Anyway...He brought Donuts from Baker's Delight...and  i shared chocolate chip cookies with him. It was so nice to see him. I could tell he is another person that is so genuinely happy that i am better. He said he was my friend because he knew i was too good for that life.

I am glad that is now something that i know as well.

On that note...I'm seriously hitting the pavement. I have noticed lately that my knickers are starting to leave an imprint in my ass and hips that remains, long after i take them off! hahahhahahaha

Just say no to knicker imprints on asses.