September 17, 2009
I guess the cut off to be seen in court the same day is like 2 pm. They had turned up at my place about 12:30 or 1:00pm...I was so upset...i could not believe that Nick was getting me arrested over a text argument AGAIN...I had always said, after that last time in 2007, that if i ever had to sit in a jail cell again, i would rather kill myself. Those cells are THE most awful places on the planet. AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS...trust me on that one.
In hindsight, the things that i had said to Nick were pretty awful.
James and his partner Tracey, were so good to me that day. They even sped to get me to court by 2 and when we were a few minutes late...they somehow got the judge to make an exception for me and i was out of there by 5.
This was in June. Exactly, to the day, a week before the police turned up with a search warrant, looking for a stolen laptop. I was an absolute mess, but thought that everyone believed me when i said i was not on drugs. I had to admit to the police, what i was doing for a living. I mean i was not working in a proper job and was not on a benefit...i had to tell them SOMETHING.
That was horrible. Having to admit that to the police. It was horrible getting arrested when i had work organised for that afternoon and had bills to pay. The rent was due that day. I hated it if i was even one day late.
It was not until i was going to court for the drug things that i admitted to James what i had done to my life. He has always been so good...When i was suicidal and so low, he acted as go between, between Nick and I so that i could pick up my daughters and have them just for a few hours. I was so insulted that i had to meet Nick at a McDonalds and get my girls and then had to have them back there by 6pm that night. I blamed Nick and at one stage just said F&ck it...i can't be bothered. James took the time to encourage me to get my girls even if just for a few hours. James also helped me start my counselling.
That day was a low point, and one of the things that made me change. I had not seen my girls in like 2 months and had no way of explaining to them why now...i was only allowed them for a few hours. That was such a bad, bad time. I can't believe that was me. It is like it was a different person.
Well James just phoned me because he needed to talk to me about something to do with my new lawyer etc...and i felt so proud to tell him what my life is like now and how far i have come. I told him how everything is so good between Nick and I now, how much i am having the girls, how i had just returned from dropping them at school and how i get to have them the whole of the school holidays. I told him about that hideous lawyer, Julian Hague...and how good my new one is. I told him how i ran into that crackhead at court and nearly ended up with a warrant out for my arrest because i had to bolt out of there before i decided that i could hang out with him again and not do drugs...I told him how i had told the girls everything and how that felt like a weight off my chest. I told him how i know that Nick is wonderful and only ever wanted the best for me and how lucky i am that he had Kristine and they both looked after my girls when i couldn't.
I told him how i look back now and it feels like the first 7 months of this year...i was not even me. I look back now and i KNOW i will never go back.
I could tell that James believes me, and was so happy with how far I had come. He said, even just talking to me on the phone sounds like a different person.
I feel so proud of the changes that i have made to my life right now. Happy daysssssssss...and oh my god how wonderful was it to know a police officer was trying to get a hold of me and to KNOW that i had done nothing else wrong so could not possibly be in any more trouble hahhahaa