I have been so busy today, accomplishing absolutely nothing

I am not sure where today went. All i know is that i have not stopped long enough today, to post in here more than once. I don't think that has ever happened since...a long time ago.

Don't ask me what i have achieved though. I have kept the noise level down low enough to JUST ensure that i have no broken windows. I can't recall ever being as noisy as my girls are, when i was that age. I spent a fair bit of time hanging laundry on the clothes horse over the heater, in the hope they will get dry without dripping all over the heater and electrocuting one of us. I guess at some stage i need to look at at least getting my washing machine back. I feel like Laura Ingles without a washing machine.

I hopped on here a couple times and replied to emails. One was from someone unexpected and i nearly did not read it. Seeing the name in my in box made my heart pound and i was scared that if i read the email, it would upset me and set me back. I have never before, read anything that this person has sent me purely because i have been scared of what i will read. I have been scared of how much anything that this person has to say to me will hurt or upset me.

I read this one though. I don't know why, but it ended up being a genuine and well intentioned email and i am glad i read it. It gave me the opportunity to apologise, again for horrible, crazy things that i did while i was taking drugs and leading such a destructive life. Things that i don't even remember doing, i have had to apologise for. I don't really deserve this person's good intentions towards me.

Every day, i am shown, over and over, how much good there are in people out there. Even people that i have never met. The whole time i was smoking P...everyone seemed so damn evil. Now it is the opposite. I would say the reason for everyone that i met seeming so evil would be a mixture of the paranoia that goes along with that drug...and the fact that, P produces evil people. Like i have said before...there are no nice crackheads and crackheads do not have friends.

Now i see only the good in people. I think people see the good in me too. For so long i saw only the bad in everyone....even myself.

I'm off now, to work out if i accomplished anything else today. My brain hurts from thinking too hard at the moment because i don't think i did.

Goodnight x